Old Penguin Times 30 April/1 May 2007

But before that, I have an announcement.

I have decided this morning that I am going to enrol in Inti College Subang Jaya for Cambridge A Levels.

Upon decision, I found a place to stay, friends to hang out with, transportation to Subang. Basically, everything was done within two hours.

But once I start my A Levels which is on the 7th of May, expect not many posts.. so I am updating as often as I can while I am still so jobless.

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Old Penguin Times 30 April/1 May 2007

Suicide by Love
Article by : Po the Penguin
Photos by : Pi the Penguin

A new way to suicide has been discovered after several penguins were found dead without apparent reason.

The reason : Love

A Professor of Love, Dr. Pau, mentioned that before their untimely deaths, each suicider were diagnosed with severe love sick cases.

"I have determined what caused their deaths. Each deceased has mentioned that their heart skips and they hyperventilate when they see the penguin they love. At times they even say their hearts stop beating when the penguin they love looks at them. Therefore, I can safely assume that they died because their hearts stopped beating. A sad case of love here.." Dr. Pau said.


Therefore birds out there, our brain is small and need frequent replenishment of blood. Don't go stopping your heartbeats because of another attractive penguin.

On an unrelated note, penguins having extra-marital affairs have been said to be increasing each year. Abbott Poo Poo has mentioned that complaints directed to the Great Guin has tripled this first half year compared with last year entire year.

"Last year there were only 2 cases of complaints of extra marital affair. This year up until May only we already have 6 cases! This is unacceptable in our community of 16 million guins." Poo Poo said, obviously pissed off.

"The problem here? Penguins nowadays are not as morally upright nor religious enough to care. They just stare at the romantic adulterating couple."







Punishments in School too harsh?

Article by : Pu the Penguin
Photos by : Pi the Penguin

Are our schools being too harsh in practicing corporal punishment? Recently, five concerned parents have cried outraged at the Penguin's School of Excellence for punishing their chicks to stand out in the cold.

"The five chicks were punished because they did not do their homework, which is catching fishes to prove that they are full fledged hunters." the headmaster of the school, Pok said.

"This is a beastly punishment. Just because they did not catch their share of fish doesn't mean they can't catch fish!" A concerned parent said.

The entire drama unfolded when the five chicks turned up in school without fish in their beaks. Their teacher was enraged and was sent to stand in the cold, about 2 metres from every other penguins, who were also out in the cold at their class. ( note there is no room )




The entire episode has caused severe distress to the chicks, who had been laughed at by their baby chick siblings.

"Schools should not use corporal punishment as they are inpenguin! I suggest a gentler approach like a corporeal ( ??? ) punishment to discipline the chicks!" said an ignorant parent, who obviously failed in its language test.

The Ministry of Education could not be contacted for further comments.



Humans sighted in Penguinland

Article by : Po the Penguin
Pictures by : Pi the Penguin

Its true, reporters have sighted humans in Penguinland. These creatures of apparently low intelligence has been found loping along with useless stuff of steel and plastic.

"They are installing strange things that we think are used to transport potatoes to the Penguinland." a civilian said.

Meanwhile, the Panguana priests, under Abbott Poo Poo has raised concern of pollution by the humans.

"These creatures eat horrible stuff like vegetables and produce a lot of shit!!" Poo Poo said, enraged.

"They must be stopped to prevent further desecration of the Penguinland!" Poo Poo continued.

Talks have begun to mobilize the entire penguin army to intercept and silence the humans so that they will not return to alert their kind.







Disclaimer : This post is entirely for entertainment as usual. No copying without my permission. Photos credited to various expeditions to the South Pole, or the Penguinland.