Desperate Penguins

Once upon a time, in a frozen land far far away, there lived penguins. All the penguins were special, and each had its story to tell. And so, we shall visit the fabled land of the south pole, the land of the penguins. The discovery of a potato in the south pole led to conspiracies among the penguin community, where violence is non-existent ( except when predators are around. Oh wait, penguins ARE predators ). Read on to find out how four young penguins survived the perils and plots of evil penguins to lay their flippers on the sacred potato.

This story is entirely fictional. Any similarities is entire coincidental.

This story is rated P. Any child below the age of 1 or any adult above the age of 1000 is advised against reading it. If you do not fall into the above category, you are advised to read it at your own caution. May include explosives ( explosives are not supplied by al-Qaeda or any terror organizations ).

Starring :KATE BECKINSALE ........................................................................................... NOT!

Arnold Schwarzenegger ....................... NOT!

Penguin named Pa

Penguin named Po

Penguin named Pi

Penguin named Pu

I know.. they all look the same. Penguins look the same anyway.

Anyway, back to the story.

One fateful day, Pa the penguin was out hunting for food with his friends, Po the penguin, Pi the penguin and Pu the penguin. Suddenly, Po the penguin tripped on something and fell flat on his beak.

All the penguins began laughing.

With the way penguins walk, it is almost impossible to fall down ( to the penguins anyway ). Anyway, Po the penguin was equally surprised that he fell down. So he checked where he was walking, and hark! He saw a strange alien object.. and as he got a closer look to identify it, he suddenly jumped back in fear!

It was a potato! A fabled mythical sacred beloved awesome wonderful amazing peculiar extraordinary ( I am running out of adjectives ) thing among the penguin community! In fact, penguins kill ( fish ) to get it!

Soon news spread that Po the penguin had found a potato in South pole. All the penguins were aflutter. There was an ancient prophecy said before by the great Penguin Prophet, Penguinius, when he was drunk with iced water. It read "When the potato appears within the iceberg, the time for explosions have come. Do not attempt to eat it as a penguin will produce many many chicks and much much faeces." Every penguin was jittery. The four penguin friends were excited. They didn't know what explosions were, and neither did other penguins. But they were excited anyway.

Out of fear for explosions, soon some parties of religious penguins began demanding that the four young penguins hand it over to be destroyed. Another group of penguins wanted to steal the coveted prize for themselves, even though they didn't know what it is and what to do with it, nor trade it for money because penguins don't use money. They began sending death threats to the four penguins.

While the majority of penguins suddenly had the idea to excavate the entire south pole for more potatoes...

Our four heroes were surrounded by hostile penguins!

The evil penguins had formed a bandit party called 'Penguins of the Car Bean'. They marched forward and demanded the potato!

While on the other side, the religious penguins, under the leadership of the Abbott Poo Poo of the penguinic faith, Panguana, demanded for the potato too!

The two sides of penguins then began fighting each other. Our heroes escaped amidst the chaos and soon found themselves unable to return to their homes!

Pa soon began asking Po to hand out the potato to secure their own safety. Pi disagreed with Pa, as handing it over might not guarantee them their lives. Their entire life they had not seen violence, but today, they had witnessed a historical event when the Penguins of the Car Bean began throwing snowballs at Abbott Poo Poo.

Pu asked Po where the potato was, and Po replied "Its with my baby brother, disguised as an egg. My brother Poop will take care of it! Don't worry!"

With that, Pa began to fret. The safety of a chick is at stake. They must find a way to rectify the situation!

Unfortunately, with everyone anxious, they began to argue and quarrel and fight and disagree and ( I ran out of words again ) among themselves.

As they were quarreling, suddenly an explosion happened!

It was a totally unexpected twist of event for the penguins. The explosion came from the other coast, far away from Penguinland. But its tremors could be felt by all.

Pa stood up at this point.

"That's our solution to the problem! We find this explosion thing, and ask it to explain to our penguins that it is harmless and worthless!"

Pa's friends agreed and they soon 'walked?' towards the explosion site.

Not long after that, they reached the explosion site. A human approached them. A human! In south pole!

The alien creature known as the human identified himself as 'Osama'.

Pi immediately asked Osama if he had any 'explosions'. Osama smiled and immediately said no.

"I do not have explosions, but I do have explosives!" he said joyfully.


The penguins cheered. Since Penguinius, the Prophet did not mention whether explosions were good or evil, they can now prove that it is not bad! Anyway, explosions and explosives sound so similiar, they must be brother bird of sorts.

"No, you can't have them!" Osama said when our heroes asked for it.

Pa squawked in anger and disbelief. In their entire life, not a single existence had denied them things before.

"However, I am hungry. If you can get food for me, the explosives are yours!" Osama said.

Po suddenly thought of the strange thing called Potato. Since they do not know what it is, there is a possibility that it is alien food.

But alas! The potato is with Poop!

The four penguins scrambled back to Po's home. All the penguins were out excavating, and not in the Penguinland. For once, our heroes felt an emptiness. Never before had such a thing happened amongst their community, and they felt guilty about it. But this only serves to reignite the flames in their hearts to make everything right again!

Po soon found Poop, still asleep, and the Potato!

But alas, as he turned to leave, Abbott Poo Poo was there!!!

Po gasped!!!! His friends were outside waiting for him! He was left alone to confront the Abbott!. The Abbott squawked menacingly. It held a snowball in its flippers, ready to throw it at Po.

"Give me the potato or I shall throw this at you. You have ran astray, young bird!" the Abbott squawked, its voice full of malice.

"Never! You shall not have it!" Po resisted.

"Po, it is imperative that you understand. I am your father..." Poo Poo said ( in Darth Vader voice ).

"IMPOSSIBLE!!" Po screamed in disbelief.

But the Abbott suddenly threw the snowball!

"MY FLIPPER!!! AAAAaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!" Po screamed.

With his right flipper injured, Po quickly grabbed the potato with its left flipper and 'walked'. The abbott, seeing its price slipping from its grasp, began 'walking' to pursue it. ( Penguins can't run.. -___-" )

Po soon reached his friends. In a four against one confrontation, the Abbott decided it was not worth the snowballs and retreated to fetch his acolytes.

The four friends, with the acolytes hot in pursuit, began hurrying towards Osama again.

Osama was delighted with the potato, and gave them his vast armament of explosives to trade for it.

Pa ran a check through the goods. Two 'Fat Boy' atom bombs, three homing missles, six cartons of grenades, three bazookas, fourteen AK-47s and sixteen torpedoes. All for a potato.

Pi and Pu's minds began racing. Was the deal worth it?

Finally they decided it was worth it to clarify things and clear their names.

They moved everything back to Penguinland and called for a mass gathering.

Within minutes, all the penguins had walked back to Penguinland, and were astonished by the explosives arranged in the middle.

Pa stood up and began in a 'movie-reviewer' voice to speak.

"This summer........"

"As you can see, the explosions you people fear are right here, lying down on the ice! It is harmless! It does not bite! Nor does it jump! It does no harm to any bird!"

Every penguin began to get confused. As the idea began to gradually sink in, the penguin scientists began examining the explosives.

...............................................................................................................................................................

Somewhere on the other side, Osama sat on his little chair, eating mashed potatoes, when suddenly..


A massive explosion occurred on the other side of South Pole.

"Fuh, damn fast. Never realized penguins were such violent creatures!" He said, while shaking his head and continued eating his mashed potatoes.

__________________________________________________________________

Back in Penguinland, every penguin survived the explosion. But they now had a black layer coating, making them look like birds in tuxedoes.

Pa looked at its own body, and said..

"Fuck."

-The End-

No Penguins were harmed in the entire story. No humans were harmed in the entire story.
Again, posts are not meant to be racist, political, satirical ( well maybe sometimes ), apartheid or offensive. Its all for entertainment. If you find this kind of humour offensive, do tell me nicely, with a logical reason and explanation.

Professor Leslie - episode 6 ( i think )

Okay I lost count of how many posts I made under the name Professor Leslie.. so I assume this is the 6th xD

If you are free enough, search my entire blog archive and count them. then tell me ok?

Today, Professor Leslie, after some enlightening conversation with his best pal, John Lee Zhi Wei, has decided to impart those precious knowledge to the public.

The title is : Movies

We were discussing about locally made movies. As we all understand, locally made movies, Malay movies to be exact, they like to do movies based mainly on comedies, horror or sappy love stories. But as our sappy love stories are nowhere to fight with Koreans, I shall elaborate on the comedies and horror movies.

Recently, if you are observant enough, you would notice that we have two Malay movies currently showing ( April 20th ). 'Zombi Kampung Pisang' and 'Jangan Pandang Belakang'. As both of us had not seen the movie, I shall not comment on the quality. That leaves me with.. its title to make fun of.

I don't know about you people, but I personally find it funny. I mean, usually we can see the Western Movies has titles like 'Exorcism of Emily Rose'.. 'Reaper'.. "Hills have eyes' and such. In English, it sounds like a 2-3 word summary of the entire movie.

