Old Penguin Times 30 April/1 May 2007

But before that, I have an announcement.

I have decided this morning that I am going to enrol in Inti College Subang Jaya for Cambridge A Levels.

Upon decision, I found a place to stay, friends to hang out with, transportation to Subang. Basically, everything was done within two hours.

But once I start my A Levels which is on the 7th of May, expect not many posts.. so I am updating as often as I can while I am still so jobless.

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Old Penguin Times 30 April/1 May 2007

Suicide by Love
Article by : Po the Penguin
Photos by : Pi the Penguin

A new way to suicide has been discovered after several penguins were found dead without apparent reason.

The reason : Love

A Professor of Love, Dr. Pau, mentioned that before their untimely deaths, each suicider were diagnosed with severe love sick cases.

"I have determined what caused their deaths. Each deceased has mentioned that their heart skips and they hyperventilate when they see the penguin they love. At times they even say their hearts stop beating when the penguin they love looks at them. Therefore, I can safely assume that they died because their hearts stopped beating. A sad case of love here.." Dr. Pau said.


Therefore birds out there, our brain is small and need frequent replenishment of blood. Don't go stopping your heartbeats because of another attractive penguin.

On an unrelated note, penguins having extra-marital affairs have been said to be increasing each year. Abbott Poo Poo has mentioned that complaints directed to the Great Guin has tripled this first half year compared with last year entire year.

"Last year there were only 2 cases of complaints of extra marital affair. This year up until May only we already have 6 cases! This is unacceptable in our community of 16 million guins." Poo Poo said, obviously pissed off.

"The problem here? Penguins nowadays are not as morally upright nor religious enough to care. They just stare at the romantic adulterating couple."







Punishments in School too harsh?

Article by : Pu the Penguin
Photos by : Pi the Penguin

Are our schools being too harsh in practicing corporal punishment? Recently, five concerned parents have cried outraged at the Penguin's School of Excellence for punishing their chicks to stand out in the cold.

"The five chicks were punished because they did not do their homework, which is catching fishes to prove that they are full fledged hunters." the headmaster of the school, Pok said.

"This is a beastly punishment. Just because they did not catch their share of fish doesn't mean they can't catch fish!" A concerned parent said.

The entire drama unfolded when the five chicks turned up in school without fish in their beaks. Their teacher was enraged and was sent to stand in the cold, about 2 metres from every other penguins, who were also out in the cold at their class. ( note there is no room )




The entire episode has caused severe distress to the chicks, who had been laughed at by their baby chick siblings.

"Schools should not use corporal punishment as they are inpenguin! I suggest a gentler approach like a corporeal ( ??? ) punishment to discipline the chicks!" said an ignorant parent, who obviously failed in its language test.

The Ministry of Education could not be contacted for further comments.



Humans sighted in Penguinland

Article by : Po the Penguin
Pictures by : Pi the Penguin

Its true, reporters have sighted humans in Penguinland. These creatures of apparently low intelligence has been found loping along with useless stuff of steel and plastic.

"They are installing strange things that we think are used to transport potatoes to the Penguinland." a civilian said.

Meanwhile, the Panguana priests, under Abbott Poo Poo has raised concern of pollution by the humans.

"These creatures eat horrible stuff like vegetables and produce a lot of shit!!" Poo Poo said, enraged.

"They must be stopped to prevent further desecration of the Penguinland!" Poo Poo continued.

Talks have begun to mobilize the entire penguin army to intercept and silence the humans so that they will not return to alert their kind.







Disclaimer : This post is entirely for entertainment as usual. No copying without my permission. Photos credited to various expeditions to the South Pole, or the Penguinland.

Old Penguin Times 29/30 April 2007

This is a little idea of mine.

Well, explanations first. I am thinking of creating a new category kind of post, which are, newspaper spin offs with totally fictional articles written by me, but using the alter ego of Pa the penguin as chief editor, Po the penguin as journalist, Pi the penguin as photojournalist, and Pu the penguin also as a journalist.

What category kind of posts? Currently in my blog, there are many categories of posts.

They include Professor Leslie posts, emo posts ( inactive for very long time ), stories post ( dead for very long time ), philosophical posts ( also dead for long time ) and reviews post ( currently half dead ).

And this, shall be the newest kind of posts. Spin-off articles. By Penguins.

I reserve all rights.

