Sunday, December 30, 2007

Health & ancient civilization

Professor Leslie shall talk about Health and Ancient humans in this blog post. I know, the two topics are unrelated at all, but an attempt to merge them into one nonetheless.

First off, we shall speak of Health.

Go read the newspapers, magazines or whatever reading material you have your hands on. Second step, make sure its not porn. Third step, find anything to do with health.

Well?

Professor Leslie shall predict what you just saw.

Its either eating something causes cancer, eating something is good for your health, exercising can reduce risk of disease and all that stuff.

Right?

Eating rice or bread stuff causes diabetes. Eating protein causes this disease. Eating vegetables causes neurological impairment. Eating fermented stuff got free glutamate. Drinking wine can cause this that.

Professor's verdict : These are all bullshit.

Look, if you followed all their advices and reports, you would be living off grass the next half of your life and exercising everyday. Then they decided that you are an interesting character, and put you in the media spotlight. You are a healthy person cause you eat grass and jog and have sex all the time. Then they encourage people to follow you, and ask for advice for you on how to keep your health.

Then, whamm!! They suddenly decided that you are a piece of shit after all. They do research, and find that eating grass causes some disease or symptom which is rather hard to prove. Maybe.. Eating Grass causes early deaths, or Eating Grass makes your shit smells REALLY BAD!

And you suddenly find that you have been an arse eating grass while others indulge in their favourite food. And you actually find someone who is fucking unhealthy and somehow manages to outlive you.

Conclusion? Professor Leslie says avoid eating grass. The sheeps and cows need them too.

Professor Leslie's advice. Eat whatever you want, do whatever exercise you like, and have safe sex all the time. Guarantee even if you die earlier, you die a happy person.
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Professor Leslie has been doing extensive research into Neanderthals in his imaginative lab. Neanderthals = Supposedly primitive men. In his imaginations, Professor Leslie has came across a few interesting discoveries of primitive men and wishes to share them in this insanely nonsensical and supposedly scientific report.

First note : Never meant to be offensive. Just purely for entertainment as usual. So if you feel offended, get on with it, or don't read if you think you will be offended. If you can't get on with it, forget about it. If you can't forget about it, tell me.

Professor Leslie's incomprehensive report on Neanderthals.

Neanderthals, primitive men believed to have existed before the world existed ( well wtf that means anyway ) are an elusive lot ( yeah right ). They live in packs of males and a few unfortunate females ( nothing sexist here.. maybe.. yet? ).

Their eating habits are peculiar. They forage for berries when they are hungry, hunt for cicakmen when they are not hungry, eat sand for desert ( haha pun made ) and occasionally wonders when they can invent ice cream. They work in a group alright, with great teamwork.

Hunting methods.

They will draw lots with uneven stones and randomly choose a shape of rock after everyone has picked one ( damn unfair, but wtf they survive this way ). The unlucky guy has to lie down on the floor and play the damsel in distress, eventhough he is a fucking ugly old fag. This will lure the heroic cicakmen to his rescue. He moans and tells them he suffers from a bad leg, and only by making him amused can his illness be cured ( wtf how come he knows own cure one? ). The stupid cicakman will then proceed to perform some stupid stunts or tell lame jokes. Whilst distracted, the neanderthal's friends will come from behind the cicakman and club him to death. Occasionally the cicakman is clubbed so bad that its so disgusting to just look at it, not to mention eating it. This reminds me of strawberry ice cream, with cicakmen seasoning. Damn disgusting right?


Their social habits are funny. They bash each other's head with their hunting clubs, often resulting in fatalities among younger children who are too dumb to avoid them. They view strength as the ultimate virtue, but an unwritten and unsaid law is that they idolize people who can avoid all the hardblows on their face. Anyone who can bash another's skull in is considered a hero. Thus, this explains their fucking low population. But not to the point of extinction.


Mating habits are outrageous. The male will ogle at a potential mating partner for two minutes cause he feels shy, then will say 'wtf', grab the female by the hair and drag her to the nearest cave and rape her silly. Courtship is deemed as heretical and worshipping the occult. Apparently female friends told of this habit seems to like the idea. Perhaps we do descend from neanderthals after all.


Homosexuality is an issue among the neanderthals. The male feels extremely comfortable amongst other unsuspecting male friends. But mating habits with females do not apply here. Homosexuals are deemed as elusive gods. The more elusive the better. Probably cause none of the horny straight males would actually worship them. In the end, the homosexuals are no discriminated or cast away, but left to live on without being able to satisfy their sexual urges, unless they come across another homie ( homie is the general neanderthal slang for homosexuals ).


Religion is an interesting subject among neanderthals. They appear to worship anything they find interesting. A member can take interest in somoething positively mundane ( like a strange shaped rock.. wow.. fascinating ) and begin concocting a story to his friends on how he have seen a spirit or a god in that stone. The rock is then honoured at the leader's house. Which basically explains why the leaders seem to suffer from OCD, especially the need to arrange the rocks alphabetically. Leaders often find his cave or hut cluttered with every imaginable object, from sand to stones to rotten tree branches. Members of a pack have been known to drown because they tried to move a rapid river. Some joke.


Politics are also an interesting subject. Stupid people are valued better because they can't govern properly the pack, therefore the pack gets much more freedom. Best candidate for leadership in order of best to worst : Stupid & Lazy, Stupid & hardworking, Smart & hardworking, smart and lazy. Stupid & Lazy is because as mentioned above, incompetency leads to more freedom amongst pack members. Smart and Lazy is the worst qualifications for leadership because the smartass will get everyone else to do his stuff, which makes everyone pissed off. Elections are held everytime a leader is killed either by accident, disease or have ED. Which is basically almost once every 3 months.


I conclude this report that, it would appear modern men and the studied subjects aren't that far apart after all. The two groups of men both do stupid things, are afraid of everything, believe in anything and likes sex. Communication will be impossible. Because they are frigging made up you dumbass who goes 'huh?'

Signed,
Professor Leslie.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Weeeooo

Righto! Update! In the mood anyway, so why not?

I am going to Singapore tomorrow ( Thursday the 21st ) to visit my bro for christmas ( and.... $never mind$ )

Should be back around after Christmas :)

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Hmm.. I think I shall update a bit on anime.

I watched Claymore recently. Can't say I am too happy with the ending, but overall quite satisfied anyway since it followed the manga faithfully until around episode 19 ( And yeah I hate the director for doing the ending of his own ).

Basically its not a chibi anime like the one you see on the picture above =/. Its brutal, full of blood and decapitating scenes. In short, gory. But rest assured, no nudity :D I hate the overboard nudity they like to include in animes. Make the mangaka and the producers look like hentais (perverts), and myself for watching them -_-"

Basically I like this series. Its dark and depressing. Haha

My fav chars : Teresa, Galatea, Miria, Flora ( wtf all names end with 'a' and all single digit Claymores ). And yeah, Helen's character is not bad. Teresa and Galatea my favouretest though.

Rating : 4.6 / 5 ( For initial 19 episodes ). After that I refuse to rate.
A Must-Watch for people who liked Elfen Lied (though not as emotional) and big swords.


Also watched Shakugan no Shana. Got it from Sam. He referred it to 'Shakugan no SHITna' because he didn't like it ( and stupid me that time actually checked up Shitna in wikipedia, and was wondering why was there no such article ).

It was an alright anime, though not at all exceptional. One thing though, it does seem a bit overboard on trying to attract males with fetish. Character with big boobs, all kinds of costumes ( loli girls, maid outfit.. ) and incestous relationship. Disturbing. But it was alright since it was not exactly excessive.

Rating : 3.6 / 5
A Can-Watch for everyone.

And lastly, this one is in a class of its own.

I stumbled upon this strange anime entitled 'Shinigami no Ballad', which literally translates into 'Shinigami's Ballad' or in Wiki its 'Ballad of a Shinigami'. (Shinigami = God of Death).

A Death God who is a crybaby and introduces herself with an ID card. Now I have seen it all.

This anime is bizarre because despite the involvement of a Death God, there's no action, no main plot, and basically nothing much of interest, basically because throughout the anime, the characters just talk. Nothing much.

And the producers try to introduce an argument that not all Death-related characters are wearing black hoods, with skulls for face and an evil grin. Wicked. They show the Death God as a crybaby girl ( dressed in pure white and white hair somemore ) with a badass sickle and a sarcastic cat.

But IT IS in a class of its own. Outstanding!

Because of what they talk about. Ah I think I am not making sense here =/ I think I am ranting. Lemme explain clearer.

There's only six episodes available, and the central character is a Shinigami named Momo with her kuro neko ( black cat ) named Daniel. Their task is to bring souls to the afterlife, and they provide house-visiting service to people who have regrets after they passed on.

Basically, it does make you think a bit about your life by showing you various scenes of life and the loss of it to people.

And this does not fall into any category that I can actually think of. Philosophical maybe? Naah, not fantasy, Psychological maybe.

No battle actions, no sexy anime girls ( Momo's cute though ), heck no antagonists and 6 stand alone stories. Perfect.

My rating is 4.6 / 5. ( kinda high, cause I really like it )
A must-watch for people who like to ponder about life and stuff.

An interesting quote by Momo.

"Dead people can't cry. So I cry on behalf of them." - Momo the girl God of Death.

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Also been to the cinemas quite a few time recently.

This is what I think of "I am Legend" star Will Smith.

Rather good. Not bad, albeit a bit that reminds me of '28 weeks later'. Ya know, the zombie stuff and all.

I think the main idea of the story is to tell how Will Smith slowly becomes crazy living by himself with only his dog Sam and the zombies for company. Go watch it yourself, though its rather exciting the first half when you know there are fucking zombies, but bracing yourself for a sudden spring and 'WAAAAHH' by a zombie right on the big screen into your face as you stared down its fucking disgusting throat and disfigured face. Hideous. After that, the plot thickens, and not much suspense. Haha..