*EDIT* - I watched Hills Have Eyes 2. I personally find it quite nerve-wrecking. It makes you nervous. But halfway through, it lost its effects when the mutants kidnaps the girl called Missy. The mutant says 'Give me Baby' and proceeds to rape the girl ( no worries, no pornography. You just see the stupid ugly face of the mutant having an orgasm. ) Mutants also like sex kah?? You would think genetic mutation would make them dysfunctional or something. And the even funnier thing is, Missy pants weren't even down, and the Mutant was wearing pants too. '_'??? Maybe genetic mutation allows them to penetrate without undressing.

An even funnier part. 3 people survived ( Napoleon, Amber and Missy ). The fourth last guy ( forgot his name ) wanted to escape, but accidentally blew himself up with a box of dynamites. After Napoleon pinned down the Bigass Mutant ( since he looks like the boss ) with a pole by running it through his heart, and Amber blew a hole in his head with her M16, ( which the Mutant is still not dead. ), Missy takes an axe and chops the mutant's private parts numerous times with a vengeance ( you would think genetic mutation would put his private parts elsewhere, or even mutate it to be harder than steel or nimble like grass ). Then after killing the mutant, they walk out, and its the exit of the hill. '_'????? The exit was right there, and they lost 128461892412354123 people to the mutants trying to find the exit???????????????

*BACK* : The above mentioned Malay titles seriously are funny.

Zombi Kampung Pisang ( Banana Village Zombie ). Two of us has predicted several titles that might be the sequels for this flick ( well, almost infinity actually ).

Ep. 1 - Zombi Kampung Pisang ( Banana Village Zombies )
Ep. 2 - Zombi Kampung Nanas ( Pineapple Village Zombies )
Ep. 3 - Zombi Kampung Mangga ( Mango Village Zombies )
Ep. 4 - Zombi Kampung Cili ( Chilli Village Zombies )
Ep. 5 - Zombi Kampung Durian ( Durian Village Zombies )
Ep. 6 - Zombi Kampung Tembikai ( Watermelon Village Zombies )
Ep. 7 - Zombi Kampung Betik ( Papaya Village Zombies )
Ep. 7 - Zombi Kampung Longan ( Longan Village Zombies )
Ep. 8 - Zombi Kampung Strawberi ( Strawberry Village Zombies )
Ep. 9 - Zombie Kampung Buah-Buahan ( Fruits Village Zombies )
Grand Finale- Zombie Kampung Apa-apa-nama ( Whatevername Village Zombies)

For 'Jangan Pandang Belakang' ( Don't Look Behind ).. we also predicted several sequels ( also almost infinity actually )

Ep. 1 - Jangan Pandang Belakang
Ep. 2 - Jangan Pandang Bawah
Ep. 3 - Jangan Pandang Atas
Ep. 4 - Jangan Pandang Kiri
Ep. 5 - Jangan Pandang Kanan
Ep. 6 - Jangan Pandang Dalam
EP. 7 - Jangan Pandang Depan
Grand Finale - Jangan Pandang Lah!!

Heck, we even made sequels for 'Cicakman' ( Lizardorang ). We can have our very own Justice League in Malaysia, who knows it might be named 'Liga Justis'.

Cicakman ( Lizardman ), Orangutanman, Harimauman, Nyamukman, Lalatman, Lebahman, Anai-anaiman, Buayaman, Ikanman, Rama-ramaman, Bawangwoman and every imaginable insect, reptile, or fish names, plants included.

I have deduced their abilities.

Cicakman - I didn't watch it, I can't say anything else other than the actual one. And since I don't know his actual abilities, congratulations you just read something useless.

Orangutanman - Can swing from branches to branches. Hugs bad guys and kiss them. Holler occasionally. Easily baited with fruits.

Tigerman - Eats the villians.

Nyamukman - Stings the villians and infect them with Dengue

Lalatman ( Flyman ) - Annoy the hell out of the villians. Hopefully they get some disease borne by flies. Halfway through the movie, his wings gets clipped ( or gets wet ) and he cannot fly. Henceforth, he was known as 'Walkman'

Lebahman - Special 1 episode only superhero. Lebahman stings the villian, then he dies.

Anai-anaiman - Eats the villian's base, even if its made of steel and metal. Then the building collapses on the villian and squash him to death. But unfortunately the hero is killed when a clever villian employs a pest terminator.

Buayaman - Superhero that will get stoned when there's sun. Eats a lot of meat, likes to swim. Died suddenly when poachers killed to get his skin. Tragic.

Ikanman - The strongest superhero of all. The Ikanman deprives the villian from fish supply. The villian has to give up on fish.

Rama-Ramaman - Weirdest Superhero of all. Arrives at the crime scene, flutters around and acts pretty.

Bawangwoman - Emits gas that makes the villians cry. Then the villian gets apprehended.

Alternately, there is also a trend to add an adjective/prefix in front to make a super hero. For example the Japanese created 'Megaman', 'Ultraman', and the westerners made 'Superman', whatever whatever. When I was a kid, I loved them. But as I grew up, I even think their names were funny.

Next you might have 'iMan'. Oh wait, we already have XMen ( Xbox ). Nman comes to mind ( Nokia Nseries ), as well as Eman ( whats with the stupid E prefix? )


And how come nobody thought of Penguinman with explosive powers?????? ( except Zhi Wei and Myself )

Professor Leslie should collaborate with Zhi Wei ( according to him, 10 years later if neither are rich we should go Hollywood and create stupid movies ).

First project would be - Nanoman ( New Age Nonsense Man ). Nonsense man spreads nonsense around the world. Everyone loves him. People who hate him are considered as heretics. Join him in his quest for potatoes and to save the penguins.

We will then employ several influential writers/movie critics to write excellent reviews of the movie. Make gazillions out of it.

____________________________________________________________________

Next up in the topic. Professor Leslie revisits friendster, and is reminded of how funny it is. Today, Professor Leslie points out the popular surveys in friendster, and he shall paste up a self made survey to create a similiarity to the actual ones.

Survey 1 - Actions and Inactions

1. What are you eating now? - I am not eating anything
2. What are you doing now? - Filling in this survey
3. What did you eat for dinner? - McDonalds lor.....
4. What did you wear to bed last night? - Pajamas lar
5. What do you think of this survey? - Stupid, but I am filling it anyway cause I am dumb enough and have too much time on my hands.

Survey 2 - The Identities

1. Who was the last person you called? - Him lor..
2. Who is your current crush? - Her lor..
3. Do you hate anybody? - Him lar..
4. Do you love anybody? - Her lor..
5. Last person you talked to? - Him/Her lor..

Survey 3 - Personality

1. What colour do you like? - Black* ( Black is not a colour, its an absence of colour )
2. How long do you spend combing your hair? - 24 hours a day
3. Do you have any lovers? - 999 actually
4. What is your favourite food? - Potatoes
5. How long do you spend your time online? - 28 hours a day

20% for each question answered, add up everything. Repost this with the title 'I am __% Male/Female/Girly/Feminine/Stupid/Handsome/Everyimaginableadjective'

Survey 4 - Secret codes

1. What did you eat this morning? - Secret
2. How much do you weigh? - Secret
3. What is the name of the person you love? - Secret
4. Do you love your family? - Secret
5. Are you anorexic? - Secret

Professor Leslie, despite his brilliant mind, intelligence, IQ and knockdead handsome looks, cannot find a single trace of sense nor logic behind these surveys, or even why people actually do them, OR WHY THEY ACTUALLY CREATED THEM????

Did I leave out anything?? No, not chainmails/chainbulletins that says I will have bad luck/die for how long how long. Those are beyond stupid.

AH! Another funny thing are the sappy stuff in friendster.

Guy likes girl. Girl also likes guy. One day they sit together. Guy ask girl.

Guy : Do you love me?
Girl : Yes. Do you love me?
Guy : Yes. Lets make love.

Then suddenly a car comes at super high speed while they were making love. Guy saw the danger and pushes girl away. He was knocked down.

( In hospital )

Doctor : I am sorry but Guy died.
Girl : Cries*

Guys : Repost this if you will do what Guy did
Girls : Repost this if you are touched.
Assholes : Repost this if you will do what Guy did, but only until the make love part. You will push the girl to the car to save yourself.

Then, the ultimate gimmick.

Repost this bulletin with the following titles and you will have great luck for the next 18 generations.

1. I had sex with my father
2. I raped my dog
3. I did it on my roof
4. I lost my virginity
5. I am stupid enough to post such stupid stuff with such stupid titles

Bulletins, comments and testimonials are losing its meaning. =/

Language

Despite my ailments, maladies and uncountable sickness, I shall persevere and publish a post for the sake of my fans.

Today, Professor Leslie shall touch on a couple of subjects. But the primary subject here shall be the English Language ( since he basically sucks at every other languages ).

