English Carnival 2006 in Johor Bahru

First and foremost, I found that being team manager for the 13 people who went to JB to represent Batu Pahat in the English Carnival was.. heavenly shit ( in chinese, is 'tien shi', also meaning 'Angel' lol.. ) Anyway, it sucked a bit, but it was fun! Imagine! 13 people! My lucky number!

Sucked a bit because we had to share rooms, the under 15 scrabble were a bit too mischevious, and we we bloody lost the scrabble and public speaking. But we won debate! And then there is the case of the sudden addiction to sushi and Listerine Pocket Packs®.

Anyway, first topic. Room sharing. Under 18 team for scrabble includes me, Chong Wei Ming and Daniel Chow. We had to share a bed, a double bed for couples in fact. Three guys in one double bed. I would rather have my potato beside me anytime than those guys. I won't even mind if its a single bed if its my potato with me LoL ( sick joke ). Sleeping position, me on the left, Danny in the middle, and Chong on the right. Danny had the nerve to sleep in the shape of an 'S'. Don't ask me how, but skinny people seems to be able to do it. He freaking took up three quarters of the bed from the middle, and leaves 1/8 for Chong and me on both sides.

Anyway, I watched and photographed the debate finals in SMK Seri Perling. Zhi Wei's camera couldn't zoom in that far, and I couldn't get close enough, so the pictures turned out... erm.. not so nice. But thanks to my skills, at least they weren't blurred. The best part was, after we won, Joshua hasn't arrived. He lost in public speaking and was the reserve for the debate team. So, yours truly went up and received the trophy from Puan Sallina, the head of cocurriculum ( or was it curriculum? ) of Johor.

From left, Mr. Diva ( or we call him Mr D ), Zhi Wei, Shahrizan, Me with that stupid dumbass smile, Madam Suzy, some Indian Lady, Puan Sallina, Puan Rosiah, Shafique Dassila and Bryan Boo. That practically spells out the philosophers except Joshua isn't there. Smile for the camera guys!!

Anyway, after being an impostor, it is time to describe the juicier part.

First and foremost, we philosophers have a new philosopher. That makes it seven in our group. He is Daniel Chow! The squirrels and Apples conspiracy. Remember our philosophy?

Penguins don't eat potatoes®™®®™™™®®®®©©©©©. And they can't fly. Why? Because they don't eat potatoes, which gives them the energy to fly! And why don't penguins don't eat potatoes? Because the squirrels are eating them. Why are the squirrels eating potatoes? Because McDonalds™ are using the apples to make apple pies. That is why penguins don't eat potatoes!

Damn cool lar. We seem to be influencing more and more people. Umair actually could write a page full of essay about Penguins not eating Potatoes during his "Gerak Gempur Mathemathics". I read it, and it was.. senseless. Just what we are looking for, perfect Umair!

Anyway, we invaded KFC™ the night before the debate finals. That is.. Monday 24th April 2006. Spent close to RM200 accumulatively. And took some close to orgasmic pictures. Below are some.

This is just a cool picture. I ripped it from Zhi Wei's blog, but then who cares? Its just a cool picture of Zhi Wei there, getting enlightened from nonsensicalness.

Anyway, seems that he took it in his hotel room. Room 206.


This is an even cooler picture. Zhi Wei looks like he was having an orgasm. Daniel looks as though he was going to suck the chilli sauce from the bottle just like that.

Damn cool right?




This is probably the coolest picture. Because I am in. And Zhi Wei's facial expression looks like.. oh my god.. He's high on.. nicotine?

And for your information, that's me drinking chilli sauce using a straw. I know, damn cool right? I just love the Thai chilli sauce served in KFC™. That is one of the reasons I prefer KFC™ to McD™.



And now, observe the great me eating a chicken wing like a fire-eater. It's Hot and Spicy chicken™ wing by the way.


In It goes!


Out it comes!

Taa-daa! Bone left! Cool eh? Now for some at least decent pictures.

That's Zhi Wei and Me if you still do not know us. The two famous guys who confuses everyone we see.

Guys in red are the scrabble under 18 team for Batu Pahat. The other suckers are the Under 15 team for Batu Pahat. All from HSBP. From left, Chong Wei Ming, the Great Me, Danny Boy, Chern Jin, Bloody Cho and Chee Seng.

I guess that's it for pictures. A little side details to go and that's it for this lenghty post.

Ate seafood with my dearest dear sister in JB. Saw an oyster the size of my computer monitor. 100g RM28.00. TWENTY EIGHT BUCKS FOR A HUNDRED GRAMMES!? That freaking oyster alone is at least 700g!

Apparently Shafique and Shahrizan never saw sushi before in their lives. I bought a value set meal sushi using my sister's money and offered them. They never saw before omg. Shahrizan tentatively reached out for the most expensive piece of all, the Tako ( octopus ) took one small bite and refused to eat any further. WTF!? Shafique took the second most expensive piece, the Salmon fish with rice, ate the rice and took a small bite of the salmon and refused to eat it any further. WTF!????? Talk about wasting.

That's all I suppose ;)

Going JB tomorrow!

Well, so far so good. We High School Batu Pahat-ians ( HSBP, or more widely known as Hantu Setan Batu Pahat ) English Language Society managed to emerge as the champion for three out of four major english competitions, namely Parliamentary Style Debate, Public Speaking and Scrabble. Yeah, we lost drama. Anyway, girls are better at being drama queens :P

We are going off to JB to represent Batu Pahat in the States level for all three. For Debate, we are certain that we can get into nationals again. For Public Speaking, Joshua appears to be quite good at what he is doing. For Scrabble, all we hope for is getting into the second round. Leaving after the first round is just plain embarassing! Of course, if a miracle happens and our hands happen to be the 'Hand of God' where every seven tiles can form a 'bingo' to us, then its a different matter lar...

The squad will consist of thirteen people. Five debaters ( include Joshua, our public speaker ) six scrabblers ( include me ) and two camera crew. I wonder what possessed teacher to elect me as the captain for the entire crew, but somehow I now find myself with another mantle of responsibility. Of course, if one of the crew magically loses his limbs, I am not responsible for it XD

Wish us luck ;) Will be back on Tuesday.

Philosophers Found and Lost

It was a drama that left everyone confused and traumatised. Following a tip off from a citizen reporter who did not like our philosophers, Mr Godomofo, the police conducted a raid at all nearby supermarkets and grocery store that sells potatoes for the six escaped inmates from a mental hospital.

Mr Godomofo, who declares himself as a Top Student of his school, felt a stab of jealousy as he could not outmatch the cunning of Lee Zhi Wei, mastermind behind the Penguins-Don't-Eat-Potatoes Philosophy. All the raids were fruitless, and Mr Godomofo was found to be with excessive-braggart syndrome, and was promptly sent to the mental hospital.

The police, bewildered at such a prankster was very angry. Mr Penguin Little has expressed his disappointment in such citizens who would play his officers as fools and warned would be pranksters to keep their toe in line, or they could face ten years in jail eating nothing but potatoes and wearing a penguin costume.

Before Mr Godomofo was put behind bars, he yelled an address that he said will lead to the six inmates. The officers, after much consideration decided to raid the address given.

66, Jalan Kentang 6, Taman Kentang dan Penguin, Penguin Darul Kentang.

It appeared that such an address did not exist, as all the officers could find was a potato farm in the middle of Antartic ( or Arctic wherever the penguins live ). A discovery of a potato farm in the middle of penguin habitats could point that the theory of the two well liked philosophers wrong, until officials found thatt the potatoes were planted by PENGUINS.

According to the penguin potato farmer, it said that the potato yields are used to appease the polar bears that haunt the region and occasionally devour a penguin. When interviewed, the polar bears refused to comment, but added that potatoes and penguins don't go down well together.

A penguin was able to point to the location of the philosophers after much bribery, and the officers arrived minutes later in Malaysia at the said location.

As the officers arrived in three cars and promptly surrounded the place, citizens were amazed and began crowding around. Apparently, they had not seen officers wearing potatoes like garlic to ward off vampires, only the potatoes were meant to show support to the philosophers, or to ward off their ununderstandable philosophy, nobody knows.

As a chief officer stationed his men, armed with Pizza Hut knives and Pizza scoopers, he yelled at them to come out and drop their weapons and offer no resistance. When the door opened, half the force fled.

It was Mr Eugene Tong who was harboring the fleeing philosophers. It was deemed a fact that he just woke up from his slumber, and doctors diagnosed severe overdose of potatoes that is the cause for his zombie appearance. The officers were shaken that the philosophers had such handsome friends, but half were unfazed. They stood ground and threatened to pelt rotten potatoes at the philosophers.

Mr Eugene was heard arguing with the chief officer, him insisting that he did not have any guests with him. But as officers stormed the place, they were greeted by a surprise of the century.

It was Mr Tong's pet cat, Potatic. Though it sounds suspiciously like 'pathetic', Mr Tong insisted that his cat's name was Potatic. By then, three quarter of the force had surrendered and left for jobs safer and more peaceful.

Though Potatic offered no resistance, the chief officer still put fourty officers to guard the cat, in case it suddenly springs up and spews potatoes everywhere.

Inside the house, the officers found their quarry, six of the inmates were inside. Ng Leslie appeared rather agitated, and Lee Zhi Wei was extremely excited. It appeared that Joshua Teng, the youngest of the six, had just successfully preached to a mass about their philosophy, Penguins don't eat potatoes.


The photo shows Joshua Teng, as he was preaching to the mass about their philosophy. He has successfully made countless number of girls swoon over him, and left many men confused.

Surprisingly, the officers managed to haul the six inmates into the van and ferried them off without any fight. Mr Penguin Little expressed surprise at the lack of resistance, and offered his view on why.

