Health & ancient civilization

Professor Leslie shall talk about Health and Ancient humans in this blog post. I know, the two topics are unrelated at all, but an attempt to merge them into one nonetheless.

First off, we shall speak of Health.

Go read the newspapers, magazines or whatever reading material you have your hands on. Second step, make sure its not porn. Third step, find anything to do with health.

Well?

Professor Leslie shall predict what you just saw.

Its either eating something causes cancer, eating something is good for your health, exercising can reduce risk of disease and all that stuff.

Right?

Eating rice or bread stuff causes diabetes. Eating protein causes this disease. Eating vegetables causes neurological impairment. Eating fermented stuff got free glutamate. Drinking wine can cause this that.

Professor's verdict : These are all bullshit.

Look, if you followed all their advices and reports, you would be living off grass the next half of your life and exercising everyday. Then they decided that you are an interesting character, and put you in the media spotlight. You are a healthy person cause you eat grass and jog and have sex all the time. Then they encourage people to follow you, and ask for advice for you on how to keep your health.

Then, whamm!! They suddenly decided that you are a piece of shit after all. They do research, and find that eating grass causes some disease or symptom which is rather hard to prove. Maybe.. Eating Grass causes early deaths, or Eating Grass makes your shit smells REALLY BAD!

And you suddenly find that you have been an arse eating grass while others indulge in their favourite food. And you actually find someone who is fucking unhealthy and somehow manages to outlive you.

Conclusion? Professor Leslie says avoid eating grass. The sheeps and cows need them too.

Professor Leslie's advice. Eat whatever you want, do whatever exercise you like, and have safe sex all the time. Guarantee even if you die earlier, you die a happy person.
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Professor Leslie has been doing extensive research into Neanderthals in his imaginative lab. Neanderthals = Supposedly primitive men. In his imaginations, Professor Leslie has came across a few interesting discoveries of primitive men and wishes to share them in this insanely nonsensical and supposedly scientific report.

First note : Never meant to be offensive. Just purely for entertainment as usual. So if you feel offended, get on with it, or don't read if you think you will be offended. If you can't get on with it, forget about it. If you can't forget about it, tell me.

Professor Leslie's incomprehensive report on Neanderthals.

Neanderthals, primitive men believed to have existed before the world existed ( well wtf that means anyway ) are an elusive lot ( yeah right ). They live in packs of males and a few unfortunate females ( nothing sexist here.. maybe.. yet? ).

Their eating habits are peculiar. They forage for berries when they are hungry, hunt for cicakmen when they are not hungry, eat sand for desert ( haha pun made ) and occasionally wonders when they can invent ice cream. They work in a group alright, with great teamwork.

Hunting methods.

They will draw lots with uneven stones and randomly choose a shape of rock after everyone has picked one ( damn unfair, but wtf they survive this way ). The unlucky guy has to lie down on the floor and play the damsel in distress, eventhough he is a fucking ugly old fag. This will lure the heroic cicakmen to his rescue. He moans and tells them he suffers from a bad leg, and only by making him amused can his illness be cured ( wtf how come he knows own cure one? ). The stupid cicakman will then proceed to perform some stupid stunts or tell lame jokes. Whilst distracted, the neanderthal's friends will come from behind the cicakman and club him to death. Occasionally the cicakman is clubbed so bad that its so disgusting to just look at it, not to mention eating it. This reminds me of strawberry ice cream, with cicakmen seasoning. Damn disgusting right?


Their social habits are funny. They bash each other's head with their hunting clubs, often resulting in fatalities among younger children who are too dumb to avoid them. They view strength as the ultimate virtue, but an unwritten and unsaid law is that they idolize people who can avoid all the hardblows on their face. Anyone who can bash another's skull in is considered a hero. Thus, this explains their fucking low population. But not to the point of extinction.


Mating habits are outrageous. The male will ogle at a potential mating partner for two minutes cause he feels shy, then will say 'wtf', grab the female by the hair and drag her to the nearest cave and rape her silly. Courtship is deemed as heretical and worshipping the occult. Apparently female friends told of this habit seems to like the idea. Perhaps we do descend from neanderthals after all.


Homosexuality is an issue among the neanderthals. The male feels extremely comfortable amongst other unsuspecting male friends. But mating habits with females do not apply here. Homosexuals are deemed as elusive gods. The more elusive the better. Probably cause none of the horny straight males would actually worship them. In the end, the homosexuals are no discriminated or cast away, but left to live on without being able to satisfy their sexual urges, unless they come across another homie ( homie is the general neanderthal slang for homosexuals ).