Disclaimer : The below article contains fictitious stuff. Some of the information are proven to be untrue, but are still published anyway because of the writer's ignorance. Writer cannot guarantee they might not be true though. But however, it is advised not to attempt any stupid thing yourself after reading it until it is proven true. Then we know I am a genius.
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Old Penguin Times 29/30 April 2007.

Potatoes as Aphrodisiacs?

Article by : Po the penguin

That's right. You did not read wrongly. A team of scientists at South Pole University has recently done experiments on potatoes for its remedial qualities, but instead found themselves getting high and horny after overexposure to the potatoes. Upon realizing it, they immediately did research to find out why, and the result was that a chemical in potatoes, is able to stimulate the penguin mind to have many many chicks.

"Basically, everybody wants to have sex because of our genes and hormones. Biologically, we have a system in our body that encourages us to have babies and to ensure a thriving future generations that are equally horny." said Professor Poo Poo, the leader of the team of scientists.

"We see a female and we get turned on by her because we think she is fertile and healthy enough to born a healthy chick egg for us, and thus ensuring that chicks born are of top quality. You don't see penguins falling head over heels for a matchstick thin penguin." He continued.

Potatoes have been found not to be consumed by any penguins all along. However, a penguin actually trying to eat one might find itself getting horny for eggs and have sudden bouts of diarrhea. "The price of good sex.." Poo Poo joked.

With this scientific breakthrough, penguins with no more sex drive might soon be happier birds, Poo Poo asserted.



Fish the possible cure for cancer?

Article by : Pu the penguin

With rising fear of cancer as the number one killer among prawns ( prawns have cancer??? ), a team of penguin scientists began wondering why fishes and other marine lifeforms that feed on prawns do not develop cancer and die.

It is hypothesized that fishes have a natural oil, dubbed as fish oil, or scientifically known as Gamma oil.

Researchers say that the Gamma oil emits Gamma rays in small and insignificant amount that cannot actually cause any noticeable damage to any lifeforms. Therefore, scientists say that if eaten excessively, this Gamma oil can kill the cancerous cells. And the penguin that eats it.

"We believe moderation is the key to success here.." a scientist who declined to be named commented. It said that as cancerous cells exist as individual mutant cells, with no complex systems like a penguin, killing it is much easier than killing a penguin.



Panguana to label caterpillars as penguin's best friends

Article by : Po the Penguin
Pictures by : Pi the Penguin

Abbott Poo Poo, the most respected Elder and leader of the Penguinic faith, Panguana, announced yesterday during fish festival that caterpillars are penguin's best friends.

According to Abbott Poo Poo, "Caterpillars have long been described as a sacred insect among Penguins. It is said so by the once Great Guin, Guiness, that caterpillars can greatly boost a penguin's luck to get mated as they look sexy. Besides that, caterpillars also played a major role during Guiness' time in the great war for fish against the polar bears, who lost terribly and were cast to the other side of the world to starve by the Great Guin. The caterpillars actually made the polar bears slip and fall down, but alas they were squashed beyond recognition. Those brave caterpillars sacrificed themselves for the Greater Good!"

The only problem around here is, since the world was divided into eighteen major continents, caterpillars are no more found in South Pole, or better known as Penguinland.

New Blog Name?

Alright people, this is not an official post, but it IS an official post.

I am thinking of changing the name 'Annoyance is Bliss'.

But am keeping 'Part of life is to annoy people'. I love that phrase :D

So...

Any ideas?

Jobs

Professor Leslie is back again today!

Today Professor Leslie shall elaborate on current affairs, which are, JOBS! (Since when has jobs not been a current affair anyway, people work everyday!)

Anyway, with media like Jobstreet.com, Classified Ads in the newspapers and such, advertising for prospective employees have made everyone's life much simpler!

But unfortunately, many jobs are missing the highlights! And today, Professor Leslie, with all his efforts and love put in, shall bring attention to these professions as much as they deserve!

Note : As usual, this post is also for entertainment. Anybody finding this post offensive with logical explanation and coherent response, please do tell me. I am an extremely nice person :) However if you feel upset because you think I have insulted you in any way, please do have a look at the mirror and tell me whether you see an asshole or not. If you feel that you will get pissed off no matter what I say, then don't read.

Here goes!

