Stuff that do not matter, but you miss if they are not there

First and foremost. My mid-year results, obtained with hell of an effort for certain subjects.

BM - 70
BI - 88
MM - 79
EST - 94
History - 84
Chem - 75 ( omg )
Add maths - 70 ( OMG )
Moral - 71 ( OMMGGGG!!!! )
Bio - 77
Physics - 67 + 10 = 77 :(
Physical Ed. - 89 ( OMGWTF!!! )

Result - 11As.
Original slip = 7A1s ( exculding Physical Ed. ) 3 A2s
After they announced 80 = A1, result becomes = 3A1s, 7 A2s ( WTFFFFFFFFF )

Average : 78.45 without Physical Ed. 79.5 with Physical Ed.
Number of students with straight As in class = 6
Position of straight A students in class = 1st,2nd,3rd,4th,5th and 14th ( me WTF? )
Position in class : 14th

Conclusion? Bloody Helll....

Anyway, a little extra from One For The Elephants. I never realized this photo actually existed. I have captioned it as "One FROM the Elephants"

Keith, I hate you so much xD You sicko!!!!!!!!!

*Photo taken from Dickson. Credits to him for catching Keith red handed!

Kena tag.

Have to be sporting right? First tag by Bee Bee and Dickson. That's the problem with couples. They always pick the same greatest things in life. Like me. Well, here goes.

10 years ago. The great me was..
1. A 7 year old kid who thinks Power Rangers were the coolest people on Earth.
2. Thinks girls were disgusting
3. So free! Hakuna Ma Taa Taa!!
4. A genius in school. Never studied.
5. Still so innocent.

5 years ago. The even greater me was..
1. A 12 year old who just scored in his UPSR without studying.
2. Became a game addict.
3. A nerd
4. Began to find school boring
5. Practically married to my computer because I was with it 12 hours a day.

Last year.. the greatest me was..
1. Became a great philosopher together with Zhi Wei
2. Got elected to all freaking high posts :)
3. Began failing in exams EVEN when I studied. ( Stupid moral )
4. Could not understand add maths.
5. Still think girls are disgusting.

Yesterday, the incomparable-greatness me was..
1. Getting scolded by teachers for not finishing my homework
2. Still do not understand add maths
3. Freaking sleepy
4. Tuition all day
5. Got a temporary phone, which I don't know how to operate. Stupid Samsung phones..

5 songs the great me listens to all the time..
1. Helena - My Chemical Romance
2. She Will Be Loved - Maroon 5
3. Cute Without The E - Taking Back Sunday
4. Where is The Love? - Black Eyed Peas
5. Gifts and Curses - Yellowcard

5 ideal places to run away to..
1. Hell
2. My room, with my computer
3. anywhere with BRATs
4. Some place where I can be alone, with my Mum coming three times a day to cook :P
5. Underwater world or in the wilds, provided I can breathe in water and immune to Leech bites

5 things I should be doing now..
1. Homework
2. Sleeping
3. Blogging
4. Chatting on MSN
5. Playing my games

5 greatest joys in life..
1. Eating my mum's cooking
2. Getting freaking good results without studying
3. Reading
4. Playing games
5. Hanging around with my friends :)

5 items the great me wants..
1. A new phone with camera, realtones, bluetooth and all damnit!
2. An Ipod!!
3. More time in Life
4. Finding out the truth about the Universe and Existence
5. Learning French, Greek, Latin, German, Cantonese

Done for the couple. Hope that satisfied you! Now have to get on with Wanny's!

Four movies I can watch over and over again
1. Big Fish
2. Russell Peters
3. Star Wars ( all of it xD )
4. Final Fantasy VII : Advent Children

Four places I have lived
1. My house
2. My friend's house
3. Another friend's house
4. With BRATs :) Holiday Inn in Kuching, NERC in Endau-Rompin

Four books I recommend to everyone
1. Sophie's World - Jostein Gaardner
2. The Wheel of Time - Robert Jordan
3. The Sword of Truth - Terry Goodkind
4. Emperor - Conn Iggulden

Four of my favourite dishes
1. Chicken riceee
2. Chinese wanton mee ( kolo mee included, though its not the same )
3. KFC's Zinger Burger with Potato Wedges and Whipped Potato. SHIOK!
4. Nasi Lemak

Four sites I visit daily
1. My blog
2. Friendster
3. Aisyah, Zhi Wei, Bee Bee, Milia, Dickson, Ju Vern, Kennysia, Dr Liew's blog
4. Newgrounds.com

Four places I'd rather be right now
1. Hell
2. Someplace quiet where I can read and write
3. on my bed sleeping, or better yet dead
4. Touring the world in a luxury star cruise, with lots of pretty ladies and good food

Four unfortunate people I am tagging
1. Ju Vern!
2. Bee Bee
3. Sarah Shireen
4. And.. and... erm.. has everyone been tagged already?? CHRIS NG SK!!!

One for the Leeches Part 2

sli


Now that's a Leech bite if you guys don't know what it is. SOmehow, a Leech crawled up my Leech socks, crawled down on the inside, crawled up my long pants again just to bite me on my thigh. Puvin's pants were seriously soaked in blood. Aaron got invaded when FOUR leeches were crawling up his crotch together. The sight of that family crawling up Aaron's crotch sends panic to all the guys, and soon all of us were going to the toilet to take off our pants and search for any invaders. I found two more, but only one bite so far. Jonathan came out and informed us that "one guy sat between his nuts and sucked his coconut tree". PANIC MAN!! Keith said there was one case where the one leech crawled into the anus of some guy and bred there. The guy died and the doctors found an entire kampung of leeches in his intestines. That made my anus tickle all the time. The two PERHILITAN pros, Encik Jailani ( from Rengit! ) and Encik Mahsuri
came and chuckled at me. They pointed at my foot, then slowly pointed their finger up towards my crotch. "Pacat ni suka cari kawan". Bloody hell =.="

Anyway, those guys actually walk around the forest in barefoot. Bloody hell! We walk around, those wrapped up like dumplings with triple layer of insect repellent and baby oil get bitten, those wearing short pants got leeches in their crotch, and they walk around with short pants and slippers and not get bitten at all. Secret? Soap. PERHILITAN pros told me to use soap, those cake soap kinds. Because leeches can be killed by soda. And it prevents them from biting.

Aren't leeches cool? I kept three in a water bottle. Then observed them over some time. I found that, leeches don't like staying submerged in water. And I asked John, he said "Feed them two drops of your own blood every two weeks and they will be the happiest leeches ever".

Anyway, third day went by pretty fast. Trekked back to NERC, then went boat rafting! Miux was my captain, and Lily, Ju Vern and Kastoori and me took the other four. We got swept away by the tides immediately. Ju Eng immediately shot us a glare and said we were going the wrong way. Then she got swept in too xD We went ashore two three times because of the stupid tides. Then in the end, gave up and followed the tides. Captain Miux's raft started second last. There were 5 rafts. We soon got the hang of it, and overtook everyone except the lead raft xD Damn cool lar! All the others were slow pokes :P

Then interviewed the Jakun people, whose crops were being consumed and destroyed by our elephants. Pity them actually, but they too love elephants. They said 'sayang nak bunuh'. Ain't they great?

Spent the night preparing our presentation and all.

Day four, we started our journey to Lanchang at 6.32am. Reached there at 4.30pm something. Apparently, the bus broke down 12km away from our destination. Bloody Hell..