Religion is an interesting subject among neanderthals. They appear to worship anything they find interesting. A member can take interest in somoething positively mundane ( like a strange shaped rock.. wow.. fascinating ) and begin concocting a story to his friends on how he have seen a spirit or a god in that stone. The rock is then honoured at the leader's house. Which basically explains why the leaders seem to suffer from OCD, especially the need to arrange the rocks alphabetically. Leaders often find his cave or hut cluttered with every imaginable object, from sand to stones to rotten tree branches. Members of a pack have been known to drown because they tried to move a rapid river. Some joke.


Politics are also an interesting subject. Stupid people are valued better because they can't govern properly the pack, therefore the pack gets much more freedom. Best candidate for leadership in order of best to worst : Stupid & Lazy, Stupid & hardworking, Smart & hardworking, smart and lazy. Stupid & Lazy is because as mentioned above, incompetency leads to more freedom amongst pack members. Smart and Lazy is the worst qualifications for leadership because the smartass will get everyone else to do his stuff, which makes everyone pissed off. Elections are held everytime a leader is killed either by accident, disease or have ED. Which is basically almost once every 3 months.


I conclude this report that, it would appear modern men and the studied subjects aren't that far apart after all. The two groups of men both do stupid things, are afraid of everything, believe in anything and likes sex. Communication will be impossible. Because they are frigging made up you dumbass who goes 'huh?'

Signed,
Professor Leslie.

Weeeooo

Righto! Update! In the mood anyway, so why not?

I am going to Singapore tomorrow ( Thursday the 21st ) to visit my bro for christmas ( and.... $never mind$ )

Should be back around after Christmas :)

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Hmm.. I think I shall update a bit on anime.

I watched Claymore recently. Can't say I am too happy with the ending, but overall quite satisfied anyway since it followed the manga faithfully until around episode 19 ( And yeah I hate the director for doing the ending of his own ).

Basically its not a chibi anime like the one you see on the picture above =/. Its brutal, full of blood and decapitating scenes. In short, gory. But rest assured, no nudity :D I hate the overboard nudity they like to include in animes. Make the mangaka and the producers look like hentais (perverts), and myself for watching them -_-"

Basically I like this series. Its dark and depressing. Haha

My fav chars : Teresa, Galatea, Miria, Flora ( wtf all names end with 'a' and all single digit Claymores ). And yeah, Helen's character is not bad. Teresa and Galatea my favouretest though.

Rating : 4.6 / 5 ( For initial 19 episodes ). After that I refuse to rate.
A Must-Watch for people who liked Elfen Lied (though not as emotional) and big swords.


Also watched Shakugan no Shana. Got it from Sam. He referred it to 'Shakugan no SHITna' because he didn't like it ( and stupid me that time actually checked up Shitna in wikipedia, and was wondering why was there no such article ).

It was an alright anime, though not at all exceptional. One thing though, it does seem a bit overboard on trying to attract males with fetish. Character with big boobs, all kinds of costumes ( loli girls, maid outfit.. ) and incestous relationship. Disturbing. But it was alright since it was not exactly excessive.

Rating : 3.6 / 5
A Can-Watch for everyone.

And lastly, this one is in a class of its own.

I stumbled upon this strange anime entitled 'Shinigami no Ballad', which literally translates into 'Shinigami's Ballad' or in Wiki its 'Ballad of a Shinigami'. (Shinigami = God of Death).

A Death God who is a crybaby and introduces herself with an ID card. Now I have seen it all.

This anime is bizarre because despite the involvement of a Death God, there's no action, no main plot, and basically nothing much of interest, basically because throughout the anime, the characters just talk. Nothing much.

And the producers try to introduce an argument that not all Death-related characters are wearing black hoods, with skulls for face and an evil grin. Wicked. They show the Death God as a crybaby girl ( dressed in pure white and white hair somemore ) with a badass sickle and a sarcastic cat.

But IT IS in a class of its own. Outstanding!

Because of what they talk about. Ah I think I am not making sense here =/ I think I am ranting. Lemme explain clearer.

There's only six episodes available, and the central character is a Shinigami named Momo with her kuro neko ( black cat ) named Daniel. Their task is to bring souls to the afterlife, and they provide house-visiting service to people who have regrets after they passed on.

Basically, it does make you think a bit about your life by showing you various scenes of life and the loss of it to people.

And this does not fall into any category that I can actually think of. Philosophical maybe? Naah, not fantasy, Psychological maybe.

No battle actions, no sexy anime girls ( Momo's cute though ), heck no antagonists and 6 stand alone stories. Perfect.

My rating is 4.6 / 5. ( kinda high, cause I really like it )
A must-watch for people who like to ponder about life and stuff.