"I suppose it is because they find resistance is futile. I was expecting a fierce fight that involves use of potatoes, knives, scoopers, suicide penguin bombers, missles, guns and weapons of mass distraction." He said. As the six inmates were shown the door to the van, the crowd expressed disappointment at the capture of the popular but elusive inmates. Mr Tong was promptly sent for a barber, then a facial expert, then a doctor, and finally to the rehabilitation centre, where he will recover from the potatoes he ate the past ten days. Experts have found that Mr Tong is immune to the Bird Flu virus, and suspects that it is highly possible that potatoes had a tuber in this.

His cat, Potatic however, was sent to the penguins' potato farm, despite protests by the penguins.

As they were boarding the van, Joshua Teng managed to produce a microphone out from his hair and announced "It is not over yet! For Penguins still do not eat Potatoes! And now, I shall inform the world that Geese don't eat Tomatoes!"

That produced a cheer from the crowd, and before long the inmates were successfully placed back to their homes instead of the mental hospital, as Mr Godomofo had killed the other mental patients with his bragging power, thus reserving the entire building for his personal use.

A Happy ending, or shall we witness a new drama unfold when the philosophers unveil what is behind the new sentence "Geese don't eat Tomatoes!". Click on the "comment" link below to offer your opinions.

Report by : Ng Leslie


Disclaimer : Again, this is for entertainment. Names used are reserved, and no animals were harmed or fed ecstacy or potatoes during the story.

The New Cultural and Philosophical Domination

Penguins don't eat Potatoes.

Report By : Ng Leslie

Apparently, after the six inmates escaped from a local mental hospital, their influence is somehow underestimated. Currently, their new idealogy is so widely received that many people are going arounf and saying 'Penguins don't eat Potatoes' at every opportunity.

Mr. Penguin Little, the officer in charge of recapturing the two leaders of the mad patients,Lee Zhi Wei and Ng Leslie, said that even his officers are influenced by them.

"Yes, it is a very serious matter indeed. Imagine a Private reporting to me and saying 'Sir! We have lost track of the two infamous duo! By the way, did you realize that Penguins Don't eat Potatoes?' It is kind of annoying and pointless, and I am very certain once we get hold of the two psychotic priests, they will be put behind bars instead of the mental hospital." He said when interviewed.

No information has been received by the officials regarding the infamous duo, even though they were seen strutting around town saying 'Penguins don't eat Potatoes'. Apparently the public liked the duo so much that, they started swearing at the officials and refused to cooperate and reveal their whereabouts. The duo were even seen in schools, competition venues and Pizza Hut. The other four of this serious conspiracy, Joshua Teng, Bryan Boo, Shafique Dassila and Shahrizan Syawal remains unknown as they disappeared without a trace, but rumours pointed that they are with the duo.

The photo, showing Bryan Boo and Shahrizan Syawal, which was found circulating among mobile phone users pointed that they are promoting tabasco, a condiment used in Pizza Hut. This led Mr Penguin Little to suspect that these two are introducing a new belief of their own, which he labeled it as 'Tabascoism'. Though the two have not begun spreading 'tabascoism', people are consuming them the way Bryan Boo does now, that is, half the bottle on a single piece of pizza. Bryan Boo and Shahrizan Syawal did not name their influence 'Tabascoism', in fact, it is unknown what they call it as they could not be reached for comments because their whereabouts are still unknown. Shafique Dassila and Joshua Teng has yet to be seen with a conspiracy of their own, as the six inmates are believed to work in twos now, each introducing their own philosophies. Mr Penguin Little has further commented that, left alone, Lee Zhi Wei and Ng Leslie can confuse even more people and stop Bird Flu from spreading. On the other hand, Bryan Boo and Shahrizan Syawal can somehow find a cure for SARS using Tabasco if left long enough to conduct their research.

Local Pizza Hut outlets also reported a sudden surge in business and knife thefts. The public seemed to embrace the knife Ng Leslie stole from Pizza Hut as his holy scepter of some sorts and tried to look threatening, but most just made people burst in laughter with their own stupid looks. Employees of Pizza Hut were also involved in the stealing of their own knives, and the manager of a local branch, Mr Potato Masher, commented that he had actually dismissed more employees in one month for stealing than the entire 25 years he had worked as a manager.

The situation is extremely worrying, and even the politicians are seen holding knives in Parliament debates and meetings. The Prime Minister and Chief Police has yet to give a comment regarding this issue.

The public has mixed feelings regarding this matter. After a survey of 2500 candidates were made, 18 out of 20 were happy with the new pointless idealogy, and that worshipping pointlessness could very well be the turning point of their life. 1 out of 20 is unsure, and the other 1 out of 20 is confused.

It has been unnoticed that Lee Zhi Wei, the mastermind behind this conspiracy was actually holding a Pizza Pan scooper. Pizza Hut, upon discovering this, has made an immediate move of keeping all its scoopers in a safety box and replacing the scoopers with forks for dishing pizzas. However, Mr Potato Masher has pointed out that such a desperate measure will not work, as their own employees were keen on stealing the so called Holy Scepter now.



Manufacturers of the 'Holy Scepter' has tripled their productions of scoopers and knives, and still fall short in demand.

Will this be a case similiar to the movie, 'Fight Club'? Had the duo unwittingly created a monster when everybody embraced their philosophy? Please click the 'comment' link underneath and tell us your opinions on regarding this issue.








Disclaimer : This is entirely fictional and all the names of people and company used, if existed like Pizza Hut are reserved. This is only meant for the entertainment of yourself, but if you choose to embrace 'Penguins-don't-eat-potatoeism', that is your own religion.

Penguins don't eat potatoes

Did you know that Penguins don't eat potatoes? It's true! They don't eat potatoes! This is the philosophy zhi wei and I made up to confuse you all. The origin of this philosophy, only zhi wei, aisyah and me know. Though aisyah still appears to be confused but whatever, I shall not talk of the past.

Did you know that to fly we need energy? You do? Good! And because Penguins don't eat potatoes, they don't have the energy! That is why Penguins cannot fly!

What is that? I eat potatoes but I cannot fly? EXACTLY! THAT IS BECAUSE I AM NOT A PENGUIN THAT EATS POTATOES!

Anyway, went to Pizza Hut today, 11th April 2006, Tuesday to celebrate our victory in debate, championing Batu Pahat once again to go to the state level Parliamentary style debate.

Top left : Me, Bryan, Zhi Wei
Bottom left : Shafique, Shahrizan and Joshua

Anyway, we made a lot of conspiracies and useless nonsensical chattering during the 'Victory Feast'. The feast started at 1 o clock, and the esteemed 3rd speaker, Bryan, had the courtesy to come at 2.06pm. 66 minutes late! By then we already finished off three pizzas and left 5 slices for him, with a salad, two cups of coke and a bowl of soup. He ordered an ice cream. I glared at him threateningly and said 'FINISH EVERYTHING OR YOU WILL NOT STEP OUT OF HERE ALIVE'

Anyway, plans for tomorrow's trip to Kota Tinggi somehow included me in. So, what the heck, how lucky am I to be able to go yeaaaa~~

And oh yeah, ending note. I just received a report from Tanjung Rambutan. This was not reported in the newspaper, but it happened yeah. Six inmates escaped. Surprised? Anyway, here is the picture of them. I hope everyone who sees them give me a call, identify yourself with your IC number and tell me where you saw them. My number is below. Read on.


Below are the two most dangerous among the six.



Lee Zhi Wei is believed to be the mastermind behind the Penguins-Don't-Eat-Potatoes conspiracy that left many confused and puzzled. Ng Leslie, the guy on the right, is the famous collaborator with Lee Zhi Wei. Together, they have successfully confused hell lots of people with their theory, leaving many speechless and unable to produce a sound argument. Ng Leslie also goes around with a Pizza-Hut knife, which he stole from a local PizzaHut and manage to look somehow threatening with that sorry excuse for a knife.

"Don't follow, Or I will eat your pizzas" Officials quoted Lee Zhi Wei as he ran off, leaving the authorities scratching their heads over the threat. On the other hand, Ng Leslie was heard to say "Do not tail us, let us go free before the Penguins eat potatoes and fly!" On their word, the officers hot in pursuit got so confused that they gave up halfway.

The chief officer in charge of recapturing these two fugitives, Mr Penguin Little, has offered a reward of two eight sliced Hawaiian Supreme pizza, paid by the captor to the captor that manages to return these two fugitives. He also offered the knife Ng Leslie was holding as a trophy for whoever that manages to nab the notorious duo.

He also warned the public that left out free for two long, they could spread their philosophy and somehow stop Bird Flu from spreading. "Such dangerous people must be kept behind bars! They are brilliant but twisted!" He told reporters during the press conference.

Whoever has spotted any of the duo, be careful and do not attempt to take on them alone. They could turn your brain into pizza or potato, depending on your choice. Any information leading to these duo will be very much appreciated, but please, no prank calls. Or you will have bad sex for your entire life.

Please call 012-7700978 for Mr Ng Leslie regarding information to the above mentioned fugitive duo. Identify yourself together with your Identity card number, and send RM50 for a meal at Pizza Hut when given an address, then give the whereabouts of the two infamous duo.

Report by : Ng Leslie

The World at a Glance

One fine day, an alien spaceship just landed on its home planet, !@#&%!&@#$???. A native alien reported what it had spied to their leader.

Leader : !@#*($^!@*#^
Alien : !@*#^*!$$*#@^*%

Oh sorry.. here's the translation.

Leader : Report what you have spied of Earth
Alien : Here goes.

1. People are obsessed about love. They speak of everlasting love, worship this love, talk of that love, promise of undying love, yet when they see another man lying on the floor wounded or weak from starvation, all they did was say 'Fuck' and get lost without helping.