Professor Leslie shall emphasize on spelling and the importance of key words in a sentence.

First and foremost, kids, remember all the time that every word has a specific spelling, and possibly multiple meanings. You would not want to misspell a word, as it might have disastrous effects on the entire sentence. ( Sounds professional, no? )

For example, here's a correct sentence.

"Public announcement, would student Aimee Lee please report to the mental hospital for a medical check up?"

And what happens if some words are spelled wrongly, or used wrongly? Here's an example.

"Pubic announcement, would student Aima Li please report to the mutant hospital for a musical check up?"

The result becomes a totally interesting sentence. You get the idea on the importance of spelling now?

Another example of a correct sentence.

"The sick buck was killed and eaten by the farmer."

So, what happens if...?

"The sick fuck was milled and kitten by the former."

Basically, what I am trying to point out is that the meaning can change dramatically if you misspell. This is because of the recent matter in China where they are all hyped up about their direct Chinese-English translations.

Some of them went 'Please go behind this wall to get to the toilet.', 'Elevator inside this wall', and such. The menus went 'Fucking chicken high on drugs,' 'Fried Dick in Bun' and something like that.

On a totally related but unrelated issue, I have to touch on the words used by certain groups on the net. Boy, girl, young man, lecherous old man, horny girls, all included, so basically there is no finger pointing.

There is a common use of a form of language known as 'txt spking', where the abbreviation and short-forms for everything is used, usually in communicating in the form of SMS-es and MSN-ing.

Myself, I try to avoid it as much as possible. However, this 'thing' is quite a rampant problem, since some words formed can have different meaning than intended, but you get the idea anyway. Txt Spking is basically formed under the influence of pronounciations, thus the spelling of words are altered to suit the way the word sounds like.

For example.
Someone would like to reply to his anxious friend that he is arriving.
Normally, in a simple SMS, it would read 'I am coming.'
However, in Txt Spking, it would read 'I m cumming.'

If you do not catch the ball yet, it meant he is achieving orgasm.

Another example,
Someone who is eating is trying to reply to his/her friend who asked what he/she was doing.
Normally, it would read 'I am eating.'
However, in Txt Spking, it would read 'I m ETing'.

WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?? 'I am Extra-Terrestial-ing.' What, you having sex with some aliens????

So kind folks, please try and activate 'dictionary' in your SMS and not be lazy to type the entire word. It is not wrong to use txt spking, but it is wrong to use it.

Note/Disclaimer : Professor Leslie is not claiming he is good in English, and not trying to discriminate anyone. The above post is, as usual, meant for entertainment.

____________________________________________________________________

On an unrelated issue,

I have a new handphone! I asked my brother for a Nokia N73 ME edition when he offered to reward me for my 10A1s.

But my father was suddenly diagnosed with colon cancer, and to date, tens of thousands ( 12k actually ) have been spent for his treatment. He is getting better now, and there is only a remote chance he would require chemotheraphy. Chemo in government hospitals don't cost that much, so basically there's not much to think about for now.

So financial wise, I asked my brother to postpone the gift he is giving me since he just poured out millions for my dad. But his wife's brother happened to buy a new phone, and Singapore's M1 happened to just turned 10 years old, and happened to have a promotion of 'Buy 1 Free 1'. Whether its an exact same model given free, I don't know, but I do know that it is contract free.

So I got the extra phone. Samsung Z240. I wouldn't complain too much since its free, but I shall complain much anyway. First and foremost, I wanted N73 because of its 3 MP camera and 2GB memory space. Two most essential requirements in my ideal phone now. I wanted a phone to store songs, and with a decent camera so that I can every now and then take pictures and upload it in my blog.

Samsung Z240. First things first why I don't like it.

Samsung messaging system : Look, I don't know what the fuck is the problem between Nokia and Samsung, but being a Nokia user, I do have some problems with Samsung's SMS thingy. I accidentally turned off 'Dictionary', and I cannot fucking figure out how to turn it back on. And besides, Samsung features the spacebar under the 'hex' button while Nokia uses it in the number '0' button. So you can imagine how hard a time I have typing a single SMS. And besides, Nokia phones delete messages at a rate if you hold down 'backspace', but Samsung phones just delete the entire message if you hold it for a certain seconds. SO YOU PROBABLY CAN IMAGINE THE NUMBER OF MESSAGES I DELETED WITHOUT SENDING???????

Phone memory : 62.5MB. Sucks. 6-10 songs, and it is fucked.

Camera : 2.6 MP. Quite ok, considering its a phone.

Sound : Damn soft. The only thing to alert me of a phone call is when it vibrates. Even then, not always.

Annoying key tones. Calendar's wrong but I don't know how to adjust it. I can't figure out how to change ringtones at first.

Basically, it all comes down to one thing. I am a Nokia user, therefore I hate Samsung phones.

Oh and don't mention to me about N95. I will hit you.

___________________________________________________________________

This is the last topic here.

Friendster.

Its getting stupider.

And so am I for using it everyday.

First they introduced 'comments', to let every user post a message for another user without needing to be approved. So basically comments are unapproved testimonials of sorts.

But there were problems. A user doesn't know it when people leaves comments on his/her profiles, because there are no notifications, and the user can't see it when he/she is logged in.

So, after sometime, friendster decides its too smart and too lazy. They NEED to do something hardworking but stupid. So they merged comments and testimonials together, making it totally the same. Instead of making notifications for comments or enabling the user to see when comments are given. Merging it is the stupidest option, so they went ahead for it.

Now, comments are testimonials requiring approval from user, and testimonials are comments requiring approval from user. They are even displayed in the same place.

Other things still the same. Camwhorers everywhere, chain bulletins, chain mails, shout-outs saying they are going to suicide and such.

Oh, two girls added me instead of all guys ( FINALLY! But I did not approved yet because I don't know them, and they look like the type who wants to add people just to extend their list. I avoid those because I only want my friends list to be people I really know. Fuck the feature about making friends online, nobody keeps in touch anyway.). But there are still unknown guys trying to add me. I should get screened for 'gay attraction rating'.

=/

Update yay!

Sorry been a bit lazy lately.

First off, two weeks after my grandma passing away, my father's been diagnosed with colon cancer. It is somewhere around stage 2 to stage 3.

Look, despite my age, I still am not ready to be an orphan ok? Dad's situation looks bad, the tumour seems to be almost blocking his large intestines.

Can only hope he gets fine soon.

_____________________________________________________________________

Anyway, today Professor Leslie's topic will be 'People on the net'. Yeah we all know, everyone's a bully in the Internet. Everyone dares to say stuff they never dare to say in reality. After all, virtual world is virtual world.

I shall elaborate each breed that I can think of, and give a rating of how much they deserve to get called an idiot and should be slapped twice or maybe castrated ( guys lar, what to do with girls? ). All Ratings are with a base of 5.

First off, we have the lecherous kind. These are typical males on the net searching for sex, or just some pictures of pretty girls to satisfy themselves. Young and old alike. Though those underage will mention they are '21, tall dark handsome and freaking rich. I am nice and loved by all'. The old China Ah Peks ( assuming age 65, with only 3 strands of hair ) will mention 'I am 18, lots of hair-one ah!. Very the sexy-arh!!. Rich until like siao. Very good stamina oso!'

Rating : 4. These are the kind to get castrated.


Introducing the whineys! They are your typical online emos. They will splatter your MSN with their nick (e.g.) 'I deserve to die', 'Love is eternal, but why must you break my heart?', 'I will love you forever even though you don't love me'. You get the idea. Even when you try to cheer them up, they go 'this world is hell! I should die faster!!'

Rating : 0. You don't have to kill them or even abuse them. They kill themselves eventually.


These guys are the trendy kind. They are the trend setters. Leaves a trail of self-created language. In public chatrooms, MSN, these kind are everywhere! Example of self-created language : 'Eh sup bradder we are very the cool and eating turtle balls now! What? Want go keng to mamak for teh? On like microwave oven lar! Ducks will fly also no put aeroplane lah! I swear with my balls lar! Aiya I varoom over your place if you no blif me lar! Dunnid scared long chia wan, I very skill lar! Car see me oso scared one. Police bribe me sammore! I think I very cool leh! Come lar let leng lui see us outside bla bla bla' They can think up of all sorts of words that make sense to them. 'I diao him!!!' 'I want to sut her!!'

Rating : 2 ( they are quite funny actually )

A new breed that occurs inevitably. These guys are the un-net-savvy net users. These guys don't understand computers, and think blogs are used in construction. They think friendster is a pet, and MSN is a kind of chocolate you buy online. Sometimes quite frustrating, but most of the time, you bet your smelly underwear they need help.
'You scroll your cursor over using your mouse..'
'Mouse? Wait I go catch one!'