Rating : 7.8 / 10



Another movie would be "The Golden Compass".

Is it just me or are the books suddenly springing out in every bookstore? Sounds to me like the movies is a great way to promote a book. Fuck you all I say. Reading something because its famous is a stupid thing to do.

"Its in the movies, its famous, so it must be good! After all, who would want to make a movie out of a shitty story?"

Can't argue with that logic, but it pisses me off that people don't have the initiative to read a good book, rather waiting for it to be famous then read it so that you won't be in an awkward situation like

"What? You haven't read that book? Wtf its so famous and you didn't read it? GET A LIFE MANNnnn".

I doubt people even know the trilogy is dubbed as 'The Dark Materials' trilogy =/

Back to the movie. I would say its..... fine. Not too good, not too bad. Not outstanding. Nothing special.

Many scenes specially to introduce a character only ( like Serafina Pekkala ), and the story pace is fucking fast. O_o

Many people think the bear battle is awesome. I kind of thought it lacked. A lot. The reason Ragnar lost was not because he was roaring and Iorek took the fucking opportunity and won by chance. If I did not remember wrongly ( correct me if I am wrong ), Ragnar lost because he overindulged by being a king. Something to do with him making a pretty armour with no defense properties at all. And all the movie portrays is him being fucking arrogant and Iorek is a fucking bear who won by chance. Sounds dumb to me.

Fuck, they even portrayed Coulter ( Nicole Kidman ) as the bad character, where in actuality her character is not exactly evil.

The ending of the book, the seriously most fucking intense and suspenseful moment of the first book IS NOT IN THE MOVIE!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ( though most of you who actually reads my blog probably have read the book, I won't post the spoiler here )

The movie does seriously lack a lot. If they could do a good job with Lord of The Rings, why not will Philip Pullman's Dark Materials? I wouldn't mind if the movie was 3 hours long. I only want a good movie adaptation of the book.

The trend of promoting books through movie is disturbing to me. I don't like it.

Rating : 5.4 / 10



Movie predictions :
What movie adaption from trilogies possible next? or What would you hope to see (well done) in the big screen?

I would say..
1) Old World trilogy by Garth Nix ( Sabriel, Lirael and Abhorsen )

2) Sword of Truth by Terry Goodkind ( 11 books altogether. Made a review before. But if this is going to hit the big screen, this is fucking tricky to make cause of all its twist in the plot and such. Not to mention several sexual scenes involved. But this is a damn smart book )

3) Starcraft. Seriously, they should make a movie of Starcraft. I would loveeeeeee a movie of Staarcraft. Seriously. No really I swear. If they don't make a mess out of it anyway =/

Any ideas? I can't seem to come up with the many books I have read. I forgot -_-"


Prince Caspian of the Narnian story is coming. Damn they are not going in chronological order, just hope it doesn't suck. The witchy was ok though.

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I know this is a very long post. This will be the last part, I promise.

Everyone should get your hands on this book.

"Malaysian Politicians say the darndest thing."

At a rather steep price, but its worth the read I say. Shows you what funny characters our politicians are.

I quote one here..

"Fuck you! Fuck you!" <-- Guess who? Hint : Kinabatangan and 'bocor' He actually said that in Parliament -_-", and shamelessly admitted that 'if there had been a chair, I would have thrown it as well'. Well, it was it the book :P Our politics is certainly an interesting subject.

The book does tell you how our politicians have a 'good sense of humour'.

Friday, December 14, 2007

Professor Leslie in hibernation

Been in a state of perpetual hibernation the past few weeks. Heh..

Anyway, today Professor Leslie shall speak about an interesting phenomenon that I and Zhi Wei had noticed recently.

The surge in the number of help books for students to score fucking number of As. As usual, Professor Leslie thought of writing a book like these and cashing in on people's stupidity (yay)

"How to study like fuck, get fucking number of As, and still be fucking cool" doesn't sound like it will appeal to nerds, but whatever, it might work. =/

Tip number 1 :
Remember, getting the highest number of As is your life. It can determine everything in your life. So aim for the impossible, if you fail, never mind. It was impossible to begin with anyway.
Or you can slit your wrists and just die if you feel sad.

Tip number 2 :
Buy self help books on how to improve your grades and still get tons of boyfriends/girlfriends.

Tip number 3 :
A very useful theraphy would be to run around naked (again!) and carrying many books of knowledge with you. If the police comes and arrest you you can deter them by starting to tell them about general knowledge which they are too stupid to comprehend, or you might wanna just throw the books at them. Or just try and pass off as a scientist who discovered something in his/her bath and keep yelling 'EUREKA! Discovery of the century!'.

Tip number 4 :
Don't be shy to talk to people. Hey, people don't like you cause you study too much and you suck ( which is probably true anyway ). Appeal to their better side. Make them see the positive in you. Show them that in the world of people who study too much and people who suck, you are the best. They might like you, who knows.

Tip number 5 :
People say you read too many books. Burn your books in front of them. You got them stored in your computer anyway.

Tip number 6 :
Have great friends around you. Eventhough you don't have any friends, just have great friends around you. They help you with mental stability.

Tip number 7 :
You know how the self help books like to assure you that nobody is stupid? They're lying. You were dumb enough to believe them and bought their book. So don't buy self help books, and get a DIY toolkit to help you study. Because it allows you to screw around yourself.

Tip number 8 :
The simplest words you can put in a help book. 'Believe in God'. And nobody actually thought they can say those words to themselves.

Tip number 9 :
If you fail to achieve your goal, never mind, its not the end of the world. Go sell char kuay teow.

9 super offensive tips that offer no help at all to improve your grade. This might be a bestseller yet xD

Who knows, you might get to become a minister in the future.

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I forgot to mention two interesting habits of people in Shanghai.

1) Everybody smokes like fuck
2) Everybody drives so dangerously a boa constrictor chokes and dies of its own poison just by looking

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Just to show I am alive

I am officially alive and kicking. Since almost nineteen years ago.

Anyways, just to inform you guys that I am alive, and is knockdead handsome. Now now, girls, please queue up for my phone number. I don't simply give to anyone you know.

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Shanghai trip

I shall not elaborate. I shall only tell you what is interesting from my trip to Shanghai.

First, nothing about the scenery. You go there and see for yourself.

Interesting things during the trip

1. Total number of dogs and cats seen during the 8 day 7 nights.

Dogs : 21
Cats : 1

(These are absolutely not made up. I counted everyday).

Total number of domesticated and strays

Dogs - Domesticated : 20
Stray : 1

Cats - 1 Domesticated.

Where have all the strays gone?

"Into the cooking pot" my aunt says.


Interesting thing number 2

There's this lady in my group. I am so scared of her. She is from Batu Pahat.

Everytime she sees me...

"HAHAHHAHAAA BOY YOU LOOK LIKE MY DAUGHTER"S BOYFRIEND LEH!!!!!!!"

-___- For eight days seven nights she did that EVERY time she saw me.

Then she will start talking to me about her daughters. And severely imply that one of them is of my age.

Once I actually talked to her. So what she actually said was..

Beginning
"HAHAHHAHAHAHA BOY YOU REALLY LOOK LIKE MY DAUGHTER'S BOYFRIEND LEH!!"

After I said something :
"hAHHAHAHAHAHA BOY YOU EVEN TALK LIKE HIM LEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

*slaps myself*

I promptly named her : "Stalker Aunty"

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Interesting thing number 3:

IN my tour group.

There's Ah Beng's mother...
That boy's mother...
That fellow's mother...
Oh that form 5 boy punya mother...
Ah i see that senior punya mother.....
Oh that girl's mother...

-_- Every lady is someone's mother, and I know that someone.

WHERE HAVE ALL THE FATHERS GONE???????????

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There, finished about Shanghai.

I shall now talk about the movie I just watched.

"Enchanted"

Eeet is a great show, I say. Christopher says its like High School Musical. Fuck you Chris, I say.

Its not in any sense like HSM. Not everything with dancing and singing is LIKE HSM.

The main idea is a brilliant one. A princess from Disney world falls into our world. That's how fucked up it can really get. And boy, they do a good job telling you how fucked up everything can get.

*mild spoiler*
In any case, one interesting thing strikes me as the conclusion draws close. As Prince Edward finally marries his wife, as they are about to kiss, the bride's handphone rings.

The first thing I thought was?

DIGI - I will follow you~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I give the show 8.25 out of 10

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Untitled.. again

A little update on anime.

Watched Death Note, it was awesome! All the smarts certainly make you feel stupid, and the suspense is thrilling. Personally I kind of thought the movie was slightly better than the anime.

The appearance of 'M' and 'N' after 'L' died simply sounds a little corny eh?

Watching 'Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya' now. 14 episodes only, very short. But you bet, its freaking hilarious. Many ideas in it that will make you go 'HAHA WTF!!'.

The best part here is, the main guy's situation is extremely, how do you say it.. understandable? Imagine you were in his situation. You would probably act the same way as him too. That's the magic in it. Its so.. wtf.

Anime watched so far, in order of date :
1) Love Hina
2) Elfen Lied
3) Fate Stay Night
4) Death Note
5) The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya

Hmm.. few I know. But I only began in June. And they are expensive.. well.. I did mention how hard it was to get the authenticity of the products in Malaysia verified.

Hopefully going to get my hands on Fullmetal Alchemist soon! And if I can I want to get Claymore and Kekkaishi.

I should get my bro to buy me some. Hehe :P

But he'll probably knock my head with his dog and tell me to forget these kind of childish stuff.

They aren't childish actually if you think about it. Its kind of hard to find a totally 'clean' anime if you get what I mean.

None of the above in the list are 100% clean. But that does not mean they are not acceptably clean. Well that depends on how you look at it. Sure wasn't that big a turn on to me -_-"

And no, I do not have a problem. You probably have if you were thinking what I predicted.