Advertisement 1:
I used to think Beggars Sect. was only found in Chinese Kung Fu Movies where the Beggars can actually fight! But now I am convinced there's a conspiracy among beggars. Some are genuinely in need of help, but there are some opportunists who are good in acting! Talk about Malaysian generosity..

Advertisement 2:
It is not uncommon to come across people in restaurants ( mostly ) and such public places where they talk as though its their toilet there. They talk loudly, rude and swear words. They also talk big. Those are classified under 'Brutes'. You have to admit one thing however, they are bold and street smart =/ These are the kind that can Gan Tua Pao ( Talk Cock ) and outtalk a policeman or a politician. They can make drug trafficking sound right, and when you reason with them, they go ala Christopher. 'Bu Hui De, Bu Ke Neng De, Wo Diao Ta!! ( Won't one, impossible one, I diao him! )

I am not lying. Professor Leslie is always right.

Advertisement 3:

The issue of illegal immigrants who became victims to agents in Malaysia is no longer new. Government catches these immigrants, fine them then send them back. The agents go free untouched, and a lot richer. Their crime? Smuggled into the country illegally. That is how the advertisement should sound like, instead of their high pay promising jobs in neighboring countries!

Advertisement 4 :


Seriously, do I have to elaborate on this? People are usually overrated about these stuff. Prove my point? Wait for Harry Potter 7th book release day. Go check out the book store.

Further prove my point? Just tune in to any concerts by famous singers/bands. Tell me exactly how many people are shouting their heads off and screaming until their voice box bursts.

Advertisement 5:


This one I flame until charred already. No explanations necessary.

And now, my personal favorite.

Advertisement 6:

Find me a penguin like that, and I will point to you a millionaire.

And that's all for today's classified advertisements! If I get more ideas, this section will be further expanded. Or you can click 'comments' and give me some ideas and feedbacks.

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Totally unrelated note.

My hair's growing at a slow but not slow, fast but not fast speed. In short, its growing at an awkward rate.

Currently, its in a seriously embarrassing stage. Its not long enough to fall limp, and not short enough to be natural.

Result : Long hair that stands out erect. I look like a rambutan head.

Desperate Penguins

Once upon a time, in a frozen land far far away, there lived penguins. All the penguins were special, and each had its story to tell. And so, we shall visit the fabled land of the south pole, the land of the penguins. The discovery of a potato in the south pole led to conspiracies among the penguin community, where violence is non-existent ( except when predators are around. Oh wait, penguins ARE predators ). Read on to find out how four young penguins survived the perils and plots of evil penguins to lay their flippers on the sacred potato.

This story is entirely fictional. Any similarities is entire coincidental.

This story is rated P. Any child below the age of 1 or any adult above the age of 1000 is advised against reading it. If you do not fall into the above category, you are advised to read it at your own caution. May include explosives ( explosives are not supplied by al-Qaeda or any terror organizations ).

Starring :KATE BECKINSALE ........................................................................................... NOT!

Arnold Schwarzenegger ....................... NOT!

Penguin named Pa

Penguin named Po

Penguin named Pi

Penguin named Pu

I know.. they all look the same. Penguins look the same anyway.

Anyway, back to the story.

One fateful day, Pa the penguin was out hunting for food with his friends, Po the penguin, Pi the penguin and Pu the penguin. Suddenly, Po the penguin tripped on something and fell flat on his beak.

All the penguins began laughing.

With the way penguins walk, it is almost impossible to fall down ( to the penguins anyway ). Anyway, Po the penguin was equally surprised that he fell down. So he checked where he was walking, and hark! He saw a strange alien object.. and as he got a closer look to identify it, he suddenly jumped back in fear!

It was a potato! A fabled mythical sacred beloved awesome wonderful amazing peculiar extraordinary ( I am running out of adjectives ) thing among the penguin community! In fact, penguins kill ( fish ) to get it!

Soon news spread that Po the penguin had found a potato in South pole. All the penguins were aflutter. There was an ancient prophecy said before by the great Penguin Prophet, Penguinius, when he was drunk with iced water. It read "When the potato appears within the iceberg, the time for explosions have come. Do not attempt to eat it as a penguin will produce many many chicks and much much faeces." Every penguin was jittery. The four penguin friends were excited. They didn't know what explosions were, and neither did other penguins. But they were excited anyway.

Out of fear for explosions, soon some parties of religious penguins began demanding that the four young penguins hand it over to be destroyed. Another group of penguins wanted to steal the coveted prize for themselves, even though they didn't know what it is and what to do with it, nor trade it for money because penguins don't use money. They began sending death threats to the four penguins.

