Desperate Penguins

Once upon a time, in a frozen land far far away, there lived penguins. All the penguins were special, and each had its story to tell. And so, we shall visit the fabled land of the south pole, the land of the penguins. The discovery of a potato in the south pole led to conspiracies among the penguin community, where violence is non-existent ( except when predators are around. Oh wait, penguins ARE predators ). Read on to find out how four young penguins survived the perils and plots of evil penguins to lay their flippers on the sacred potato.

This story is entirely fictional. Any similarities is entire coincidental.

This story is rated P. Any child below the age of 1 or any adult above the age of 1000 is advised against reading it. If you do not fall into the above category, you are advised to read it at your own caution. May include explosives ( explosives are not supplied by al-Qaeda or any terror organizations ).

Starring :KATE BECKINSALE ........................................................................................... NOT!

Arnold Schwarzenegger ....................... NOT!

Penguin named Pa

Penguin named Po

Penguin named Pi

Penguin named Pu

I know.. they all look the same. Penguins look the same anyway.

Anyway, back to the story.

One fateful day, Pa the penguin was out hunting for food with his friends, Po the penguin, Pi the penguin and Pu the penguin. Suddenly, Po the penguin tripped on something and fell flat on his beak.

All the penguins began laughing.

With the way penguins walk, it is almost impossible to fall down ( to the penguins anyway ). Anyway, Po the penguin was equally surprised that he fell down. So he checked where he was walking, and hark! He saw a strange alien object.. and as he got a closer look to identify it, he suddenly jumped back in fear!

It was a potato! A fabled mythical sacred beloved awesome wonderful amazing peculiar extraordinary ( I am running out of adjectives ) thing among the penguin community! In fact, penguins kill ( fish ) to get it!

Soon news spread that Po the penguin had found a potato in South pole. All the penguins were aflutter. There was an ancient prophecy said before by the great Penguin Prophet, Penguinius, when he was drunk with iced water. It read "When the potato appears within the iceberg, the time for explosions have come. Do not attempt to eat it as a penguin will produce many many chicks and much much faeces." Every penguin was jittery. The four penguin friends were excited. They didn't know what explosions were, and neither did other penguins. But they were excited anyway.

Out of fear for explosions, soon some parties of religious penguins began demanding that the four young penguins hand it over to be destroyed. Another group of penguins wanted to steal the coveted prize for themselves, even though they didn't know what it is and what to do with it, nor trade it for money because penguins don't use money. They began sending death threats to the four penguins.

While the majority of penguins suddenly had the idea to excavate the entire south pole for more potatoes...

Our four heroes were surrounded by hostile penguins!

The evil penguins had formed a bandit party called 'Penguins of the Car Bean'. They marched forward and demanded the potato!

While on the other side, the religious penguins, under the leadership of the Abbott Poo Poo of the penguinic faith, Panguana, demanded for the potato too!

The two sides of penguins then began fighting each other. Our heroes escaped amidst the chaos and soon found themselves unable to return to their homes!

Pa soon began asking Po to hand out the potato to secure their own safety. Pi disagreed with Pa, as handing it over might not guarantee them their lives. Their entire life they had not seen violence, but today, they had witnessed a historical event when the Penguins of the Car Bean began throwing snowballs at Abbott Poo Poo.

Pu asked Po where the potato was, and Po replied "Its with my baby brother, disguised as an egg. My brother Poop will take care of it! Don't worry!"

With that, Pa began to fret. The safety of a chick is at stake. They must find a way to rectify the situation!

Unfortunately, with everyone anxious, they began to argue and quarrel and fight and disagree and ( I ran out of words again ) among themselves.

As they were quarreling, suddenly an explosion happened!

It was a totally unexpected twist of event for the penguins. The explosion came from the other coast, far away from Penguinland. But its tremors could be felt by all.

Pa stood up at this point.

"That's our solution to the problem! We find this explosion thing, and ask it to explain to our penguins that it is harmless and worthless!"

Pa's friends agreed and they soon 'walked?' towards the explosion site.

