Professor Leslie - episode 6 ( i think )

Okay I lost count of how many posts I made under the name Professor Leslie.. so I assume this is the 6th xD

If you are free enough, search my entire blog archive and count them. then tell me ok?

Today, Professor Leslie, after some enlightening conversation with his best pal, John Lee Zhi Wei, has decided to impart those precious knowledge to the public.

The title is : Movies

We were discussing about locally made movies. As we all understand, locally made movies, Malay movies to be exact, they like to do movies based mainly on comedies, horror or sappy love stories. But as our sappy love stories are nowhere to fight with Koreans, I shall elaborate on the comedies and horror movies.

Recently, if you are observant enough, you would notice that we have two Malay movies currently showing ( April 20th ). 'Zombi Kampung Pisang' and 'Jangan Pandang Belakang'. As both of us had not seen the movie, I shall not comment on the quality. That leaves me with.. its title to make fun of.

I don't know about you people, but I personally find it funny. I mean, usually we can see the Western Movies has titles like 'Exorcism of Emily Rose'.. 'Reaper'.. "Hills have eyes' and such. In English, it sounds like a 2-3 word summary of the entire movie.

*EDIT* - I watched Hills Have Eyes 2. I personally find it quite nerve-wrecking. It makes you nervous. But halfway through, it lost its effects when the mutants kidnaps the girl called Missy. The mutant says 'Give me Baby' and proceeds to rape the girl ( no worries, no pornography. You just see the stupid ugly face of the mutant having an orgasm. ) Mutants also like sex kah?? You would think genetic mutation would make them dysfunctional or something. And the even funnier thing is, Missy pants weren't even down, and the Mutant was wearing pants too. '_'??? Maybe genetic mutation allows them to penetrate without undressing.

An even funnier part. 3 people survived ( Napoleon, Amber and Missy ). The fourth last guy ( forgot his name ) wanted to escape, but accidentally blew himself up with a box of dynamites. After Napoleon pinned down the Bigass Mutant ( since he looks like the boss ) with a pole by running it through his heart, and Amber blew a hole in his head with her M16, ( which the Mutant is still not dead. ), Missy takes an axe and chops the mutant's private parts numerous times with a vengeance ( you would think genetic mutation would put his private parts elsewhere, or even mutate it to be harder than steel or nimble like grass ). Then after killing the mutant, they walk out, and its the exit of the hill. '_'????? The exit was right there, and they lost 128461892412354123 people to the mutants trying to find the exit???????????????

*BACK* : The above mentioned Malay titles seriously are funny.

Zombi Kampung Pisang ( Banana Village Zombie ). Two of us has predicted several titles that might be the sequels for this flick ( well, almost infinity actually ).

Ep. 1 - Zombi Kampung Pisang ( Banana Village Zombies )
Ep. 2 - Zombi Kampung Nanas ( Pineapple Village Zombies )
Ep. 3 - Zombi Kampung Mangga ( Mango Village Zombies )
Ep. 4 - Zombi Kampung Cili ( Chilli Village Zombies )
Ep. 5 - Zombi Kampung Durian ( Durian Village Zombies )
Ep. 6 - Zombi Kampung Tembikai ( Watermelon Village Zombies )
Ep. 7 - Zombi Kampung Betik ( Papaya Village Zombies )
Ep. 7 - Zombi Kampung Longan ( Longan Village Zombies )
Ep. 8 - Zombi Kampung Strawberi ( Strawberry Village Zombies )
Ep. 9 - Zombie Kampung Buah-Buahan ( Fruits Village Zombies )
Grand Finale- Zombie Kampung Apa-apa-nama ( Whatevername Village Zombies)

For 'Jangan Pandang Belakang' ( Don't Look Behind ).. we also predicted several sequels ( also almost infinity actually )

Ep. 1 - Jangan Pandang Belakang
Ep. 2 - Jangan Pandang Bawah
Ep. 3 - Jangan Pandang Atas
Ep. 4 - Jangan Pandang Kiri
Ep. 5 - Jangan Pandang Kanan
Ep. 6 - Jangan Pandang Dalam
EP. 7 - Jangan Pandang Depan
Grand Finale - Jangan Pandang Lah!!

Heck, we even made sequels for 'Cicakman' ( Lizardorang ). We can have our very own Justice League in Malaysia, who knows it might be named 'Liga Justis'.

Cicakman ( Lizardman ), Orangutanman, Harimauman, Nyamukman, Lalatman, Lebahman, Anai-anaiman, Buayaman, Ikanman, Rama-ramaman, Bawangwoman and every imaginable insect, reptile, or fish names, plants included.

I have deduced their abilities.

Cicakman - I didn't watch it, I can't say anything else other than the actual one. And since I don't know his actual abilities, congratulations you just read something useless.

Orangutanman - Can swing from branches to branches. Hugs bad guys and kiss them. Holler occasionally. Easily baited with fruits.

Tigerman - Eats the villians.