While the majority of penguins suddenly had the idea to excavate the entire south pole for more potatoes...

Our four heroes were surrounded by hostile penguins!

The evil penguins had formed a bandit party called 'Penguins of the Car Bean'. They marched forward and demanded the potato!

While on the other side, the religious penguins, under the leadership of the Abbott Poo Poo of the penguinic faith, Panguana, demanded for the potato too!

The two sides of penguins then began fighting each other. Our heroes escaped amidst the chaos and soon found themselves unable to return to their homes!

Pa soon began asking Po to hand out the potato to secure their own safety. Pi disagreed with Pa, as handing it over might not guarantee them their lives. Their entire life they had not seen violence, but today, they had witnessed a historical event when the Penguins of the Car Bean began throwing snowballs at Abbott Poo Poo.

Pu asked Po where the potato was, and Po replied "Its with my baby brother, disguised as an egg. My brother Poop will take care of it! Don't worry!"

With that, Pa began to fret. The safety of a chick is at stake. They must find a way to rectify the situation!

Unfortunately, with everyone anxious, they began to argue and quarrel and fight and disagree and ( I ran out of words again ) among themselves.

As they were quarreling, suddenly an explosion happened!

It was a totally unexpected twist of event for the penguins. The explosion came from the other coast, far away from Penguinland. But its tremors could be felt by all.

Pa stood up at this point.

"That's our solution to the problem! We find this explosion thing, and ask it to explain to our penguins that it is harmless and worthless!"

Pa's friends agreed and they soon 'walked?' towards the explosion site.

Not long after that, they reached the explosion site. A human approached them. A human! In south pole!

The alien creature known as the human identified himself as 'Osama'.

Pi immediately asked Osama if he had any 'explosions'. Osama smiled and immediately said no.

"I do not have explosions, but I do have explosives!" he said joyfully.


The penguins cheered. Since Penguinius, the Prophet did not mention whether explosions were good or evil, they can now prove that it is not bad! Anyway, explosions and explosives sound so similiar, they must be brother bird of sorts.

"No, you can't have them!" Osama said when our heroes asked for it.

Pa squawked in anger and disbelief. In their entire life, not a single existence had denied them things before.

"However, I am hungry. If you can get food for me, the explosives are yours!" Osama said.

Po suddenly thought of the strange thing called Potato. Since they do not know what it is, there is a possibility that it is alien food.

But alas! The potato is with Poop!

The four penguins scrambled back to Po's home. All the penguins were out excavating, and not in the Penguinland. For once, our heroes felt an emptiness. Never before had such a thing happened amongst their community, and they felt guilty about it. But this only serves to reignite the flames in their hearts to make everything right again!

Po soon found Poop, still asleep, and the Potato!

But alas, as he turned to leave, Abbott Poo Poo was there!!!

Po gasped!!!! His friends were outside waiting for him! He was left alone to confront the Abbott!. The Abbott squawked menacingly. It held a snowball in its flippers, ready to throw it at Po.

"Give me the potato or I shall throw this at you. You have ran astray, young bird!" the Abbott squawked, its voice full of malice.

"Never! You shall not have it!" Po resisted.

"Po, it is imperative that you understand. I am your father..." Poo Poo said ( in Darth Vader voice ).

"IMPOSSIBLE!!" Po screamed in disbelief.

But the Abbott suddenly threw the snowball!

"MY FLIPPER!!! AAAAaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!" Po screamed.

With his right flipper injured, Po quickly grabbed the potato with its left flipper and 'walked'. The abbott, seeing its price slipping from its grasp, began 'walking' to pursue it. ( Penguins can't run.. -___-" )

Po soon reached his friends. In a four against one confrontation, the Abbott decided it was not worth the snowballs and retreated to fetch his acolytes.

The four friends, with the acolytes hot in pursuit, began hurrying towards Osama again.

Osama was delighted with the potato, and gave them his vast armament of explosives to trade for it.

Pa ran a check through the goods. Two 'Fat Boy' atom bombs, three homing missles, six cartons of grenades, three bazookas, fourteen AK-47s and sixteen torpedoes. All for a potato.

Pi and Pu's minds began racing. Was the deal worth it?

Finally they decided it was worth it to clarify things and clear their names.