Briefing by the people in the Pusat Kepelbagaian Biology there. John and Mei Chin were elected as 'Cikgu' and Aaron was elected as "Tuk Penghulu" followed by Keith, the "Tuk Batin".


The picture shows Tuk Penghulu and his first wife, Mei Chin. xD Damn funny lar, he was said to have four wives I think. We all have to pay respects to him, and only eat after he has began eating. Got him so pissed off xD

Alright, then at night, Ju Eng wanted us to prepare a dessert for humans using food that elephants eat. I never knew Elephants ate chocolate spread and condensed milk though. So, my group, we divided the team. Wen Qing and Meera and Puvin would get to work on the presentation, while Shalini, Kastoori and me will prepare the dessert.Picture, that's Shalini on the left, Kastoori on the right, and the master chef *beams* in the middle.This is our dessert. Master Chef took watermelon. Master Chef sliced it into half. Master Chef emptied all the flesh, leaving a smooth, flawless empty watermelon skin. Then the other two chefs poured in the agar-agar that has not solidified. Then, Kastoori sliced up all the watermelon flesh into cubes, and sliced the jambooooo into thin strips. We dunked everything in as seen above. Then Master Chef added the Nata de coco, which sunk immediately. So, we left it in the fridge! Short and simple :)Picture above shows Master Chef carrying a plate of pancakes. Those pancakes were made by Ju Eng ( OMGWTF Ju Eng made pancakes!! ). Everyone were forced to eat xD That's Phui Yee right behind, and Lily in the far left. Because I brought pancakes for everyone ( Tuk Penghulu grabbed the first and started eating first ) they liked Master Chef.Picture showing Puvin and Master Chef. See?? Everyone loves Master Chef. Because he brings goodies. Until when the pancakes were actually outnumbering the people eating them 3 to 1, then Ju Eng had to force everyone to eat. Small wonder we all gain weight. Ju Eng rocks!

Had to rush everything for the presentation and performance. My group Dumbo sang the Elephant version of "Where is The Love". And we all stayed up until 3.30am just to finish it. BUt it was all worth it ;)

Day 5
Rose up bright and early. Initially wanted to wake up at 6am. But in the end everyone woke at 7 lol. My handphone didn't sound the alarm, maybe i switched it off when it started vibrating. Heh, anyway, almost late.

Went off to Kuala Gandah. Met the elephants there and fed them BREAD. Picture shows Master Chef on the left side, and Christopher on the right. Even the Elephants love Master Chef. Master Chef is just so handsome and loveable. Anyway, that elephant was the oldest among the few there, approximately 24 years old. Their trunks feel like... you know.. the bolster you hug so tightly when you sleep. So huggable lar xDPicture shows Master Chef delivering Elephant food to the hungry Elephants. Ju Vern was scraping them off the wheelbarrow. Its basically something like Elephant cereal, looks like small sillinders. Made of mostly fibre ( which explains ELephant shit is all fibre. Can use their dung to make paper I heard ) , with added vitamins. See? Everyone loves Master Chef! The Elephant was looking at Master Chef with utmost adoration in its eyes xD

In the end, had to clean up and give our performance to the VIPs. After that, was the official ceremony to adopt our baby elephant, Siput @ Embun! Only 7 months old. FREAKING CUTE ( like me ) lar wei!!Something in that baby makes me want to call out like Ju Eng ( Sippooootttttt!!!! ) It ran towards the crowd of Elefriends, and made two.. erm.. whaddayacallit? Foot prints? One in yellow and one in red. Damn cute lar wei. Then it shitted. No smell! :DWent back to Lanchang, had lunch, packed and went off to UTAR. We went our separate ways again, but all of us knew, once our paths had crossed, it shall remain in our memory forever.

It was well worth it sacrificing one week of brain rotting activities to spend a week in the forest and with them Elephants. You know right, I feel everyone should join BRATs lar! Wait, everyone who is not like You-Know-Who. Everyone should be nice like me :) And every nice people like me should join BRATs. Are you like me? :)

Extra Quotes and Memorable stuff :
1. Chris can use the force. When we were trekking the woods, each time he said "Ju Vern!" and Ju Vern would fall down within the next 2 minutes.
2. "We are behind schedule" - John Kam and Ju Eng. All the time they say that :)
3. Jonathan Ng the Thick Skin and Dickson the Tick Tsin.
4. This one is by me during Ice breaking "Call me anything you want, BUT never call me LES"
5. This one is by me to Dickson "You call me Les again I will start calling you DICK!"
6. LEECH!
7. Hui Yan - YOU LIAR!!!

One for the Elephants! ( and Leeches )

Back from Endau-Rompin -- Kuala Gandah 5 day 4 nights trip! It was a freaking great trip, good for experience, meeting other people, and having fun in the wilds, and playing with our trunked friends!

Met up with 3 other Kuching BRATs '05. Wanny, Ju Vern, and Chris Ng. All four of us were... haha.. how to put it..? From left, Wanny, Me, Chris and Ju Vern. Chris is like a brother to me lar.. all surname Ng. And equally gay. Gay as in.. overhappy. NOT that gay.


Anyway, snapped lots of photos. Took me hours and hours just to collect over 60 and there's still more!! A brief summary of what we did.

Day One
Chilly day. At 6am in the morning, gatehred at
UTAR. Then set off. 24 of us. Ju Eng was there! First was by bus to Kahang. Then, change to four wheel bus for a damn bumpy ride!

Stupid Wanny. I wonder how did she manage to snap such a great picture of me sleeping on a bumpy ride. That's Chris beside sleeping by the way. I was just pretending :P

Anyway, the scenery was excellent. I did not sleep the entire journey you ding dong!

Anyway, the entire ride was hell man. Bumpity-bumpity-bump. CRASH! Bumpity-bumpity-bump. BUMPPPP!! PUMP IT! (LOUDER!!)



So, expected lar.. when arrived all got so excited.
Had an ice breaking session. It was hell lots of fun man. That's when I enjoyed a lot, all sorts of dancing, memorising names and all. Miux suffered like hell memorising names of 23 people. But he did it! Our Doraemon @ Aaron Ong had to memorise 22 but he failed and was forced to dance. Wahahaha!

We were divided into four groups. Elephunk, Pachyderm, Dumbos and.. uh.. can't remember lol


Ju Eng was sitting right behind me man! Stress syot lol. We were then introduced to the flasid-tators. Ju Eng the Big Mama BRAT, John Kam of djunglepeople, Andrew, Keith, Chua the photographer, Mei Chin, Darren Tan another photographer, Paul Kam founder of djunglepeople, and.. erm.. Phui Yee from R.AGE?

Basically, they were a bunch of great people! John was hilarious, and his bro Paul was more on the serious side. There were many memorable stuff throughout the trip.

First day first, we tracked elephants guided by two PERHILITAN pros. That lasted until late evening, where we got back and had dinner then went off to the boat again. The elephant tracks were huge, and more so about their dung.

At night, we went on the boat and started bombarding the riverbanks with torchlights and all searching for elephants. Felt pretty much like the Immigration dude searching for illegal immigrants. And of course, came back empty handed.

Sleep time. Guys were pretty restless. Lots of squirrels near the dorm. No penguins sighted so far.


Day Two
Leechy day. We went off to our campsite at Kuala Marong.
In the photo, from left, Chris, Wanny, me, Miux, Hui Yan, Shalini, Aaron and Dickson.

