Zhi Wei's birthday bash and Hokkien people

Guess who? Yep, 4th of September was Zhi Wei's birthday. Took me long enough to procrastinate until I finally feel like updating now.

17 years old, and not once he celebrated his birthday.

17 years old, and not once he treated his friends.

So on his 17th birthday, his friends TREATED Him! WHAT THE FUCK!@#???$?

As you can see, Christopher and me went off to secret recipe and bought a whole Chocolate Indulgence cake! It costed us RM65 what the fuck.

So here's basically how we got the idea to surprise that fucker on his birthday.

3rd Sept : 8.30pm
I was studying. Then I suddenly feel bored. Then, I suddenly remembered its Zhi Wei's birthday in 3 and a half hours. Then, I suddenly remembered I had friends called ah Kwong and Christopher. Then, I suddenly send SMS-es to them ask whether they want to buy cake. Then, I suddenly realized they are fuckers so they won't reply my SMS-es. Then, I suddenly thought I should call them.

here's what ah Kwong said.

Kwong : Buy cake ar? Ok ok, you all buy. How much money tomorrow tell me.

Walamak... steady man. Next day he tells me he no money.

Christopher : Buy cake ar? I go fetch you now.

Also another steady one. So we went off to Secret Recipe. The very first time in my life to step into a Secret Recipe shop. How pathetic is that?

So.. we spent half an hour choosing. Then Chris bought two brownies and one black pepper lamb pie. I bought one cheese brownie.

Price?

1 cake + 2 brownies + 1 cheese brownie + 1 pie = RM 83. Cha Ching.

So the 2 brownies and the 1 cheese brownie was separately packed. Chris asked the cashier..
"Which is the chocolate brownies and which is the cheese brownie?"
I told him.. "Open it and see lar.. stupid.."
The cashier took one on each hand, without opening it, and told Chris which one is the cheese and which one are the two brownies.

Trick? THE WEIGHT LAR!! ALL THE SAME SIZE, TWO IN ONE BOX AND ONE IN ANOTHER BOX! WHAT THE FUCK LAR WHY SO STUPID ONE???

Standing from left : Ah Kwong, Me, Christopher and Heng Leng, whom I forgot to include in the surprise deal.
Seated : Fucker

Form 6 girls, who happens to be Zhi Wei's mum's ex-students also baked him a cake. Sixteen years he has not celebrated one birthday. And his 17th one turns out to be a double celebration. Oh make that triple, we had Maths Modern Paper that day. 12-14 years in his life, each time birthday sure exam one.. fucker betul. And those form 6 girls said "you all buy one ar? can throw away already..'

This is the cake they baked. You can see Zhi Wei's hands there.. his white pants.. his blazer....

And you can see a blue skirt + white shirt + a tie beside him. Can't remember who is that..









So we compare lor.... they siao siao lor..

The four girls told me : "You all see already cannot tell other people de leh!"

Then, they went around school finding every guy they know to try their cake.









Fucker you better enjoy the cake. Beside fucker is my goooooood friend Han Hong.

And guess what? Fucker doesn't even know how to cut a cake. I had to do everything for him.

Once again.. happy birthday my friend.

On an unrelated issue. Hokkien People.

I notice right.. Hokkien people are funny people. Most of the things we say doesn't make sense. Really!

Here's why.

In most Hokkien people's dictionary..

'Me' is 'Gua'. But it is never used. It is considered bombastic.
Instead, 'Me' is 'Lim Peh', which literally means 'Your father'.

A classic joke I always like is..

Disneyland's fairy tales always starts with 'Once upon a time, in a place far far away..'
Hokkien's fairy tales starts with 'Lim peh kah li kong..' ( you father tell you.. )

I was at restaurants a couple of times. And the TV there shows Astro, and the programmes were hokkien soaps. Usually, it always involves gangsters. Hokkien people seem to think loud is good, crass is better, rude is best.

Anyway, I almost choked when I actually listened to their script.

The hero was getting beaten up. He was tied head down, and then the rope was lowered and he was dunked in a barrel of water. Then he was pulled up, gasping. The chief gangster went near him and said..

"Lim peh jit zhun kah li kong. Le eh lao peh lao bu sama di lim peh eh chiu!"
( Your father now tell you. Your father and mother is in your father's hands )

"Na si le mai ka lim peh kong lui di do lo, lim peh tiok ho le lao peh si "
( If you don't tell me where is the money, your father will kil your father )

Doesn't make sense. What kind of soap is that?

And then right.. every sentence they speak is incomplete without foul words. E.g.

"Wah lao eh hi kor siao gina jin eh si kanina eh pua siu.." ( I won't translate. )

:)

Conclusion? Hokkien people are cool because they don't make sense.

Until then..