They moved everything back to Penguinland and called for a mass gathering.

Within minutes, all the penguins had walked back to Penguinland, and were astonished by the explosives arranged in the middle.

Pa stood up and began in a 'movie-reviewer' voice to speak.

"This summer........"

"As you can see, the explosions you people fear are right here, lying down on the ice! It is harmless! It does not bite! Nor does it jump! It does no harm to any bird!"

Every penguin began to get confused. As the idea began to gradually sink in, the penguin scientists began examining the explosives.

...............................................................................................................................................................

Somewhere on the other side, Osama sat on his little chair, eating mashed potatoes, when suddenly..


A massive explosion occurred on the other side of South Pole.

"Fuh, damn fast. Never realized penguins were such violent creatures!" He said, while shaking his head and continued eating his mashed potatoes.

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Back in Penguinland, every penguin survived the explosion. But they now had a black layer coating, making them look like birds in tuxedoes.

Pa looked at its own body, and said..

"Fuck."

-The End-

No Penguins were harmed in the entire story. No humans were harmed in the entire story.
Again, posts are not meant to be racist, political, satirical ( well maybe sometimes ), apartheid or offensive. Its all for entertainment. If you find this kind of humour offensive, do tell me nicely, with a logical reason and explanation.

Professor Leslie - episode 6 ( i think )

Okay I lost count of how many posts I made under the name Professor Leslie.. so I assume this is the 6th xD

If you are free enough, search my entire blog archive and count them. then tell me ok?

Today, Professor Leslie, after some enlightening conversation with his best pal, John Lee Zhi Wei, has decided to impart those precious knowledge to the public.

The title is : Movies

We were discussing about locally made movies. As we all understand, locally made movies, Malay movies to be exact, they like to do movies based mainly on comedies, horror or sappy love stories. But as our sappy love stories are nowhere to fight with Koreans, I shall elaborate on the comedies and horror movies.

Recently, if you are observant enough, you would notice that we have two Malay movies currently showing ( April 20th ). 'Zombi Kampung Pisang' and 'Jangan Pandang Belakang'. As both of us had not seen the movie, I shall not comment on the quality. That leaves me with.. its title to make fun of.

I don't know about you people, but I personally find it funny. I mean, usually we can see the Western Movies has titles like 'Exorcism of Emily Rose'.. 'Reaper'.. "Hills have eyes' and such. In English, it sounds like a 2-3 word summary of the entire movie.

*EDIT* - I watched Hills Have Eyes 2. I personally find it quite nerve-wrecking. It makes you nervous. But halfway through, it lost its effects when the mutants kidnaps the girl called Missy. The mutant says 'Give me Baby' and proceeds to rape the girl ( no worries, no pornography. You just see the stupid ugly face of the mutant having an orgasm. ) Mutants also like sex kah?? You would think genetic mutation would make them dysfunctional or something. And the even funnier thing is, Missy pants weren't even down, and the Mutant was wearing pants too. '_'??? Maybe genetic mutation allows them to penetrate without undressing.

An even funnier part. 3 people survived ( Napoleon, Amber and Missy ). The fourth last guy ( forgot his name ) wanted to escape, but accidentally blew himself up with a box of dynamites. After Napoleon pinned down the Bigass Mutant ( since he looks like the boss ) with a pole by running it through his heart, and Amber blew a hole in his head with her M16, ( which the Mutant is still not dead. ), Missy takes an axe and chops the mutant's private parts numerous times with a vengeance ( you would think genetic mutation would put his private parts elsewhere, or even mutate it to be harder than steel or nimble like grass ). Then after killing the mutant, they walk out, and its the exit of the hill. '_'????? The exit was right there, and they lost 128461892412354123 people to the mutants trying to find the exit???????????????

*BACK* : The above mentioned Malay titles seriously are funny.

Zombi Kampung Pisang ( Banana Village Zombie ). Two of us has predicted several titles that might be the sequels for this flick ( well, almost infinity actually ).