An hour and half trekking across the forest, pass through two rivers with strong rapids on foot even though there is a bridge because Ju Eng says so, Leeches and more Leeches. And at the site, we set up our camps.. Then went off for a swim in the lake nearby.
See? I swam, but Chris had hydrophobia. So.. no choice lar, had to be a stone for him to rest on. Bloody hell..

The water was freaking refreshing. Unchlorinated water, with fishes and mossy stones and all. Damn great! Pity Zhi Wei and Amilia and Bee Bee, who missed all these stuff.

Then, it rained. Freaking rained. Went back to the campsite, all flooded.

Well, everything went fine. At night, Shalini, Wanny, Wen Qing, Dickson ( the only mad guy ) and.. can't remember. There were six cooks who intended to poison us with spaghetti. Cooked a big basket of them. Couldn't even finish half of it. Ju Eng forced the others to eat, it was hilarious man! Death by overstuffing, not by food poisoning. More leeches.

Will update day three and day four in another post. Too long meh.

To be continued...

Memorable Quotes during the entire trip:
1. Fasilitators are hereby known as 'Flacid-tators', courtesy of Jin Young.
2. Singaporeans actually chant "I will not leave my shit for others to flush" 100 times before they eat.
3. I waaaannt teeeennn biiigggg piiiinnkkkk piiinnnnggg pooonnnnggg baaaalllssss
4. By Ju Eng - OIIIII!!
5. John Kam, with overacting and overdramatic movements - "GOO!! I WILL BE FINNEE!! LEAVE ME ALONE!! JUST GO!!" when he said don't try to be a hero and act brave when we have broken four limbs and a head already. He was quite good at acting, damn funny.
6. Aaron Ong @ Doraemon was named Penghulu for all the participants.
7. Djunglepeople ( John, Paul, Mei Chin, Keith and Kahnee) was named 'Cikgu'. Stupidest term in BRATs when all they tell us is that they are no teachers :D
8. Phui Yee was actually called Ah Phui. How cute is that!@???

More to come...

Half a hundred post

Passed my driving test with flying colours ( *ahem* easy easy lar.. )

Going to KL now! Will take lots of photos with the cam i grabbed from my sis!

No time to finish my homework. I better have as much fun as possible because I will be back on Sunday and school starts on Monday. haha...

Anyway, wish me luck! Just had the inspiration to write another short story but dang it, not ime :( See if the mood is still there when I get back.

Uh-oh, my parents are here, BYEEE

Post number 49

Well welll...

For the first time in my life, its time to stand up and stand alone. I will be experiencing many things on my own for the entire week! Away from home, away from family, away from homework.. away from my computer-wife...

First thing in the morning. Driver's test. Bloody hell! So far so good, during training I have not had a single mishap caused by my carelessness, only ignorance in the beginning caused it. NOT A SINGLE ONE. And I failed my first driver's test. BLOODY HELL??? *Swear swear swear..* Pray that I pass, or *shame*

And then, in the afternoon, I will be taking a bus to KL. All by myself. Managed to grab the last bus ticket. LAST! How lucky I am! All by myself. *sigh*

When I arrive in KL, I will have to take commuter trains, LRTs, and walk to my uncle's house. All by myself. *SIGH* Pray hope I will not board the wrong bus or LRT.

Then, stay overnight with my uncle. Then, will be off to the elephant expedition to Endau-Rompin--Kuala Gandah! All by myself. *SIGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

Anyway, once meet up with BRATs, I won't be alone anymore. The first of my two weeks holiday had been lonely. Had a Star Wars marathon, watched all 6 episodes in 6 days, watched Final Fantasy VII : Advent Children the fourth time and still not bored of it, played Final Fantasy VII, played Defense of the Ancients, finished a little bit of my homework.. and read Calvin & Hobbes... and slept 3 days out of 7 away. At least my second week won't be THAT bad, or so I hope. Trekking in the wilderness, with little hope of survival *dramatic music*, low provisions, limited clothing.. cat-sized mouse, dog-sized mosquitoes, elephant-sized potatoes, human-sized bugs and so on. But I'll survive.

Been in the moods lately. Brainwashed Sim Bee Bee with the help of Zhi Wei. She is now declard "Insane" by us.

You know.. I don't know why, but I feel lonely. I even forgot how potato looks like now. And the hopelessness of life is enshrouding me again. Not that that hasn't happened before. It covers me all the time. The infiniteness of time is making everything seem.. fleeting and short. Does it matter if I scored 50A1s in SPM and then getting a job which pays 1 million US dollars a week without doing any actual work? Not really. Naah, forget this. Driving + Elephant = Driving Elephants.

This is my 49th post. 50 posts in half a year, that makes it 100 posts a year. Hope I can make that mark before 7th July 2007. Unless I get selected for NS of course.

Sucks~~ Time to pack my bag and luggage. For those who are wondering.. I am bringing..

1. a weeks' worth of clothing and towel
2. camera and handphone ( cheap ones lar )
3. money ( very little )
4. water
5. snacks
6. my listerine pocket pack
7. my sleeping bag
8. stuff that does not deserve to be named ( toothbrush etc )
9. Myself

Something like that.. they mentioned swimsuits. Does that mean I get to watch hot girls in bikinis??? *begins picturing.. OMG wanny???* *FAINTS* *chokes* *declared dead*

I have sinned

I have sinned greatly.

I ate white bread with peanut butter.

Yes I know, you are gasping.

I shall atone for my sin by fasting on bread for a day.

Some of you are asking what kind of sin is that??

OMG OMG OMG!!!!

Its like.. Its like.....!!

Eating rice with soy sauce!! Or...

Eating chinese yam rice with curry sauce ( GASP )

or even eating chicken with mint..

or penguins eating potatoes.

THAT'S WHAT IS WRONG!

It's true!

Laugh you must not!

For it is the path to the darkside!

And oh yeah... bloody hell lots of homework to do.

I am going to play my game now.

LoL?

Elephants

Elephants. Apparently my essay got through. XD . This has got to be the best news for me. At least I won't spend my holidaze wasting away and rotting in front of the computer. Instead I will be staring at wasting and rotting Elephant potatoes. :)

As usual, transport is a major headache again for me. It is nearer for me to go straight to Endau Rompin and meet them there. But STAR wants me to go to Petaling Jaya, meet up with everyone and go together. And the STAR staff suggested I tumpang Wanny's car there. I would have to go past PJ into Ipoh just to sit in her car. That's an excellent suggestion anyway.

Anyway, moral project was a huge fiasco. Firstly, one guy started spreading "Moral project must pass up tomorrow. Then can get very good advantage. What advantage I cannot tell you lar.." Then everyone started doing Moral Project. I did mine until 2 o clock in the morning, and Zhi Wei until 4am. Then, spent the entire Monday morning completing the finishing touches and handing up.

Then I went to Zhi Wei's house, and well.. two nut guys in the same home, which conveniently is empty. We are not gay, mind you. But we did make a couple of musical videos ( MTV!!! ). Some are stupid beyond reason, you don't know want to laugh or ask us to get a life. Some are so pointless they exceeded the point of hilarity.

If you want them, disturb Zhi Wei for it. He will proceed to torture you mentally first, then make you beg for it. But trust me, some will be worth it. Because its so pointless. LoL

See you in Endau Rompin Chris and Wanny! And whoever BRAT I know is going :)

Talk about mixed emotions

I still find typing in blogs an enjoyable way of writing. No pressure.. no time limit.. no word limit.. and I can be as informal as I want to be.

