The Principal started his cool speech in a Monday Morning assembly this way: "Bersyukurlah dan berdoalah agar hidup kita dapat dipanjangkan satu hari lagi kerana perhimpunan ini. Kita sudah sembilan hari lamanya kita.." Me and Zhi Wei together in that instant said : 'Hidup'. Then he began, and then everything began.
Cool! Now we have our very own toilet committee, in students they serve, in the principal they trust, and in shit they find work!
Apparently, my new Principal describes the school toilet as 'dahsyat', and true enough, they make the shit coming out from one's ass hide back into the rectum. Toilets cannot flush, pipe no water, graffiti on the walls, poems on the door.. the kind of toilet you'd expect from a premier school. And my school, HSBP is proud to be shortlisted by PPD Johor to run for Sekolah Harapan Negara, that freak anugerah.
Principal then began describing toilets in London, where his daughter went. I think he really likes to boast about his daughter lar, everything also can link to his daughter. He said his daughter 'sembahyang', or prayed for Muslims, in the toilet in London. He said it was so clean that they could sembahyang inside. And the schools in Seri Medan, students rest in the toilets ( they are called restrooms duh ). In High School, students shit in toilets and leave the tropical island there, cannot flush what.. no water to wash it down the toilet also. And the stench, wow, a skunk would avoid that place.
Then, he ( I don't know lar, but I think its him trying to look great ) sweared and vowed while giving his speech, that he will personally ask the Students Affair Senior Assistant teacher to form a Toilet Committee!! WoW! I was on duty in the hall that time, and Damn! I missed the facial expression of the poor fool who has just been given extra work.
Their function? Well, he said he would exercise his authority and give them the power to catch and punish students who shit and don't flush the toilet, students who vandalise in any kinds of sadistic ways imaginable. Well, everything short of murder, extortion and rape. At that time, well, everyone were already like, 'Wtf toilet committee? Aiya, die also I don't want join'
And I heard rumours that if the toilet is still not clean and repaired, the committee gets the punishment. Heh, as IF they can catch the people who shit and those who vandalise the toilet. And LOL just imagine the punishment! Of course they have to clean the toilets and repair it! Pity the people who are going to join that freaking committee...
And then? He doesn't want the toilet to be called a toilet. Because according to him, toilets are places where evil jinns reside. He doesn't want toilets to be the place where people just dump all their shit. So, where the hell will the students dump their shit? And if its not called a toilet, will the jinns just emigrate elsewhere to any place called toilet? Damn, I am confused by his profound knowledge man.
Then, omgwtf. I just got striked by blue lightning! Goddamnit! Prefects sure kena in that f*cking committee! Oh no! Then, I seriously prayed to every God imaginable, Jesus, Allah, Buddha whatever whatever, never mind the religion, as long as I don't get involved!! ( nothing racists there )
Well, during Sukantara, the HEM talked to the head prefect. The head prefect then came and find me and said.. " Leslie, saya lantik awak jadi Pengerusi Jawatankuasa Tandas " Then, I almost fainted. Wtf, I said NO immediately. Apparently he was just jesting, but I cannot take that kind of joke man...
Now the ketua kumpulan for each prefect group is chosen as the four AJK tertinggi AJK tandas. Well normally I would say bless them, but since three out of four are assholes, forget it.
Toilet committee, when the toilet condition in HSBP rivals that to Seri Medan school where students can rest and eat in the toilet... then the newsletter will read :
Kadar Ponteng Meningkat,
Pelajar Makan Sambil Berak,
AJK Tandas sangat kuat,
Tandas, Najis semua dihapus kelak!