Rating : 2.5 ( Ignorance is not a sin!! )

These are the flying hoppers. They hop around without landing for a solid minute. These guys are annoying, the ones that make noise anyway. Particularly in blogs, their presence can be felt. They just suddenly pop up in your cbox 'Hi there, nice blog ^^' and then they disappear.. forever. Sometimes you wonder is it even worth it to reply them, but you do anyway, in false hope that they will be back to read you say 'Whatever name : Hi. Thanks'

Rating : 3

These are the CAPS people. No offense to CAPS WOMAN, I don't mean you haha. These are the breed where every single word typed must be in caps. I mean it. Every. Single. Word. And. Alphabet.
'EH YOU DO HOMEWORK OR NOT YET? I WANT COPY!!'
'I THINK YOU ARE AN IDIOT!'
'OH YEAH? COME FIGHT WHO LOUDER LAR!!!!!!'

Rating : 3.25

Observers. You know they are there. They know they are there. Their presence is felt. But what the hell, some of them are shy, some of them don't like to be online and various other reasons. Whatever the reason, they are there, but they are not there. Imagine a chatroom with 3 people. 2 people's fingers are working furiously, and this observer only works his right forefinger. Guess what he/she types?
'...'
'???'
And 'Bye'

Rating : 3.4

These are the angry dudes. They want to offend everyone in the world. They are angry, and they think it is right to spread anger. They are jealous. Feel their hatred. Feel their wrath. Every single thing offends them.
"Hey dude, what brand of keyboard you using? Logitech?"
"What? Want say I cheap buy useless keyboards is it? You go to hell lar!"

Another example would be too vulgar. It is against my principals to not post it up. But for once, pity the kids who visit my blog regularly.

Rating : 4.75 ( Kill them all. Burn them! Slaughter them for the penguins! )

And finally. I don't have a name for this breed. To Keith if you happen to see this : I think I shall call this kind the Handsome Nutcases. There's one in every neighbourhood. Haha.

These kind are the strangest. They possess all the intellect, the wealth, the looks, the attitude and everything. They online. They get popular. Then they are ever rarely online. Their fans yell in excitement when they are online. Their entire page is flooded with add requests. Their friendster lags like shit because too many pretty girls and gays adding them. Each time you try to strike up a chat with them, they say 'Eh I gtg in a while, bye', then they appear offline in MSN.

Rating : 1

And the ultimate Internet users! Well for your information, if you do not realize it yet,





PENGUINS DO NOT USE THE INTERNET YOU IDIOT!

Rating : -5

Conclusion : Everyone deserves to die in the Internet. Haha. Then there's the Professor Leslie kind. The kind who doesn't make any sense.

Note : Please note that the above post is not meant to offend, but in fact is meant to entertain. Contains facts and fictions, up to reader's own penguin brain to figure out which is which. Should you feel offended, you should check out the 'Angry' breed, and think about how much you deserve to get spanked. Then email me your name and address and your rating, and I'll reply you right here right now "I received your mail, thanks but I am choosing to ignore it". There.

All rights reserve. Anyone seeking to copy or use any contents in this page without my approval will suffer the wrath of penguins. Beware the next time you go to the toilet. Penguins are known to have sharp beaks. Check before you sit down.

Modern Gadgets

Okay, for the second time I will be typing this post. My aunt denied closing my Firefox window, but obviously I won't be closing my blog post which I typed without saving it.

Alright. *Takes deep breath*

Today Professor Leslie shall talk about Modern Gadgets. Nowadays with the technology advancements growing at such a rapid rate, you can bet your sorry underwear that these gadgets are sprouting up like mushrooms. You can wear a belt around your waist and strap it full with gadgets like camera, phone, iPod.. etc etc.

Professor shall further elaborate on these amazing Gadgets, and give a rating for them.

Note : All ratings are with a base of 5.

Modern Handphone : - Modern Handphones are the average Joes in all the Gadgets rank. Why? Because they have every feature. Phone, SMS, MMS, camera, video, music, bluetooth, WiFi.. and the list goes on. Why Average? Because every single feature sucks. Phone feature not as useful nor cheap as house phone, camera and video quality sucks when compared with REAL cameras. Music? Not as good as iPod. The phone lags like shit fuck if you load it over half its memory, and hangs all the time. Bluetooth is like a free fortunately, but it still sucks because anybody can stalk you. WiFi is seriously not safe because anybody can hack you.
Rating : 3.5

iPod : - This invention is seriously a wonder. It is a handphone that cannot call, a camera that cannot take pictures, a club that cannot hit anything, a TV that is too small to watch anything, and it plays music. Oh and its real expensive.
Rating : 2.0

Cameras : - These babies are an essential part of life. Ever wondered why Dinosaurs died out? Because they don't have cameras. Cameras record every sweet moment of your life ( no pornos please ). Imagine a person falling down and you are acting like CAPS WOMAN and going 'HAHAHAHAHAHHAAH!' God I sure would like to take a photo or record it down. Imagine WTF WEI apprehending robbers? That would be great for camera shots. Or imagine some hot girl is walking down the street.
Rating : 4.0

Laptops/Notebooks : - Seriously, these are the worry gadgets. They cost a lot. And they are heavy even though they can be lugged around. You worry about theft, you worry you might drop it, you worry you might spill coffee over it, you worry your son surfs porno over it, you worry kena hack, you worry got virus, you worry shit. Conclusion is, you get a computer everywhere you might possibly go.
Rating : 2.5

Thumb Drives : - These seriously are useful toys. I mean, a portable 2 GB in your hands literally. You can load all sorts of stuff in it, and never worry as long as you still have it. But beware when going to toilets. You might wonder why you shit suddenly so erect. And then you realize it. The horror.
Rating : 3.0

Walkie-Talkies : - These babes are seriously a wonder. What other gadgets allow you to send spoken text messages? The only downside is that they are HUGE, and expensive. But otherwise this device comes in especially useful. Imagine a superhero fighting crime with a W-T. A damsel is being threatened by a lecher and his dog. The superhero ( imagine WTF Wei coming to the rescue ) jumps in after receiving the call via his W-T. He pokes the man in the eye with the antennae of the W-T and whacks the dog with the hard body of the W-T. After the villians are defeated he cracks open a crab's pincers and extract the flesh for the maiden. He would then continue to fight crime, but he is out of range and therefore cannot receive call for help. So he lives happily ever after with the maiden.
Rating : 3.75

Playstation Portable ( PSP ) : - These guys are way cool. What better thing than to have a PS at your disposal every single moment? It is basically a handphone. A better version of Nokia Ngage that cannot call and cannot send messages. Other than that everything is still the same.
Rating : 2.5

Playstation ( And anything similiar ) : These kids are way better than computers in playing games man.. And way much cheaper too!
Rating : 4.25

I guess that's all the gadgets I can think of for now. Tell me more gadgets, once enough I shall make another post like this?

How to Save a Life??

First things first.. I apologize for the week overdue update.

Firstly, it was because the photos were not ready as promised.

Secondly, my grandmother finally passed away peacefully.

_____________________________________________________________________

Anyway, the photos first. I think I will upload everything onto my multiply. You know, fuck it I might as well load all my photos up instead of saving it in the computer and risk being reformatted.

I sent four rolls of films to Charlie photo in Summit Batu Pahat. The counter assistant served me, and I told her 'Burn CD only'.

She stared at me, then asked me to wait. As if such requests were unusual. ( Oh wait, it IS unusual xD Who the hell would use a film to burn into a CD after the invention of digital cams? )

She returned and told me the price.

RM 5 each roll for film process fee. RM 9 for each roll to burn.

4 rolls add up to around RM 56.

Anyway, she told me to give RM 20 deposit, which I did. Which also meant I still have to pay RM 36 when I retrieve them. That was Sunday the 11th if i wasn't mistaken. She told me they would be ready by Wednesday, the 14th.

On the 14th, I was told it wasn't ready. What the fuck.

So I went back on the 16th. Friday. And yes, it was ready. When I asked her how much.. she took out a calculator and began typing. Then she showed me the calculator.

RM 16.

What the fuck?????????????????????

She showed me how she got that. Simple. 4 rolls of film at RM 9 each is RM 36. I paid RM 20 deposit, so now I pay RM 16.

I got so confused that I paid without asking anymore questions.

I gave her a RM 50. She returned me RM 10. '_'???????????????????????

Apparently I wasn't the only one confused hahahahahahah!

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And on Friday, after I got the CDs with photos, I returned home for lunch. As I was having lunch, my grandmother finally passed away after so long. Yeah, her health was seriously deteriorating, and she seemed to be in agony.

The funeral was held immediately. 3 days in the whatever-place-you-call it. I stayed up two nights in a row to watch over grandma. Together with my cousins of course.

Apparently Chinese believes that if a black cat jumps over the corpse of a just-passed-away person, that person would come back alive in a zombie state. Meaning unrest among the dead.

My cousin saw grandma. She said her goosebumps just rised suddenly but us others felt nothing. Then she was just staring at grandmother while we were chatting away, then she suddenly waved at somebody.

