Sunday, March 05, 2006

Another long post

Heh, haven't been able to find enough time and energy to update. But here goes, and here's the list for this post. The Leadership course on Saturday, My driving kuliah on Sunday and my personality and health problems.

Leadership course. Well, the management did a great job arranging the entire course. But hey! It's me, that's as far as the compliment will go. Now, on to the criticism.

First and foremost, the activities are so.... Malaysian? Typical stereotyped Malaysian activities, with the main theme : Wasting time yet trying very hard to look like we are actually doing work and impress others. We had a ceramah from some guy from a neighbouring school, who could not stop talking about Titanic... Breakfast and Lunch was inadequate, time management was not done properly, and our Guru Penyelaras Koko, that handsome guy, grab the opportunity and made it like the school meetings, where he repeated what he has told us already, about the Cocuricullum book. Then, he showed us a slide show, the only thing worth remembering. Here's the story. More or less like it, from what i remembered anyway. Didn't bother to copy it down.

ONCE upon a time, there was a Malaysian row boat team, which consists of eight people. To prove that MALAYSIA BOLEH, the leaders arranged with the Japanese to hold a row boat competition each year. The first year, the Japanese won by 1 kilometre. ( Sucks, doesn't it? ) Leaders were unhappy that Malaysia had lost, so they hired a consultant team to analyze the defeat and come up with a solution. After several months of research, they found out that the Japanese's key to victory was the team members. One captain, and seven rowers ( Then, a picture showing one guy with a loud speaker, and seven people rowing ). Captain to cheer, and seven guys to row. Whereas the Malaysian team consisted of seven captains and one rower. (Picture of seven guys holding loud speakers and one guy rowing ) ( And they only lost by 1km? ) So, the consultant team tried to come up with a solution, a perfect solution that will beat the Japanese next year. So, they worked very hard and finally came up with a solution, which they were so confident will win. The following year, the Japanese won by 2km ( bet the leaders go WTF? ). The Japanese maintained their strategy of 7 rowers and 1 captain. The Malaysian team now consists of four captain, two managers, one guy I cannot remember who, and still one rower. The leaders believed it to be a brilliant plan as well, but lost due to lack of competency by the rower. So, the rower was dismissed. Yet, for coming up with such a brilliant plan, even though Malaysians lost, the consultant team was rewarded with lots of cash. And the ending he showed us a picture. "Malaysia *mana* Boleh!'

Moral of the story : In Malaysia, all you need to know is to 'act like you know everything, impress when you are doing nothing'. Doing work in Malaysia is stupid, because people will still think you lack competency. How true, even I hate to admit that.

Then, we proceeded to waste more time. Haha, lazy to talk about the leadership course already.

On to the driving kuliah. The kuliah was scheduled to start at 8.30am. So I went to the Sekolah Memandu at 8.10am, so that Aunty can fetch me over in time. But Aunty and Uncle was not there, so I waited until 8.30am. Then Aunty arrived, I asked her "Won't I be late?" She said "Never mind, trust me." So I trusted her, and waited. She sat down, and began working with the particulars of four other guys, and one of them was Bryan Boo. At 8.50am, only did she get up to fetch the four of us ( one guy went by himself ) to the JPJ institusi memandu. We arrived at 9.00am. So I was like, gosh, I am half an hour late, and Aunty is still acting like we are early by one hour.

Registered my name and everything, and met up with my friends, Stanley and Marcus. I asked them "Haven't start?" and they were like "No". Now I understand. Aunty was right, trust her. So, the three of us went to the Kuliah Room, while Bryan went to the Undang Room. Sat there like idiots until 9.45am. THEN only the penceramah came in. Typical Malaysian punctualness. But whatever, so we began. Supposedly 3 hours of theory and 3 hours of practical. Oh wait, make that 3 hours of BORING theory and SUPPOSEDLY 3 hours of practical.

9.45am until 11.00am, I was half asleep and half dead. I mean, that penceramah, that woman, she speaks with such skill, even my school teachers lose to her. The monotony of her voice, flat, without intonation, and very boring, was like driving me asleep man... 11 am we were let out to eat, and went back in at 11.30am. Then, she continued until 12.15am. What lar, supposed 3 hours became 2 hours and half. Not that I am unhappy with it anyway.

Here's the best part. Practical. Queued up to sign our names for until 1 o clock. That's like 45 minutes of waiting man! Then, we went to the practise route.