Ep. 1 - Zombi Kampung Pisang ( Banana Village Zombies )
Ep. 2 - Zombi Kampung Nanas ( Pineapple Village Zombies )
Ep. 3 - Zombi Kampung Mangga ( Mango Village Zombies )
Ep. 4 - Zombi Kampung Cili ( Chilli Village Zombies )
Ep. 5 - Zombi Kampung Durian ( Durian Village Zombies )
Ep. 6 - Zombi Kampung Tembikai ( Watermelon Village Zombies )
Ep. 7 - Zombi Kampung Betik ( Papaya Village Zombies )
Ep. 7 - Zombi Kampung Longan ( Longan Village Zombies )
Ep. 8 - Zombi Kampung Strawberi ( Strawberry Village Zombies )
Ep. 9 - Zombie Kampung Buah-Buahan ( Fruits Village Zombies )
Grand Finale- Zombie Kampung Apa-apa-nama ( Whatevername Village Zombies)

For 'Jangan Pandang Belakang' ( Don't Look Behind ).. we also predicted several sequels ( also almost infinity actually )

Ep. 1 - Jangan Pandang Belakang
Ep. 2 - Jangan Pandang Bawah
Ep. 3 - Jangan Pandang Atas
Ep. 4 - Jangan Pandang Kiri
Ep. 5 - Jangan Pandang Kanan
Ep. 6 - Jangan Pandang Dalam
EP. 7 - Jangan Pandang Depan
Grand Finale - Jangan Pandang Lah!!

Heck, we even made sequels for 'Cicakman' ( Lizardorang ). We can have our very own Justice League in Malaysia, who knows it might be named 'Liga Justis'.

Cicakman ( Lizardman ), Orangutanman, Harimauman, Nyamukman, Lalatman, Lebahman, Anai-anaiman, Buayaman, Ikanman, Rama-ramaman, Bawangwoman and every imaginable insect, reptile, or fish names, plants included.

I have deduced their abilities.

Cicakman - I didn't watch it, I can't say anything else other than the actual one. And since I don't know his actual abilities, congratulations you just read something useless.

Orangutanman - Can swing from branches to branches. Hugs bad guys and kiss them. Holler occasionally. Easily baited with fruits.

Tigerman - Eats the villians.

Nyamukman - Stings the villians and infect them with Dengue

Lalatman ( Flyman ) - Annoy the hell out of the villians. Hopefully they get some disease borne by flies. Halfway through the movie, his wings gets clipped ( or gets wet ) and he cannot fly. Henceforth, he was known as 'Walkman'

Lebahman - Special 1 episode only superhero. Lebahman stings the villian, then he dies.

Anai-anaiman - Eats the villian's base, even if its made of steel and metal. Then the building collapses on the villian and squash him to death. But unfortunately the hero is killed when a clever villian employs a pest terminator.

Buayaman - Superhero that will get stoned when there's sun. Eats a lot of meat, likes to swim. Died suddenly when poachers killed to get his skin. Tragic.

Ikanman - The strongest superhero of all. The Ikanman deprives the villian from fish supply. The villian has to give up on fish.

Rama-Ramaman - Weirdest Superhero of all. Arrives at the crime scene, flutters around and acts pretty.

Bawangwoman - Emits gas that makes the villians cry. Then the villian gets apprehended.

Alternately, there is also a trend to add an adjective/prefix in front to make a super hero. For example the Japanese created 'Megaman', 'Ultraman', and the westerners made 'Superman', whatever whatever. When I was a kid, I loved them. But as I grew up, I even think their names were funny.

Next you might have 'iMan'. Oh wait, we already have XMen ( Xbox ). Nman comes to mind ( Nokia Nseries ), as well as Eman ( whats with the stupid E prefix? )


And how come nobody thought of Penguinman with explosive powers?????? ( except Zhi Wei and Myself )

Professor Leslie should collaborate with Zhi Wei ( according to him, 10 years later if neither are rich we should go Hollywood and create stupid movies ).

First project would be - Nanoman ( New Age Nonsense Man ). Nonsense man spreads nonsense around the world. Everyone loves him. People who hate him are considered as heretics. Join him in his quest for potatoes and to save the penguins.

We will then employ several influential writers/movie critics to write excellent reviews of the movie. Make gazillions out of it.

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Next up in the topic. Professor Leslie revisits friendster, and is reminded of how funny it is. Today, Professor Leslie points out the popular surveys in friendster, and he shall paste up a self made survey to create a similiarity to the actual ones.

Survey 1 - Actions and Inactions

1. What are you eating now? - I am not eating anything
2. What are you doing now? - Filling in this survey
3. What did you eat for dinner? - McDonalds lor.....
4. What did you wear to bed last night? - Pajamas lar
5. What do you think of this survey? - Stupid, but I am filling it anyway cause I am dumb enough and have too much time on my hands.