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Read in newspapers today. My home subscribes to NST, I have no say in it. Its news anyway.

Few things that caught my attention.

Lets see now.. ( fllip flip flip )

1st thing.

Mawi-lookalike prefects.

Mawi's hairstyle will be the standard for male school prefects. It is known as Persona hairdo.
Johor Education Department director Mr. Mokhy Saidon said it was a way to discipline students. And he hopes it will make students emulate the prefects.

Three words.

WHAT THE FUCK!@#!@($*E^!@($*?????????????????????????????

I still think SHAVING YOUR HEAD IS NOT GOING TO MAKE YOU A DISCIPLINED PERSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why does everyone try to apply a physical method to shape a mental attribute?

"Oh look at that guy! He shaved his head! Probably your average hardworking, obedient, nice and always stays out of trouble DUMB fellow."

2nd thing.

Dr Sheikh Muszaphar in space. Well bravo to him for being a pioneer to go into space. You're in space, that's all that matters.

But, many more are going to follow in your footsteps.

Wait. Let me rephrase that.

But, many more WANTS to follow in your footsteps.

HELLO?? Don't forget we need to EAT HERE!! We need farmers, lawyers, mushroom growers, fishermen, doctors, animal lovers, cooks, nasi lemak ladies and Hainan chicken rice stalls here!!! Why does everyone want to blast off into SPACE where there's NOTHING??????????????????????

There is a mentality that whenever someone succeeds in doing something, EVERYONE has to set THAT success as their ambition!! No variation there ( see i am not swearing, see see?? )

Why is no one announcing they want to follow Nicole Ann David?? Or Datin Sharifah Mazlina?? or even Datuk Azhar Mansor -_-"

Simple. Because blasting off into space LOOKS easy. You just sit there, they strap you on to a toilet seat, and you blast off. Of course, reality hurts.

Funny -_-"

Ok I might be overreacting here. They are kids after all.

Dumb kids.......

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I wanna watch Lust, Caution by Ang Lee. But WHY THE FUCK IS IT NOT SHOWING HERE??? ( oops I swore. So what? )

Looks like a good movie, but, never know until we actually watch it eh?

Sunday, October 14, 2007

No title

First and foremost, I shall begin this update with why i did not update. Which literally translates into : EXCUSES. Or in a more formal way, reasons-to-convince-you-why-my-work-is-not-done and why-I am-not-at fault-and-therefore-you-should-not-blame-me-for-it. Alright, excuses sounds easier.

Excuse 1 :
1) Bloody Cendana Internet connections in the room were cut off. After a week. Port's ready, server's ready, cables ready, WHY MUST CUT????

- Because they got the approval already, but no black and white yet.

Seriously, These people need to know that black is the abscence of colour and white is the combination of seven colours.

Put this in mathematical form, you get..

Assuming colour = x

0x + 7x = Internet activation

But since 0x has no value, therefore..

7x = Internet activation.

Come see me, I have some white paper. Lots of them.

Excuse 2:
Peer pressure. I suffered lots of taunts and jeers from my friends to update. I have learned in school that peer pressure is always bad. I wrote countless essays of how peer pressure encourages stupid youths to start smoking, have casual sex, commit suicide and take drugs and all every other negative social issues that could possibly exist. So why would I succumb to peer pressure if that is so bad? That's why lah.. I didn't update. Because I so good.

Excuse 3:
I ran out of potato chips. Potato chips are an excellent source of energy for operating the mouse and typing on the keyboard. Without all the carbohydrate, water, monosodium glutamate and (insert many many chemical stuff that we stuff into ourselves daily here), I simply cannot update.

Alright, done with the excuses. Now on to updating.

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Kids beware! There's a pedo on the loose in the streets. He likes cucumber and brinjals. If you see him grab the nearest magic gourd and shove it up his ass ok? Make sure it hurts.

And oh yeah, while you are at it, try and obtain naked pictures of guys who post what they shouldn't post in the net. Blackmail them for money first. Get the money, then post it anyway cause they suck.
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Oh and why the big hoo-haa about a Malaysian guy in space?

Its an exagerration to have almost an entire edition of Star newspaper dedicated to that.

He's the man who will fuel idealism in the country. Taxpayer's money are being channeled to buy petrol to fuel his way up into space, and unfortunately he's coming back and most probably will be saying he wants another go.

Now every kid in the street wants to be an astronaut. But nobody knows the difference between an astronaut, a cosmonaut, a juggernaut, and heck nobody even knows what a space tourist is.

"Huh? Go into space? Siao ah! So expensive, no whores, nothing to buy, nothing to see, no air to breathe?? WASTE MONEY SIALL!!!"

Kids are the future taxpayers.

So technically, in mathematical terms, if we have a kid becoming a whatevernaut, we will have one less taxpayer. This can be seen in the mathematical expression

Kids = a
astronauts/cosmonauts/juggernauts/whatevernauts = b
constant = k
tax collected = t

k(b-a)=t
If every kid is a whatevernaut..
a = 0.

therefore, tax collected will be t = kb.

Now as we all know, in taxes, the whatevernauts tax collection comes in (onebillion minus income tax).

Income tax, unless imposed on guys like Bill Gates(is there a Bill Doors or Bill Windows?), will definitely be below RM1,000,000.

Technically, income tax will be way below negative level.

Our nation will collapse. People will suffer. Famine spreads. Disease overwhelms us. Everyone is unemployed. The space is literally littered with Malaysians. Nobody grows crops. Our economy collapse. But hey! We are in space. That's all that matters.

Of course, this is all crap. There's always that mak cik that sells nasi lemak down at the corner stall. Our people in space will surely come back for her nasi lemak. The only problem is we have to send them back into space and hope they get stuck up there.

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Went to Carrefour a moment ago. Ok its 1.05am, maybe not a moment ago. About 5 hours ago.

Guess what?

Its the first day of Raya.

WHY THE FUCK ARE THE MALAYS BUYING STUFF AT THIS TIME????????????????

It was seriously jampacked, crowded, congested, constipated, whatever word you have in mind, put it here.

Whatever happened in the morning? What.. not enough supplies? Don't bullshit me lar. EVERYONE OUT OF SUPPLIES???????????????????

AND WHY THE FUCK ARE THE NONMALAYS BUYING ALL THAT JUNKFOOD?????

It was enough to feed the entire town!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously, BP-ians are weird.

And I am beginning to hate salesmen. I won't mind attractive salesWOMEN though.

Do I seriously look like a 40 year old datuk with a harem of a dozen mistresses, tons of corruption case against me while driving a convoy of limousines??? WHY IS EVERYONE OFFERING ME CREDIT CARDS????????????

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Just had an idea while chatting with Judy.

Congratulations to Al Gore for winning the Peace Nobel. You deserve it.

I am going to win it next year. Heck, I shall make a documentary myself on peace.

It will be an interesting one.

I shall buy a camera.
And I shall camwhore.
And make sure every picture will have a peace sign on at least one hand.
Then make a documentary out of it!!

Ah crap, I am way behind. BILLIONS of people already done that. Got a lot of catching up to do.

And I can imagine me sayng the speech.

"With the prize money, I shall buy many more cameras and capture every single peace sign I see in the world. Then I shall document it again, and spread peace to the world!"

Yeah right, everyone's buying nuclear weapons and I am buying cameras. I shall win it hands down. Bwahahhaaha.~~~

I can even imagine what the announcement sounds like.

"And we present the Peace Laureate to Mr.... because he did not purchase Nuclear weapons like other power-crazy leaders of countries!"

Saturday, September 15, 2007

How to release stress

Professor Leslie's tips to release stress.

Warning : Extremely imaginative, unrealistic and dangerous. Please do this at home if you want to release tension and stress in a very insane way.

Professor Leslie has decided that everyone in the world experiences stress. Stress occurs when one is pressured into doing something that he/she feels is boring, too much work for a stupid pay, not enough sex and leading a seriously dysfunctional life.

Have no fear! For today Professor Leslie shall teach you how to release yourself from all that agony and become a somewhat abnormal person, minus the stress!

Tip 1:
Forget what the health experts tell you. Its all bullshit, or its some way to make them look smart so that they will be called experts, or its some marketing shit.

Listen to what Professor Leslie says.

Feel the tension slipping away already right? Be thankful I don't charge you.

Tip 2:
If you ever feel the pressure mounting on you, gather all your homework/assignments/work, pile them up, burn them. Then gather the ashes and put them into your boss/teacher/any stupid person's underwear and watch them scratch their crotch till it bleeds.

Sadistic I know, but somehow it works. ( I did something similiar, but not to that extent. Not telling you what I did, but it sure feels good. )

Tip 3:
Sit down in a quiet and secluded place.

Then phase out into a fantasy world of your own. Where you can do anything you like.

Such as.. shoving shit into the mouth of that pervert who keeps staring at your ass ( this applies to guys too. ), imagining you using an umbrella and slowly stabbing that idiot you don't like to death, then drink his blood.

See, that's why sit down in a quiet place. You might suddenly start smiling to yourself and say 'Kill you kill you kill you'. People will run away if they see you, then you have nobody to stab.

Tip 4:
Hire yourself out as a terminator. If you do so, contact me. I have lots of cats here in Cendana for you to kill.

And while you are at it, please clean up their shit. They are on every floor. 5th floor for penguin's sake. Ever seen a cat that goes way up to the 5th floor just to SHIT??????

Tip 5:
Nothing violent now.

Feeling stressed cause of monetary problems? Here's how to feel rich and happy, and not be rich. A cheap way to destress.

Go to the toilet carrying maybe 10 RM1 notes.

Shit.

Use the money to wipe your ass. Instant gratification.

