Update yay!

Sorry been a bit lazy lately.

First off, two weeks after my grandma passing away, my father's been diagnosed with colon cancer. It is somewhere around stage 2 to stage 3.

Look, despite my age, I still am not ready to be an orphan ok? Dad's situation looks bad, the tumour seems to be almost blocking his large intestines.

Can only hope he gets fine soon.

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Anyway, today Professor Leslie's topic will be 'People on the net'. Yeah we all know, everyone's a bully in the Internet. Everyone dares to say stuff they never dare to say in reality. After all, virtual world is virtual world.

I shall elaborate each breed that I can think of, and give a rating of how much they deserve to get called an idiot and should be slapped twice or maybe castrated ( guys lar, what to do with girls? ). All Ratings are with a base of 5.

First off, we have the lecherous kind. These are typical males on the net searching for sex, or just some pictures of pretty girls to satisfy themselves. Young and old alike. Though those underage will mention they are '21, tall dark handsome and freaking rich. I am nice and loved by all'. The old China Ah Peks ( assuming age 65, with only 3 strands of hair ) will mention 'I am 18, lots of hair-one ah!. Very the sexy-arh!!. Rich until like siao. Very good stamina oso!'

Rating : 4. These are the kind to get castrated.


Introducing the whineys! They are your typical online emos. They will splatter your MSN with their nick (e.g.) 'I deserve to die', 'Love is eternal, but why must you break my heart?', 'I will love you forever even though you don't love me'. You get the idea. Even when you try to cheer them up, they go 'this world is hell! I should die faster!!'

Rating : 0. You don't have to kill them or even abuse them. They kill themselves eventually.


These guys are the trendy kind. They are the trend setters. Leaves a trail of self-created language. In public chatrooms, MSN, these kind are everywhere! Example of self-created language : 'Eh sup bradder we are very the cool and eating turtle balls now! What? Want go keng to mamak for teh? On like microwave oven lar! Ducks will fly also no put aeroplane lah! I swear with my balls lar! Aiya I varoom over your place if you no blif me lar! Dunnid scared long chia wan, I very skill lar! Car see me oso scared one. Police bribe me sammore! I think I very cool leh! Come lar let leng lui see us outside bla bla bla' They can think up of all sorts of words that make sense to them. 'I diao him!!!' 'I want to sut her!!'

Rating : 2 ( they are quite funny actually )

A new breed that occurs inevitably. These guys are the un-net-savvy net users. These guys don't understand computers, and think blogs are used in construction. They think friendster is a pet, and MSN is a kind of chocolate you buy online. Sometimes quite frustrating, but most of the time, you bet your smelly underwear they need help.
'You scroll your cursor over using your mouse..'
'Mouse? Wait I go catch one!'

Rating : 2.5 ( Ignorance is not a sin!! )

These are the flying hoppers. They hop around without landing for a solid minute. These guys are annoying, the ones that make noise anyway. Particularly in blogs, their presence can be felt. They just suddenly pop up in your cbox 'Hi there, nice blog ^^' and then they disappear.. forever. Sometimes you wonder is it even worth it to reply them, but you do anyway, in false hope that they will be back to read you say 'Whatever name : Hi. Thanks'

Rating : 3

These are the CAPS people. No offense to CAPS WOMAN, I don't mean you haha. These are the breed where every single word typed must be in caps. I mean it. Every. Single. Word. And. Alphabet.
'EH YOU DO HOMEWORK OR NOT YET? I WANT COPY!!'
'I THINK YOU ARE AN IDIOT!'
'OH YEAH? COME FIGHT WHO LOUDER LAR!!!!!!'

Rating : 3.25

Observers. You know they are there. They know they are there. Their presence is felt. But what the hell, some of them are shy, some of them don't like to be online and various other reasons. Whatever the reason, they are there, but they are not there. Imagine a chatroom with 3 people. 2 people's fingers are working furiously, and this observer only works his right forefinger. Guess what he/she types?
'...'
'???'
And 'Bye'

Rating : 3.4

These are the angry dudes. They want to offend everyone in the world. They are angry, and they think it is right to spread anger. They are jealous. Feel their hatred. Feel their wrath. Every single thing offends them.
"Hey dude, what brand of keyboard you using? Logitech?"
"What? Want say I cheap buy useless keyboards is it? You go to hell lar!"

Another example would be too vulgar. It is against my principals to not post it up. But for once, pity the kids who visit my blog regularly.

Rating : 4.75 ( Kill them all. Burn them! Slaughter them for the penguins! )

And finally. I don't have a name for this breed. To Keith if you happen to see this : I think I shall call this kind the Handsome Nutcases. There's one in every neighbourhood. Haha.

These kind are the strangest. They possess all the intellect, the wealth, the looks, the attitude and everything. They online. They get popular. Then they are ever rarely online. Their fans yell in excitement when they are online. Their entire page is flooded with add requests. Their friendster lags like shit because too many pretty girls and gays adding them. Each time you try to strike up a chat with them, they say 'Eh I gtg in a while, bye', then they appear offline in MSN.

Rating : 1

And the ultimate Internet users! Well for your information, if you do not realize it yet,





PENGUINS DO NOT USE THE INTERNET YOU IDIOT!

Rating : -5

Conclusion : Everyone deserves to die in the Internet. Haha. Then there's the Professor Leslie kind. The kind who doesn't make any sense.

Note : Please note that the above post is not meant to offend, but in fact is meant to entertain. Contains facts and fictions, up to reader's own penguin brain to figure out which is which. Should you feel offended, you should check out the 'Angry' breed, and think about how much you deserve to get spanked. Then email me your name and address and your rating, and I'll reply you right here right now "I received your mail, thanks but I am choosing to ignore it". There.

All rights reserve. Anyone seeking to copy or use any contents in this page without my approval will suffer the wrath of penguins. Beware the next time you go to the toilet. Penguins are known to have sharp beaks. Check before you sit down.