Saturday, June 02, 2007

Weirdoes

Professor Leslie shall discuss about an interesting topic here, which might most probably apply to many of you out there, or will apply to in the near future.

Housemates.

After living a month here in Subang, I find I have very very weird housemates.

How so? I shall summarize it in a few words then explain with many many words ( ok that was rather redundant )

First thing. Sun up, all gone, sun down, all out.
Second thing. They can't tell the difference between a kitchen sink and a dustbin
Third thing. They use the toilet in a very disturbing way.
And other miscellaneous weird stuff.

Sun up, all gone, sun down all out. What the hell did I mean? You see, broad daylight time, they are all mysteriously gone. I mean, gone. Their room doors are locked. Lights are off. Windows shut. Either they went out, or they seriously are sleeping the day away. Its 3pm now. And its like I just described.

And at night? All doors are open. All lights are on. And the guys are laughing like horny ah bengs and swearing and chattering in Cantonese, but they sound like monkeys and not the rather funny dialect. I was up reading until 3am last night. And they sounded like its 3pm for them. Now its actually 3pm, it sounds like 3am here.

And you know what? The guys here don't look like they are studying. Whenever you see them, they are watching some 1000 year old chinese drama on their laptops. The girls are constantly studying. Don't tell me they went for college in the morning. I did not see a single one of them go out. Unless they went out at 4am -_-

2nd thing. They use the sink as a trash bin. Attract all the ants around. Ma fuckers. Don't even have the sense to pool money and buy a proper trash bin.

3rd thing. There's this guy who wakes up at 7am everyday without fail. He will then proceed to the toilet. 7am you know. And he stays in there. and stays in there. Until 7.45am. Not a single sound. If he's constipated everyday, or god forbid he masturbates everyday, its not the proper time man -_- I had to forego my morning baths ( though usually is because its too cold for me xD Suddenly I find I fear cold after coming back from NS. Give me back my layer of fat man. Ah never mind then ). Anyway, after he comes out from the toilet, he goes into the room, slams it and that's the end of it. You don't see him coming out after that.

Funny people do funny things. Weird people do weird things. Stupid people say stupid things ( because they are too stupid to do stupid things ).

After due consideration, Professor Leslie has decided and concluded by his own opinion that these people are weirdoes suffering from inferiority complex.

They want to go out and live alone, away from their parents or be called 'Mama's boy that hides behind mama's skirts'. They want to be called 'Girl's boy that hides under the girls' skirts'. Go find out yourself what i meant :p

Anyway, they want to have a life of their own. But sadly they no skill to keep their time occupied. So they turn nocturnal, masturbates every morning and mistakes the sink as the trash bin ( probably the trash bin they are used to seeing is the same colour as the sink ). They can't cook, the smell testifies that. BURNT smell.

And Professor Leslie has thought of a solution to cure their syndromes. They should start eating potatoes, and bamboos with peanut butter and worship the Great Guin and the Polarized Panda while begging for forgiveness. Then they should just whack themselves in the head and jump off from the roof while yelling 'AKREEEGAAAAAAAYEEEGAAAAAAA!'

_________________________________________________________________

Feeling stressed? Professor Leslie has a sure way of curing your pent up emotions and vent your frustrations and release your stress.

How? Alright let Professor Leslie explain step by step.

Things you need first :
1 ) Your own room. Make sure there is nobody else in the room when you do this.
2 ) Maybe a big stuffed toy ( no penguins or pandas allowed )
3 ) Better yet, make sure there's nobody in your own house nor in your neighbouor's house first.

No I am not asking you to sexually abuse the stuffed toy you sick pervert you.

First take off your clothes, maybe leave your undergarments on if you like. Remember you are alone.

Run around yelling like a mad freak in your room, and take the big stuffed toy, imagine it to be someone or something you hate. Its your football now.

Scream 'AYEEEGAAAKREEGAAAYEEGAAAAA!!!' at the top of your lungs.

Do this for about 15-30 minutes.

Guarantee you feel much better. :)

And no, I don't do that.

For an added bonus, make a video of yourself doing that. Watch it after the said duration. Then swear 'OMG WTF BBQ I DID THAT?' and then eat peanut butter. Remember to put on your clothes first.

For an even greater added bonus, send that video to me. Then I will go 'OMG WTF BBQ THAT IS 'whoeveryouare'?' Then I will make an interesting conclusion like 'Hmm, he/she needs help. I shall post it in my blog.'

Of course, the added bonuses are optional.

This is another community message from Professor Leslie to help overcome stress syndrome sucks ( SSS ).

Remember, Professor Leslie never wrong. I am always right.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

OMG PROFESSOR YOU ARE A GENIUS! *gets down on knees, dons panda-penguin-hybrid suit and starts worshipping*

im so bloody curious. can you please ask your housemat what he does from 7am to 7.45 am? if he gives you an anti-climatic answer like "squeeze pimples lah" please lie to me and dramatize the whole thing!

-aim

amilia said...

my dear ickle lesliekins (u'll always be ickle boy to me).. I DONT BELIEVE every single thing you just typed. you're EXAGGERATING