Tip 6:
Feeling stressed cause of monetary problems? Here's how to feel rich and happy, and be very much poorer.

Go out with your credit card. Buy every single imaginable thing that you might remotely have need of. Swipe your card with every purchase ( anything above 1 cent ). Swipe your card until it melts.

Then go report card missing. And act very pissed when dealing with police.

When bank calls, act innocent.

All the way until you land up in jail bankrupt. Hey at least you felt good right?

Tip 7:
They say eating chocolates help. I say bullshit.

Eating things that you don't like might well work better.

Challenge yourself to eat that piece of week old tough and rubbery mutton. Tell yourself you can detoxify your body once you eat it. Take it as a challenge. Make sure you eat all of it. When you are done, you might actually feel good about it. At least you have done something nuts in your life.

Tip 8:
This is a very fun one. Go snap of a tree branch with a lot of tiny branches ( sorry tree ). The more tiny branches the better.

Hook up all your underwear on it.

Then run across town waving it like some flag.

Make sure you can run faster than a policeman's car.

Tip 9:
Go to your bank, and deposit money into Professor Leslie's account. You will instantly reduce MY stress. Then call me to thank me. I will say 'No Problem'.

Tip 10:
Now this is a decent one. Read this post again, and think that, actually in this world, there are people who are more stressed than me.

Then what? LAUGH AT THEM LAR!!!!

Remember : Laughter the best medicine. Conscience = stress. So no conscience = no stress?

This is a community mesage by Professor Leslie.

Don't bother making police reports. The police are my neighbour. Their hostel and station is right next to my hostel.

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Wah

Damn long never update, I am still alive ok!!

Its just that I seem to have nothing to update, what with me announcing I shall not blog of INTEC, and 99% of my time is spent in INTEC -__-".

Anyway, just a post to show that I am alive..

I managed to get the OST for Fate/Stay Night. Yep, they are definitely better than Elfen Lied's. Me likey! The OST CD is RM60 O_o I shall go into greater details when I am actually hardworking enough to do it -_- My copy is all in Japanese titles, while the listing is all in English titles. Somehow have to match the titles, fortunately they are arranged in the same way.
( I learned that 'Ou' in Japanese means 'king'. Sounds like being a king is kind of painful eh? )

Now I shall proceed to elaborate on the hilarity of BP vendors selling 'original' DVDs.

I went to the Summit, a local shopping complex, and I visited several CD/DVD shops just to check out F/sn original DVD's price and ogle at them at the same time.

The 1st shop I visited, they are selling it for RM19.90. Hmm.. wtf? Why so cheap one? ( I even saw Elfen Lied selling for RM19.90 )
The 2nd shop I visited, they are selling it for RM24.90. The cover looks different somehow, but why still so cheap?
The 3rd shop I visited, they are selling it for RM39.90. I would say this is probably the genuine one, but the differences in prices made me lose confidence. Again, the cover was different from the above two shops. Why does one anime have so many different covers???
The 4th shop I visited sells it for RM59.90. WHY DOES ALL THE SHOPS HAVE DIFFERENT PRICES???? ( and different covers too! )

So I visited a shop in KL, which I am pretty confident is the real stuff. RM79.90. And it actually comes in a box. I kind of forgot it will come in a box.

Fuck the shops in BP.

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My mum had recently been said to have dengue. Somehow her blood count is above 80, probably a mild case. But thankfully she seems fine. And she seems happy that she has lost a few kgs because of it -_-" Well the important thing is she is healthy and happy.

My dad, on the other hand, is gaining a lot of weight. He gained 10 kgs O_O Well after his surgery he weighed some 50+ only ( lost terribly a lot ). Now he seems more cheerful and more talkative, having gained back some weight.

I missed the trip to Singapore. Bet my little niece is driving her mum nuts now. I am so going to love her!

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Rejoice ye scholar holders! Garmen wants to increase our 'salary'! Next year we can eat better stuff, if we ever have access. All I had been able to eat was in a single mamak stall near my hostel. So sick of that mamak, and the workers have this bloody attitude that makes me want to kick their balls. Blehhhh~~

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Fate Stay Night

Sorry guys, just hasn't been in the best of mood lately.

Anyway, been spending the midnights watching anime!

Aaah the things needed to get me normal again.

I've been watching... Fate/Stay Night!!

So this is a review post about the anime.

I would give it a 4.5/5.0. I still like Elfen Lied better.

But for the soundtracks, F/sn has a better compilation, in my opinion. For Elfen Lied, the only memorable songs were 'Lilium' (many versions) and 'Neji' (which sounds a little creepy). Still trying to get my hands on F/sn OST, I swear I'll buy all of them when I have the money. But for now, I just have to rely on other sources to satisfy the need. Not sure about the titles of the soundtracks yet, but La Sola definitely leaves an impression in you. Yeah I know, I love those kind of songs, ethereal kind of peaceful yet with a tinge of sadness.

Although why Japanese likes to put girls as the main characters, I will never know. But hey, who's complaining.

The above is the main character in F/sn. I like her dress and battlesuit the most. Remove the armor, and you get a really nice looking dress.

For info about the anime and yet still be spoiler free, go search Wikipedia.

But what I can tell you is, the ending definitely wraps things up nicely. Can't divulge much more. Elfen Lied's ending is much more tantalizing as it offers a hanging conclusion and yet still be an excellent conclusion ( which is a stroke of genius ). As for F/SN, its conclusion is definite, and leaves a bittersweet aftertaste. Go watch yourself if you happen to be curious.

What can I say, this is second only to Elfen Lied. A must-watch alongside EL. :)

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And you know what? I dread going back to INTEC. I demand my life back, or whatever there was anyway.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Update whooo!

One thing about INTEC is, its weird to find normal people. This is seriously a nest for social insecured people to come to.

There's all kinds of weird people here, ranging from :
1) People who are sex obsessed
2) People who are antisocial
3) People who are oversocial
4) People who study too much until they look like zombies
5) And people like me

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Lots of things to blog about, yet when I log in, its all blank. -_-"

Well, I shall mention briefly about Rush Hour 3.

The story sucked big time, the girls are quite pretty but not hot.

The jokes are all about subtle criticisms of US the A, or else its all about sex.

The sex jokes are, Jackie Chan the nice guy who's already 50+ and still a fucking virgin, and Chris Tucker keeps trying to.. well not being gay but trying to get nice Mr Inspector Lee to get laid by some hot chick. You get the idea.

I would rate it somewhere around 6.5/10

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I started an offline journal because of withdrawal symptoms due to lack of blogging. And now I find that an offline journal is even better even if the only reader is me. I can criticize everyone there and nobody will find out. BUAHAHHAA!!!

And now the problem is, I don't know how to update my blog anymore.

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Life has been pretty hectic. Yeah right, busy sleeping is more like it.

Anyway, there's plentiful of assignments to be done. If each assignments earns me 10 bucks, I would be a hundredaire now. Oh wait I already am. But well, you get what I mean.

I guess that's all for a brief ( brief as in short, not as in underwear ) update.

Just one word of advice for you people, :

Always remember in your life. Whoever you are, whatever profession, how many children or how often you have sex, remember this.

Professor Leslie is never wrong.

Saturday, July 21, 2007

Wohoo

Many things to blog about.

I just watched Harry Potter with Zhi Wei ( sounds gay but we're not, half the conversation we had for the past couple of days were of hot chicks, hot legs and fat people that goes boinkboinkboink as well as kicking young people like football ).

Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix - DA MOVIE! Sounds much more impressive when said that way, but it isn't.

10 nonsensical things on why you should not watch Harry Potter.

1.First of all, Dementors weren't scary. Rowling could write better than they can film.
2.Daniel Radcliffe is beginning to show his muscles. Damnit, Harry Potter is a snivelling 90 pound weakling, not one who looks like he can trash Dudley the pig anyday!!!!!!!!
3.I still don't think Katie Leung is hot. Emma Watson looks better. But that Luna Lovegood looks quite cute, she has a sweet voice ( and sweet hair zhi wei says )
4. At least Rupert Grint still looks like the loser Ronald Weasley is.
5. Sirius Hitam's death wasn't dramatic enough.
6. First half was really boring, second half wasn't made exciting enough.
7. Ginny seriously has no script. I keep forgetting who she is, but she's there.
8. Style has changed. Dementors are naked, and the fire communication thingy? Sirius lost his head.
9. At least Helena Bornham Carter is the right person. I liked her. She's really good at acting all crazy. ( Fight Club )
10. Order of Phoenix wasn't given much focus. Zhi Wei says the film doesn't really focus on any character, I say the film itself doesn't focus on anything. Its like they just want to get things done, like 'Alright the introduction is over lets get to the good part. Harry now go fucking kiss Cho'.. ok maybe not. The kissing scene was horrible. Shows that he can't kiss :P

Overall score : 5.5/10

Why quite low? Because the one thing they did is assume everyone already knows everything when they are watching, therefore not much explanation can be seen.

For instance, WHO THE FUCK ARE THE AURORS? Dumby just suddenly mentioned them when he confronted Tom the Marvo the Lo Riddle a.k.a. Vol the Mort a.k.a He-who-must-not-be-the-named. Out of the blues.

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I am officially an uncle! My bro has just got his new firstborn baby daughter! Her name is Jezelle. Don't ask me the pronunciation.

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I shalt not blog of INTEC. Because when I start, I am only going to put myself at risk that some students might come across what i write. Dangerous stuff you know. Like how we have potential V.Tech-shooter student-wannabes there.

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Did I blog about Transformies and Die Hard 4.0?

A brief review about them then.

Transformies - Action packed, brutal, mechanical, hot slender woman, beautiful cars, WHAT ELSE DO YOU NEED TO ATTRACT ANY NORMAL GUY????????????????