2. People are vain. They spend a lot on their appearance. Leaders might need appearance, but local people who don't have need for looks, say, a Chinese businessman who runs a grocery shop is as handsome as Brad Pitt ( ok, he is just an example, may not be handsome to everybody. let's just say he looks good ). The same man has skin smoother than a woman's, hands more delicate than a delicate hand, and just acts so gentle. Out of place. So out of place.

3. Their leaders are power hungry crazed people. They rant on endlessly about world peace, but they bomb each other given half an opportunity. Politics seem to overcome passion for life.

4. People are almost without a mind of their own. The moment a bright individual starts something new, a novelty, expect the world to mimic him within two weeks. Then, he creator is forgotten.

5. There appear to be so many experts in so many fields. They report of useless stuff everyday and try to look wise and erudite, while what they are doing plays no significant in people's life. ( example would be the health reports. One moment this expert say that eating soy is good for health, with no ill effects, another pops up and says soy causes cancer, another comes up saying soy is good for health, but over a long time will cause erectile dysfunction in man, and another pops up and say soy is bad with no sign of goodness, and another comes up and says soy causes mutation and so on. But does that change anything? Some people eat soy, some people don't eat, and they all die )

6. Hypocrisy is a widely and well practised art

7. People are addicted to sex and porn. And they behave so differently towards this topic. Westerners are very open about it, SOME just go around and approach people and ask *want to fuck?*. And then the Chinese will stand up and say Westerners are doing it so wrongly and begin by saying that wrong sexual position practised by Westerners cause health problems as it disrupts which nerve which nerve. Westerners counter by saying 'We have antibiotics don't worry'. Japanese stands up and say 'We have made a machine to solve that problem'. Indian sits down, keeps quiet and does it the most.

8. People are strange. Women demand gender equality. Men, who had been the dominant gender, had to yield after much protests and demonstration by the womenfolk. After some period, men face extinction of manliness. Chivalry is dead. Women suffer as well, as they demand manliness in the man they want. More sissies are born everyday, spoilt by their parents and cannot take suffering ( like me, but considering my position, that appears to be fairly good already ) Men squeal now. More women remaining single. Strange strange indeed.

9. Money is the most important factor in everything. Just give money, and they swear undying fealty to you. As long as you still have money to give them.

10. People are being educated into a stereotyped style of thinking. Many are brainwashed into thinking that the perfect life is study hard from the age of 3 to 25, slog guts out to earn money while having as little babies yet as much sex as possible from 23 to 60, then get mistreated by kids until they die after retirement. This is the trend of the world now. Yet true knowledge doesn't exist.

11. People are touchy about religion. They yell 'racism' at every quarter of opportunity given, even at the slightest hint of religious issues touched. That will be followed by a heated argument, then open feelings of anger from one religion to another. Who can say which is right and which is wrong? Because that is unanswerable, violence became the answer.

12. People are power obsessed. Nothing changes a human like power. Yet they fear death. Power no longer means duty. It means luxury and the perfect excuse to order people to serve their every whim.

13. People talk of advancements. But to what direction is unclear. They want to excel in technology and knowledge, yet they don't know how vast the space is, or where God is. They just want to advance for their own pleasure. Never once have they looked back down at the soil they are standing on, how much destruction they have caused in their fervor and greed in a rampage for advancements. THEN they start campaigning to save the Earth, while the other half finds it fun to go against the activists and continues killing animals and driving them to extinction while destroying as much forests as they could in the meantime. Many people feel life meaningless, suicide and murder not uncommon. Neither is violence.

Conclusion. We don't have to conquer Earth as it is not worth it. They will destroy themselves sooner or later.

Leader : You have done well.

I am not saying I am so wise or things like that. It's just that these kind of stuff just makes me feel.. aaah.. sien. The world is going to the dogs, literally. Just saw it in the news today. The Chinese have a new trend. After their pet died, the pet will be worshipped in the same fashion as they would worship their late ancestors. Hell notes for dead dogs? Go figure. If they have money, why not help out other countries that are so poor that a month's salary for a man is worth two eggs or a carton of milk, but no, political issues, there are limits to what a country can do for others, and there are records, paperwork and so on that hampers every attempt to help. Then people just say 'FUCK IT I AM NOT HELPING IF IT TAKES SO MUCH FUSS'

Ain't it true? I have many questions unanswered, and I need answers.

Death and Other useless matters

Recently, I have been seeing myself dead. Literally. I wonder does it mean 'staring at your own death'? It frightens me seriously. I keep on imagining myself a dead guy, sometimes without realizing I was thinking of that. Is that a sign I am going to die soon? Well, whatever. I have always been curious as to where does the ethereal body of a human go after it is separated from its corporeal form. Maybe.. well never mind. My life is flashing before my very eyes.

And well, this is a totally unrelated matter. My mini exam. I sucked badly, and got shot several times by my moral teacher. I got lowest, except for another guy who handed up an empty paper. Teacher asked for everyone's goal in SPM for moral paper, I put there '85' she took a heavy shotgun and placed two big holes in my head. "Last year end year exam get 63, now mini get 55, it's going down and you tell me you want to get 85 in SPM?"

Anyway, here's my results. I got the first 7 subjects first, then only the three bottom subjects. It's a conspiracy I tell you.

BM - 86
BI - 80
MM - 82
MT - 84
Sej - 88
Fiz - 97
EST - 97
BIO - 58
PM - 55
Kim - 68

See what I mean? 80,80,80,80,80,90,90 *pop* 50 *pop* 50 *pop 60. Seriously, this si a conspiracy of higher level.

Anyway, at the recommendation of Zhi Wei, I downloaded Big Fish from bitcomet and watched it. Freaking bloody hell good movie. Not your usual action packed movies, but a meaningful and worth watching. I must have the book. I should think everyone should watch it, and then listen to 'How I Go' by Yellowcard.

How I Go

I could tell you the wildest of tales
My friend the giant and traveling sales
Tell you all the times that I failed
The years all behind me
The stories exhaled.
And I'm drying out
Crying out
This isn't how I go

I could tell you of a man not so tall
Who said life's a circus and so we are small
Tell you of a girl that I saw
I froze in the moment and she changed it all

And I'm drying out
Crying out
This isn't how I go
Hurry now
Lay me down
And let these waters flow
Flow...

Son I am not everything you thought that I would be
But every story I have told is part of me

And you keep the air in my lungs
Floating along as a melody comes
And my heart beats like timpani drums
Keeping the time while a symphony strums
And I'm drying out
Crying out
This isn't how I go
Hurry now
Lay me down
And let these waters flow...
Flow....
Let it flow
Let it flow

Son I am not everything you thought that I would be
But every story I have told is part of me
Son I leave you now but you have so much more to do
And every story I have told is part of you

Yeah I know, Zhi Wei shut the hell up.

I so want to kill myself

I really do feel like killing myself. Why? Because of stupid reasons.

1. I got freaking 55 in Moral test this time. While others got 100, and Mofo trying to hint how 'if he didn't get that one question wrong, he can get 100' and me and zhi wei continuing for the whole day 'If i didn't wrong any of the questions that i wrong, I can get 100 for every subject'
2. I am so freaked out by zhi wei

Aaaah, but seriously those are trivial matters. This is the main reason.

Today is wednesday. I have double tuition. Chemistry, followed by add maths. Guess where I went? I thought it was Thursday. I went to Physics tuition. When I entered the class, I was surprised. Why the hell so many people? DAMN Isn't that guy a form 4 guy from my school? OH F*CK! WRONG DAY! Kena boo like hell and laughed by the whole class. Then had to walk 1km to my real tuition centre. Ultimate humiliation.. xia xuey.. pai seh kar.. wah lao.. And to top it off, I went to Chemistry tuition bringing my physics file, my physics book and no chemistry stuff at all. Wah kao.. don't know how to go to school and face my form 4 juniors.

Debate semi finals tomorrow. I am chairing again. Hope I don't mess up again, teachers sure like to go like 'You have done well, it's almost perfect except the part where you messed up' danm embarassing. I seem to have more embarassing moments than other people added up together.

Haha, right now going for Add maths tuition. Hope I don't end up at the wrong place again ;)

Epic story

Ever read Calvin & Hobbes story? Well, I put two & two together got the idea for this story. As you read along, try and figure out what trivial matter is actually happening. A la Calvin and Hobbes, where Calvin makes it so dramatic ( like a T-rex loose in a supermarket and eating everyone in sight, and it turns out Calvin is on a kiddy rampage in a supermarket )

Right, here's the story.

Somewhere along the universe, there existed a liquid planet called 'The Waste'. Its residents were a tough and hardy people, and whirpools happen all the time and suck everyone near it in. One such young 'wasteling' is little Johnny, and an old 'waste' called Sorry.

Johnny was swimming along the waters around his house when Sorry came and find him. He swam over to find the cheerful old waste. "Elder Sorry!" he yelled. "It's ok, no need to apologize" Sorry immediately said. And they swam together and chatted happily, oblivious to the fate their people is going to face soon.

As you can see, Planet Waste became a target for many other aliens. Attacks came, whirpools then recovered the planet and killing many in one time. But the people of the waste, they had a very special reproductive system. And so they multiplied at an alarming rate, only to die and leave a few survivors after each attack.

Far away, a spaceship from Planet Park was on its way to the Waste to unload its cargo. And the captain was furious. Some stupid nut among his crew began charging the bombs up, and now they find the ship's resistance power is weakening and the bombs might go off anytime. For the sake of everyone's survival, desperate measures were taken. They accelerated, they tried to lessen the tension at the cargo bay, and they even tried cutting off the power source, but obviously failed in that. Alongside, they bumped into many space objects, like small asteroids, which caused friction which further charges up the bombs. The captain grew worried. Will they make it in time? Or would the ship explode halfway, killing everyone off?

