Friday, December 19, 2008

Body Parts

Today Professor Leslie shall discuss about body parts. Consider this sexual education for the strangely naive and sex-ignorant people even at the age of 18 (yes, they do exist)

Professor thinks that since evolution is constantly occurring, then the following arguments should theoretically be possible eventhough unlikely (which means it won't happen)

The specific topic under body parts would be the protruding parts of our body (or some call it extremities if Professor is not mistaken).

For those of you who are thinking only of penis, go wash your brains.

Let's explore some of the vocabularies currently existing.

Protruding part number 1 : From head
We call it a horn. Somehow humans don't have horns, but we observe it in creatures like goats and such. We humans have nothing better to do, so we photostat this body part and copy it onto otherwise normal creatures to create abnormal creatures. Satan, Unicorns and John comes to mind. Nothing of interest here, just to highlight this part.

Protruding part number 2 : From teeth
We call it either a sabertooth, a fang or less accurately a tusk (screw technicalities, it is from the teeth if I say it is). Somehow humans don't have this also, or it is not obvious or does not function. Again, we copy and paste this feature onto other otherwise normal creatures to create strange monstrosities. Dracula and Zhi Wei comes to mind. Nothing of interest here, just to highlight this part.

Protruding part number 3 : From hands
We call them fingers. If you have not heard of them, take a look at your hand. Those wormlike things you use to grab things are your fingers. You should have ten of them, normally. Nothing of interest here, just to highlight this part.

Protruding part number 4 : From legs
We call them toes. You should have ten too. If you have not heard of them, look at your toes. If you can't see them, time to get some exercise. Nothing of interest here, just to highlight this part.

Protruding part number 5 : From your crotch (males only)
We call it a penis. Magical muscular wonder of males. Makes you wonder why God or evolution made this organ this way (Key and keyhole comes to mind). Funny if you think about it. Not funny if you kick it hard, or break it. Voted (in a nonexistent poll) as guys' most important part in the body, and its protruding out instead of protected by strong skeletal frame. If you are a guy and you think this part is dispensible, you are probably gay and seriously lack libido. Unless you are a hermaphrodite anyway.

Strangest part of a male body. Size is adjustable, though maximum size varies. Hardness adjustable, depending on environment. Displays attracting and attention to loving stroking. Very sensitive to heat, and obeys the Physical Law. Size becomes small when exposed to cold, and relaxes in a warm condition. Definitely should not be exposed to high temperature as permanent change is possible to occur. Serves multiple purposes like removing fluid waste and discharging reproduction cells.

*Funny how leisure activities are called rest and RECREATION

Protruding part number 6 : From fingers and toes
They are finger/toenails. Professor usually forgets/procrastinates to cut them. Not an essential part of the body, but can be useful in a few disgusting ways. Cleaning your teeth, digging your nose or ear comes to mind. Nothing of interest here, just to highlight this part.

Now, since we like to copy body parts and paste them on other creatures, lets have some fun and play some Spore on humans!

Imaginary protruding body parts on humans (all nouns)
1) From your ass
Professor Leslie deduces that should evolution take a naughty turn, what comes out from your ass should be cilia like little things. The reason we would ever need these would be to sweep away dust or dirt before we sit down. It should be called Jasons.

Example usage : Mr. A cleaned the chair with his Jasons before sitting down.

*Professor has just finished typing this part, and remembered there's such thing as a TAIL
** If shit comes to your mind, shit comes from asshole. Question answered.

2) From your knees
Professor Leslie can find no reason for any organ to protrude from the knees. But in all possibilities, parts coming out from knees should be sharp and hard. This is because in the midst of a fight/brawl, it will come in handy in giving a kick to the crotch (called something like boning of sorts). This part should be called a Christopher.

Example usage : Leslie used his christopher to severely damage Mr.B's testicles.

*Professor checked the dictionary, and 'boner' actually meant 'penis erection'. WTF?

3) From your neck
Professor Leslie can actually think of a reason to protrude a body part from your neck. To protect your windpipe (Though it seems unnecessary)! This offers protection from external forces (note :Star Wars) that will crush your neck with unseen powers. It should be like a rib cage as well. This part should be called an Aimee.

Example usage : Zhi Wei would have broken his neck if he didn't have his Aimee around his neck.

4) From your shoulderblades
They are called wings. Professor Leslie remembered this as he typed and is saying 'wtf' now.

5) From your chest
No, not boobs. Professor is thinking that people who do not like hugs might develop this body part. It should thus be hard and tough to deter people who give hugs. This part would be called a DVD (because I ran out of names)

Example usage : Since Alamak disliked hugs, he always kill people who hugs him with his DVD.

That is all from Professor today. If you feel bored, feel free to imagine other protrusions on your own.


Aimee said...


somehow when i started reading this entry i knew my name was going to make an obscene appearance.

Leslie said...

In what way was that even close to obscene -_-"