Score : 8.5

Die Hard - As the name suggest, Bruce Willis certainly goes beyond dying hard. He is practically invulnerable. All that physical abuse inflicted on his, then the verbal abuse, then all that action and bla, he still survives. And that terrorist fellow got killed when a bullet shot through Brucey? That fellow would probably star in a film called 'Die Easy'. Brucey could take that shot, but he could not take a shielded shot. HAHAHAH! What I am trying to say is, its slightly exaggerated. But hey, its worth watching.

Score : 7

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Again, I shall flame local films without having watched them. ( What else, titles lar!! )

'Love is Cinta'. WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF TITLE IS THAT!???????????????????????

How about..
"Shit is Tahi", followed by a sequel "Excrete is also Tahi", then a trilogy ending 'Feces and others ALSO TAHI!!'

I don't know about the story, can't flame it. But I sure can flame the lack of creativity in the titles. 'ZOMBI KAMPUNG PISANG!!!' woo scary. The name automatically turns it into a comedy.

Trailers for Rush Hour 3 looks promising. I definitely want to watch that.

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Seriously, all these Idol shit is getting out of hand. First came the American Idols. It was well received.

And we here in Bolehland, being the suckers we are, begin to implement that in EVERYTHING! High School Idol, Malaysia Idol, Fucking Idol this, fucking Idol that, fuck everything idol!

In Summit Batu Pahat today there was a 'SUMMIT IDOL' wah damn impressed. Which explains all the lala girls and lala guys coming out in full force, while me and zhi wei going round and round muttering 'fashion disaster, fashion disaster *sighs*'

Why must everyone stick to this Idol idea? I mean fuck it, be original! You tell us not to support piracy, but copying is not exactly sticking to originals is it?

Quote Professor Leslie, in the cinemas, as they were advertising Malaysia's 50th year of independence before the movie starts.

"I am feeling damn patriotic now, I am watching a movie from the West."
Zhi Wei : "hah wtf!"

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I guess that's it. The next time I might actually update is around the 10th August, that's when my next trip back to BP will be. Or I might update if i can find internet the access in Shah Alam ( seriously, the college blocks everything and monitor you closely, the nearby cyber cafe is Muslim run, and they paste all over the premise that you are being monitored when you surf the net. Talk about invasion of privacy. And there are no Starbucks nearby. )

Sayonara.

Sunday, July 08, 2007

Updated

Seriously, I am going nuts. My mum changed hairstyle, and I could not recognize her. Today, after going home from Summit, ( my sister came back ), here's what I did.

Me : *turn to dad* Hi Dad, *turn to sis* Hi sis, *turn to mum*.. Uh.. Aunty!

Sis : BWAHAHHAAHHAHAHAhAHAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mum : -___-"

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Well, I survived that. So I shall briefly mention about the first week in INTEC.

The hostels provided are good actually. Its very spacious and in considerably good shape.

First week was orientation week, so naturally I always felt it was slightly boring.

For anyone wanting to find me, my place is in Cendana College, Shah Alam Section 6.

So far, I have no complaints about the college itself, nor the hostel. I am happy :)

But alas, Shah Alam weather proved to be crazy. I did not sleep at all the first night there. I bathed cold water, and two steps out of the bathroom and I was already sweating.

After some seriously uneasy sleep that could not be called sleep for only one hour to two hours, I woke up as sticky as super glue because of the excess sweat, and I was seriously dehydrated and my lips were cracking. I even slept on the floor because the fan did not reach my bed, which left some sweat marks on the floor, which would resemble a police murder scene if it was blood instead of sweat. That's how bad it was.

I PRACTICALLY MELTED THERE YOU KNOW???

Been sleeping on the floor for the entire week, and probably would for the entire year there. Oh well, never been particular about the height from the floor, as long as I have something decent under my back while I sleep, and cool enough. Fuck the weather, I say.

And another thing I noticed in INTEC, everyone's a scholar. Haha, if you think schooldays are stressful, wait till you get to INTEC. Everyone's a top student there. Its nuts I tell you.

Come to think of it, a couple of homies and myself from Batu Pahat are among the naughtiest one there. Imagine that.

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Clearing up some issues about the soundtracks from Elfen Lied which I mentioned in previous posts.

I thought the saint version of Lilium is an extended version, but its not. Opening version of Lilium and Lilium extended version is sang by the lady ( Kumiko Noma) in a soprano style. Saint version is sang by guys in a Gregorian chant style.

They all rock anyway.

Lilium opening version - 1 minutes 30 seconds
Lilium extended version - 3 minutes
Lilium saint version - 3 minutes
Lilium final extended edition ( only in original soundtrack I think ) - 5 minutes and half ( 13MB!! )
Lilium musical box edition - 2 minutes

Now trying to get my hands on another anime. Its called 'Strawberry Panic', from what I found out from the net, its seems to be quite good and hugely popular.

Funny thing is, it seems to be about lesbian love romance stuff. -__-"

Seems interesting enough, might watch it for the heck of it, since I keep getting told that Year 11 for AUSMAT is simple enough that I can relax this half year. Well, I don't intend to fail and relax THAT much, haha don't worry about me. I will get my homework done before I do all these funny stuff alright?

There's this song from Strawberry Panic Original Soundtrack, 'Hitori Setsunaku'. Its in piano, no singing, only 1 minute long, but its soft and relaxing. Quite enjoyable.

Emi Greneby's a great source for good animes. Just wait till she uploads her movie for 'Lilium' in Newgrounds.

I found out Elfen Lied from Emi's Lilium, and subsequently of Strawberry Panic from her flash movie 'Lilium - teaser'. Damnit, she can really draw. Her drawings really makes you feel like wishing that you can draw half as good as her!!

If you want to watch her flash movies, go to Newgrounds and search under 'Lilium'. You'll get it, the first version is sort of a slideshow thingy, and the teaser is a good flash movie.

But still, the best flash artist out there ( Newgrounds, its probably the largest flash based site anyway ) is the chluaid, or Adam Philips. His drawings are really good, and his movies are all in the top 50 of all times. Go check out his work if you want, they are 'The Yuyu', "Bitey of Brackenwood", "Prowlies at the River"and "Littlefoot' for the Brackenwood series.

Enough advertising for Newgrounds, I should get paid for this. Heh..

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Got a shock when I came back from Shah Alam. There's no bus ticket back to Kuala Lumpur on Sunday! KKKL, Transnasional, Cepat Express, Orchid express, and all the others are all sold out, and they run many buses to KL in a single day.

But guess what? Hasry express seems to have many spaces in the morning.

Here's what happened in the conversation.

Me : Bas ke KL hari Ahad ada?
H.C.G ( Hasry Counter Girl ) : Ada 8.00am dan 9.30am sahaja
Me : *Oh shit, lucky* Pukul 9.30 ada berapa tempat? ( There's 6 of us btw )
H.C.G : *checks file* Eh banyak lar..
Me : Ok saya nak 6 ticket.
H.C.G : *checks file* Eh sorry tak cukup, hanya ada 5.

FUCK! BANYAK IS 5?????????? HOW THE FUCK IS 5 CONSIDERED BANYAK?????

No choice, bought the 8am bus. -_____-"

And if you think about it, why is everyone else all sold out except for Hasry? Explains something about the quality of the ride already eh :P

Saturday, June 30, 2007

Of CGIs and Animes

Alright, this is a review post.

First up is Transformers!

The movie was awesome, with excellent stunts and special effects. I'll cut things short, definitely a must watch. Especially loved the part where they tried to humour the audience with giant robots trying to look small. Heh..

Just a small question for you to ponder on :

When the Allspark sends radiation to any mechanical object, it becomes a transformer. That's what is told in the story. So people, beware of your Nokia phones. They have a gun inside.

And oh yeah, beware of vending machines. They might suddenly transform into a Transformer that shoots coke cans as projectiles from their cannon.

( Ever wondered where the weapons from these Earth-made transformers came from? )

Score : 4.3

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Animayshiun! Animayshiun!!!!!!

Been watching two animes lately, namely 'Love Hina' and 'Elfen Lied'.

Love Hina

Love Hina is a kind of romance story with loads of slapstick humour. It is also a rather weird and totally random anime where everything unimaginable becomes imaginable. Such as.. flying turtles that go 'meow'.

Overall, its also a 'should watch' as its really an eye candy to the audience. But beware though, thought the actual anime does offer some mild soft hentai ( anime pornography ), its not exactly really explicit and meant more towards humour ( such as the guy often accidentally stumbles into the girls bathroom without realizing it, and get the crap beaten out of him. ) Not for extra conservative people ;)

From what I know, the manga is extremely explicit. So I would avoid it. And it costs RM32 per book for English edition. Even the price is explicit. -_-

Genre : Harem comedy ( one guy, lots of girls, one house, lots of romance. You get it )

Total Episodes : 24 + 1 episodes, 1 Christmas special, 1 Spring special and 3 Love Hina Again! episodes.

Score : 4.1
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Elfen Lied

In German it literally translates into 'Elf Song', this is a really really MUST MUST WATCH!!

Wait wait...

Haha, this is a dark themed anime. There's extremely lots of blood and gore, and nudity that is not explicit. More towards like.. a scientific experiment with human, and they're usually girls. So you understand um.. the speciment is tied up naked and sort of stuff like that. Not explicit to me anyway, but if you really get turned on by those, you should see a psychiatrist for extreme obscene sexual thoughts.

Warning again : Lots of blood and gore.

The opening theme is very nice. Based on German Church and sort of prayer like, the singer sounds almost ethereal and, well, I like the music box of 'Lilium' very very much. If you want to listen to it, check up on Youtube, type it under 'Lilium' and listen to the 'Saint version'. The 'Saint Version' is the full version of about 3 minutes long, and the normal 'Lilium' is only 1 and a half minutes.

The music box version of 'Lilium' is nice though! Its so... calming and beautiful.