"Captain! Charge getting higher! Cargo is forcing its way out soon!"
"Watch that it doesn't! This attack must be successful!"
"Yes sir!"

Then, from the command room, the captain saw the liquid planet. He felt excited and nervous. Will he make it, or will it be a case of 'so near yet so far'?

"Captain! Cargo is releasing poisonous gas! A couple of crewmen were killed before they can escape!"
"What? Seal off the room! And get a couple of men stand by at the unloading bay. Prepare the waygates to drop the bombs!"
"Yes sir!"

The liquid planet grew bigger and bigger as they got closer. Will he make it? Will they make it??

As little Johnny and Sorry swam, Johnny couldn't help but noticing a little speck in the sky. What was that little speck, he thought. Probably he was imagining things, but still.. He decided to voice out his thoughts to Sorry.

"Hey, sorry.."
"Nope, it's ok."
"Listen to me, look there, do you see a speck there? In the sky?"
"I can't see it, my eyes are failing me..."
"Probably my imagination. Come on, we are getting late, sky's darkening soon."

As the ship drew closer, the captain's excitement elevated slowly. He was praying furiously that they make it!

Little Johnny finally saw what that speck was as it grew bigger. It was another alien spaceship, which meant an attack was imminent!

"Hey sorry!"
"Whatever for?"
"Look! An alien spaceship!"
"What? Sound the alarm! We are under siege!"

"Distance at 1000 miles... 900... 800..."
"Come on come on, faster!"
"Captain! We can't hold the cargo any longer! It is out of control!"
"Just a few more minutes dang it! Do your best!"
"500..."
"Captain! First layer inner defense down!"
"What!?? Make sure the second and third doesn't go off!"
"400..."
"Captain! Second layer down!"
"What!?? !@#*^!$%!&@#%"
"200..."
"Captain! Third layer defense is thinning!"
"*Faints*"
"50...!"
"Alright! Prepare to unload the highly charged particles now!"
"25..."
"All prepared sir!"
"We are at the correct altitude for maximum impact of the bombs sire!"
"Unload!!!"

As Little Johnny and Sorry went swimming away with the alarm blaring away, the spaceship opened a shaft. Small barrages of bombs flew out, squashing and drowning many.

Relief flooded the captain. He had made it after all. Now is the time to unleash Hell.

As people screamed amidst the ever pouring bombs, little Johnny and Sorry dived and went under a house with oxygen support. But alas, a bomb smashed everything and they were dragged down and drowned.

A big bomb dropped out from the shaft, and the impact caused monstrous waves to ripple out from the point. The captain was jumping with joy.

"Captain! All inner defenses are up!"

Finally, all the bombs were unloaded, and one huge section of Planet Waste lay in ruins, its water polluted and coloured. Out across the horizon, a whirpool began. A storm sprang out of nowhere. The captain, seeing this, began barking orders to retreat and go home.

The whirpool sucked in everything, bombs, corpses, ruins and after the storm, left an ocean of clear crystal water. People from other overpopulated regions came and settled at the spot. It was a cycle actually, a bombing or whirpool wipes out the population, and other regions provide people to populate the place again.

Up on the ship, the captain began to sigh with relief. *End*

Know what the story was about in reality? Got it yet? Right, here is what happened.

I was in the Park with my aunt giving my grandmother her exercise, a walk in the park. Then, my stomach began to ache. You get the idea. :)

Colours of Malaysia

Well, today's post, I am featuring Malaysia, as in, the features of Malaysia that cannot be found in other countries. And for that purpose alone, I shall introduce a new graph, and a little twist to add maths and Physics that we learn in school. It is a multi purpose graph! We can fit in so many things from Malaysia that we cannot find in other countries.

The mathematical function, given X = Y, until you reach the maximum stage. Put in anything you want in X and Y, and you get the same graph.

Alright, let me go first.



X = Position held by the officers
Y = Body weight

Hehe, ever noticed this phenomenon? I am sure you have.

Now, on to another equation.

Given

X = Position held by the officers
Y = Tardiness in arriving for special functions in which they are invited to

Another linear graph. :)

Just two satiric pokes at Malaysia's special features. Nothing offensive, hope nobody gets offended and gets the ISA to arrest me :(

Fortunately our Prime Minister is neither :) Or I hate to think about his size... One thing though, nothing rascist, I notice these phenomenons happen more in Malays. Chinese, well, we don't have to be an officer to be fat, many of us who has slightly more money than they can spend are fat! I don't know about Indians, they always seem so fit to me. :)

Animal Husbandry Institute in Ayer Hitam

Went on a trip with my biology teacher to the Animal Husbandry Institute in Ayer Hitam on the 15th of March 2006. Pretty interesting trip, since the main theme is 'Reproduction', simply the most favouritest topic in biology. In fact, it can be deemed as the only thing worthwhile studying biology at all for students like me.

We went over in two buses, two teachers, and two lab assistants. Approximately 75 students. Out of those, about 15 of the students are Form 5 old birds, the others are Form 3 kids. Best part was, MoFo went too, I practically forgot about that. Even better part, he invited himself to sit beside me. Lazy to shoot him, so just live and let live.

Anyway, at the animal husbandry institute ( AHI, AHI not TAHI you idiot ), it was quite huge actually. Quite a few plots of pastures for their animals to graze on. First animal we visited, milk cows.

The first thing that invited us was not a human. It was the stench of bullshit. Honestly, there were around a hundred odd milk cows, and they produce shit in a half-hourly basis. Meaning, the place is forever covered in shit. And the workers there had to spray water from a hose all the time. Pity the guys who work there. I wonder what they name these workers.. 'Shit cleaners?' 'Manure cleaners?' whatever..

And then, there were two huge containers, like... silos? And guess what it contains. A black coloured liquid, with a lot of froth and bubbles with an overpowering odour tells us it is shit, but hey, who knows? It could be urine...

So, one guy started explaining stuff to us. According to him, milk cows produce 12 litres of milk everyday, and they are milked twice a day. One cow can supply six families! And the funny part was, the cows were afraid of us, so many people looking at it being milked. Imagine yourself in a rush for toilet, and the only option is a toilet bowl in the middle of Midvalley. Everyone staring at you, it makes your excrement shy and too scared to come out. But the cows, being cows, the milk came out all the same and they went off quickly, somehow relieved that some distance can be put between them and the freaking noisy humans.

Then, another guy came over and started explaining how they fertilize the cows. When asked where the male ones are, he said they are separated at young according to gender and the male ones are put far away. Reason? 'Kuat Rogol." He said.

So, right in front of us, were three cows. Three beautiful cows. I could actually imagine a plate of steak that is staring at me, and that miserable dream is shattered when I heard pipe water running. I was like, what the? There's no pipe around! Then, I realized there are MANY pipes around me. Hundreds in fact. Heck, it's true! When cows piss, they are like the pipe you use to wash your hands. Power man..

So the guy, he said these cows 'sudah naik biang.' To put it mildly, they are ready to get pregnant. To put it crudely, they are horny.

Signs of a cow being horny? One, they let other female cows hump them. Well, hump them meaning climb behind them lar! Two, their privates swell. Three, their privates let out strange fluids. I wonder does that apply to humans..

So the guy, he wanted to make sure that the cows are really horny. He put out his equipments to let us see. A huge thermos flask, a freaking long syringe-thing, a box of disposable gloves, and freaking long straws. What are the functions?

The thermos flask contained cow semen. Frozen at a temperature of -192 degree ( How the hell do you make that symbol of degree? ) Celcius, they looked like ice cream. And no, I don't own a camera. And I just ate ice cream before I made this post. Vanilla flavoured.

The syringe is filled with a couple of ml of sperm, and the long straws are sheaths so that the syringe don't poke and bleed the cow's vagina.

So, the guy pulled out a glove, and fit it to his hand. It reached his arm pits, freaking long gloves. Then, you know what he did? Climbed into the pen, lifted the cow's tail, and pushed his entire gloved hand into the cow's anus. WHAT THE???

Then he pulled it out, and the cow's private shoot out some strange liquid. Felt good eh? And his glove was covered with shit, and his hand held a fistful of shit as well. Then he announced "Sudah sedia." Damn their sense of humour.

So he filled the syringe, sheathed with the straw, and put on another glove. Then, he lifted the tail again, and pushed his entire hand inside again. The cow shook and trembled, with joy or fear I don't know. Imagine someone pushing their hand into your asshole when you are feeling horny, I don't like it :P

Then, he inserted the syringe at 30 degrees, and when it is steady, injected the sperms inside. Everything came out shitty. Literally. So, he withdrew his hand and announced again 'Dah siap'. The cow is pregnant! Hooray!

Then, I was blocked by many overenthusiastic form threes. When I managed to peek, I saw the entire organ on the table. WTF? He freaking had a frozen cow's vagina in a plastic bag, complete with the asshole. He explained, a cow has two vaginals. And before they are fertilized they are injected with hormones to double the ovums so that they can have twins or triplets or quadruplets. Reason for him to push his hand into the anus is to find the cerviks, where he will squeeze it and feel the syringe reaching there. That way, the syringe won't bleed the private part.

Then, we visited the rabbits. Wabbits!? No wabbits! Rabbits! And they were freaking cute! The first guy who welcomed us then briefed us again. Brief as in explained, not your underwear! Rabbits there are bred for two purposes. One, for domestic commercial purpose ( or whatever you call it, in short, pets ) and two, wabbit mit. Rabbit meat! A pet rabbit costs approximately RM300 there, and the meat is like freaking RM100 per kilogramme. Or something like that, as he hinted.

So, we went over to the large penhouse, manned by a chinese dude. Not allowed entrance, but that did not really keep us from peeking at the rabbits. They were freaking cute! Cute, but impractical. Useless they are. Just for fun. Of course, they instill the impulse to purchase them, but again, of course, the prices are not cute at all.