Survey 2 - The Identities

1. Who was the last person you called? - Him lor..
2. Who is your current crush? - Her lor..
3. Do you hate anybody? - Him lar..
4. Do you love anybody? - Her lor..
5. Last person you talked to? - Him/Her lor..

Survey 3 - Personality

1. What colour do you like? - Black* ( Black is not a colour, its an absence of colour )
2. How long do you spend combing your hair? - 24 hours a day
3. Do you have any lovers? - 999 actually
4. What is your favourite food? - Potatoes
5. How long do you spend your time online? - 28 hours a day

20% for each question answered, add up everything. Repost this with the title 'I am __% Male/Female/Girly/Feminine/Stupid/Handsome/Everyimaginableadjective'

Survey 4 - Secret codes

1. What did you eat this morning? - Secret
2. How much do you weigh? - Secret
3. What is the name of the person you love? - Secret
4. Do you love your family? - Secret
5. Are you anorexic? - Secret

Professor Leslie, despite his brilliant mind, intelligence, IQ and knockdead handsome looks, cannot find a single trace of sense nor logic behind these surveys, or even why people actually do them, OR WHY THEY ACTUALLY CREATED THEM????

Did I leave out anything?? No, not chainmails/chainbulletins that says I will have bad luck/die for how long how long. Those are beyond stupid.

AH! Another funny thing are the sappy stuff in friendster.

Guy likes girl. Girl also likes guy. One day they sit together. Guy ask girl.

Guy : Do you love me?
Girl : Yes. Do you love me?
Guy : Yes. Lets make love.

Then suddenly a car comes at super high speed while they were making love. Guy saw the danger and pushes girl away. He was knocked down.

( In hospital )

Doctor : I am sorry but Guy died.
Girl : Cries*

Guys : Repost this if you will do what Guy did
Girls : Repost this if you are touched.
Assholes : Repost this if you will do what Guy did, but only until the make love part. You will push the girl to the car to save yourself.

Then, the ultimate gimmick.

Repost this bulletin with the following titles and you will have great luck for the next 18 generations.

1. I had sex with my father
2. I raped my dog
3. I did it on my roof
4. I lost my virginity
5. I am stupid enough to post such stupid stuff with such stupid titles

Bulletins, comments and testimonials are losing its meaning. =/

Language

Despite my ailments, maladies and uncountable sickness, I shall persevere and publish a post for the sake of my fans.

Today, Professor Leslie shall touch on a couple of subjects. But the primary subject here shall be the English Language ( since he basically sucks at every other languages ).

Professor Leslie shall emphasize on spelling and the importance of key words in a sentence.

First and foremost, kids, remember all the time that every word has a specific spelling, and possibly multiple meanings. You would not want to misspell a word, as it might have disastrous effects on the entire sentence. ( Sounds professional, no? )

For example, here's a correct sentence.

"Public announcement, would student Aimee Lee please report to the mental hospital for a medical check up?"

And what happens if some words are spelled wrongly, or used wrongly? Here's an example.

"Pubic announcement, would student Aima Li please report to the mutant hospital for a musical check up?"

The result becomes a totally interesting sentence. You get the idea on the importance of spelling now?

Another example of a correct sentence.

"The sick buck was killed and eaten by the farmer."

So, what happens if...?

"The sick fuck was milled and kitten by the former."

Basically, what I am trying to point out is that the meaning can change dramatically if you misspell. This is because of the recent matter in China where they are all hyped up about their direct Chinese-English translations.

Some of them went 'Please go behind this wall to get to the toilet.', 'Elevator inside this wall', and such. The menus went 'Fucking chicken high on drugs,' 'Fried Dick in Bun' and something like that.

On a totally related but unrelated issue, I have to touch on the words used by certain groups on the net. Boy, girl, young man, lecherous old man, horny girls, all included, so basically there is no finger pointing.

There is a common use of a form of language known as 'txt spking', where the abbreviation and short-forms for everything is used, usually in communicating in the form of SMS-es and MSN-ing.

Myself, I try to avoid it as much as possible. However, this 'thing' is quite a rampant problem, since some words formed can have different meaning than intended, but you get the idea anyway. Txt Spking is basically formed under the influence of pronounciations, thus the spelling of words are altered to suit the way the word sounds like.