An interesting quote by Momo.

"Dead people can't cry. So I cry on behalf of them." - Momo the girl God of Death.

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Also been to the cinemas quite a few time recently.

This is what I think of "I am Legend" star Will Smith.

Rather good. Not bad, albeit a bit that reminds me of '28 weeks later'. Ya know, the zombie stuff and all.

I think the main idea of the story is to tell how Will Smith slowly becomes crazy living by himself with only his dog Sam and the zombies for company. Go watch it yourself, though its rather exciting the first half when you know there are fucking zombies, but bracing yourself for a sudden spring and 'WAAAAHH' by a zombie right on the big screen into your face as you stared down its fucking disgusting throat and disfigured face. Hideous. After that, the plot thickens, and not much suspense. Haha..

Rating : 7.8 / 10



Another movie would be "The Golden Compass".

Is it just me or are the books suddenly springing out in every bookstore? Sounds to me like the movies is a great way to promote a book. Fuck you all I say. Reading something because its famous is a stupid thing to do.

"Its in the movies, its famous, so it must be good! After all, who would want to make a movie out of a shitty story?"

Can't argue with that logic, but it pisses me off that people don't have the initiative to read a good book, rather waiting for it to be famous then read it so that you won't be in an awkward situation like

"What? You haven't read that book? Wtf its so famous and you didn't read it? GET A LIFE MANNnnn".

I doubt people even know the trilogy is dubbed as 'The Dark Materials' trilogy =/

Back to the movie. I would say its..... fine. Not too good, not too bad. Not outstanding. Nothing special.

Many scenes specially to introduce a character only ( like Serafina Pekkala ), and the story pace is fucking fast. O_o

Many people think the bear battle is awesome. I kind of thought it lacked. A lot. The reason Ragnar lost was not because he was roaring and Iorek took the fucking opportunity and won by chance. If I did not remember wrongly ( correct me if I am wrong ), Ragnar lost because he overindulged by being a king. Something to do with him making a pretty armour with no defense properties at all. And all the movie portrays is him being fucking arrogant and Iorek is a fucking bear who won by chance. Sounds dumb to me.

Fuck, they even portrayed Coulter ( Nicole Kidman ) as the bad character, where in actuality her character is not exactly evil.

The ending of the book, the seriously most fucking intense and suspenseful moment of the first book IS NOT IN THE MOVIE!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ( though most of you who actually reads my blog probably have read the book, I won't post the spoiler here )

The movie does seriously lack a lot. If they could do a good job with Lord of The Rings, why not will Philip Pullman's Dark Materials? I wouldn't mind if the movie was 3 hours long. I only want a good movie adaptation of the book.

The trend of promoting books through movie is disturbing to me. I don't like it.

Rating : 5.4 / 10



Movie predictions :
What movie adaption from trilogies possible next? or What would you hope to see (well done) in the big screen?

I would say..
1) Old World trilogy by Garth Nix ( Sabriel, Lirael and Abhorsen )

2) Sword of Truth by Terry Goodkind ( 11 books altogether. Made a review before. But if this is going to hit the big screen, this is fucking tricky to make cause of all its twist in the plot and such. Not to mention several sexual scenes involved. But this is a damn smart book )

3) Starcraft. Seriously, they should make a movie of Starcraft. I would loveeeeeee a movie of Staarcraft. Seriously. No really I swear. If they don't make a mess out of it anyway =/

Any ideas? I can't seem to come up with the many books I have read. I forgot -_-"


Prince Caspian of the Narnian story is coming. Damn they are not going in chronological order, just hope it doesn't suck. The witchy was ok though.

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I know this is a very long post. This will be the last part, I promise.

Everyone should get your hands on this book.

"Malaysian Politicians say the darndest thing."

At a rather steep price, but its worth the read I say. Shows you what funny characters our politicians are.

I quote one here..

"Fuck you! Fuck you!" <-- Guess who? Hint : Kinabatangan and 'bocor' He actually said that in Parliament -_-", and shamelessly admitted that 'if there had been a chair, I would have thrown it as well'. Well, it was it the book :P Our politics is certainly an interesting subject.

The book does tell you how our politicians have a 'good sense of humour'.

Professor Leslie in hibernation

Been in a state of perpetual hibernation the past few weeks. Heh..

Anyway, today Professor Leslie shall speak about an interesting phenomenon that I and Zhi Wei had noticed recently.