I would say this is a thought provoking anime, one that really makes you wonder about cruelty in conducting experiments on lifeforms. Watch it if you want, but you have been warned. I couldn't get enough of it, kind of short at 13+1 episodes for an anime.

Too bad they are not published in English manga. I would buy if even if its RM32 -_-"

Though I did hear the manga was seriously lacking compared to the anime.

Genre : Dark, psychological, blood and gore, with a tinge of romance. Overall, I would say a BEAUTIFUL story!

Total episodes : 13+1

Score : 4.7

For both animes, the stories in the manga and the anime actually differed slightly. The plot's been changed, but the animes are good. As for mangas, I have checked around the net, everyone says that for Love Hina the climax is much more satisfactory, but for Elfen Lied it does offer much explanation though is slightly anticlimatic.

I am avoiding the Love Hina manga lest I get mistaken for a sex maniac :P ( its THAT explicit )

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On another note, I will be going to KL later this morning. Registration for INTEC is going to be on Sunday. Then I will start my AUSMAT course.

*SIGH* Well, hope I do well to get into New Zealand!

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Interesting

This post featured shall be an interesting post on interesting quotations for interesting people by interesting Professor Leslie and other interesting personalities!

I shall start off a few quotes that you can quote from me, and then I shall make up many many more quotes!

Remember, hazardous to your mental health, but otherwise makes you a happier person.

Here goes!

1)"And so the short and fat thumb looks at the tall, slim and slender middle finger and says,"
'At least when I am pointed up, the hand sign means Good! And when you're pointed up, it means 'DICK!'" - Professor Leslie, addressing the issue of inequalities in the world to Aimee. Similiarly it can be used to comfort (wo)men who are depressed about their weight and are jealous of those tall, slim and slender models.

2)"Damn it!" - An ant on Professor Leslie's table, after it was squashed mercilessly with a rampaging eraser.

3)"There's something wrong with all the peanut butter in the world, I bet its witches work!" - Anthony Mosse

4)"Takes one day to change a person, and one millenia to make him/her realize he/she has changed. And when you actually convinced him/her that he/she has changed, he/she changes again." - Professor Leslie, blabbering mindlessly

5)"All it takes is one prod for your entire grand project to collapse.." - Professor Leslie acting sadistic against himself when he was building a tall tower made out of Lego.

6)"Confucius is confused!" - Anthony Mosse

7)Isaac Newton did not say 'Gravity!' when the apple hit his head. More likely 'Ouch!'

8)"Money can't buy anything, but without money you can't buy a thing!" - Chinese saying

9)"No sex?" - Professor Leslie, in any nonchalant question that has nothing to do with nothing

10)To people who said that pornography is a form of art, why don't you paint pandas having intercourse? - In relation to the not-so-recent panda-porn method to get the Chinese pandas to do captive breeding

11)"Up until now, I always thought God Almighty was without any failures. Until I saw him/her.." - Professor Leslie, commenting on people who like to act like fuckers.

12)"Kut-ca-let, Kut-ca-let, BRITNEY SPEARS!!" - Span Miux Seluar Segi Empat

13)"They all fucker de!" - Christopher Kek

14)"EXPLODE!" - Lee Zhi Wei, practically everytime he is asked a question

15)"Eeeeee so damn cute/nice/whateveradjective" - Sim Bee Bee. Special emphasis on the word 'Damn'

15 interesting quotes. Feel free to quote those by Professor Leslie or Anthony Mosse, others please seek permission first from relevant parties ok? And do put a credit to whomever you are quoting. Don't make it into your own quote!!

Disclaimer : Any truth or coincidental saying is merely coincidental and accidental and unintentional.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

New Update

I just don't have any nice and fancy topics ok?

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Professor Leslie shall discuss about overall happiness and health today.

Professor Leslie has read in Reader's Digest, January 2007 edition that eccentrics are generally happier people!

According to Dictionary.com ( my browser's cranking up on me like it has ED. I am using Internet Explorer to update. Sabrina helped me find the actual description for the word )

Eccentric means
6. a person who has an unusual, peculiar, or odd personality, set of beliefs, or behavior pattern.

In Professor Leslie's words, someone who doesn't make sense.

Wow, its been proven that NOT making sense actually helps make you happier! NOT making sense has the same effects as chocolates! Which makes sense because eating chocolates are NOT making any sense!!

Alright, so this is a community message by Professor Leslie.

It is easy to make sense. But you find it difficult to NOT make sense. And do you know that a lot of jokes that are damn funny don't make sense?

Of course, you might feel self conscious to make sense all the time. But let me tell you this, making sense does not make sense. Our earliest ancestors bonk each other on the head with a hard and heavy item as greeting. You think they are uncivilized? They think you full of shit.

Therefore making sense is extremely subjective. When everyone in the world starts to NOT make sense, the world will be a happier place!

So, start a simple goal to NOT make sense at least once everyday! It lowers your blood pressure, promotes health and overcomes Erectile Dysfunction!

Here are a few suggestion of how to NOT make sense and have people scrambling to take your temperature!

1 ) Start your day feeling senseless! Get down the stairs and see your mother preparing breakfast, rush towards her and give her a hug, then turn back and say "MUM YOU SCARE THE BEJABBERAHSKDsalSAE OUT OF ME!! I LOVE YOU MUM!"

2 ) Go out in the streets, grab a hose and spray the person in front of you. Then smile and say 'Happy new day!'

3 ) Buy a ktm ticket and throw it in the tracks then get arrested and laugh it off

4 ) Cry because there's a plate of roasted chicken on your dinner table. Lament and overdramatize on how the chicken could have led a happier life filled with hens and lots of sex.

5 ) Say hi and hug your tree everyday ( hey this actually is true you know )

6 ) Get downstairs, see you father who is reading the newspaper, snatch the newspaper from him and give him a kiss on his cheek then slam the newspaper back in his face.

7 ) And of course, run around naked in your own room. Take a video and send it to me. I mentioned this in my previous post.

These are but 7 simple ways to NOT make sense. An unwritten, but now written way is to type a blog post such as this that does NOT make any sense at all.

Damnit, I feel happier already

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Movie reviews

Considering the fact that I have been watching wayy lots of movies recently, I shall name a few and write about why you should not watch it.

First up! ( Note, no pictures. Lazy find )

The Pianist - Heard of it, sounded interesting, downloaded it, watched it.

Verdict : Very good. They made a good portray of the suffering during the Holocaust. But damn the torrent version, it came without subtitles. Screw! How the heck am I supposed to understand what the Germans were blabbering when I don't know any German vocab beyond 'Oui oui!'? It was a good movie that makes you rethink about why discriminations happen. Throughout the entire movie, you can see the Jews swearing and hoping that the German's ass would be kicked by the UN in WW2, but in fact the Jews were getting their ass kicked. However, despite the hate and shit, there are still kind souls among the Germans. I shalt not elaborate for fear of spoilers, watch it then you know. But get one with subtitles -_-

Score : 4.5

Dragonheart

Verdict : Good. I always fancied dragons, and my Chinese zodiac is of the dragon. In this movie, you come to realize that even great ones make mistakes. And how a single catastrophic mistake can change a man to be the exact opposite of what he was. It also tells of the bloodlust of men granted power, and how sacrifices are to be made at times to overcome a problem. Touching, this movie makes you look at the skies for stars at times.

Score : 4.2

Reign of Fire

Verdict : So-so.. This movie tells about how excavations in the centre of London awoke dragons sleeping underneath, and then proceeded to terrorize and scorch the Earth for the next 20 years, eating humans and burning everything in their paths. That was what was meant as the reign of fire, since the dragons have two glands that secrete chemicals to produce nitro-napalm, in general terms breathing fire.

Score : 2.9

Pirates of The Carribean 3 : At World's End

Verdict : Ok. I always enjoyed the PoTC movies, of course one of the reasons being Keira Knightley ( damn she looks skinny ). Alright, on to the review. I always thought the first one was the best, since the 2nd one was mostly about a Kraken monster eating everyone up. I always wondered why the cruel Lord Beckett never met that beast in the open sea, but well, question not the movie producers. Anyway, the 3rd one continues from the 2nd movie ( Dead man's chest ). A few twists here and there.. hmm hmm.. Chow Yunn Fatt's acting wasn't impressive. Somewhat disappointed. Calypso was a piece of shit. Davy Jones was cool. Jack Sparrow as usual was funny and somewhat immortal. Undead Monkeys in cannons was a good idea, figurines in cannons sound stupid. And there doesn't seem to be much sequence from the 1st movie to the 2nd, but there is an obvious sequence from the 2nd to the 3rd.

Score : 3.8

Shrek 3

Verdict : Ok. I don't know why is everyone so crazy about this. King Arthur, Sir Lancelot the Asshole, Merlin the stupid wizard, and the usual characters. Wasn't exactly impressive, what with the overused jokes. I liked the Puss in Boots though. And the idea of soul-switching is soooo original. Whats it with movie producers and soul switching? The general idea is that when two totally opposite people switch souls and characters they can produce hilarious results. Yes, that worked the first 2 times. After that, its all very predictable. But well, this movie made me laugh. I give it at least that.

Score : 2.5

Spiderman 3

Verdict : Can't say much since I haven't watched the 2nd one and rather vague memory of the first one. But all in all, Venom's cool. Sandman seemed indestructible, and his daughter's plight was not resolved. Some predictable and corny plot. Best friends turn foe, try to kill each other, then realize mistake, helps friend and dies in the process. Other than that the only other annoying thing was the repeated scenes of 'helpless maidens' hanging from a great height and a lot of screaming. Rather good actions, and basically tells you what not to do with a troubled girlfriend.

Score : 4.3

Currently waiting for : Rush Hour 3, Transformers, and Fantastic Four ( I haven't watched the first.. >.< )

Monday, June 04, 2007

Health

Today Professor Leslie shall discuss about health.