Some of the rabbits looked like.. well, rabbits. Some looked like Chinese Panda bears, with two black eyes when the entire body is white. Some looked like a Polar bear, whole thing white. Some looked like CATS. Freaking huge and fat they were! Looked like cats!

Well, I had the chance to follow my godbro, Jordan in. He couldn't resist it and wanted to buy one. After talking to the Chinese guy, we went in. He began introducing. I noticed the rabbits eyes were black, like a human eye. Eh? I thought all rabbits had red eyes? Apparently, these were hybrids. Cross breed here and there, and you get the freak. ( Which reminds me of Russell Peters. What do you get when you cross a Iceland man and a Cuban woman? Little ice cubes. And what do you get when you cross a French man and a Greek woman? Freak. )

You know what the Chinese guy freaking told us? "I can sell you one for RM20" OI!??? TWENTY BUCKS? Then, he showed us the RM20 stuff. Newborn beautiful baby rabbits, about one month old. That's about the age they are suitable to be sold. Too young they might die, too old they might die too fast. So get them while they are young and at the right age! RM20. LoL, almost took out my wallet myself.

But wait, where is everybody? THEY FREAKING BOARDED THE BUS ALREADY! We ran back as fast as we could, and found the bus waiting for us. LoL!

Next stop, cow again. This time, its calves. We visited the calf pens. Six months here, twelve months there, eighteen months there, after that its out in the field. I have had enough of cows to last me for a year, particularly the smell. Smells good actually, if you like shit.

So we wandered off again, me and my godbro. And we found the guy who stuck his hand into the anus of a cow in an office. He invited us in. There were three freaking huge containers, ten times the size of the thermos he brought ( which happens to be double the size of a normal thermos ), and another two at another corner. The three containers contained liquid nitrogen he said. -192 degree Celcius. That is what they use to achieve that temperature. And the other two? Cow semen. TWO HUGE CONTAINERS OF COW SEMEN! OH MY GOD!

One stupid Form Three boy followed us in. When the man said 'Ini untuk simpan lama-lama, yang kecik itu untuk apabila kita turn ke kandang.' That stupid boy asked 'Wah! Macam ini boleh simpan beribu-ribu tahun kah?' The man answered 'Ini sudah beribu tahun.' AND HE BELIEVED! He was so freaking impressed that he began spreading 'Eh, a thousand year old sperm, how cool is that?' Now you know why I call him 'a stupid form 3'.

I noticed a cat lying on the floor. The man's personal pet I suppose. At that time, I had a pretty naughty thought. I told my godbro.

"Kor, I grab the cat, you inject the cow sperm into it." Heh, Wonder what would I get. Kucing Bertanduk?

Then, the next stop is the museum. Displays were the works of taxidermists. Life sized animals there, only the skin is genuine stuff. And there was a fish there, Arapama. Want to know its size? Spread out your hands. Satu depa, we call it.

And there were many speciments of cow foetus, embryos and stuff. And guess what I saw? A bull's penis. And you want to know the length? Take the length of between your elbow and your middle finger's tip. THAT IS THE FREAKING LENGHT! What if it stims? Penetration would be freaking painful! Oh wait, it's the entire organ, including the testicles and all the connections like 'Vesikel semen'.. and all that kind of stuff lar. Not sure how to spell that, so the Malay version instead.

I found out how they 'Mengembiri' the animal stocks. Mengembiri meaning to 'Castrate', cut off the balls. Right, here's how they do it. Feel the balls, and pull it slightly. Use a knife to cut off the scrotum. Scrotum is the skin-like thing covering the balls. Then, grab it, turn it over and over, say, 1800 degrees clockwise, then pull it out. OUCH! Or else, an alternative method? Cut off the scrotum, pull the balls, get a scissors and "kggggkt". I wonder how the ancient Chinese castrate the eunuchs. Bloody!?

Visited the milk factory, bought milk ( I would have drank a lot if I weren't diagnosed with lactose intolerance somewhere two three years ago. Bloody! Fresh milk! ) stopped at a local Malay hawker centre for lunch and back.

I guess that's it. Learned pretty much during the trip, though a bit disappointed that we didn't get to see the horses there. I love horses and ponies ( PONIES! NOT PENIS! ), I think they are just so cool-er! Regardless of the smell. I just love them!

Right, before I end, here's some vocab for you guys and gals out there.

Bovine - Ox, or Cows
Canine - Dogs
Feline - Cats
Equine - Horses

What about humans?

Assholes.

Annual Camping...

Tradition of HSBP St John demands at least one camp is done in school annually. And so we did, planned everything in two weeks, and got so busy that we skipped half the classes ( well, we meaning me and the president )

Partly, I feel sort of pissed off. Out of ten members of the board, and thirteen urus setia, only three or four were doing any actual work. The others just wanted to have fun without doing any work. But then, dah biasa dah.

We impressed the PKBM further, or at least I think. Now they are requesting a joint camp. No way man, busy enough already.

Anyway, for year 2006, the camp was held from 10th March to 12th March. We had a bit of support problem, as we aimed at least 65 participants. Only 50 turned up, so far so good.

Well, don't want to talk too much about the planning. On with the camp! :D

Day One
Registration starts at 6.30pm. Had school in the morning until 12, and I had to chair a debate match at 3, so I went home after school and came out again at 2 o clock, went to the local shopping complex and spent RM100 on water guns. Four freaking huge, and four water pistols. Four water rifles and four water pistols costs me RM100. What the hell? And the salesgirl there was trying to sell me their best water uhh.. CANNON. One water cannon for RM100, I wanted. It was beautiful. Everything was beautiful, enough force to knock one backwards, simply beautiful. Only the price was not that beautiful. Well, let the soaking begin! Shall not talk about the debate. At 5.00pm, I went off to a nearby cyber cafe with Muruga and Meng Kiat, and proceeded to slaughter both of them in Defense of the Ancients ( DotA ) Warcraft III. Then we rushed back to school, and began assembling the present members.

We were pretty fierce and playful just then. Imagine four urus setia ( Me, Sim the president, Su Kae the assistant camp commander, and Muruga the Camp commander ) each holding the water rifle, filled and ready to soak. Many members were intimidated on the spot. Who would want to get wet before the camp officially began? A couple of parents remained and watched their precious kid in form one for sometime. 'What? Sleeping in the open? Why don't you all borrow camps? Why not this? Why not that?' Seriously, we tried borrowing camps from everywhere, but apparently there was another large scaled camp in Ayer Hitam or something, and all the tents went over that side. So, no choice, had to sleep in the reading station. Awesome!

First night wasn't that exciting, mainly the programmes were Ice Breaking and Teamwork building activities. At 10 o clock, we played games. Members were divided into five groups, that's where they have to stick to each other for two nights and two days. I walked around with my rifle filled, and unfortunately, my rifle seems to be faulty at that time. I keep 'accidentally' soaking members who weren't that enthusiastic or wasn't actually participating. That, we don't want. Everybody do their part!

Parents arrived at a fixed schedule for the first night. 'My son this, my son that, pass this to him, where is him?' God, pretty irritating. THIS IS A BLOODY CAMP! If parents come all the time, what kind of freaking camp is this? God...

Day Two
Let's begin at 12.01 am. Everyone gathered in a classroom with the lights off, and two urus setia told creepy ghost stories. Just to scare them before they sleep. Members then were told to go and sleep. Some brought sleeping bags, others had to cover themselves with a blanket and lie down on the hard mats we provided. Roughing it out indeed. Urus setias were not supposed to sleep, but we took a nap anyway. Camp commander must not sleep, but he was always snoring away. Well, what the hell.

2.30am. We woke up four boys. Naughty ones who are on our blacklist. Four guys, two carrying rifles escorted them to the middle of the field. They were zombies anyway, practically walking while sleeping. ( Four of them were Kuek Yang Xuan, Ng Keruey, Gan Jin Wei and Tan Jun Yong ) I intended to wet them, but my godbro, Su Kae said no. He had a better idea.

'Sing Negaraku until you wake up all the others. Make it loud, very loud.' BRILLIANT!

So all of them tried to sing until all of their friends woke up. Only a couple woke up, and they were singing real loud. Sleeping like logs, they were. Pigs. Best part was, Keruey did not know the lyrics to the national anthem. Shame, Form Three already. So I soaked him. Then, we got the four of them to sing together, and sing 'Happy Birthday' to our ex pengerusi of two years ago, Yew Ping who specially came back from TARC just to look around. Then, back to sleep for them.

3.30am. Woke up all the members. The night activity was Solo Camping. That's when we tie their shirts around their eyes, blindfolding them and place them in random spots in the school, Alone. Of before that, we twist and turn and spin them around to disorient them. Some of them know the school too well. Tough luck for any who trip over drains.

So, I placed them quite close to each other, and whispered "I go and place your friends, and I am going to leave you alone now. Don't make any sound, and don't take off your blindfold, or you might disturb something. Something. I go now."

After placing all of them, it's time for fun. "Eh?? Where is Ming Liang? I put him here? SHIT!!! MISSING SO FAST??" I yelled. For real. He went missing immediately. Freaked me out for a couple of seconds, and I wasn't playing the fool. Appears that Muruga took him elsewhere, without my knowledge. Just as well, freak out the members who heard me.

Took torchlights and went around disturbing them. Knock the torchlight against an iron pole or something in an eerie rhythm. ( Tong..... Tong.... Tong.... Tong.... ) And Kay Pau was singing a Japanese song, or howling. Sounded more like howling. Form One members were so scared some almost fainted on the spot. Form Two onwards, well, no effect on them. They know the game already. So, I concentrated on the Form Ones. Went to the ice box and took out an ice cube. Held it in my hand and creeped towards one boy. Then, I let my ice cold hands stroke his lightly. "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" He yelled and took off his blindfold. =.=" Now he missed out all the fun.