Me and my cousin saw that and turned but saw nobody. Then we asked her she said she didn't do any waving, so we assumed she was mad.

She finally admitted seeing a shadow beside grandma when they were home.

To cut the story short, grandmother is now safely buried beside grandfather.

I miss you Ah Ma.

___________________________________________________________________

Alright, continue with NS.

This is Hazlee. He is one hell of a handsome dude back in camp. And you bet your smelly underwears he is admired by many a Malay girl. Oh yeah, he is also the champion for Cross Country ( 5km distance, which he completed in 18 minutes ).

NS was fun! The rafting team won by 0.00000000000000001 seconds to qualify into the finals hahaha. A Paddle's difference was what my teacher said. Yes, it was that close. And we lost terribly in the finals because we changed one person. That shifted the entire strength balance.

My bahas team won champion for the bahas competition! I was the fourth reserve, and my main role is to contribute POIs, points, and rebuttals. Which I did. And my friends used it well. And we managed to bash our way through to become champ!

And of course, the Chinese guys were pissed off with me. They thought I was showing off when I just walk into their dorm. Then they started their insults saying I had an easy job just sitting there without need to speak. I haven't even uttered a single word. What the fuck is wrong with these guys?

Debate notes.

In Johor, Indians are called 'India'. In Malacca, they are called 'Macha'. I don't know what it means though.
Vetiyananthan ( aka Macha ) and me. We're being assholes, haha. Our second speaker was talking and we were posing for photos. Hahaha xD This was the finals.

What else?? Hmm.. Charlie was Champion for the entire camp's competitions. We got a final score of 29/40, with Bravo 2nd with score 22/40, followed by Alpha 19/40 and Delta got last.

Our teachers were beaming!

___________________________________________________________________

Not much to say about the activities other than its fun. Though I personally feel that the only real thing given real emphasis is the Physical competitions. The Character Building class and Patriotism class wasn't given much importance ( though I liked the teachers ), and the Sastera class seriously sucked ( I seriously hated the instructors ).

The instructors just came suddenly, say 'we are not here for any direct teaching. You do the job and we guide you'.

And what he really means is, he sits down there and shakes his leg while we do our job.

And he has the cheek to show us a pissed off face, as though we were the ones not contributing.

Community Service is a screwed up programme. It said community service. I think they got 'Learning while visiting' and 'Community service' mixed up. Our community service involves going to Museums to look-see-look-see, going to the firefighter's place to learn the way things operate and such. My idea of community service was going to the old folks home, orphanage, clean up places and help flood victims. What the fuck???

___________________________________________________________________

I have a problem with some of the Chinese guys there. In my own company.

I mix well with everyone there. Be they Malay, Chinese or especially Indians. I like the Indian dudes there.

Malay guys are cool and sporting, and they don't nurture any feelings of hate and such.

Chinese guys majority are a great bunch. They are great achievers in sports or academics.

But there is this group, who are neither that excellent in sports, and seriously they don't do well in studies. And their ego, well, the biggest is what I can say. A small slight thing, and they try to pick a fight. They don't like your face, every single sentence you say is rudely rebuked.

I don't like them. In fact, I hate them.

There was once A and B quarreled. During our celebration night B didn't want to join, instead choosing to remain seated quietly at a side. I was concerned so I asked C 'Did A and B quarrel?'

C goes 'MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS LAR STUPID! What for so kepoh???????????'

Okay lor, kasi lu menang.

Then A comes along and says 'oi Leslie, you talk bad about me ar?' gave me a glare and wanted to beat me up.

I mean, why must you practise such ways? Uncivilized scums. Yes I am a bitter person =/

Going by race, the ones I respect most would be the Indians there ( very minority ) followed by Malays. I don't respect some of the Chinese there.

But then, don't want to be labeled as rascist, would I?


Lazy to update photos. Go see my multiply.

Education in Malaysia

Just a short post since its that 'festive' period of the year again.

And to satiate the cravings of my friends and silence their incessant cries for updates.

For the moment anyway.

For all of you wondering..

I GOT 10 1As for SPM!!!

And I got a 1A for GCE 1119 English!

Ego booster man xD

Yeah, Batu Pahat only 9 people got straight 1s. 8 in High School.

Now busy applying for scholarships.

___________________________________________________________________

Which brings me to the topic of Yayasan Tenaga Nasional's scholarship.

I filled in the forms with every meticulous effort and in every single detail, but my form was rejected in 0.00000000000000001 second. After I rechecked the criterias required, I realized I forgot to include my results for Biology and Moral Ed. Which is because I couldn't find them in the first place.

So I tried to fill in second time. I couldn't log in to the system at all.

So I was fucked. Have I just lost a scholarship chance?

In the end, I couldn't log in because they changed my ID and password =/ After spending 1283617451274213 years worrying and 12735127412745 years trying to figure out why, the reason was that simple.

It can be concluded. What the fuck.

____________________________________________________________________

And today, I realized our JPNJ ( Jabatan Pelajaran Negeri Johor ) has a scary motto.

Here's a conversation between me and my aunt.

Me : I never realized JPNJ has such a scary motto.
Au : Why's that?
Me : It says here 'One step ahead'
Au : It has always been that motto what?
Me : Look here ( points at a rubber band JPNJ gave us )

It read : One Step A Head.

For those of you wondering, read carefully. If you still don't understand, lemme type out the BM direct translation for you.

'Satu Langkah Satu Kepala'.

What a difference a spacebar makes. Conspiracies!!!!!! They want our heads!!!!!!!!!

National Service

First and foremost, I apologize as part 2 of KL trip will not be published. I forgot xD

This post is about NS. I have decided to write it in ala short stories so that it will be easier for all of us. Remember that this will not be in chronological order. The only order is the way I remember the things xD which is indeed very the chaotic.

Alright, without further ado, here goes.

The First Week of National Service.

The bus us BP-ians took to the camp ( Kem Warisan, Masjid Tanah, Melaka ) were fashionably late. Everyone arrived around lunch time. We arrived during high tea. That was freaking late, not to mention us being like orang kampung there, all the Jakuns never even seen a bamboo tree before.

And guess what?

We were told that to the north is the Sungai Linggi, which is inhabited by WHITE crocodiles ( yesh we all saw one before ). To the east and west is a thick paya bakau. And to the south, ( where we came in ) is a five kilometre long palm oil estate.

Basically yes, all thoughts of escape is killed immediately. As if to rub salt to the wound, the coaches inform us that the nearest town is 20 minutes drive away.

And oh yes, the coaches reminded us that we were late because the freaking bus driver got lost 3 times even after asking for directions. Basically, its to tell us that the roads here aren't easy. Ain't easy at all.

Companies and Friends

Four Chinese guys came from Batu Pahat. Namely me, my classmate Kang Wee, and my long lost childhood fightmate David ( last time he was known as Peter ), and another guy called Bernett Lee Sui Liang.

Upon arrival, as we are reporting in for camp, we are divided into four companies. Namely, Alpha, Bravo, Charlie and Delta. I was listed in Charlie. And after a while, I realized that all the BP Chinese guys were dumped into Bravo.

For real, I felt really really alone. I felt like clinging on to my friends, I felt like applying to change company, I felt loneliness.

Even up till today, I still felt I should have been in Bravo. I have seen what Bravo guys are like. I have seen what Charlie guys are like. And the only girl in camp I found to be the only one that suits my taste is in Bravo.

Heck, in fact I am better friends with Bravo Malay guys than Charlie Chinese guys. It just goes to show how much I like the people. But don't worry, I belong to Charlie. And will be a member of Charlie. I will contribute what I can earnestly to my company that we may achieve victory!

* - I got number 90 for cross country out of 187 guys. Not bad :D
* - I am currently the captain for Charlie's Raft team. Until I am replaced anyway xD
* - I got shooting score [ 1, 8, 8, 1 ]
* - I am one of the 31 in the marching team.

Charlie will kick ass.

Backstabbing and Interpersonal Relationships

Barely a fortnight into camp, a few of our initially large group of friends began backstabbing each other. As the camp is not finished yet, I shall not mention name. But they will be called X, Y, and Z etc.

Mr. X initially was a much well-thought fellow. He looked mature, seemed responsible and such. But when he started backstabbing others, our large group began to break. Until now, Mr X only has two real friends. Myself not included.

When everyone started to ignore Mr X, he said me and another friend were his best friends. I wanted to keep that. My one intention of going to NS is to make friends with everyone and have no enemies.

But I made the mistake of backstabbing Mr X. He overheard.

I was walking back to dorm when one of my best friends started talking about Mr X. How the way he walks portrays his arrogance.. bla bla bla. I listened and added a thought of mine, which is not exactly pleasant honestly. And then, I saw him. He waved to me.

Since that day, he distanced himself from me. I don't feel the need to apologize. The way he backstabs everybody, I will not be surprised if he starts backstabbing me. Furthermore, I was emotionally hurt many times by Mr X.