Anyway, English paper was quite a coaster ride for me. Well I mean the essay paper. Time allocated is 1 hour 45 minutes. Two essays, one directed and one continuous. Just like our BM counterpart. And BM is given 2 hours and 30 minutes. Go figure the 45 minutes balance. Anyway, we are supposed to spend 45 minutes on the directed one and 1 hour on the continuous one, since the continuous writing has to be longer than the directed ( though not specified, but its a general opinion. Mob rule syot.. )

We started at 8.00am and scheduled to end at 9.45am. I began writing my directed essay with confidence. Easy easy lar.. points given, only need to show show a bit of flowery language used in the correct way. I got too engrossed in writing, and soon found I had already written three pages and only nearing the end. So I finished it at three and a half pages, that's like two pages extra from what teacher expects. Checked the time, 9.05 ( or was it 9.10? ) then sweared. Bloody hell!@#?? That's like half an hour off my continuous writing!! So I grabbed the nearest topic to me, LITERALLY! I really DID that! Question 5 was at the bottomest of the 5 questions and nearest to me. lol..

Grabbed the question, and began writing without thought at all. I finished at three and a half pages also. Checked the time. 9.30am. WTF?@?!#?? 25-30 minutes to produce a three pages and a half essay?? I felt stupid for a moment. Then I felt proud for a moment. Then I felt stupid again. Then I gave up, stapled and covered the paper and slept for 15 minutes.

Will post it in my blog to brag if it exceeds my initial expectation ( before I entered the exam class ), which is 42 out of 50. If its less, forget it.

Anyway, there seems to be a reason to brag after all. I was told that I scored highest in English in Science and Technology paper in my class. 94 out of 100. I was like.. what? Zhi Wei is second highest I think, and he lost to me by 5 marks!! YEAAAAaaa!! What a lead!

Forget it. Anyway, just submitted my entry for the BRATs elephant thingy in Endau-Rompin. Hopefully it gets through. The dateline given was 23rd I know, and its the 26th now. Well, I was informed the dateline was extended ( the notification mail was sent on the 22nd. Bloody hell ) So what the heck, go for it.

Anyway, whether or not I get through, here's the essay. Criticize more than praise. This is done with my mental state at its lowest, that's when I talk normally but brain absolutely halt all processes. Meaning, I talk or type without thinking. Belief me, you wouldn't want to see the original one. This is the 2nd one I wrote, more effort is put into it.

Why do you think we should help save elephants and how you can help create awareness in your community.

Why do you think we should help save the elephants from extinction? The reason is because WE can!

As each day passes by, the list of wildlife extinction grows at a steady pace. Our own elephants are not that far down the list, and they are nearing the brink of extinction. When that happens, many will lament how useful and fun it was to have elephants while they existed.

This is because elephants have proved themselves to be extremely useful to mankind. Since ages past, elephants have been used as a form of transportation and to pull the royal coaches. Even up until today, they are still used for ceremonial and religious purposes.

Elephants are one of the most popular creatures among humans. Even as we learn our alphabets, we recite that “E” stands for Elephants. Walt Disney also made a classical cartoon that is well loved throughout the world, which is “Dumbo” based on an elephant that can fly. If these elephants are extinct, then we are denying our future generation the pleasure of seeing an actual elephant! They have learned and watched so much, but are unable to see an elephant in reality!

Elephants are also part of the biosis component in the ecosystem. They play their biological part in the food chain and maintain the population of other animals and plants. This interdependent relationship is what makes them a key biological species in the tropical forests and therefore they must be protected. If they are unable to play their role, then the ecosystem’s delicate balance might be severely disrupted and result in a catastrophic chain events that could alter our rainforests!

Elephants are dwindling at an alarming rate mainly because of human activities. As human population grows at a steady pace, the demand for food also increases. This result in more land being cleared for agricultural purposes, which leads to the elephant’s natural habitat being destroyed! When their natural habitat can not support them, they will eventually lose and die out. What we should do is gazette larger areas as forest reserves and wildlife rehabilitation centers to create a haven for these great gentle beasts.

We must show our people the sorry plight of these elephants to instill awareness in our community. Documentaries are generally described as boring; therefore a new approach to producing a documentary must be implemented. Instead of just some narrator droning while a video of elephants are shown, we should try shooting the documentary in such a way that it can capture the viewer’s attention.

Besides that, we should place more emphasis on rural areas instead of focusing our campaigns and public speeches in urban areas. It is pretty common nowadays to read in the newspaper about elephants being shot dead by villagers for destroying their crops. It is an undeniable fact that the destruction of their habitat is what leads them to invade our villages. Rural folks must be enlightened not to kill them, instead cooperate with the authorities to relocate these elephants to our wildlife rehabilitation centers.

Elephants are also hunted for their hides and tusks as these possess high commercial values. We must launch campaigns and include a topic in Moral Education regarding endangered species to educate our people to stop trading in these goods. When there is no substantial support, the market will eventually collapse and poachers might leave these elephants alone for good. That is an effective way in the long run to preserve our elephants.

In conclusion, everyone must play their part in ensuring that our elephants are not wiped out from the face of the Earth!

Written by,

Ng Leslie

Kuching BRATs 2005

(600 words)

Feel free to comment. Aisyah helped me a lot. She even dared to call Ju Eng at night lol. Got herself scolded. Thanks a bunch ^^

Hail the new philosophy

Before we begin...

WARNING : This post contains obscenities. Parental Guidance is ( NEVER invite any adults here or I am as good as dead ) advised. Not suitable for kids under 15 and those who value their sanity. Read at your own risk.


Alright, after the entire "Penguins don't eat Potatoes" fiasco, we have a new philosophy. Its profoundly obscene, and to be honest.. its funny to us ( meaning me and Zhi Wei ). Zhi Wei refuses to claim any credit because it sounds so obscene, so I am going to name him "Mr. Z". Now who is Mr Z? Nobody knows right!?

Anyway, it started on TEACHER'S DAY. School was.. how shall I put it.. Extreme fun. It exceeded our demands for time wasting and feeling bored activities. So, we went off to the school library, all three of us ( Me, Zhi Wei and Wee Kwong ).

We started crapping and laughing among ourselves like nutcases. Hey, thankfully the library was empty =.=" But I could feel the librarian was... let's just say she is shocked.

Then, finally we settled down with books. Ah Kwong started revising his history notes. I was staring at my history notes. And Zhi Wei was laughing by himself.

So, I stumbled upon this question in the book. It goes.. something like this..

"Zaman Neolitik.. bla bla.. merupakan permulaan tamadun manusia.. bla bla.. Nyatakan ciri-ciri"

So I was like.. starting to mentally list out the "Ciri-ciri"s... Then when I checked the answer..

Jawapan : Sila rujuk bahagian "Neolitik" di muka surat !@#.

WTF KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?

So i showed it to Mr Z. He laughed and started saying "Bercucuk Tanam". Here's the dialogue about the birth of the new philosophy. Something like that anyway, you get the general idea.

Mr Z : It's bercucuk tanam ain't it?
Me : Yup.
Mr Z : Actually right, humans are also produced by 'Bercucuk Tanam'.
Me : @_@??
Mr Z : See ar.. the guy Cucuk, then he tanam the seeds. That is how humans are produced.
Me : Wahlao eh damn cool!
Mr Z : That is why.. humans are actually plants!
Me : That can walk, talk, eat, run, and have sex.
Mr Z : And all plants have chloroplasts..
Me : So where's our chloroplasts?
Mr Z : Up your rectum.
Me : I SEE! So that is the main reason why we cannot produce food ourselves! Because there is no sunlight there!

