Saturday, April 15, 2006

The New Cultural and Philosophical Domination

Penguins don't eat Potatoes.

Report By : Ng Leslie

Apparently, after the six inmates escaped from a local mental hospital, their influence is somehow underestimated. Currently, their new idealogy is so widely received that many people are going arounf and saying 'Penguins don't eat Potatoes' at every opportunity.

Mr. Penguin Little, the officer in charge of recapturing the two leaders of the mad patients,Lee Zhi Wei and Ng Leslie, said that even his officers are influenced by them.

"Yes, it is a very serious matter indeed. Imagine a Private reporting to me and saying 'Sir! We have lost track of the two infamous duo! By the way, did you realize that Penguins Don't eat Potatoes?' It is kind of annoying and pointless, and I am very certain once we get hold of the two psychotic priests, they will be put behind bars instead of the mental hospital." He said when interviewed.

No information has been received by the officials regarding the infamous duo, even though they were seen strutting around town saying 'Penguins don't eat Potatoes'. Apparently the public liked the duo so much that, they started swearing at the officials and refused to cooperate and reveal their whereabouts. The duo were even seen in schools, competition venues and Pizza Hut. The other four of this serious conspiracy, Joshua Teng, Bryan Boo, Shafique Dassila and Shahrizan Syawal remains unknown as they disappeared without a trace, but rumours pointed that they are with the duo.

The photo, showing Bryan Boo and Shahrizan Syawal, which was found circulating among mobile phone users pointed that they are promoting tabasco, a condiment used in Pizza Hut. This led Mr Penguin Little to suspect that these two are introducing a new belief of their own, which he labeled it as 'Tabascoism'. Though the two have not begun spreading 'tabascoism', people are consuming them the way Bryan Boo does now, that is, half the bottle on a single piece of pizza. Bryan Boo and Shahrizan Syawal did not name their influence 'Tabascoism', in fact, it is unknown what they call it as they could not be reached for comments because their whereabouts are still unknown. Shafique Dassila and Joshua Teng has yet to be seen with a conspiracy of their own, as the six inmates are believed to work in twos now, each introducing their own philosophies. Mr Penguin Little has further commented that, left alone, Lee Zhi Wei and Ng Leslie can confuse even more people and stop Bird Flu from spreading. On the other hand, Bryan Boo and Shahrizan Syawal can somehow find a cure for SARS using Tabasco if left long enough to conduct their research.

Local Pizza Hut outlets also reported a sudden surge in business and knife thefts. The public seemed to embrace the knife Ng Leslie stole from Pizza Hut as his holy scepter of some sorts and tried to look threatening, but most just made people burst in laughter with their own stupid looks. Employees of Pizza Hut were also involved in the stealing of their own knives, and the manager of a local branch, Mr Potato Masher, commented that he had actually dismissed more employees in one month for stealing than the entire 25 years he had worked as a manager.

The situation is extremely worrying, and even the politicians are seen holding knives in Parliament debates and meetings. The Prime Minister and Chief Police has yet to give a comment regarding this issue.

The public has mixed feelings regarding this matter. After a survey of 2500 candidates were made, 18 out of 20 were happy with the new pointless idealogy, and that worshipping pointlessness could very well be the turning point of their life. 1 out of 20 is unsure, and the other 1 out of 20 is confused.

It has been unnoticed that Lee Zhi Wei, the mastermind behind this conspiracy was actually holding a Pizza Pan scooper. Pizza Hut, upon discovering this, has made an immediate move of keeping all its scoopers in a safety box and replacing the scoopers with forks for dishing pizzas. However, Mr Potato Masher has pointed out that such a desperate measure will not work, as their own employees were keen on stealing the so called Holy Scepter now.

Manufacturers of the 'Holy Scepter' has tripled their productions of scoopers and knives, and still fall short in demand.

Will this be a case similiar to the movie, 'Fight Club'? Had the duo unwittingly created a monster when everybody embraced their philosophy? Please click the 'comment' link underneath and tell us your opinions on regarding this issue.

Disclaimer : This is entirely fictional and all the names of people and company used, if existed like Pizza Hut are reserved. This is only meant for the entertainment of yourself, but if you choose to embrace 'Penguins-don't-eat-potatoeism', that is your own religion.


Zhi Wei said...

meh. our non-potato-eating-penguins can't be much of a monster, really. hahahaha. quite a threat to public sanity though, I should think. which is absolutely cool.

why, you ask?

what else. cos penguins don't eat potatoes! hahahaha.

umair said...

Ehem, i've been influence by your great philosaphy and you know what? I'm gonna spread it.. MWAHAHAHA

And do you know why i wanna spread it.. It's because....

Penguins don't eat potatoes


Josh said...

What on earth. . .

A joke is good. .

But not a religion man. . . .

Lolz. . . . .

Nevermind. . .

Scientifically, it has been proven