How would you feel if you repeated something to another person 3-5 times and receive no response at all? That person wouldn't even look at you even if you called his name many times. When he did turn, he said 'I didn't hear you'.

How would you feel, if you sat down beside your friend for a chat, and he ran off with another friend at top speed the moment you sat down?

Yeah, that happened to me. Before I BS him. But still, I don't like this BS-ing business. Not my cup of tea. I will try to avoid these kind of stuff.

Orang Gila Tanjung Warisan

Yes. That is my nickname in NS. How I got it, its quite a long story.

You see, we all have 2 weeks of Character Building classes. After two weeks, we have an official night to officially close down CB class. And it is then, every CB class is required to present a performance. ( CB class is divided by companies, so there are 4 CB classes )

My CB class ( CB 3 ) made its own very special performance. We wanted to do some comedy, yet carries something meaningful. So we made a story about three friends going to a mental hospital.

I acted as one of the crazy people there.

Well, you see, we have a OC squad keseluruhan. A Chinese guy who is not exactly well liked because of his air of arrogance and diao-ness.

And what I did was, I mimicked him. With good acting too.

Everyone collapsed in laughter. I received praises saying my part was the funniest.

But alas, we lost.

Alpha got 2nd for performance ( They did dikir barat ). While Bravo got 1st ( They did a sketch, they tried to be funny but were seriously cold. They won because theirs carried patriotic meanings, in my opinion anyway. After all, Charlie's message was [ don't forget the insane people ] while Bravo's message was [ don't forget the tokohs of Malaysia ].

Though we lost, from that day onwards I was known as the Orang Gila Tanjung Warisan among the Malay community in the entire camp.

Komunis Warisan

This is my 2nd nickname. Acquired quite recently. You see we had a Malam Patriotik for Kenegaraan class ( Classes are divided in a random way where four companies are mixed together ). Each class sent a solo singer to sing patriotic songs.

But a Charlie coach, Cikgu Kamisah wanted to do her very own performance. She wanted to sing a sajak, the sajak is about an old hero, who during his younger days fought communists. She wanted some actors from Charlie to mime out as she sang her sajak.

I was the communist together with another friend. We had to cooperate with other guys ( the good guys ) and perform some matrix stunts.

Since that night onwards, I was known as the 'Komunis Kem Warisan.' Guess what? Put together my nickname and you get 'Komunis Gila Tanjung Warisan'.

Friend in Need

There was a morning where we had this trial run for cross country. 10 kilometres track for guys and 7.5 kilometres for girls ( supposedly, But I think it was 5 and 3.5 )

As this was a trial run, we didn't have to go fast, just to know the way.

Anyway, halfway through, I saw a Malay friend of my company whom I did not know yet. He was sitting down, in pain. He said his stomach really hurt and he couldn't move. According to him then, he said it was gastric.

He wanted to continue. But I stopped him. I asked him to turn back, but he couldn't really move without doubling in pain. So myself and another friend carried him back, while assuring him that I am a member of St.Johns Ambulance.

He passed out once. Which led me to suspect it wasn't gastric. His pain was on his right abdomen. I suspected Appendicitis.

Back in camp, the medic's van was already ready to bring him to the hospital. So I left him with the medic and went off to do my own stuff.

During lunch, teacher asked for a volunteer to accompany him to the hospital. I thought, what the heck, since I brought him back, might as well follow and help all the way.

When I reported to medic, I was told to change into class uniform and bring some toiletries and towel.

Ok fuck. I was expected to stay overnight or two nights with him.

I didn't expect that at all. So I was stuck.

First, he was sent to Terendak Land Army Hospital. There we sat for 2 hours while waiting. I watched an Indian movie on TV while waiting. It was.. interesting.

Anyway, the plot for the Indian movie is this :

An Indian guy, who came from a family of wrestlers, can't wrestle. Instead, he loves cooking. And he landed a job in a hotel, where he started wooing a certain Miss Sonya, executive or something in the food section.

On the other hand, there is an Indian gangster, named Manu, who looked identical to the main character. And he set out to kill his friends who betrayed him for his money.

And he found out that there is this other guy who looked identical to him, so he assumed the cook's identity and threw the cook behind bars.

And it was a series of unfortunate events for the main character. But he prevailed in the end.

Oh, during the two hours, fifteen minutes were spent on Adverts. Half an hour in quiet story development. The rest on singing and dancing.

Back to reality. Apparently the hospital couldn't really treat him, so he was sent to Terendak Hospital. There they diagnosed him to be a confirmed case of Acute Appendicitis.

Another two hours. Then they said as they were lacking an anaesthetic expert, they couldn't operate on him. He was transferred to Malacca Main Hospital.

It was already evening by the time we arrived there, what with all the delays and shit. His parents came. Coach asked him 'Mau Kawan teman ke keluarga teman?'

I was secretly elated. Yes! Can go back camp instead of this boring place!!!

Instead, he pointed at me and said 'Kawan teman'.

I was crushed. Coach asked me 'Boleh?'

I didn't want to be the bad guy. Since I initially intended to help, might as well. So I agreed.

I spent the night beside this guy in hospital. During the unearthly hours, his pain subsided. Doctors came and went. And he was told he was fine to be discharged. Wtf.

This is really the case of 'Sick at home, fine in the hospital'.

What I got from this incident.

1. The Medic began calling me her medical assistant. I will be called to assist her anytime because I told her I was a member of St. John Ambulance and has some trickling knowledge of first aid. I shared lots of stories and such with the Medic during the long wait. She's a nice lady.

2. A good friend. Malay people always remember people who have helped them. Now I know I have at least a loyal Malay friend in camp now. And whats more, my deed has made the Malays in my dorm ( 17 people in my dorm. 2 Chinese 1 Indian the rest Malays ) come to appreciate me. I made many many new friends that day upon arrival back in camp. All Malays. :D

___________________________________________________________________

I suppose that's all for now. I am very tired from typing. I will update tomorrow if i feel like it. If not, just wait another fortnight, that's when I am officially out of camp and completed my training stint.

P/S : Secretly, I am hoping to get the title 'Wira Terbaik'.
P/P/S : Secretly, I know I am not the best deserving one.

Penguin Lords storm KL, rendezvous with KL BRATs with conspiracies

Chapter 1 - 9th December 2006

Leslie got up early in the morning. After washing up, he went downstairs. And Hark!

What he discovered was two slices of ROTI CANAI!! At 8.15am, it was still early. His bus leaves at 9am, so he had no worries about being late.

And he finished eating them at 8.35am. What was the time to meet Zhi Wei again? Ah yes 8.30am. I am still early.

Despite his aunt urging him to be faster, he still takes his time nonchalantly.

So he arrives at the bus station at 8.45am, and saw his friend conspirator Zhi Wei. Zhi Wei ( ZW ) was with his mum, and she was busy cautioning him and all sorts of advices.

Leslie joined him, and surveyed the crowd for possible assasins on his valuable life. After all, he was an Important Emissary for Penguins and Ultramans.

The bus had a sign. Batu Pahat to Kuala Lumpur non-stop.

During the journey, amidst drowning in My Chemical Romance ( MCR ) songs and ZW reading a freaking book, Leslie suddenly felt as if the bus was not moving. The clock showed 11.30am. That was around 2 and a half hours of journey to KL from BP.

Looking around, in and out of the window, he finally found out why. The bus felt as if it was not moving because it was not moving! He looked out the window, and saw a white mercedes beside. He began dreaming of life when he is successful, with six cars, six houses and six of everything in the world.

When he stopped day dreaming, he looked out the window again. The white mercedes was still there. Had the bus travelled so fast that the mercedes barely managed to keep up?

To Leslie's horror, the bus had not moved an inch. The clock showed 11.52am. NON STOP?? My feet and penguin flippers!

Finally, they arrived in Pudu Raya at 12.45pm. Unfortunately for the world, they are not going to jail. Immediately after disembarking, Leslie scanned the crowd for more possible attempts on his life. His lowly servant, ZW stared around like an idiot. When he felt safe enough, he handed his bags to ZW and proceeded to buy return tickets.

He called his cousin, Chee Pink ( CP ). CP asked them to go to Jaya Jusco and have lunch there while he gets there. He said he was on his way to Jaya Jusco.

So the duo, a High Lord with a wretched servant went to Jaya Jusco. A plate of chicken rice costed RM 7.50. Leslie was fucked. And ZW actually said he avoided fast food because they were too expensive. Before he began eating, Leslie checked his watch. 1.30pm. He called CP again. 'I am on my way' CP assured again. Leslie began eating.

After they finish eating, Leslie called CP at 2pm. 'I am on my way!' CP reassured. He finally arrived at 2.45pm. Leslie was fucked.

They then proceeded to shop around. CP asked Leslie and ZW to visit the MPH bookstore upstairs. Leslie felt a sudden urge to yell. Why had he not been informed of the presence of a MPH bookstore so near?