Not long after that, they reached the explosion site. A human approached them. A human! In south pole!

The alien creature known as the human identified himself as 'Osama'.

Pi immediately asked Osama if he had any 'explosions'. Osama smiled and immediately said no.

"I do not have explosions, but I do have explosives!" he said joyfully.


The penguins cheered. Since Penguinius, the Prophet did not mention whether explosions were good or evil, they can now prove that it is not bad! Anyway, explosions and explosives sound so similiar, they must be brother bird of sorts.

"No, you can't have them!" Osama said when our heroes asked for it.

Pa squawked in anger and disbelief. In their entire life, not a single existence had denied them things before.

"However, I am hungry. If you can get food for me, the explosives are yours!" Osama said.

Po suddenly thought of the strange thing called Potato. Since they do not know what it is, there is a possibility that it is alien food.

But alas! The potato is with Poop!

The four penguins scrambled back to Po's home. All the penguins were out excavating, and not in the Penguinland. For once, our heroes felt an emptiness. Never before had such a thing happened amongst their community, and they felt guilty about it. But this only serves to reignite the flames in their hearts to make everything right again!

Po soon found Poop, still asleep, and the Potato!

But alas, as he turned to leave, Abbott Poo Poo was there!!!

Po gasped!!!! His friends were outside waiting for him! He was left alone to confront the Abbott!. The Abbott squawked menacingly. It held a snowball in its flippers, ready to throw it at Po.

"Give me the potato or I shall throw this at you. You have ran astray, young bird!" the Abbott squawked, its voice full of malice.

"Never! You shall not have it!" Po resisted.

"Po, it is imperative that you understand. I am your father..." Poo Poo said ( in Darth Vader voice ).

"IMPOSSIBLE!!" Po screamed in disbelief.

But the Abbott suddenly threw the snowball!

"MY FLIPPER!!! AAAAaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!" Po screamed.

With his right flipper injured, Po quickly grabbed the potato with its left flipper and 'walked'. The abbott, seeing its price slipping from its grasp, began 'walking' to pursue it. ( Penguins can't run.. -___-" )

Po soon reached his friends. In a four against one confrontation, the Abbott decided it was not worth the snowballs and retreated to fetch his acolytes.

The four friends, with the acolytes hot in pursuit, began hurrying towards Osama again.

Osama was delighted with the potato, and gave them his vast armament of explosives to trade for it.

Pa ran a check through the goods. Two 'Fat Boy' atom bombs, three homing missles, six cartons of grenades, three bazookas, fourteen AK-47s and sixteen torpedoes. All for a potato.

Pi and Pu's minds began racing. Was the deal worth it?

Finally they decided it was worth it to clarify things and clear their names.

They moved everything back to Penguinland and called for a mass gathering.

Within minutes, all the penguins had walked back to Penguinland, and were astonished by the explosives arranged in the middle.

Pa stood up and began in a 'movie-reviewer' voice to speak.

"This summer........"

"As you can see, the explosions you people fear are right here, lying down on the ice! It is harmless! It does not bite! Nor does it jump! It does no harm to any bird!"

Every penguin began to get confused. As the idea began to gradually sink in, the penguin scientists began examining the explosives.

...............................................................................................................................................................

Somewhere on the other side, Osama sat on his little chair, eating mashed potatoes, when suddenly..


A massive explosion occurred on the other side of South Pole.

"Fuh, damn fast. Never realized penguins were such violent creatures!" He said, while shaking his head and continued eating his mashed potatoes.

__________________________________________________________________

Back in Penguinland, every penguin survived the explosion. But they now had a black layer coating, making them look like birds in tuxedoes.

Pa looked at its own body, and said..

"Fuck."

-The End-

No Penguins were harmed in the entire story. No humans were harmed in the entire story.
Again, posts are not meant to be racist, political, satirical ( well maybe sometimes ), apartheid or offensive. Its all for entertainment. If you find this kind of humour offensive, do tell me nicely, with a logical reason and explanation.