As we all know, health plays a vital role in a penguin's life. And well, maybe a human's too. But which human cares anyway, as long as his/her sex health is healthy enough, everything else can go to hell.

Alright, back to an interesting topic. Professor Leslie shall elaborate on mental health. To be more specific, its not health related actually, but an interesting behaviour that will lead to a health problem.


Observe ( yes more penguins ). I call it the Football syndrome.

After much observation, namely two subjects I made observations on ( no not lab mice, nor penguins, they are Christopher and Zhi Wei , I conclude that fans of football all suffer from this syndrome.

You see, when they are playing the football game 'FIFA whateveryear', they get some kind of hormonal arousal that makes them high. And when they score against an opposing team, that's their hand signal. Both hands up. With a cheeky face that you want to slap the bloody shit out of him.

Of course, in what way is this related to health? Honestly I am not sure either. My hypothesis is that, when they do this hand signal, they get a sudden surge of blood to the brain. The hormones produced ( I said before, they get hormone arousal when they play FIFA ) make the blood hormone rich, and this in turn makes them high.

The good thing about this is that, it releases stress and probably make them a healthier individual as they are generally happier. That's good.

The bad side is that, the extra surge of blood to the brain might make them smarter. That's one. The other downside is that they might suffer blood deprivation to the lower parts of the body, particularly the symmetrical line waist down. This could cause the dreaded 'flacid tentacle' that men fear most, especially old lecherous men.

And the conclusion? Congratulations you just spent 12398112642 seconds of your life reading something totally unfounded and stupid. I bet that makes you healthier!

__________________________________________________________________
On to another observation about health of mine. This is not exactly unfounded. But it is unproven... so far.

I have decided that people who think too much tend to have white hair or are balding.

For an interesting example, I have chosen Albert Einstein and Sir Isaac Newton. Of course, your physics teacher probably applies under this law too. Unless he's a fresh graduate. Visit him in 10 years time.

The picture you see is the world famous scientist Albert Einstein. He was the one who is credited the creation of the nuclear bomb. Now, we all know that nuclear scientists really think a lot. That is a pure assumption.

Sir Isaac Newton and his lustrous locks of WHITE hair. If you try to tell me that Sir Isaac Newton actually has blonde or whatever colour, I will act like an asshole and tell you that he was wearing a wig because you would be proving that I am wrong. Professor Leslie never wrong, therefore I am always right. In that way you are wrong when you prove that I am wrong.

Enough babbling. Sir Isaac Newton realized the existence of gravity when an apple hit his head. I can conclude from here that he thinks too much, therefore leading to the discovery of the gravity factor in Force.

Normally, any normal individual struck by an apple on the head would probably go
"Knn CCB! Blardy farking tree want play is it? *kicks tree* Lim Peh eat all your fruit and shave you bald then you know!!! Niahma eh.."

But Sir Isaac Newton went 'Hey, why didn't the apply drop upwards?'. Hence, his white hair.

Of course, if you try and tell me balding old men don't think too much, you are wrong.

Balding old men do think too much. ( Exclude scientists and professionals in this category, they have too much to think about already ). Balding old men you normally come across in the coffeeshop thinks too much about sex. Yes you heard me. Thinking too much about sex can cause you to be bald/have white hair.

See see? I am right eh, you just realized.

So for your hair health, don't think at all! I promise you Rapunzel will be jealous of your hair.

Note : The above post is meant for entertainment as usual. Huge fans of any of the characters mentioned above, please do take it as a joke ;)

I do appreciate their contribution. Now lets go shoot someone and blow everything up. Thanks Albert! ( Ok that was a very sick and bad joke -__-" )

Saturday, June 02, 2007

Weirdoes

Professor Leslie shall discuss about an interesting topic here, which might most probably apply to many of you out there, or will apply to in the near future.

Housemates.

After living a month here in Subang, I find I have very very weird housemates.

How so? I shall summarize it in a few words then explain with many many words ( ok that was rather redundant )

First thing. Sun up, all gone, sun down, all out.
Second thing. They can't tell the difference between a kitchen sink and a dustbin
Third thing. They use the toilet in a very disturbing way.
And other miscellaneous weird stuff.

Sun up, all gone, sun down all out. What the hell did I mean? You see, broad daylight time, they are all mysteriously gone. I mean, gone. Their room doors are locked. Lights are off. Windows shut. Either they went out, or they seriously are sleeping the day away. Its 3pm now. And its like I just described.

And at night? All doors are open. All lights are on. And the guys are laughing like horny ah bengs and swearing and chattering in Cantonese, but they sound like monkeys and not the rather funny dialect. I was up reading until 3am last night. And they sounded like its 3pm for them. Now its actually 3pm, it sounds like 3am here.

And you know what? The guys here don't look like they are studying. Whenever you see them, they are watching some 1000 year old chinese drama on their laptops. The girls are constantly studying. Don't tell me they went for college in the morning. I did not see a single one of them go out. Unless they went out at 4am -_-

2nd thing. They use the sink as a trash bin. Attract all the ants around. Ma fuckers. Don't even have the sense to pool money and buy a proper trash bin.

3rd thing. There's this guy who wakes up at 7am everyday without fail. He will then proceed to the toilet. 7am you know. And he stays in there. and stays in there. Until 7.45am. Not a single sound. If he's constipated everyday, or god forbid he masturbates everyday, its not the proper time man -_- I had to forego my morning baths ( though usually is because its too cold for me xD Suddenly I find I fear cold after coming back from NS. Give me back my layer of fat man. Ah never mind then ). Anyway, after he comes out from the toilet, he goes into the room, slams it and that's the end of it. You don't see him coming out after that.

Funny people do funny things. Weird people do weird things. Stupid people say stupid things ( because they are too stupid to do stupid things ).

After due consideration, Professor Leslie has decided and concluded by his own opinion that these people are weirdoes suffering from inferiority complex.

They want to go out and live alone, away from their parents or be called 'Mama's boy that hides behind mama's skirts'. They want to be called 'Girl's boy that hides under the girls' skirts'. Go find out yourself what i meant :p

Anyway, they want to have a life of their own. But sadly they no skill to keep their time occupied. So they turn nocturnal, masturbates every morning and mistakes the sink as the trash bin ( probably the trash bin they are used to seeing is the same colour as the sink ). They can't cook, the smell testifies that. BURNT smell.

And Professor Leslie has thought of a solution to cure their syndromes. They should start eating potatoes, and bamboos with peanut butter and worship the Great Guin and the Polarized Panda while begging for forgiveness. Then they should just whack themselves in the head and jump off from the roof while yelling 'AKREEEGAAAAAAAYEEEGAAAAAAA!'

_________________________________________________________________

Feeling stressed? Professor Leslie has a sure way of curing your pent up emotions and vent your frustrations and release your stress.

How? Alright let Professor Leslie explain step by step.

Things you need first :
1 ) Your own room. Make sure there is nobody else in the room when you do this.
2 ) Maybe a big stuffed toy ( no penguins or pandas allowed )
3 ) Better yet, make sure there's nobody in your own house nor in your neighbouor's house first.

No I am not asking you to sexually abuse the stuffed toy you sick pervert you.

First take off your clothes, maybe leave your undergarments on if you like. Remember you are alone.

Run around yelling like a mad freak in your room, and take the big stuffed toy, imagine it to be someone or something you hate. Its your football now.

Scream 'AYEEEGAAAKREEGAAAYEEGAAAAA!!!' at the top of your lungs.

Do this for about 15-30 minutes.

Guarantee you feel much better. :)

And no, I don't do that.

For an added bonus, make a video of yourself doing that. Watch it after the said duration. Then swear 'OMG WTF BBQ I DID THAT?' and then eat peanut butter. Remember to put on your clothes first.

For an even greater added bonus, send that video to me. Then I will go 'OMG WTF BBQ THAT IS 'whoeveryouare'?' Then I will make an interesting conclusion like 'Hmm, he/she needs help. I shall post it in my blog.'

Of course, the added bonuses are optional.

This is another community message from Professor Leslie to help overcome stress syndrome sucks ( SSS ).

Remember, Professor Leslie never wrong. I am always right.

Monday, May 28, 2007

Wah I want to swear

I am being Cantonese-ed. I mean seriously, my cantonese still suck like fuck, but I am beginning to get used to the language.

Today in BP, I was at a coffee shop, when an old lady came and take our orders.

"Ai Lim simik?" ---> ( Hokkien for 'Want drink what?' )
"Yao meh sui?" ---> ( I asked. Cantonese for 'Got what drinks?' )

Old lady : '_'
Old lady : -_-
Old lady : '_'????????????????????

Damn it.

_____________________________________________________________

My computer is seriously going. It is crashing every 1-40 minutes.

And I just bought a new wireless optical mouse for my laptop. Funny thing is, it costs RM50. Ok that's not funny. Funnier thing is, it runs on AA batteries. WTF.

_____________________________________________________________

I am extremely fucked. Apparently I just realized one thing. With friendster merging stupid comments and stupid testimonials as one feature.. I am getting 'cut-copy-paste-' testimonials/comments.

Argh, the agony of watching camwhorers posting me testimonials that read 'With this testimonial, I send you my love, friendship forever ^^ :P :D ;) '

I say FUCK YOU! Friendship forever? Fuck we hardly talk online/reality! Fuck we hardly meet anymore/NEVER MEET BEFORE. Fuck you!!!!!!!!!!

_______________________________________________________________

Called a senior about INTEC.

From his description, its sounds more like a non-military education-based national service.

"You get a bed, a locker and a table, and share the apartment-dorm like room with 5 other people."

Fuck. Its a half day walk to the nearest KTM from there. And I hate buses.

________________________________________________________________

Back to nonsense.

Zhi Wei tagged me with some stupid thing. I suppose I am free enough to do it.