And so when they came to the MPH bookstore, ZW began saying 'Master, let's go to the SPM book section.' Puzzled, Leslie let ZW lead. Upon reaching the reference books for SPM, ZW began laughing loudly "AHAHAHA I NEED YOU NOT ANYMORE!". Leslie was fucked.

After browsing around several sections, Leslie found this and ZW photographed it.

Children's books included such books? Leslie never knew that, and cursed that when he was a child all he ever read was Enid Blyton.

At night, CP brought them to Sungei Wang shopping centre. Leslie asked to go to the toilet. So ZW waited outside. And he found this.

A women's toilet with a toilet sign. Without a door.

Leslie was unfortunate enough to share a bedroom with Zhi Wei. CP's condo apartment only had one guest room. So he had no choice but to share the room.

When everybody went to sleep, ZW started snoring like a truck. Leslie was very very fucked.

Chapter 2 - 10th December 2006

Leslie and friends were supposed to met in Midvalley at 10am. ZW awoke well rested and joyful. Leslie awoke sleepy.

They met Navin Kuma in Bandar Tasik Selatan LRT station. Then they began crapping. As they boarded the KTM train, Aima stepped in. Leslie saw her first, but dismissed her. Since Leslie never saw her anyway except in photos, which she sure did bear resemblance to. Well, because she's the one in the photos.

So the trio started crapping, oblivious to Aima's pitiful existence in the train. Until she could not bear it anymore and said 'EH! You all also here??'

Upon arriving in MV, the first destination was McD's for breakfast. Leslie 'forcefully owed' Aima a Sundae, which he decided to buy it. Anything to shut her up.

The McD counter attendant girl looked innocent enough. When she asked Leslie what flavour of Sundae he wanted, Leslie leaned in and whispered 'Mixed please'. She was taken aback. It was the request for certain death.

ZW stepped in, trying to be a hero. He said 'Strawberry please'. Leslie shot ZW a glare.

Then, Aima started complaining. She said 'WHO THE HELL EATS STRAWBERRY SUNDAE??'

Leslie was fucked. Again.

Bee Bee arrived soon after breakfast. As she strode towards the gang of four weirdoes, Leslie began assessing her mind for any traces of insanity. Any residues in her mind after severe brainwashing by himself and Zhi Wei.

If there were, she did not show it.

Angel arrived soon after. And she asked a question.

"Zhi Wei, who is your friend here?"

Leslie was fucked. Again.

From left: Bee Bee, Angel, ZW, Navin Kuma, Aima, Leslie

Then Angel asked an interesting question again. "Where are we going now?"

Everybody said "Don't know.." and then started walking again. To where, it was undecided. So the entire gang decided to go Burger King, since they offer free places to sit.

Bee Bee suddenly felt like eating sugar-coated strawberries. It costed RM3.50 a stick. Seven Strawberries each stick.

Halfway through the chatting process, Aima got a seizure AND a fit. She started trembling like crazy then she grabbed Leslie and started strangling him. Leslie was yelling for help, but alas, people laughed. Apathy! Apathy causes death. Fortunately, Leslie survived the ordeal, though it was traumatizing.


This is Aima with Angel.

This is Navin Kuma. Who apparently is the 'Product Supervisor' for Carrefour. He earns RM80 a day. Apparently, when asked what Product Supervisor actually meant, he said 'In short it means Promoter lar...'

And when asked, Angel simply said 'Oh I am working for Osim now with the iGallop thing. I earn RM180 a day'. For once, Navin Kuma was fucked instead of Leslie.


This was in Midvalley Burger King. Free seats. From left : Bee Bee, ZW, Navin Kuma, Aima, Angel, Leslie

Of course, who goes to a shopping centre without at least window shopping. Aima led the gang to Rock Corner and started swearing at the shop. 'Why is it called Rock corner when the rock songs are so little' or something. Leslie suggested it be called 'Stone corner'.

This is Aima. She apparently had another fit and a seizure. She started strangling a stuffed toy of a penguin.

Soon, one by one, they left. Until Leslie, Zhi Wei, Bee Bee and Aima was left. Despite Navin Kuma's insistence that his working hours are 'flexible', he finally decided to leave. Angel also had to work. And Joshua came amazingly early and left so fast we couldn't finish a bowl of kuey teow.

And soon the question arose. What are they to do tomorrow?

Final verdict after much argument : Midvalley. Because Joshua said so.

What the fuck.

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One hour and a half for two parts. This is crazy. Update another two parts another time.

Complete set of photos can be found at ZW's Multiply since I did not bother to bring my camera. Asyraf would laugh his ass off himself looking at my camera.

Finally xD

The procrastination has come to an end. Well maybe I'll just do this later..

Ah alright, no use procrastinating again. I think its going to take me an entire night and day to sort out the photos, so I'll get down to updating the KL thingy tomorrow xD

For now, I shall update on Eragon : The movie.

The verdict : Sucked
The score : 4 / 10

Reason in General : Plot was hacked to pieces, then mutilated over and over again. Poor acting.

Reason in Detail ( Warning : Super spoiler. Do not proceed unless you do not intend to read the book )

1. Elves no pointy ear? Wtf
2. Dwarves taller than men
3. Role of side characters like Murtagh, Brom and such too short and unimportant
4. King Galbatorix is not supposed to be seen at all anyway
5. Durza was shot by Murtagh, not Eragon
6. No Jeod, no Helena, no Twins, no Katrina and millions of characters missing. Worst of all, no Solembum. And Angela was hardly mentioned at all.
7. Eragon did not jump from Saphira's back to attack Durza.
8. Murtagh was supposed to help Eragon after he was captured by Ra'zak, not stalking like a sex maniac
9. Murtagh freaking doesn't want to go to the Varden, but in the movie he offered to bring Eragon there
10. Arya was supposed to be unconscious, but there you have it, she was alive and healthy instead of alive and near death and unconscious
11. No Urgals were chasing them. They appeared out of nowhere.
12. Brom also appeared out of nowhere to take the spear for Eragon.
13. Uncle Garrow looked more like sleeping instead of dead.
14. Brom was not killed by Durza. He was killed by poisoned dagger of Ra'zak.
15. Eragon learned magic through desperation when he shot TWO Urgals in the head with one arrow, instead of AN ENTIRE COMPANY of Urgals AND a Bridge with one arrow
16. Angela looked like a whore instead of a witch
17. The battle was no battle. It suddenly ended with a victory when Durza died. No explanation were given even though the Varden were clearly portrayed outnumbered million-to-one.
18. Eragon and Murtagh's friendship were not shown to grow.
19. Hadarac desert scene was cut off entirely.
20. Plains with storm scene was cut off entirely.
21. Farthen Dur city scene was cut off entirely.
22. City where Jeod was in ( forgot the name xD ) was cut off entirely
23. Arya was supposed to reject Eragon. But in the movie it looked like she was in love with him instead of Eragon in love with her.
24. No character development is evident. In the book it can be felt. He just changed from a farm boy to a hero in an hour. Well, literally.
25. Saphira's script was way too corny.
26. Saphira's name was chosen after Eragon listed a name for her, not her introducing herself.
27. Brom could 'talk' to Saphira. It was not seen in the movie.
28. Nasuada was not introduced properly. Her role was 10 seconds in the movie. She plays quite an important role ok!!
29. Varden people looked like gangsters instead of freedom fighters.
30. Eragon did not bless the little girl.
31. Brom did not teach Eragon anything in the movie.
32. Roran's departure was abrupt and wasn't even explained at all

32 reasons why the movie sucked. Wasted my money buying it, and the director wasted his entire budget to make this film. I wonder how Christopher Paolini took this down?

I should like to see the movie for the sequel book 'Eldest', since characters like Jeod, Katrina and the twins played super important roles to make the twist in the end. But then, if they are going to mutilate it as well, there's a high chance I am not going to watch it at all.

KL trip post coming right up!

Malaysia Boleh

This will be the last post until next Wednesday ( not that I have been very hardworking anyway. My productivity has reached total zero. )

This is because I will be in KL with Zhi Wei meeting up with a couple of BRATs friends. If you want to meet us, feel free to call us. We're still too free despite the current plans xD

I won't post my number here. I don't want any stalkers on my back. So I'll post Zhi Wei's number here, contact him if you want to contact me or him.

Zhi Wei's number is : 012-3456789. Damn expensive number wei, better call and make it worth his while.

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On to today's post. Today I am featuring Malaysian Drivers. No kidding. In Bolehland, the drivers are all extremely skilled people. To make my point, I even spent the whole night drawing shit on paint but fortunately still quite comprehensible.

For starters, Malaysian drivers are the most skilled drivers in the world. This is a common thing to happen, as I have observed for quite a while.

If you do not understand this.. it means that two lanes can become four! You think everyone can do it meh?? Only Malaysians can do it you know!!

This one happened to me. Imagine you driving along the road, and suddenly one whole row of
cars parked are coming out TOGETHER and drive you off to another lane.