My driving instructor was an elderly Malay woman ( WARNING LOTS OF SWEARING NOW ). Well, I did say three hours of practical. So, the moment I sat in the car, in the driver's seat, she stared at me. So, I said nothing and fixed my safety belt. Then, she asked me to start the car and drive. I was like, wtf? I know fuck about driving, my first time in driver's seat, and you fucking ask me to drive you around? I wasn't even sure which one was the gas pedal! Then, she started scolding me. Said I didn't listen during Kuliah. I did not sleep during kuliah, and I don't remember the penceramah telling us about the pedals. She only mentioned the bonnet and the steering and the dashboard. So she expected me to drive. I asked her how to get the car to go. She gets fucked up and scolds me. Then, she suddenly turned patient and said 'Tekan clutch sampai habis. Lepas itu lepaskan perlahan lahan dan tekan minyak sikit' So I nodded, and placed my foot to the clutch, and the right to the gas pedal. Then, I slowly let it go and pressed the gas pedal. It didn't go. I asked her again, press the clutch, and let go slowly right? She gets fucked up again. She starts scolding me again. "SAYA CAKAP AWAK CAKAP! TENGOK LAR! SEKARANG TAK TAHU! SEMUA ORANG TENGOK AWAK DAN KETAWAKAN AWAK" So I was like, damn you fucking bitch! Then, I tried again. This time, still didn't work. After many attempts only did i manage to get the car going. And she was so fucked up she kept saying 'SEKARANG AWAK TAK BAYAR KITA UNTUK MENGAJAR AWAK TAU? NANTI ACCIDENT MACAM MANA?' Now I am fucked up. So I didn't bother about her and started driving. She kept one hand on my steering, and one hand on the instructor's brake. I pressed the gas pedal with my right foot gently, and she gets fucked up again. "BUAT APA BAWAK LAJU LAJU?" So i was like, wtf man? I hardly touched the pedal! "Tak biasa lar, pedal ini sensitif sangat" She gets fucked up again and she goes 'JANGAN TIPU SAYA! SAYA TAU PUNYA! AWAK NAK BAWAK LAJU LAJU" And I was really really pissed off. I mean, the gas pedal was really sensitive, and I barely touched it to maintain the speed. All the turnings and all, she turned the steering for me. Basically, I just sat there with my foot on the gas pedal. two rounds around the route. I learned nothing, and she asked me to get out of the car. Got really fucked up, supposed to be fun to learn driving. And it's three hours of practical you bitch! Not two rounds around the route, which is around 5 minutes! Fortunately after I get my L license, Aunty will take over my driving lessons. If I see that motherfucking bitch outside, how I wish I can kill her on the spot. If you are that unhappy because JPJ is not paid for field practical, don't be a driving instructor you bitch!

And then, Uncle came and fetch me. So I asked him, "When can I come for thumbprint to make L license?" And Uncle goes "When they phone you to arrange a time. Then, you must come at 9am and get a thumbprint and wait for three hours." I was like, wtf? "Whatever for?" Uncle shrugged. "Nothing, you just have to wait. Because the law says so."

Seriously, it's a conspiracy. Further proving the Malaysian way of doing things. Act like you know everything, do nothing and behave like you have done everything.

Feeling a little on the dark side these few days. Probably an overdose of My Chemical Romance. I almost felt a tear from my eyes. Almost. Because I miss chatting on the MSN with a late friend, who died young. I did not get to meet her personally, and it is a pity. I really miss her. *Sighs*

Can you hear me?
Are you near me?
Can we pretend to leave and then,
We'll meet again,
When both our cars collide?

Lyrics of Helena, My Chemical Romance.


Zhi Wei said...

driving instructors are a bitch. my bro and sis used to rant about it too. well, they definitely didn't have such skill at swearing like you lah. :P haha.

aisyah said...

that lady is so bloody annoying. they should have installed an eject button for the passenger seat .. hahaha ..(like the one in Inspector Gadget).. and send her flying off to Singapore .. =P

umair said...

True, true.. I agree about the driving instructors being a bitch...( Ahem, eventhough i never met one :P ).. But hey, i heard it from my brother and 3 sisters... They're such insane humanoid. I dont know what's in that brain of his/her ( Even it's existance is to be doubted :P )..

Oh yeah, one more thing, you are one hell of guy, i mean, you can swear more than i can in a year.. -.-"