So I went over to other form Ones. One guy was sitting on a chair. So I went close and stroked his hand with my ice cold hand ( Muahahah ). He began hyperventilating. Don't know is he stim or scared. Scared I suppose, who would actually stim when touched by an icy hand while blindfolded at 4am? Heh, freaked him out real good.

Then I went over to the Volcano Pond. WHAT THE HELL??? This guy actually fainted there. He lay sprawled, with his hands and legs wide open, spelling the Chinese word 'big' ( TA.. or DA, whichever, my Chinese sucks ) I went and caressed his hand with my Icy Hand ( Muaahahaha ). No reaction. =.=" Sound asleep. Form One boy somemore.

Then, my godbro called out loudly. 'Semua Urus setia pergi tidor!!!!!' Then we all went back and stayed there for ten minutes. Then started disturbing again.

I grabbed my rifle and went off. I saw.. Keruey or Cayjiann, whichever. Bloody twins were almost identical ( But I can manage to tell them apart ) during daytime. Night time? You tell me. They even have the same voice.

I tried the Icy Cold hands on him ( Muahahahaha! ) He laughed. =.=""""" Then, I took a piece of cloth and gently swing it over his head. He laughed again =.="""""". Feeling irritated, I took the torch light and banged the iron stand. ( Tong.... Tong.... Tong.... Tong.... ) HE LAUGHED AGAIN! I was so fed up, I grabbed my rifle and soaked him. heh..

Gathered them at 5.30am. Half were already dead tired, another half fully awake. Smart guy would sleep during solo camping. Especially Form Ones. Only a couple were unafraid. Hehe, but that's the point of the game. Freak them out real good, that would teach them not to be scared of the unseen.

Told to go and sleep, the members were. Then at 6.30am, we woke them up again. LOL. Morning exercise drill. Kay Pau drilled them real good. Run around the field ( 300m per round ) do push ups, this and that. Until 7.30am. That's when I woke up :D Then it's breakfast!

After breakfast was their own free time. Bath, sleep, whatever they want, as long as its in groups. One guy has a stomach ache, everyone in the group must have stomach aches, or else.... hehehhehehehehehe. Then, Telematch! That's when Urus setias think of sadistic missions that require them to think and act, both physical and mental work out. And they have to race against each other.

My Missions? There were four of us as "Ambush" meaning we creep around with the rifles filled with all sorts of water and come from behind and soak the hell out of them. But we have a mission ourselves, torture them. So Members chased me all around school asking for my mission for them. I feel so old, they can really run. I am chased down very fast.

"Right, here's what you are gonna do. First thing is to get me Muruga's last four digits in his IC number" Then I ran off again, and soaked others.

"Got it? Second mission, find Su Kae and Yew Shiong for me." And I ran off again. Then, somehow they managed to grab the two of them, and pin them helpless and pull them to me. Another two came and grabbed my hands. Three of us helpless What the Hell? No choice, they passed.

"Now, line up and Sing Negaraku loud loud." Revenge time! I sat down and aimed at their mouths while they sang. Then I ran off again, and they caught me again. No choice, gave them my signatures.

Me, Yew Shiong and Su Kae went together at one point of the Telematch. Then, twenty or so members approached us. Like a gang fight. So, three of us stood together, rifles up and ready. They came within range and began routing suddenly. Three of us chased and soaked them up real good. While laughing sadistically of course.

Telematch ended at 12.00pm. Lunch time, or free time. Then, 2.00 pm is 'Halangan Komando'!! This is similiar to Telematch. Find Urus setia for missions. Except this does not require brains. Just raw strength, endurance and grit. Myself, I grabbed a pail of water balloons ( honey flavoured, flour flavoured, sugar flavoured, plain water, and all of the above flavoured ), a packet of 1kg flour, my honey, and lots of chilli and set up a post at the science station. I pulled the stalk off five chillies, and put it on the table. Then I poured flour on it, burying it. And then I broke the chillis into two and buried it around the flour mountain. And at last, I took a spoonful of honey and poured in a circle. Wet my hands and sprinkled lightly, mind you, it's the water balloon-pail's water. All sorts of flavour there.

What do they have to do? Very simple. Using only their mouth, and taking turns ( no blowing or swiping ) to 'bite' at the mountain, they must find the stalk for me. No hands, no legs, no nose. Mouth only. Hehe, stalk is at the very base. Imagine how much chilli went into their mouth, and how much honey and flour they bit without swallowing. How disgusting, could just vomit on the spot hehhehehe. First group, Cayjiann got it in the second bite. How the hell did he do it?

"Found the stalk? Very good. Now come here and pick two water balloons. There are many flavours. Choose well. This is a chance to wash yourselves." All the same colours, with four orange and twelve blues. Purposely put orange because I mentioned 'Plain water'. Just to make them try their luck. Orange ones were honey flavoured, the colours matched. Then, all they have to do is make sure everyone in their group gets wet. Some went off with honey on their heads, some with even more flour... but everyone was wet alright. That, is my simple mission.

Went over to Zu Da and Kay Pau's station. Zu Da's mission. There are about twelve balloons, and one blue. They must approached with their back facing us and pick the balloons. The blue means one mark. They must get three marks. And if they pick wrongly, a balloon with chilli is passed to them. "Blow it till it bursts." I tried one myself. My mouth felt hot for an hour. Freaking chilli. Kay Pau's mission. Given four or five chairs, everyone must make sure two of their legs are on the chairs. No legs are allowed on the ground. And no Hands or Heads either. Just make sure they are on the chair. And they must progress, meaning, compress themselves into four chairs, and pass the other to the front. Until they reach one point, which is quite far away considering the speed :P So, while they struggled, HEHHEHHEHEHE. I went over with my rifle. Kay Pau concocted his own 'vitagen'. Chilli, Lots of Flour, Sugar, sand, and lots of his own stuff. Colour looked like the pure milk vitagen. "It's good for your digestion" We sang while we soaked them.

Sim's station was the best. Two chairs facing each other, around 10 metres apart. And there is a plastic bag of water balloons, covered with watery flour. Starting from the other chair, on by one they must run to the other, get down on all fours, pick a balloon with their mouth, sit down on the chair, and blow it, then sit on it until it bursts. Great idea. First, the balloons were slippery. Second, it's gross.

Halangan commando ended at 5.30pm. Completely lost my voice then. All I could do was squeak. Then went over to Han Hong's house for a bath and a nap. Woke up with a SAH. Severe Acute Headache. And still no voice. Felt like I could just go sick. So, went home :(

Missed the 'Malam Kebudayaan', that's when members all performed their group act. Missed the barbeque. Missed the midnight Treasure Hunt ( but heard it was called off because everyone was sleeping too soundly. Nothing like a day of running around, challenged physically and mentally ) Missed the War Game. And missed the Gotong Royong. Sad. :( My Last year in school, possibly my last camp in school, and I missed half of it.

I guess that's all for the sadistic report on our Annual Camping.

PBSM's camping guideline : "Eat Well, Sleep Well, Play Well, Learn Well!"
Scouts camping guideline : "Whatever, just have fun!"
PKBM's camping guideline : "Kuatkan badan, bina minda!"
St John's guideline? : "So long as you are breathing and alive, for us the camp is successful"

Random Musings...

Sometimes the fleeting life feels empty. But then, perhaps that's what a normal teenager would feel, and I never feel it that way. Anything but normal for me.

We concern ourselves with mostly short-termed problems. Work, money, sex, love... How long would they last? In your entire lifetime. And exactly how long is your life? Very short I suppose.

What is a hundred years to the never stopping world of time? The Universe is so vast that we cannot even begin to properly explore it. And here we are, specks of dust complaining about our own lives, and seldom seeking the solution. Complains yes, thinking no. Mostly people are just too lazy to find a way out. The believe is held that everything will sort out by itself, and all you have to do? Annoy people and complaint incessantly.

Exactly, why don't some of us try to do something that can have a long term benefit? Because once you die, all your struggles are forgotten if they do not influence the younger generation's life. We study history so much, how many actually remembers what they studied when they are 40? Yet, the struggles of those who opposed the conquerers is slowly fading away, but it made a difference. Their efforts are remembered, and like ripples of water that is produced when something falls into the water, they fade eventually. But they last longer.

Oh wait, since time is infinite. Why bother? Is getting straight As in examinations that important? Is getting a girlfriend/boyfriend so important? Questions questions. Easily asked. Takes the Earth's lifetime and no answer can be produced. Who can claim they have seen God? And who can claim that what they do is the most important thing in the world?

The wheel weaves as the wheel turns - Robert Jordan, Wheel of Time. According to him, time and universe is like a wheel. It moves in a cycle, where things eventually repeat themselves. Perhaps after a million years we can find the exact person with the exact genes living as the one we can find now.. uhh... for example... take me. I am living now. But when I die, I am forgotten very soon, unless I do something that can really shift Earth's routine of spinning and rotating. Even then, after a thousand years, my name will be lost and I will be labelled as 'Ancient Men'.
And in a million years, perhaps you can find my clone, produced by natural means.

So people, try and make your life significant. Be like a pebble that falls into the pond. The pebble is soon swallowed and forgotten as it lays at the bottom of the pond, but the ripple can be felt for some time yet. If everybody is like a pebble, then a chain would exist.

I believe that the Earth has a natural regeneration process. We can pollute and destroy everything, until it rages out of control and wipes life out of the surface of earth. Then, the regeneration process would begin. Of course, there will always be survivors. A cluster of unicellular organisms maybe? Then, evolution will take place slowly, as Earth heals itself. Just like a wheel. Unless you can prove that there is a God who can heal the Earth instantaneously, I am remaining agnostic.

When even PHONES conspire against me..