5 Things found in your bag
1. Smelly smell
2. Looky look
3. Heary hear
4. Tasty taste
5. feely feel

That answer your question?

5 Things found in your purse/wallet
1. Money
2. My Pictures
3. No Money
4. My cards
5. Nothing

5 Favourite things in your room
1. Big Bed
2. Thick Bed
3. Big Blanket
4. Thick Blanket
5. Lots of hot women in bikinis lying on my bed

5 Types of humans
1. Those who worship me
2. Those who do not worship me
3. Those that eat potatoes
4. Those that do not eat potatoes
5. Those that looks like pandas

5 Things you've always wanted to do
1. Eat
2. Sleep
3. Play
4. Shit
5. Fuck around like an asshole

5 Things you're currently into
1. Into water
2. Toilet
3. Penguins
4. Pandas
5. Potatoes

5 People you tag
1. Any kind sound who is stupid enough to do this 1 ( Me excluded )
2. Any kind sound who is stupid enough to do this 2
3. Any kind sound who is stupid enough to do this 3
4. Any kind sound who is stupid enough to do this 4
5. Any kind sound who is stupid enough to do this 5

---

1) Name one person who made you smile last night.
- Myself

2) What were you doing at 8:00 this morning?
- I think I was sleeping, dreaming about how rich I was, and dreaming having the entire world worshipping me.

3) What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
- Reading this stupid survey in Zhi Wei's blog, and nudging Aimee

4) What was something that happened to you in 2006?
- Everything

5) What is the last thing you said aloud?
- WAH WTF!?

6) How many different things did you drink today?
- Potato Juice

7) What color is your hairbrush?
- FUCK YOU LAR! Want laugh at my hair that is not grown back yet is it? FUCK YOU!

8) What was the last thing you paid for?
- Erm, KKKL bus ticket to KL. Sounds nice.

9) Where were you last night?
- Toilet

10) What color is your front door?
- This is an interesting rhetorical question. It can answer everything in the universe, and explain creation.

Brown....................NOT!

11) Where do you keep your change?
- Under the toilet bowl

12) What is the weather like today?
- Weather is weather. What you want me say? Its sick? Its healthy? Its fucking around and producing bad weathers????? Or its fucking around and its happy and we get good weathers?? I say fuck weather.

13) What is the best ice cream flavor?
- Potato.

14) What is something you are excited about?
- I am excited about.. come to think of it.. I am so apathetic I don't actually care -_-

15) Do you want to cut your hair?
- OI! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH HOR! KEEP LAUGHING AT MY HAIR ONLY MAFUCKERS!

16) Are you over the age of 25?
- 1 + 8 = 9. 2 + 5 = 7. 9 is over 7. Yes I am over 25 you idiot asking stupid question.

17) Do you talk a lot?
- I don't talk. I enlighten.

18) Do you watch The O.C.?
- What the hell is that.

19) Do you know anyone named Steven?
- I know 3 of them. I can see no relevance in this question to anything, unless the person who created this questionnaire is a guy who happens to be a homosexual with a fetish for guys named Steven. Yes I know people named Steven.

20) Do you make up your own words?
- Nejo Maka Owna Wada. Nejo genuisa. RIDIPULITAKA!

21) Are you typically a jealous person?
- I am jealous that there is someone out there who is jealous of me but i don't know who

22) Name a friend whose name starts with the letter “A”
- uh.. Aimee?

23) Name a friend whose name starts with the letter “K”
- Kanasai. I think.. erm.. Kumaran?

24) Who’s the 1st person on your received calls list?
- Mum. She called me to hang up on me. Nah just joking.

25) What did the last text message you received say?
- Damn private ok. Ok lar, let you know lar.
"Yes can wear jeans but not on Mondays" - Phang Jim

26) Do you chew on your straws?
- Why not. Straws are a delicacy in this world. Not everyone in this world can eat straw, or chew straw. In fact, it is more an acquired taste, something like blood.

27) Do you have curly hair?
- Mother fucker, enough about hair ok?

28) Where is the next place you’re going?
- Toilet

29) Who is the rudest person in your life?
- Myself

30) What is the last thing you ate?
- Some bun. I can see that this information is going to make you a millionaire, whoever 'you' is.

31) Is marriage in your future?
- Problem is I love women too much to love a woman.

32) What is the best movie you’ve seen in the past two weeks?
- Let me think. Don't call me, I'll call you.

33) Is there anyone you like right now?
- Of course yes. Myself.

34) When was the last time you did the dishes?
- The last time I did MY dishes.

35) Are you currently depressed?
- Do I look like I am depressed? I ma gonna shoot somebody just for the heck of it and say 'Hell no I am not depressed.'

36) Did you cry today?
- Nope. Why the hell would I cry for no apparent reason. I am not those people who goes 'Love hurts the most. I am dying. God please help me. I need to love that girl, and ultimately fuck the hell out of her. God, your payment would be when she's screaming 'OH MY GOD OH MY GOD'. Deal?'

37) Why did you answer and post this?
- I have no idea. I was too jobless, and I thought if zhi wei did it, its probably stupid enough for me to do.

38) Tag 5 people who would do this survey
Same.

__________________________________________________________________

Anyway, here's an interesting friendster bulletin my friend Kumaran posted.

Hell - Explained by a Chemistry tuition.

Actual exam in Washington ok? Don't play play.

Question : Is Hell endothermic or exothermic?

Most of the students wrote proofs of other beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats whent is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets toHell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.As for how many souls are enteringHell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and taking into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

Apparently he got an A+.

Fuck, that's what I call a genius.

Friday, May 25, 2007

And I am back?

Alright. I just have to mention this.

People. Control your greed.

Before you get agitated and go 'OMGWTF LESLIE IS IN TROUBLE!!' (wtf is wrong with my keyboard why suddenly cannot press spacey while holding shifty? )

Alright, listen on, or rather literally read on.

Some woman called me on Saturday as I was witnessing zhi wei debate in Times Square.

She said she was from some company ( damn blurred that time, I couldn't understand what she was talking about )

Apparently some company is holding some form of event and invites me to go.

I gave her my name. And hung up.

Two days later, she called again. She said she is at the event venue, and asking whether I am at the said venue or not ( whoever heard of a central park/central garden? )

I said no, then she said I won a lucky draw. I can claim it at a later date.

Beginning to sound fishy. (Fishier than a big fish left out in the sun for three days, which were on top of other fish, which were inside a WHALE - Chris Nosal )

Anyway, she left a contact number. Note : The calls from her were from a private number

Then, next day, she called me again. Said the prize I actually won was RM12,000. Sounds too good to be true? She began elaborating on all the shit about her company, which is based in Macau. Damn convincing. Asked for my IC number. Then asked me to bring my IC along for verification when I claim my prize.

Sounds even fishier. But still sounds more realistic and convincing.

Next day again, she called me. This time she asked for my bank account number. O_o Said the prize money is in a Shang Hai or Hong Kong bank, and need my account number to be transferred.

I hung up immediately. Then I realized I was looking at my account number on my ATM card. I came so close to giving her my account number.

Now that I think back on it, I realize its all false. I will tell you why.

1) She called my number, said my number was a random draw from a computer.
2) She did not know my name, only my chinese name which is written wrongly because I don't know which character it was xD
3) She did not know my IC number, but need my IC for verification purposes?
4) Can't speak english. What the fuck.
5) Doesn't know what a college is.
6) Its all too good to be true man.
7) I was told all these kind of things, based in Macau, are 99.9% fake.

I have not settled her yet. But currently am thinking of the most sadistic way to trouble her.
I was told not to entertain them at all haha. But who cares, I am going to try and trouble them. At the very least swear at her for 10 minutes the next time she calls.

I said don't be greedy because they are very good at convincing people. If you are observant enough, she knows my name because i told her, and she knows my IC number because i told her too. She just pretends to know it beforehand.

DON'T BE GREEDY

________________________________________________________________

I got the official letter from JPA. I am enrolled in INTEC college, University Teknologi Mara ( UiTM ). Going to study Australian Matriculation ( AUSMAT ). 18 months.

As I read through the letter, I got damn stressed xD Every single little thing and they threaten to cancel the contract and I have to pay them back.

And they have the power to cancel the contract without notifying me, and I have to pay them back then.

Sounds shitty? I have to be bonded for 6 years. 7 years if I for some reasons do not complete my course within alloted time ( 4 years overseas )

Must report immediately upon return.

Haha whatever, its all free, thats the important thing.

_________________________________________________________________

Hmm, fixing connection line in Subang Jaya. Should have internet connection within the next two weeks.

Leaving INTI Subang somewhere around 3rd week of June. Have lots of shit to do.

Anybody wanting to meet me, hurry!! ( haha sound like some typical celebrity )

CELEBRITY!??

Damn I want to flame something lar.

Celebrities are overrated. If they are hot, never mind then. If they are not hot, fuck them.

I always thought Mawi was overrated. His face appeared everywhere. Eat instant noodles see him. Go with cousin to Eon to service car see him. Drive around town see him. Take LRT see him.

Its a screwed up thing when people don't know the Agung's name but know Mawi.

No, don't think I am flaming Mawi ( alone ). I am going to flame a lot more, haha. I don't hate Mawi. Its just that seeing him everywhere without seeing the real him is a strange thing. How strange? Very strange. Why strange? Because its strange.

Then there's the matter with shampoo advertisements. Which lawfully stupid person thought of using a Malay girl wearing a tudung ( scarf ) for a shampoo advertisement? WE CAN SEE NO HAIR!!!!

Don't tell us your product makes the hair all smooth and silky and dandruff free and damn seductive because WE CAN SEE NO HAIR!!!

Brightening the scarve does not show the effect because WE CAN SEE NO HAIR!!!

Penguins should rule the world and beat the hell out of these idiots.