This is another common thing. You're approaching the traffic light and you're first. The traffic light is turning red, so naturally you would slow down. Then comes along some hot shot and overtake you JUST BEFORE THE LINE.

I say, never underestimate Malaysian drivers. Driving on a straight road with smooth traffic, one or two of us can get into the drain. God knows how, but they always manage. You ever seen this in other places? No right!???

This is a Malaysian Classic. Two super duper wide roads. One heading south, one heading north. Both one way. This can even happen in Highways. Somebody always manages to get on the wrong side of the traffic. Sometimes I wonder how they get out. It is not uncommon. I repeat. It is not uncommon.


Generally, Malaysian drivers can be categorized into two categories. One kind, is the one who cheong traffic lights, and basically cheong everything else. 2 seconds to go, and they are 1km away from the light, you bet they sure cheong.

Another kind are the slow and steady kind. Yeah, slow. Very slow. So slow in fact, they take the 15 seconds out of the normal 40 seconds in a green light just to pass the line. Ok maybe I was exaggerrating, but I have encountered these kind personally. Me and my pal Christopher. Many occasions. We were not stepping on the gas pedal, and we're overtaking them. Wtf.
Even the accidents here are special. Motorbikes tend to crash during rainy days. This special accident I saw was laughable if it wasn't so tragic. The motorbike crashed and lay horizontally in the middle of two lanes. And the road was quite narrow xD Blocked the entire road.

Malaysia is infamous for its Mamak. Some of the mamak are so good you would die if you don't put on weight there. But some are notorious mamak xD You have to becareful by what they mean by 'tambah lauk'.

To people who don't understand this post, you have to be
1 ) One who is seriously underaged and has no experience whatsoever on the road, and are freaking lazy to pay any attention when your parents are busy chauffering you around.

2 ) One who seldom drives

3 ) Seriously stupid

:D This is among the few natural phenomenon on the road in Malaysia. There are lots of others!

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This is a short post about Grandma Chronicles.

My grandmother's sense of humour still exists despite her age. There was this night, she woke up at 10pm. She slept at 7.30pm by the way.

So she called me. *in Hokkien*

"I want eat peanuts."

I was like.. 'where got peanuts.'

But being the nice guy I was, I said 'Ah ma don't worry, I go and buy now'.

At 10pm, all the shops were closed. So I pusing pusing around town until I finally found a shop. And bought a packet of peanuts.

When I reached home, she was there waiting. When I passed it to her..

"I don't feel like eating already."

WTF

Another occasion was I told her I was going NS.

"Ah Ma, I am going to become a soldier."
"OKAY GOOD! You go there become a commander come back with good name."
"Orh.."

Then the maid came along..
"Ah Ma I also want go!"
"OKAY GOOD! You go there also become good commander then don't come back."

WTF

My grandmother was saying about how she feels insecure because she has no money on her.

"You know one bowl of rice how expensive or not?"

Then she continued..

"Work all your life to buy a bowl of rice every meal. Then when you are old go find one river jump in BOOM! and your life ends."

I was like.. '_'

She actually made sense.

Alright, that's all. Now I am going to have an early rest. Tomorrow going KL woohoo!

SPM IS FINALLY OVER~!!!

First and foremost..

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~~~!!!

Haha very lame. It is proven during SPM that I am allergic to exams. I HAD FEVER THREE TIMES IN A WEEK!! No I don't think its dengue.

Expected Targeted Results :

10As.

7/8 A1s. 2/3 A2s.

I am not setting my hopes too high. I will be happy if I get all As. I am pretty confident of 7 subjects, with the exception of Moral Ed., Biology and Chemistry. But I am confident I can get at least an A2.

I heard from friends that we're getting our results on the 28th of February. That means I'll be getting my results in NS camp. Wtf!! Oh well.. can always visit school after NS xD

And so a chapter of my life has come to an end.

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Just watched James Bond with two friends and a fiend last night. Maybe make it three fiends. Zhi Wei, Heng Leng and Yee Yong. Zhi Wei couldn't stop bullshitting the entire hour-and-half before the movie until the movie. Heng Leng's phone kept ringing during the movie and he went to toilet god-knows-how-many-times. And Yee Yong's mind can never stop spinning. He keeps asking why why why when watching the movie. And I am watching Happy Feet with them later!

On to what I think about James Bond : Casino Royale. Its pretty good.

Its the best Bond movie I have ever watched. (*that's cause its the only one I remember watching*)

Girls were hot. Daniel Craig had nice blue eyes. And the way he messed up everything and in the end turned out he was right was way cool xD He has a good style of saying 'fucker-classified' stuff.

Vesper Lynd : *something something - don't fall in love with me or something* lol i can't remember xD
James Bond : That's ok. You're not my type.
Vesper Lynd : Smart?
James Bond : Single.

The girl who played Vesper Lynd was Eva Green! I was wondering why the hell she looked so damn familiar to me. I have seen her act in Kingdom of Heaven! That is why! I am terrible at remembering actors. Well, maybe some actresses as well xD

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I bought Eragon the Game for PS2. It was not at all that disappointing. But though it tends to get quite monotonous. But its quite nice. Really :)

I finished reading Eragon and Eldest in 3 days during SPM period. I know I was supposed to be studying xD But hey come on lar.. Eragon vs. Text book. Its pretty obvious which will have a greater hold on me. Eragon is 600 pages. Text book also 600 pages. The only difference is I won't feel hungry after reading Eragon. And I won't fall asleep while reading as well.

I have checked out the movie. No I haven't watched it. But just checked it on the net. Apparently there's lots of newbie actors. But I saw the trailer, it looks quite promising. Though somewhere on the net some people mentioned that they hacked the plot apart. Aaargghh! Destroying a good story just to save millions is a crime to all penguins!

Irrationally, wouldn't it be better to pour in a couple of extra millions and a bit of time so that all the reviews turn out to be orgasmic and hit box office for 6 months straight?

At least Lord of The Rings wasn't too disappointing.

In Eragon, OMG WTF Rachel Weisz is Saphira!! How can they put such a hot girl as a dragon!!!????? Considering its a dragon, that means she will be voicing it!!!! DAMN! They should hire her as Arya!! I don't think the current Arya is hot enough. Personal preferences. Don't start hurling fireballs or eggs on fire at me. Rachel Weisz is so much hotter.

In case you do not know who she is, she acted as Angela in Constantine. If you still don't know, you're fucked. Go watch some movies. :P

My movie count is pathetic compared to my friends.

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If there's nothing I hate more, it is having to lend other people my prized story books. Yeah I know, at around RM32 - RM64 each, its not that expensive to you rich brats out there. But they are MY storybooks. My Precious. I distrust everyone when it comes to storybooks.

Not to mention I lent it to a friend, he refused to return me. Said he was at the last chapter of the story and he will not read the last chapter UNTIL the fourth book is published, which the author is currently still working on it. WTF MAN!! WHAT KIND OF LOGIC IS THAT?? Its at least a year or two wait. Who the hell reads a book until the very last chapter then stops just so that he/she can read the last chapter when the sequel book comes out?

And also they tend to come back folded, scribbled and stuff. Hello? THOSE ARE MY BABIES!! I am passionate towards them!!

Erm what was it I wanted to say again? I forgot amidst my sudden outburst.

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Now that SPM is officially over. These are my plans until after NS.

December
9th - 13th : Go KL find friends.
18th - 26th : Go Singapore and knock a fortune out of my bro. Its prob the last chance I deal such a financial blow to him anyway.
28th - 31st : Go KL again. My cousin's getting married on the 30th.

Jan 1st - March 11th : NS in Masjid Tanah, Malacca. My dad says its by the seaside o_O

In between, I hope I get some good books to read. I have more books at home than the books at the local bookstore. That's how pathetic it is. I always have to travel to at least JB or Malacca to buy a decent storybook to read.

Yeah, I have 11 books of The Wheel of Time, 9 books of The Sword of Truth to mention the least. And I TRAVELED TO THEM BIG CITIES TO BUY THEM ONE AT A TIME!??? That's at least 20 times man! WTF!

But what to do? My aunt says the range of the books sold is depending on the consumers. Where there are many readers, there are many books. Which means... I am probably the only one in Batu Pahat who reads story book for leisure. Haha xD

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The world is going to the dogs. Literally. Corruption is still rampant among authorities in Malaysia ( In Chinese they are called 'dog officers' which means corrupt officers ).

We had friendster. Now we have dogster.

In China, people actually hold a funeral for their pet dogs that had died.

You know you're screwed when some dogs wear nicer clothes than you.

Criminals getting away by taking a dog a hostage?? ( Ok, that is my imagination. But we never know do we? )

The next thing you know? Some American Prez ( or maybe even Malaysia xD But since our people seems to love cats more.. ) in the future couldn't make it to a conference and sent his dog as his official representative instead.

Just wait. When the penguins come.... then we will know.