So you should get it by now. Humans are plants that walk and has chlorophyll. And the reason we cannot produce our own food is because all the chloroplasts are up our rectum, or anus, or asshole, and there is no sunlight there!


Anyway, I find that freaking funny. Ah Kwong was trying very hard to revise there, and we were talking about chloroplasts in human's rectum. He was shaking his head vigorously. Poor guy.

So, another guy came in. Our classmate. This joke was freaking funny at that time, I don't know about typing it here now, but here goes. I call that guy Mr. SG

Mr SG : You guys saw my Maths book in the class?
Mr Z : No.
Mr SG : Who could have taken it?
Mr Z : Actually right, its some form 6 girl who likes you. She took it for you but she dare not tell you because she likes you too much.
Mr SG : Yeah right, and who is she? Where can I find her ( very sarcastic tone )
Mr Z : You can find..
Me : The one that's not wearing any shirt.
Mr Z : OMG *BURST INTO LAUGHTER*

That was sick. I didn't know why I became so spontaneous and blurted out that sick stuff lol.

So cool lar.. it's just so cool I can just sit here and say "Cooooooooooooooooool~~......"

Anyway, here's a little interesting information.

Form 6 in HSBP this year. 300 students. Out of 300. 250+ girls. And so far I have not spotted any hot chicks. Damn disappointed lar! I mean, its 250+ girls! If there is not a single hot chick.. oh my god..

After another week or two.. we expect it to be reduced to 100 or less. Many are "tumpang students" who are waiting for scholarships or just waiting to go.

And in reference with the chroloplast theory, I started calling one of my friends "Chroloboy" which brings the meaning "Up-your-ass-kid". How cool.

Its a Penguin eat Penguin world..

Its a Penguin eat Penguin world alright.. Firstly, I made a stupid mistake in my driving test. Failed the parking.. Just as I was about to get out from the parking space, my left side mirror accidentally touched the pole. Then all I could do was say "Fuck" and get out of the car. Bloody haha... suai lar..

Then, the biology paper today. It was nuts. Paper 3, the experiment could not be found in the text book. LoL WtF?

"Mengkaji kesan nilai pH ke atas aktiviti yis"

Damn cool lar...

Anyway, this is a brief post, just wanted to update and take a break from poring over the biology books. I could actually feel the words peeling off the page by the sheer power of my stare.

And here's a tip to guys who find revising hard. A few simple steps.

1. Take your text book ( whichever subject )
2. Burn it
3. Put the ashes in a cup of mineral water
4. Stir well and drink. You will find the information stored solidly in your bladder.

An easier alternative for guys like me who revises while lying down ( Hey lying down enables you to think better and faster )

1. Take four text books or reference books ( or three ) regarding the subject you want to revise
2. Put it on your bed
3. Lie down and rest your head on the books
4. Read from another book ( it can be another subject, but preferably the same )
5. The information from the textbooks under your head will seep into your head through osmosis

This method is damn useful for Moral Education.

*Warning* : It might be too comfortable. However, when you fall asleep, the osmosis process will continue. Take care, this must be done at the beginning of your revision. If your head is already full of useless facts, don't try this. Osmosis will happen, but will be from your head to the books. Hey, go study lar! Osmosis happens according to the 'kepekatan'. So if your head is already 'pekat' with information, it will seep out! Maybe some calls it reverse osmosis?

After watching the movie "Final Fantasy VII Advent Children", I just feel so damn shiok lar.. In fact, was so mesmerized that I downloaded the entire soundtrack for the game and the movie and blasted the stereo at home whole day. Final Fantasy VII is still the best RPG game to me. And the soundtracks rock!

The following soundtracks of FFVII are what I presume to be the best :
1. Aeris' Theme ( I give it a 10 out of 10, which I seldom does to soundtracks )
2. Cloud Smiles ( 8 out of 10 )
3. Tifa's Theme ( 8 out of 10 )
4. Ahead on Our Way ( 7 out of 10 )
5. The Main Theme of Final Fantasy VII ( 7 out of 10 )

For a more excitable soundtrack, as those 5 above are considered "soft and soothing music", try the ones themed on the bad guys.
1. J-E-N-O-V-A ( I give 8 out of 10 )
2. One Winged Angel ( The name is so cool, the music is so good I give it 9 out of 10 )

For those who don't know, One Winged Angel is Sephiroth. Damn handsome, sword damn cool, he's just such a cool guy. And he looks a bit like a penguin with long white hair wielding a long long sword. So cool.

Following Final Fantasy VII, I seriously put the game "Lufia II" as the second best RPG game ever. The soundtracks also rock! But I cannot find it.. yet :(

These two games are great in the sense that
1. Great storyline
2. Lots of puzzles that require you to think a hell lot before you can actually pass
3. Lots of secrets
4. Great music

Damn, now I am itching to play Final Fantasy VII again. Unfortunately, its hard to find it on CD for computers now, and the game is published in 1998, and meant to fit for slower and dumbass computers. Nowadays computers are so modern and sophisticated, it cannot support a game that is published 7 years ago. What the hell lar... Need to find the patch for the game to run on Windows XP :)

On an ending note.. Zhi Wei sketched this in class. I took the trouble to Google for pictures and put it here.



Penguins + Potatoes....


Equals to Penguins flying! Ok.. that picture is a penguin diving.. but let's just imagine it is taking flight :)

A few more pictures of penguin that I found.. so damn cool lar..

Two Headless Penguins. Why does that remind me of Zhi Wei and myself?

I called this picture "The Suicidal Penguin."

Now these are what I call POTATO PENGUINS! Sorry lar.. lazy to straighten it.. :P

And while I was searching for photos.. I came across this site. Double whammy for BP gang and some of the BRATs.

Its called.. "The Penguin Conspiracy".

The Penguin Conspiracy

This site claims that Penguins are bad and will take over the Earth.

www.thepenguinconspiracy.com

Damn cool right?

Stress syot

Well well well, first and foremost.. Congrats to our debate team ( Shafique, Shahrizan, Zhi Wei, Bryan and Joshua ) for kicking everyone's ass and making girls flirt with them in Batu Buruk, Terengganu. So I heard, Zhi Wei made many girls ( in particular, the Malay girls. I think I am going to start calling him Malay-killer ) swoon over him, and he made an offhand remark saying a girl was pretty when asked. That earned him the title 'Mr Banger'. If you don't know what Banging is.. too bad for you.

Anyway, Batu Pahat will be representing Zone C ( Johor, Kelantan, Terengganu and Pahang ) to the National Level Debate in Selangor 19-21st June. In Shah Alam so I heard.

Well, for some detailed information, you can go to zhi wei's blog and look at the insanely nonsensical pictures they took in Terengganu ( none of the pretty girls were in though :( damnit zhi wei, you are so horny that you didn't even bother to take their photos ). Well, if you are wodnering, no i am not providing a link there. Some *CENSORED because too vulgar* apparently know of my blog, and he likes secrecy. See? Damn horny right! Horny Zhi Wei. :P

Back to myself. For this month, I am facing :

1. Mid year exam. Its going to be fucking tough for me because I have not done much revision.
2. I am facing my driving test at the first day of exam. Thankfully, the first day is Chinese paper, I am not involved.
3. I am facing some problems in my uniform body, so I get generally fucked up.
4. As Zhi Wei put it to words.. my ass is on fire again.
5. I got crazy and started a mega download project. Six episodes of Star Wars® in one freaking go. 4.2GB!!!!