Nyamukman - Stings the villians and infect them with Dengue

Lalatman ( Flyman ) - Annoy the hell out of the villians. Hopefully they get some disease borne by flies. Halfway through the movie, his wings gets clipped ( or gets wet ) and he cannot fly. Henceforth, he was known as 'Walkman'

Lebahman - Special 1 episode only superhero. Lebahman stings the villian, then he dies.

Anai-anaiman - Eats the villian's base, even if its made of steel and metal. Then the building collapses on the villian and squash him to death. But unfortunately the hero is killed when a clever villian employs a pest terminator.

Buayaman - Superhero that will get stoned when there's sun. Eats a lot of meat, likes to swim. Died suddenly when poachers killed to get his skin. Tragic.

Ikanman - The strongest superhero of all. The Ikanman deprives the villian from fish supply. The villian has to give up on fish.

Rama-Ramaman - Weirdest Superhero of all. Arrives at the crime scene, flutters around and acts pretty.

Bawangwoman - Emits gas that makes the villians cry. Then the villian gets apprehended.

Alternately, there is also a trend to add an adjective/prefix in front to make a super hero. For example the Japanese created 'Megaman', 'Ultraman', and the westerners made 'Superman', whatever whatever. When I was a kid, I loved them. But as I grew up, I even think their names were funny.

Next you might have 'iMan'. Oh wait, we already have XMen ( Xbox ). Nman comes to mind ( Nokia Nseries ), as well as Eman ( whats with the stupid E prefix? )


And how come nobody thought of Penguinman with explosive powers?????? ( except Zhi Wei and Myself )

Professor Leslie should collaborate with Zhi Wei ( according to him, 10 years later if neither are rich we should go Hollywood and create stupid movies ).

First project would be - Nanoman ( New Age Nonsense Man ). Nonsense man spreads nonsense around the world. Everyone loves him. People who hate him are considered as heretics. Join him in his quest for potatoes and to save the penguins.

We will then employ several influential writers/movie critics to write excellent reviews of the movie. Make gazillions out of it.

____________________________________________________________________

Next up in the topic. Professor Leslie revisits friendster, and is reminded of how funny it is. Today, Professor Leslie points out the popular surveys in friendster, and he shall paste up a self made survey to create a similiarity to the actual ones.

Survey 1 - Actions and Inactions

1. What are you eating now? - I am not eating anything
2. What are you doing now? - Filling in this survey
3. What did you eat for dinner? - McDonalds lor.....
4. What did you wear to bed last night? - Pajamas lar
5. What do you think of this survey? - Stupid, but I am filling it anyway cause I am dumb enough and have too much time on my hands.

Survey 2 - The Identities

1. Who was the last person you called? - Him lor..
2. Who is your current crush? - Her lor..
3. Do you hate anybody? - Him lar..
4. Do you love anybody? - Her lor..
5. Last person you talked to? - Him/Her lor..

Survey 3 - Personality

1. What colour do you like? - Black* ( Black is not a colour, its an absence of colour )
2. How long do you spend combing your hair? - 24 hours a day
3. Do you have any lovers? - 999 actually
4. What is your favourite food? - Potatoes
5. How long do you spend your time online? - 28 hours a day

20% for each question answered, add up everything. Repost this with the title 'I am __% Male/Female/Girly/Feminine/Stupid/Handsome/Everyimaginableadjective'

Survey 4 - Secret codes

1. What did you eat this morning? - Secret
2. How much do you weigh? - Secret
3. What is the name of the person you love? - Secret
4. Do you love your family? - Secret
5. Are you anorexic? - Secret

Professor Leslie, despite his brilliant mind, intelligence, IQ and knockdead handsome looks, cannot find a single trace of sense nor logic behind these surveys, or even why people actually do them, OR WHY THEY ACTUALLY CREATED THEM????

Did I leave out anything?? No, not chainmails/chainbulletins that says I will have bad luck/die for how long how long. Those are beyond stupid.

AH! Another funny thing are the sappy stuff in friendster.

Guy likes girl. Girl also likes guy. One day they sit together. Guy ask girl.

Guy : Do you love me?
Girl : Yes. Do you love me?
Guy : Yes. Lets make love.

Then suddenly a car comes at super high speed while they were making love. Guy saw the danger and pushes girl away. He was knocked down.

( In hospital )

Doctor : I am sorry but Guy died.
Girl : Cries*

Guys : Repost this if you will do what Guy did
Girls : Repost this if you are touched.
Assholes : Repost this if you will do what Guy did, but only until the make love part. You will push the girl to the car to save yourself.

Then, the ultimate gimmick.

Repost this bulletin with the following titles and you will have great luck for the next 18 generations.

1. I had sex with my father
2. I raped my dog
3. I did it on my roof
4. I lost my virginity
5. I am stupid enough to post such stupid stuff with such stupid titles

Bulletins, comments and testimonials are losing its meaning. =/