For example.
Someone would like to reply to his anxious friend that he is arriving.
Normally, in a simple SMS, it would read 'I am coming.'
However, in Txt Spking, it would read 'I m cumming.'

If you do not catch the ball yet, it meant he is achieving orgasm.

Another example,
Someone who is eating is trying to reply to his/her friend who asked what he/she was doing.
Normally, it would read 'I am eating.'
However, in Txt Spking, it would read 'I m ETing'.

WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?? 'I am Extra-Terrestial-ing.' What, you having sex with some aliens????

So kind folks, please try and activate 'dictionary' in your SMS and not be lazy to type the entire word. It is not wrong to use txt spking, but it is wrong to use it.

Note/Disclaimer : Professor Leslie is not claiming he is good in English, and not trying to discriminate anyone. The above post is, as usual, meant for entertainment.

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On an unrelated issue,

I have a new handphone! I asked my brother for a Nokia N73 ME edition when he offered to reward me for my 10A1s.

But my father was suddenly diagnosed with colon cancer, and to date, tens of thousands ( 12k actually ) have been spent for his treatment. He is getting better now, and there is only a remote chance he would require chemotheraphy. Chemo in government hospitals don't cost that much, so basically there's not much to think about for now.

So financial wise, I asked my brother to postpone the gift he is giving me since he just poured out millions for my dad. But his wife's brother happened to buy a new phone, and Singapore's M1 happened to just turned 10 years old, and happened to have a promotion of 'Buy 1 Free 1'. Whether its an exact same model given free, I don't know, but I do know that it is contract free.

So I got the extra phone. Samsung Z240. I wouldn't complain too much since its free, but I shall complain much anyway. First and foremost, I wanted N73 because of its 3 MP camera and 2GB memory space. Two most essential requirements in my ideal phone now. I wanted a phone to store songs, and with a decent camera so that I can every now and then take pictures and upload it in my blog.

Samsung Z240. First things first why I don't like it.

Samsung messaging system : Look, I don't know what the fuck is the problem between Nokia and Samsung, but being a Nokia user, I do have some problems with Samsung's SMS thingy. I accidentally turned off 'Dictionary', and I cannot fucking figure out how to turn it back on. And besides, Samsung features the spacebar under the 'hex' button while Nokia uses it in the number '0' button. So you can imagine how hard a time I have typing a single SMS. And besides, Nokia phones delete messages at a rate if you hold down 'backspace', but Samsung phones just delete the entire message if you hold it for a certain seconds. SO YOU PROBABLY CAN IMAGINE THE NUMBER OF MESSAGES I DELETED WITHOUT SENDING???????

Phone memory : 62.5MB. Sucks. 6-10 songs, and it is fucked.

Camera : 2.6 MP. Quite ok, considering its a phone.

Sound : Damn soft. The only thing to alert me of a phone call is when it vibrates. Even then, not always.

Annoying key tones. Calendar's wrong but I don't know how to adjust it. I can't figure out how to change ringtones at first.

Basically, it all comes down to one thing. I am a Nokia user, therefore I hate Samsung phones.

Oh and don't mention to me about N95. I will hit you.

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This is the last topic here.

Friendster.

Its getting stupider.

And so am I for using it everyday.

First they introduced 'comments', to let every user post a message for another user without needing to be approved. So basically comments are unapproved testimonials of sorts.

But there were problems. A user doesn't know it when people leaves comments on his/her profiles, because there are no notifications, and the user can't see it when he/she is logged in.

So, after sometime, friendster decides its too smart and too lazy. They NEED to do something hardworking but stupid. So they merged comments and testimonials together, making it totally the same. Instead of making notifications for comments or enabling the user to see when comments are given. Merging it is the stupidest option, so they went ahead for it.

Now, comments are testimonials requiring approval from user, and testimonials are comments requiring approval from user. They are even displayed in the same place.

Other things still the same. Camwhorers everywhere, chain bulletins, chain mails, shout-outs saying they are going to suicide and such.

Oh, two girls added me instead of all guys ( FINALLY! But I did not approved yet because I don't know them, and they look like the type who wants to add people just to extend their list. I avoid those because I only want my friends list to be people I really know. Fuck the feature about making friends online, nobody keeps in touch anyway.). But there are still unknown guys trying to add me. I should get screened for 'gay attraction rating'.

=/