The driving thingy is making me jittery. I don't know why. When I am not driving, my heart can beat extra fast, and I get nervous and shaky. When I am driving, I feel sleepy. And I still cannot control my addiction to Yeo's Green Tea™ and Potatoes®.

Apparently, Miss Lebah ( or Bee Bee as most humans call her ), someone whom I have yet to meet, but is a BRAT herself, drew a picture of me and zhi wei. As Octopie ( plural for Octopus ). Kind of cool when you think of it. Tako Leslie and Tako Zhi Wei. And we are not gay thank you. We are pretty straight and horny.. erm.. make that friendly.


Its called Squish and Squash by the way. Squish is the Yellow Dude ( And that's Tako Zhi Wei ) and Squash is the Purple Dude ( Tako Leslie ). Damn cool lar.

All in all.. stress syot. Pretty stressed up these few days. Fortunately I have Potato to help me ;)

English Carnival 2006 in Johor Bahru

First and foremost, I found that being team manager for the 13 people who went to JB to represent Batu Pahat in the English Carnival was.. heavenly shit ( in chinese, is 'tien shi', also meaning 'Angel' lol.. ) Anyway, it sucked a bit, but it was fun! Imagine! 13 people! My lucky number!

Sucked a bit because we had to share rooms, the under 15 scrabble were a bit too mischevious, and we we bloody lost the scrabble and public speaking. But we won debate! And then there is the case of the sudden addiction to sushi and Listerine Pocket Packs®.

Anyway, first topic. Room sharing. Under 18 team for scrabble includes me, Chong Wei Ming and Daniel Chow. We had to share a bed, a double bed for couples in fact. Three guys in one double bed. I would rather have my potato beside me anytime than those guys. I won't even mind if its a single bed if its my potato with me LoL ( sick joke ). Sleeping position, me on the left, Danny in the middle, and Chong on the right. Danny had the nerve to sleep in the shape of an 'S'. Don't ask me how, but skinny people seems to be able to do it. He freaking took up three quarters of the bed from the middle, and leaves 1/8 for Chong and me on both sides.

Anyway, I watched and photographed the debate finals in SMK Seri Perling. Zhi Wei's camera couldn't zoom in that far, and I couldn't get close enough, so the pictures turned out... erm.. not so nice. But thanks to my skills, at least they weren't blurred. The best part was, after we won, Joshua hasn't arrived. He lost in public speaking and was the reserve for the debate team. So, yours truly went up and received the trophy from Puan Sallina, the head of cocurriculum ( or was it curriculum? ) of Johor.

From left, Mr. Diva ( or we call him Mr D ), Zhi Wei, Shahrizan, Me with that stupid dumbass smile, Madam Suzy, some Indian Lady, Puan Sallina, Puan Rosiah, Shafique Dassila and Bryan Boo. That practically spells out the philosophers except Joshua isn't there. Smile for the camera guys!!

Anyway, after being an impostor, it is time to describe the juicier part.

First and foremost, we philosophers have a new philosopher. That makes it seven in our group. He is Daniel Chow! The squirrels and Apples conspiracy. Remember our philosophy?

Penguins don't eat potatoes®™®®™™™®®®®©©©©©. And they can't fly. Why? Because they don't eat potatoes, which gives them the energy to fly! And why don't penguins don't eat potatoes? Because the squirrels are eating them. Why are the squirrels eating potatoes? Because McDonalds™ are using the apples to make apple pies. That is why penguins don't eat potatoes!

Damn cool lar. We seem to be influencing more and more people. Umair actually could write a page full of essay about Penguins not eating Potatoes during his "Gerak Gempur Mathemathics". I read it, and it was.. senseless. Just what we are looking for, perfect Umair!

Anyway, we invaded KFC™ the night before the debate finals. That is.. Monday 24th April 2006. Spent close to RM200 accumulatively. And took some close to orgasmic pictures. Below are some.

This is just a cool picture. I ripped it from Zhi Wei's blog, but then who cares? Its just a cool picture of Zhi Wei there, getting enlightened from nonsensicalness.

Anyway, seems that he took it in his hotel room. Room 206.


This is an even cooler picture. Zhi Wei looks like he was having an orgasm. Daniel looks as though he was going to suck the chilli sauce from the bottle just like that.

Damn cool right?




This is probably the coolest picture. Because I am in. And Zhi Wei's facial expression looks like.. oh my god.. He's high on.. nicotine?

And for your information, that's me drinking chilli sauce using a straw. I know, damn cool right? I just love the Thai chilli sauce served in KFC™. That is one of the reasons I prefer KFC™ to McD™.



And now, observe the great me eating a chicken wing like a fire-eater. It's Hot and Spicy chicken™ wing by the way.


In It goes!


Out it comes!

Taa-daa! Bone left! Cool eh? Now for some at least decent pictures.

That's Zhi Wei and Me if you still do not know us. The two famous guys who confuses everyone we see.

Guys in red are the scrabble under 18 team for Batu Pahat. The other suckers are the Under 15 team for Batu Pahat. All from HSBP. From left, Chong Wei Ming, the Great Me, Danny Boy, Chern Jin, Bloody Cho and Chee Seng.

I guess that's it for pictures. A little side details to go and that's it for this lenghty post.

Ate seafood with my dearest dear sister in JB. Saw an oyster the size of my computer monitor. 100g RM28.00. TWENTY EIGHT BUCKS FOR A HUNDRED GRAMMES!? That freaking oyster alone is at least 700g!

Apparently Shafique and Shahrizan never saw sushi before in their lives. I bought a value set meal sushi using my sister's money and offered them. They never saw before omg. Shahrizan tentatively reached out for the most expensive piece of all, the Tako ( octopus ) took one small bite and refused to eat any further. WTF!? Shafique took the second most expensive piece, the Salmon fish with rice, ate the rice and took a small bite of the salmon and refused to eat it any further. WTF!????? Talk about wasting.

That's all I suppose ;)

Going JB tomorrow!

Well, so far so good. We High School Batu Pahat-ians ( HSBP, or more widely known as Hantu Setan Batu Pahat ) English Language Society managed to emerge as the champion for three out of four major english competitions, namely Parliamentary Style Debate, Public Speaking and Scrabble. Yeah, we lost drama. Anyway, girls are better at being drama queens :P

We are going off to JB to represent Batu Pahat in the States level for all three. For Debate, we are certain that we can get into nationals again. For Public Speaking, Joshua appears to be quite good at what he is doing. For Scrabble, all we hope for is getting into the second round. Leaving after the first round is just plain embarassing! Of course, if a miracle happens and our hands happen to be the 'Hand of God' where every seven tiles can form a 'bingo' to us, then its a different matter lar...

The squad will consist of thirteen people. Five debaters ( include Joshua, our public speaker ) six scrabblers ( include me ) and two camera crew. I wonder what possessed teacher to elect me as the captain for the entire crew, but somehow I now find myself with another mantle of responsibility. Of course, if one of the crew magically loses his limbs, I am not responsible for it XD

Wish us luck ;) Will be back on Tuesday.

Philosophers Found and Lost

It was a drama that left everyone confused and traumatised. Following a tip off from a citizen reporter who did not like our philosophers, Mr Godomofo, the police conducted a raid at all nearby supermarkets and grocery store that sells potatoes for the six escaped inmates from a mental hospital.