The surge in the number of help books for students to score fucking number of As. As usual, Professor Leslie thought of writing a book like these and cashing in on people's stupidity (yay)

"How to study like fuck, get fucking number of As, and still be fucking cool" doesn't sound like it will appeal to nerds, but whatever, it might work. =/

Tip number 1 :
Remember, getting the highest number of As is your life. It can determine everything in your life. So aim for the impossible, if you fail, never mind. It was impossible to begin with anyway.
Or you can slit your wrists and just die if you feel sad.

Tip number 2 :
Buy self help books on how to improve your grades and still get tons of boyfriends/girlfriends.

Tip number 3 :
A very useful theraphy would be to run around naked (again!) and carrying many books of knowledge with you. If the police comes and arrest you you can deter them by starting to tell them about general knowledge which they are too stupid to comprehend, or you might wanna just throw the books at them. Or just try and pass off as a scientist who discovered something in his/her bath and keep yelling 'EUREKA! Discovery of the century!'.

Tip number 4 :
Don't be shy to talk to people. Hey, people don't like you cause you study too much and you suck ( which is probably true anyway ). Appeal to their better side. Make them see the positive in you. Show them that in the world of people who study too much and people who suck, you are the best. They might like you, who knows.

Tip number 5 :
People say you read too many books. Burn your books in front of them. You got them stored in your computer anyway.

Tip number 6 :
Have great friends around you. Eventhough you don't have any friends, just have great friends around you. They help you with mental stability.

Tip number 7 :
You know how the self help books like to assure you that nobody is stupid? They're lying. You were dumb enough to believe them and bought their book. So don't buy self help books, and get a DIY toolkit to help you study. Because it allows you to screw around yourself.

Tip number 8 :
The simplest words you can put in a help book. 'Believe in God'. And nobody actually thought they can say those words to themselves.

Tip number 9 :
If you fail to achieve your goal, never mind, its not the end of the world. Go sell char kuay teow.

9 super offensive tips that offer no help at all to improve your grade. This might be a bestseller yet xD

Who knows, you might get to become a minister in the future.

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I forgot to mention two interesting habits of people in Shanghai.

1) Everybody smokes like fuck
2) Everybody drives so dangerously a boa constrictor chokes and dies of its own poison just by looking

Just to show I am alive

I am officially alive and kicking. Since almost nineteen years ago.

Anyways, just to inform you guys that I am alive, and is knockdead handsome. Now now, girls, please queue up for my phone number. I don't simply give to anyone you know.

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Shanghai trip

I shall not elaborate. I shall only tell you what is interesting from my trip to Shanghai.

First, nothing about the scenery. You go there and see for yourself.

Interesting things during the trip

1. Total number of dogs and cats seen during the 8 day 7 nights.

Dogs : 21
Cats : 1

(These are absolutely not made up. I counted everyday).

Total number of domesticated and strays

Dogs - Domesticated : 20
Stray : 1

Cats - 1 Domesticated.

Where have all the strays gone?

"Into the cooking pot" my aunt says.


Interesting thing number 2

There's this lady in my group. I am so scared of her. She is from Batu Pahat.

Everytime she sees me...

"HAHAHHAHAAA BOY YOU LOOK LIKE MY DAUGHTER"S BOYFRIEND LEH!!!!!!!"

-___- For eight days seven nights she did that EVERY time she saw me.

Then she will start talking to me about her daughters. And severely imply that one of them is of my age.

Once I actually talked to her. So what she actually said was..

Beginning
"HAHAHHAHAHAHA BOY YOU REALLY LOOK LIKE MY DAUGHTER'S BOYFRIEND LEH!!"

After I said something :
"hAHHAHAHAHAHA BOY YOU EVEN TALK LIKE HIM LEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

*slaps myself*

I promptly named her : "Stalker Aunty"

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Interesting thing number 3:

IN my tour group.

There's Ah Beng's mother...
That boy's mother...
That fellow's mother...
Oh that form 5 boy punya mother...
Ah i see that senior punya mother.....
Oh that girl's mother...

-_- Every lady is someone's mother, and I know that someone.

WHERE HAVE ALL THE FATHERS GONE???????????

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There, finished about Shanghai.

I shall now talk about the movie I just watched.

"Enchanted"

Eeet is a great show, I say. Christopher says its like High School Musical. Fuck you Chris, I say.

Its not in any sense like HSM. Not everything with dancing and singing is LIKE HSM.

The main idea is a brilliant one. A princess from Disney world falls into our world. That's how fucked up it can really get. And boy, they do a good job telling you how fucked up everything can get.

*mild spoiler*
In any case, one interesting thing strikes me as the conclusion draws close. As Prince Edward finally marries his wife, as they are about to kiss, the bride's handphone rings.

The first thing I thought was?

DIGI - I will follow you~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I give the show 8.25 out of 10