Aisyah would probably love this post. She has predicted before that phones are out to get me. Or maybe Alexander Graham Bell meant to invent a Bell to annoy me, but found out that it produces 'RING! RING!' instead of 'CLANG! CLANG!' so he went, what the heck, named it a phone in hope that it will get me many years later.

I mean, seriously, the phones are conspiring against me.

Case One. My handphone is cranking up lately. Maxis' service is lagging badly, and it only affects me. I don't understand it, my sister paid the bills, mine is post paid with a limit of RM100 each month. and I don't have to worry about the bills, just worry about my sister. Seriously, it affects only me! My friends don't have this problem with phones. Well you see, 9 out of 10 of my outgoing sms-es fail to be delivered, or the phone just pops in 'Message Sending Failed'. The 1 sms is usually to guys, the other 9 to girls. And the ONE that gets out is for guys. -_- Other than Sms-es, 90% of my phone calls are also reported errors. Outgoing and Incoming. I cannot call out all the time, and my friends complained that they cannot reach me. And the best part is, I tried to check my outstanding amount bill via sms, they reported error, 'please contact maxis'. I am like, how the hell do i contact maxis when i cannot call out?

Case Two. House Phone. My aunt experienced no problems with the house phone, my cousin no problem, even my GRANDMOTHER had no problems with the house phone. But, when it comes to me.. 'The number you have called is unavailable, please try again later'. Sometimes when I call home, also cannot get through, and no one is using the phone.

Case Three. Also caused by a phone. We had a St John meeting, and this time I called the teacher adviser to come along. She was sporting enough to agree at such short notice ( Great going Miss Ho! ) And the best part? She asked about our current situation. So, we told her of our financial problems. Then, she phoned Officers to ask to check and confirm about the situation, and it caused arguments to arise the moment teacher left. All because of the phone call.

Case Four. Again, Phone. Do you have a great phone like me? One that is fully charged everytime you are not using, and when you are going for tuitions it just suddenly pops to one bar at the battery side? I mean, it's usually this case. I have double tuition tomorrow. I check my phone now. Full bars. Tomorrow I come back from school, about to rush off to tuition, my phone beeps 'Battery Low'. I mean, like wow...

Case Five. Phone. I could not access the net for two days, I didn't know why, but I do now. Apparently, there was nothing wrong with the wiring and everything, but the modem keeps blinking on the left eye, meaning no signal could be established. No signal, no connection. For two days. And it is only a few minutes before I made this post, did I discover my house phone was at fault. The basement phone is fixed for my personal use, since I practically dwell in the basement all the time when I am at home. Apparently, the phone wasn't put in place properly. I don't know what is happening, but the moment I lifted the phone up, I immediately found that I could access the net.

Case Six. Case removed for security and anti-conspiracy purpose.

I mean, It's a freaking conspiracy man! Don't I wish sometimes I can dominate the world of phones, that would teach them to conspire against me! Oh wait, be careful what you wish for, it might come true.

Another long post

Heh, haven't been able to find enough time and energy to update. But here goes, and here's the list for this post. The Leadership course on Saturday, My driving kuliah on Sunday and my personality and health problems.

Leadership course. Well, the management did a great job arranging the entire course. But hey! It's me, that's as far as the compliment will go. Now, on to the criticism.

First and foremost, the activities are so.... Malaysian? Typical stereotyped Malaysian activities, with the main theme : Wasting time yet trying very hard to look like we are actually doing work and impress others. We had a ceramah from some guy from a neighbouring school, who could not stop talking about Titanic... Breakfast and Lunch was inadequate, time management was not done properly, and our Guru Penyelaras Koko, that handsome guy, grab the opportunity and made it like the school meetings, where he repeated what he has told us already, about the Cocuricullum book. Then, he showed us a slide show, the only thing worth remembering. Here's the story. More or less like it, from what i remembered anyway. Didn't bother to copy it down.

ONCE upon a time, there was a Malaysian row boat team, which consists of eight people. To prove that MALAYSIA BOLEH, the leaders arranged with the Japanese to hold a row boat competition each year. The first year, the Japanese won by 1 kilometre. ( Sucks, doesn't it? ) Leaders were unhappy that Malaysia had lost, so they hired a consultant team to analyze the defeat and come up with a solution. After several months of research, they found out that the Japanese's key to victory was the team members. One captain, and seven rowers ( Then, a picture showing one guy with a loud speaker, and seven people rowing ). Captain to cheer, and seven guys to row. Whereas the Malaysian team consisted of seven captains and one rower. (Picture of seven guys holding loud speakers and one guy rowing ) ( And they only lost by 1km? ) So, the consultant team tried to come up with a solution, a perfect solution that will beat the Japanese next year. So, they worked very hard and finally came up with a solution, which they were so confident will win. The following year, the Japanese won by 2km ( bet the leaders go WTF? ). The Japanese maintained their strategy of 7 rowers and 1 captain. The Malaysian team now consists of four captain, two managers, one guy I cannot remember who, and still one rower. The leaders believed it to be a brilliant plan as well, but lost due to lack of competency by the rower. So, the rower was dismissed. Yet, for coming up with such a brilliant plan, even though Malaysians lost, the consultant team was rewarded with lots of cash. And the ending he showed us a picture. "Malaysia *mana* Boleh!'

Moral of the story : In Malaysia, all you need to know is to 'act like you know everything, impress when you are doing nothing'. Doing work in Malaysia is stupid, because people will still think you lack competency. How true, even I hate to admit that.

Then, we proceeded to waste more time. Haha, lazy to talk about the leadership course already.

On to the driving kuliah. The kuliah was scheduled to start at 8.30am. So I went to the Sekolah Memandu at 8.10am, so that Aunty can fetch me over in time. But Aunty and Uncle was not there, so I waited until 8.30am. Then Aunty arrived, I asked her "Won't I be late?" She said "Never mind, trust me." So I trusted her, and waited. She sat down, and began working with the particulars of four other guys, and one of them was Bryan Boo. At 8.50am, only did she get up to fetch the four of us ( one guy went by himself ) to the JPJ institusi memandu. We arrived at 9.00am. So I was like, gosh, I am half an hour late, and Aunty is still acting like we are early by one hour.

Registered my name and everything, and met up with my friends, Stanley and Marcus. I asked them "Haven't start?" and they were like "No". Now I understand. Aunty was right, trust her. So, the three of us went to the Kuliah Room, while Bryan went to the Undang Room. Sat there like idiots until 9.45am. THEN only the penceramah came in. Typical Malaysian punctualness. But whatever, so we began. Supposedly 3 hours of theory and 3 hours of practical. Oh wait, make that 3 hours of BORING theory and SUPPOSEDLY 3 hours of practical.

9.45am until 11.00am, I was half asleep and half dead. I mean, that penceramah, that woman, she speaks with such skill, even my school teachers lose to her. The monotony of her voice, flat, without intonation, and very boring, was like driving me asleep man... 11 am we were let out to eat, and went back in at 11.30am. Then, she continued until 12.15am. What lar, supposed 3 hours became 2 hours and half. Not that I am unhappy with it anyway.

Here's the best part. Practical. Queued up to sign our names for until 1 o clock. That's like 45 minutes of waiting man! Then, we went to the practise route.

My driving instructor was an elderly Malay woman ( WARNING LOTS OF SWEARING NOW ). Well, I did say three hours of practical. So, the moment I sat in the car, in the driver's seat, she stared at me. So, I said nothing and fixed my safety belt. Then, she asked me to start the car and drive. I was like, wtf? I know fuck about driving, my first time in driver's seat, and you fucking ask me to drive you around? I wasn't even sure which one was the gas pedal! Then, she started scolding me. Said I didn't listen during Kuliah. I did not sleep during kuliah, and I don't remember the penceramah telling us about the pedals. She only mentioned the bonnet and the steering and the dashboard. So she expected me to drive. I asked her how to get the car to go. She gets fucked up and scolds me. Then, she suddenly turned patient and said 'Tekan clutch sampai habis. Lepas itu lepaskan perlahan lahan dan tekan minyak sikit' So I nodded, and placed my foot to the clutch, and the right to the gas pedal. Then, I slowly let it go and pressed the gas pedal. It didn't go. I asked her again, press the clutch, and let go slowly right? She gets fucked up again. She starts scolding me again. "SAYA CAKAP AWAK CAKAP! TENGOK LAR! SEKARANG TAK TAHU! SEMUA ORANG TENGOK AWAK DAN KETAWAKAN AWAK" So I was like, damn you fucking bitch! Then, I tried again. This time, still didn't work. After many attempts only did i manage to get the car going. And she was so fucked up she kept saying 'SEKARANG AWAK TAK BAYAR KITA UNTUK MENGAJAR AWAK TAU? NANTI ACCIDENT MACAM MANA?' Now I am fucked up. So I didn't bother about her and started driving. She kept one hand on my steering, and one hand on the instructor's brake. I pressed the gas pedal with my right foot gently, and she gets fucked up again. "BUAT APA BAWAK LAJU LAJU?" So i was like, wtf man? I hardly touched the pedal! "Tak biasa lar, pedal ini sensitif sangat" She gets fucked up again and she goes 'JANGAN TIPU SAYA! SAYA TAU PUNYA! AWAK NAK BAWAK LAJU LAJU" And I was really really pissed off. I mean, the gas pedal was really sensitive, and I barely touched it to maintain the speed. All the turnings and all, she turned the steering for me. Basically, I just sat there with my foot on the gas pedal. two rounds around the route. I learned nothing, and she asked me to get out of the car. Got really fucked up, supposed to be fun to learn driving. And it's three hours of practical you bitch! Not two rounds around the route, which is around 5 minutes! Fortunately after I get my L license, Aunty will take over my driving lessons. If I see that motherfucking bitch outside, how I wish I can kill her on the spot. If you are that unhappy because JPJ is not paid for field practical, don't be a driving instructor you bitch!