Mr Godomofo, who declares himself as a Top Student of his school, felt a stab of jealousy as he could not outmatch the cunning of Lee Zhi Wei, mastermind behind the Penguins-Don't-Eat-Potatoes Philosophy. All the raids were fruitless, and Mr Godomofo was found to be with excessive-braggart syndrome, and was promptly sent to the mental hospital.

The police, bewildered at such a prankster was very angry. Mr Penguin Little has expressed his disappointment in such citizens who would play his officers as fools and warned would be pranksters to keep their toe in line, or they could face ten years in jail eating nothing but potatoes and wearing a penguin costume.

Before Mr Godomofo was put behind bars, he yelled an address that he said will lead to the six inmates. The officers, after much consideration decided to raid the address given.

66, Jalan Kentang 6, Taman Kentang dan Penguin, Penguin Darul Kentang.

It appeared that such an address did not exist, as all the officers could find was a potato farm in the middle of Antartic ( or Arctic wherever the penguins live ). A discovery of a potato farm in the middle of penguin habitats could point that the theory of the two well liked philosophers wrong, until officials found thatt the potatoes were planted by PENGUINS.

According to the penguin potato farmer, it said that the potato yields are used to appease the polar bears that haunt the region and occasionally devour a penguin. When interviewed, the polar bears refused to comment, but added that potatoes and penguins don't go down well together.

A penguin was able to point to the location of the philosophers after much bribery, and the officers arrived minutes later in Malaysia at the said location.

As the officers arrived in three cars and promptly surrounded the place, citizens were amazed and began crowding around. Apparently, they had not seen officers wearing potatoes like garlic to ward off vampires, only the potatoes were meant to show support to the philosophers, or to ward off their ununderstandable philosophy, nobody knows.

As a chief officer stationed his men, armed with Pizza Hut knives and Pizza scoopers, he yelled at them to come out and drop their weapons and offer no resistance. When the door opened, half the force fled.

It was Mr Eugene Tong who was harboring the fleeing philosophers. It was deemed a fact that he just woke up from his slumber, and doctors diagnosed severe overdose of potatoes that is the cause for his zombie appearance. The officers were shaken that the philosophers had such handsome friends, but half were unfazed. They stood ground and threatened to pelt rotten potatoes at the philosophers.

Mr Eugene was heard arguing with the chief officer, him insisting that he did not have any guests with him. But as officers stormed the place, they were greeted by a surprise of the century.

It was Mr Tong's pet cat, Potatic. Though it sounds suspiciously like 'pathetic', Mr Tong insisted that his cat's name was Potatic. By then, three quarter of the force had surrendered and left for jobs safer and more peaceful.

Though Potatic offered no resistance, the chief officer still put fourty officers to guard the cat, in case it suddenly springs up and spews potatoes everywhere.

Inside the house, the officers found their quarry, six of the inmates were inside. Ng Leslie appeared rather agitated, and Lee Zhi Wei was extremely excited. It appeared that Joshua Teng, the youngest of the six, had just successfully preached to a mass about their philosophy, Penguins don't eat potatoes.


The photo shows Joshua Teng, as he was preaching to the mass about their philosophy. He has successfully made countless number of girls swoon over him, and left many men confused.

Surprisingly, the officers managed to haul the six inmates into the van and ferried them off without any fight. Mr Penguin Little expressed surprise at the lack of resistance, and offered his view on why.

"I suppose it is because they find resistance is futile. I was expecting a fierce fight that involves use of potatoes, knives, scoopers, suicide penguin bombers, missles, guns and weapons of mass distraction." He said. As the six inmates were shown the door to the van, the crowd expressed disappointment at the capture of the popular but elusive inmates. Mr Tong was promptly sent for a barber, then a facial expert, then a doctor, and finally to the rehabilitation centre, where he will recover from the potatoes he ate the past ten days. Experts have found that Mr Tong is immune to the Bird Flu virus, and suspects that it is highly possible that potatoes had a tuber in this.

His cat, Potatic however, was sent to the penguins' potato farm, despite protests by the penguins.

As they were boarding the van, Joshua Teng managed to produce a microphone out from his hair and announced "It is not over yet! For Penguins still do not eat Potatoes! And now, I shall inform the world that Geese don't eat Tomatoes!"

That produced a cheer from the crowd, and before long the inmates were successfully placed back to their homes instead of the mental hospital, as Mr Godomofo had killed the other mental patients with his bragging power, thus reserving the entire building for his personal use.

A Happy ending, or shall we witness a new drama unfold when the philosophers unveil what is behind the new sentence "Geese don't eat Tomatoes!". Click on the "comment" link below to offer your opinions.

Report by : Ng Leslie


Disclaimer : Again, this is for entertainment. Names used are reserved, and no animals were harmed or fed ecstacy or potatoes during the story.

The New Cultural and Philosophical Domination

Penguins don't eat Potatoes.

Report By : Ng Leslie

Apparently, after the six inmates escaped from a local mental hospital, their influence is somehow underestimated. Currently, their new idealogy is so widely received that many people are going arounf and saying 'Penguins don't eat Potatoes' at every opportunity.

Mr. Penguin Little, the officer in charge of recapturing the two leaders of the mad patients,Lee Zhi Wei and Ng Leslie, said that even his officers are influenced by them.

"Yes, it is a very serious matter indeed. Imagine a Private reporting to me and saying 'Sir! We have lost track of the two infamous duo! By the way, did you realize that Penguins Don't eat Potatoes?' It is kind of annoying and pointless, and I am very certain once we get hold of the two psychotic priests, they will be put behind bars instead of the mental hospital." He said when interviewed.

No information has been received by the officials regarding the infamous duo, even though they were seen strutting around town saying 'Penguins don't eat Potatoes'. Apparently the public liked the duo so much that, they started swearing at the officials and refused to cooperate and reveal their whereabouts. The duo were even seen in schools, competition venues and Pizza Hut. The other four of this serious conspiracy, Joshua Teng, Bryan Boo, Shafique Dassila and Shahrizan Syawal remains unknown as they disappeared without a trace, but rumours pointed that they are with the duo.

The photo, showing Bryan Boo and Shahrizan Syawal, which was found circulating among mobile phone users pointed that they are promoting tabasco, a condiment used in Pizza Hut. This led Mr Penguin Little to suspect that these two are introducing a new belief of their own, which he labeled it as 'Tabascoism'. Though the two have not begun spreading 'tabascoism', people are consuming them the way Bryan Boo does now, that is, half the bottle on a single piece of pizza. Bryan Boo and Shahrizan Syawal did not name their influence 'Tabascoism', in fact, it is unknown what they call it as they could not be reached for comments because their whereabouts are still unknown. Shafique Dassila and Joshua Teng has yet to be seen with a conspiracy of their own, as the six inmates are believed to work in twos now, each introducing their own philosophies. Mr Penguin Little has further commented that, left alone, Lee Zhi Wei and Ng Leslie can confuse even more people and stop Bird Flu from spreading. On the other hand, Bryan Boo and Shahrizan Syawal can somehow find a cure for SARS using Tabasco if left long enough to conduct their research.

Local Pizza Hut outlets also reported a sudden surge in business and knife thefts. The public seemed to embrace the knife Ng Leslie stole from Pizza Hut as his holy scepter of some sorts and tried to look threatening, but most just made people burst in laughter with their own stupid looks. Employees of Pizza Hut were also involved in the stealing of their own knives, and the manager of a local branch, Mr Potato Masher, commented that he had actually dismissed more employees in one month for stealing than the entire 25 years he had worked as a manager.