And then, Uncle came and fetch me. So I asked him, "When can I come for thumbprint to make L license?" And Uncle goes "When they phone you to arrange a time. Then, you must come at 9am and get a thumbprint and wait for three hours." I was like, wtf? "Whatever for?" Uncle shrugged. "Nothing, you just have to wait. Because the law says so."

Seriously, it's a conspiracy. Further proving the Malaysian way of doing things. Act like you know everything, do nothing and behave like you have done everything.

Feeling a little on the dark side these few days. Probably an overdose of My Chemical Romance. I almost felt a tear from my eyes. Almost. Because I miss chatting on the MSN with a late friend, who died young. I did not get to meet her personally, and it is a pity. I really miss her. *Sighs*

Can you hear me?
Are you near me?
Can we pretend to leave and then,
We'll meet again,
When both our cars collide?

Lyrics of Helena, My Chemical Romance.

Heheh, got to check this out man

Check out this picture.



So now boys, heed their advice. Do so in the comfort of your own bedroom, don't do it in the showers. You might think you would come out from the bathroom clean, but hey! Apparently it clogs up the showers. And they are even going to match DNAs, hehe! But still, I think abstinence is still the best solution. Don't do it, by yourself anyway. You can do it until you yell 'HELP!' after you are married. Face it, here's the theory.

Before marriage, guys think about sex all day. Some masturbate, some fantasize, some just freaks out. After marriage, guys still think about sex all day, but not with their wives.

Before marriage, girls show no signs of interest in sex at all. How the hell do they do that? After marriage, well, please the husband... in a nonstop fashion. Hey! Wives are hornier after marriage than men!

Now, check out this picture.


Jalan Puki Mak Ulah. What kind of street name is that!? Imagine you are in Kuala Lumpur, and you have to get to this street. And the only transportation means is a taxi. How would you go about telling the driver without him chasing you out of the vehicle?

Picture a scene where Leslie wants to go to that street and gets into a taxi.

Driver : Nak ke mana bang?

Leslie : Jalan, PUKIMAK YOU LAR!

Driver : Wtf?

Leslie : I mean, Jalan lar, you know that Jalan! As in, go? PUKI MAK YOU LAR!

Oh, for those who are wondering what does Puki means, its better you don't know. Just know that it is a swear word, and it is directed at the person you are swearing at's mum. Its very vulgar, so never use that to swear. Its true, trust me.

Oh and by the way, got those pictures from a forum, which somehow i find myself being made a moderator ( don't know why ). Here's the web, nesn.servertalk.in. Join if you want, and make it livelier. What is a forum when there are only 20 users, only 4 or 5 who are posting stuff?

Sidenote : Aiyooo~~~~~~~~~~ She is just so beautiful lar! Damn the hormones!

Waste of time

Today ( tuesday 28th February 2006 ) was a freaking waste of time in school. Only had three out of ten classes wtf? Been a long time ( yeah right ) since I last updated this blog, it's cool.. really. Attended two freaking meetings today, one is about the leadership course for all presidents, secretaries, treasurers and vice presidents. And the second is the prefect's monthly meeting. Zhi Wei skipped school to go for a Mathemathics quiz today, and I had to pick up all his mess as he managed to skip both meetings and all the empty classes. Anyway, the leadership thingy meeting was chaotic with everyone not being able to understand what the fuck the counselor was talking about, but aah, after an hour everything was sorted out... as if. Confirm sure got case or problems. It's just sooner or later.

And the prefects meeting was just great. The Ketua Pengawas and his committess were fucking everyone up, which is good. Prefects in High School is just a name, what with all the Premier or Best student hype. They are ultimately just humans, oh wait, I mean WE are just humans. And boy, what kind of humans would we make '_'||| Anyway, all the AJKs were bitching and scolding the naughty boys, like when I scold my boys in St John. I was feeling a little pissed myself. Some of the AJKs are veeery efficient in reporting others when they find them not performing their duties, and yet they are the bitches who bitch around without doing THEIR duties. So immediately after the meeting, I stared intently at the Ketua Pengawas.

"I tell you, Your AJKs haven't totally make me fire up. When they do, I tell you they are really going to get it. ( Somebody gonna get a hurt real bad )"

And he went like 'I know lar... I am trying to catch them' Whatever.

And damn, I should have mentioned this earlier, but whatever.

Apparently my tuition teacher is having problems with students now. Hey, its a tuition alright, we come and go as we please, we like we stay and shut the fuck up, we don't like we brush our sory asses and get the fuck out of there!

Since earlier this year, my teacher had this problem with MoFo students. Well, in Januari a fucking parent called and complained that the tuition center was wrong to charge RM10 for photostat fees. I mean, WTF? My teacher was so freaked out she threatened to close all the tuition classes. I mean, she is a good teacher! And how on earth do such kind of parents exist? 'Bagaimana acuan begitulah kuihnya' - BM version. The Leslie version would probably go 'Motherfuckers will only produce Motherfuckers'.

Well, she got over that. And the next thing you know, today another parent bitched to her again. This time, I haven't got the full story yet, and its High School boys again. Sometimes I think the change is too dramatic. I mean, look at my group, my batch. We are such great students! And look at the form 4!? What the FUCK? I mean, wow wtf? Sissies, most of them.

So here's what she has told us so far. She jokingly scolded a boy, who happens to be a blurcase, always forgetting his books, notes, a sotong ( blur sotong lar! ). So when she made a mistake ( something like missed a line in the sajak she wrote on the whiteboard ) and one MoFo yelled 'Sotong!' and another MoFo clapped his hands. That made all the High School form 4 boys laugh. While the girls remain stunned. Come on lar! Jokers also no skill! Me and Zhi Wei can make the class in uproar without much of a problem. We can even make teacher laugh. So, hey wtf, she is a teacher! Even me and Zhi Wei don't do that! We respect them!

But she just shrug it off. Whatever. So, when we were having our tuition today, the parent of the 'blurcase' came and complained. She said teacher shouldn't call her son a sotong. -_-" I mean, if teacher called me a sotong, I would make a pin and pin it proudly with the words 'Teacher called me a sotong. Don't laugh yet. It takes one to know one' I dare you to laugh. So the parent comes and bitch around, and fucks teacher up. Teacher was so pissed, and ( as Navin would put it ) Pei Check. She cried for the third time in two months. In front of us.

Conclusion? Somebody gonna get a hurt real bad in school. Many of us wants to fuck up the MoFos in school for being such a bitch.

Well, just proves that kids are being pampered too much. Parents defend their kids when necessary, and when UNnecessary now. I mean, a kid would go like 'Don't scold me, don't touch me, don't yell at me, don't EVEN LOOK at me! Or my mama will see you in court.' Yeah, tell her it's a date.

Problem with my juniors now? There are two. One, as I said, they are pampered, and parents are overdoing the protect-your-kid thing, they would never grow up. If I did that to my dad, like 'Hey dad, I got beaten up in school. I want you to complain to school, and get the kid who did it asswalloped real good' And my dad would probably shrug his shoulders and go 'Experience, that will teach you not to go around talking nonsense' Second problem, I mean, LOOK AT THEIR SIZE MAN! Even one drunkard teacher in my school once yelled loudly during sports 'KENAPA BUDAK FORM 1 SEKARANG SEMUA KECIK MACAM SEMUT?!!!!!' Heh, that seriously cracks me up. And he even scolded students to keep of the tracks, but the form 1 boys apparently are not intimidated, don't care, don't understand, or just being freaking dumb to stand still on the tracks while the 100m event is going on. So the drunkard teacher was like 'OI! TAK FAHAM BAHASA MELAYU EH!? NAK SAYA KATA BAHASA APA? BAHASA CINA? BAHASA HOKKIEN? BAHASA CANTONESE? BAHASA INGGERIS?' And the student thought seriously for a while, with his left hand supporting the elbow of his right and his right hand's forefinger at his chin those kind of look. After a few seconds, he went 'Bahasa Hokkien sir'
That drunkard was *chibaboooom!*

Problem one continued. Let me ask you this serious thing. When was the last time, your parents actually brought food to school for you during recess, and accompanied you until recess officially ends? Mine was standard 1, when I was, like 7? And even then, it was the first day in school, after that, I never get to see my parents in school until now. This year, I was like WTF?

January, for the entire month, parents came and visit regularly, usually with food during recess. And their kids would run to them and go 'OH PAPA MAMA! I MISS YOU SO!! AND I AM HUNGRY!!' And I would stand behind and go like 'WTF ARE YOU 13???' Well, not yet. But I mean, YOU ARE IN FREAKING SECONDARY SCHOOL MAN!

Met another tuition teacher sometime when I went out for dinner. She taught me science for three years for PMR. So I was like 'EEHHH TEACHER! Long time no see!' and we began chatting. She was like 'Eh you all form 1 boys ar, really bad lar. I teaching until half, my handphone ring non stop.' I went like, 'Har? Whai?' And her reply?

"Harlow? How is my son ar? In tuition good or not??"

I would seriously answer 'Hey fuck you man! Your son is a boy, so let him have some privacy and stop disturbing me!'

Such a good life. Seriously wonder how are they going to assume positions as the leaders of clubs, uniform bodies and sports? Heh, imagine lar one of them being the commander of say.. any uniform body's marching contingent.

'OI! KAWAT BAIK BAIK! KALAU TAK SAYA PANGGIL MAK SAYA DATANG!'

Wahahahahaa.. Got to check back school in 2-3 years time man.

Starting my driving lessons next week.

Side note : GOD! SHE IS SO BEAUTIFUL WHEN SHE SMILES!!!! Aaarrggh, control control! Its just the hormones!! *chants* Its just the hormones, its just the hormones *chants*