The situation is extremely worrying, and even the politicians are seen holding knives in Parliament debates and meetings. The Prime Minister and Chief Police has yet to give a comment regarding this issue.

The public has mixed feelings regarding this matter. After a survey of 2500 candidates were made, 18 out of 20 were happy with the new pointless idealogy, and that worshipping pointlessness could very well be the turning point of their life. 1 out of 20 is unsure, and the other 1 out of 20 is confused.

It has been unnoticed that Lee Zhi Wei, the mastermind behind this conspiracy was actually holding a Pizza Pan scooper. Pizza Hut, upon discovering this, has made an immediate move of keeping all its scoopers in a safety box and replacing the scoopers with forks for dishing pizzas. However, Mr Potato Masher has pointed out that such a desperate measure will not work, as their own employees were keen on stealing the so called Holy Scepter now.



Manufacturers of the 'Holy Scepter' has tripled their productions of scoopers and knives, and still fall short in demand.

Will this be a case similiar to the movie, 'Fight Club'? Had the duo unwittingly created a monster when everybody embraced their philosophy? Please click the 'comment' link underneath and tell us your opinions on regarding this issue.








Disclaimer : This is entirely fictional and all the names of people and company used, if existed like Pizza Hut are reserved. This is only meant for the entertainment of yourself, but if you choose to embrace 'Penguins-don't-eat-potatoeism', that is your own religion.

Penguins don't eat potatoes

Did you know that Penguins don't eat potatoes? It's true! They don't eat potatoes! This is the philosophy zhi wei and I made up to confuse you all. The origin of this philosophy, only zhi wei, aisyah and me know. Though aisyah still appears to be confused but whatever, I shall not talk of the past.

Did you know that to fly we need energy? You do? Good! And because Penguins don't eat potatoes, they don't have the energy! That is why Penguins cannot fly!

What is that? I eat potatoes but I cannot fly? EXACTLY! THAT IS BECAUSE I AM NOT A PENGUIN THAT EATS POTATOES!

Anyway, went to Pizza Hut today, 11th April 2006, Tuesday to celebrate our victory in debate, championing Batu Pahat once again to go to the state level Parliamentary style debate.

Top left : Me, Bryan, Zhi Wei
Bottom left : Shafique, Shahrizan and Joshua

Anyway, we made a lot of conspiracies and useless nonsensical chattering during the 'Victory Feast'. The feast started at 1 o clock, and the esteemed 3rd speaker, Bryan, had the courtesy to come at 2.06pm. 66 minutes late! By then we already finished off three pizzas and left 5 slices for him, with a salad, two cups of coke and a bowl of soup. He ordered an ice cream. I glared at him threateningly and said 'FINISH EVERYTHING OR YOU WILL NOT STEP OUT OF HERE ALIVE'

Anyway, plans for tomorrow's trip to Kota Tinggi somehow included me in. So, what the heck, how lucky am I to be able to go yeaaaa~~

And oh yeah, ending note. I just received a report from Tanjung Rambutan. This was not reported in the newspaper, but it happened yeah. Six inmates escaped. Surprised? Anyway, here is the picture of them. I hope everyone who sees them give me a call, identify yourself with your IC number and tell me where you saw them. My number is below. Read on.


Below are the two most dangerous among the six.



Lee Zhi Wei is believed to be the mastermind behind the Penguins-Don't-Eat-Potatoes conspiracy that left many confused and puzzled. Ng Leslie, the guy on the right, is the famous collaborator with Lee Zhi Wei. Together, they have successfully confused hell lots of people with their theory, leaving many speechless and unable to produce a sound argument. Ng Leslie also goes around with a Pizza-Hut knife, which he stole from a local PizzaHut and manage to look somehow threatening with that sorry excuse for a knife.

"Don't follow, Or I will eat your pizzas" Officials quoted Lee Zhi Wei as he ran off, leaving the authorities scratching their heads over the threat. On the other hand, Ng Leslie was heard to say "Do not tail us, let us go free before the Penguins eat potatoes and fly!" On their word, the officers hot in pursuit got so confused that they gave up halfway.

The chief officer in charge of recapturing these two fugitives, Mr Penguin Little, has offered a reward of two eight sliced Hawaiian Supreme pizza, paid by the captor to the captor that manages to return these two fugitives. He also offered the knife Ng Leslie was holding as a trophy for whoever that manages to nab the notorious duo.

He also warned the public that left out free for two long, they could spread their philosophy and somehow stop Bird Flu from spreading. "Such dangerous people must be kept behind bars! They are brilliant but twisted!" He told reporters during the press conference.

Whoever has spotted any of the duo, be careful and do not attempt to take on them alone. They could turn your brain into pizza or potato, depending on your choice. Any information leading to these duo will be very much appreciated, but please, no prank calls. Or you will have bad sex for your entire life.

Please call 012-7700978 for Mr Ng Leslie regarding information to the above mentioned fugitive duo. Identify yourself together with your Identity card number, and send RM50 for a meal at Pizza Hut when given an address, then give the whereabouts of the two infamous duo.

Report by : Ng Leslie

The World at a Glance

One fine day, an alien spaceship just landed on its home planet, !@#&%!&@#$???. A native alien reported what it had spied to their leader.

Leader : !@#*($^!@*#^
Alien : !@*#^*!$$*#@^*%

Oh sorry.. here's the translation.

Leader : Report what you have spied of Earth
Alien : Here goes.

1. People are obsessed about love. They speak of everlasting love, worship this love, talk of that love, promise of undying love, yet when they see another man lying on the floor wounded or weak from starvation, all they did was say 'Fuck' and get lost without helping.

2. People are vain. They spend a lot on their appearance. Leaders might need appearance, but local people who don't have need for looks, say, a Chinese businessman who runs a grocery shop is as handsome as Brad Pitt ( ok, he is just an example, may not be handsome to everybody. let's just say he looks good ). The same man has skin smoother than a woman's, hands more delicate than a delicate hand, and just acts so gentle. Out of place. So out of place.

3. Their leaders are power hungry crazed people. They rant on endlessly about world peace, but they bomb each other given half an opportunity. Politics seem to overcome passion for life.

4. People are almost without a mind of their own. The moment a bright individual starts something new, a novelty, expect the world to mimic him within two weeks. Then, he creator is forgotten.

5. There appear to be so many experts in so many fields. They report of useless stuff everyday and try to look wise and erudite, while what they are doing plays no significant in people's life. ( example would be the health reports. One moment this expert say that eating soy is good for health, with no ill effects, another pops up and says soy causes cancer, another comes up saying soy is good for health, but over a long time will cause erectile dysfunction in man, and another pops up and say soy is bad with no sign of goodness, and another comes up and says soy causes mutation and so on. But does that change anything? Some people eat soy, some people don't eat, and they all die )

6. Hypocrisy is a widely and well practised art

7. People are addicted to sex and porn. And they behave so differently towards this topic. Westerners are very open about it, SOME just go around and approach people and ask *want to fuck?*. And then the Chinese will stand up and say Westerners are doing it so wrongly and begin by saying that wrong sexual position practised by Westerners cause health problems as it disrupts which nerve which nerve. Westerners counter by saying 'We have antibiotics don't worry'. Japanese stands up and say 'We have made a machine to solve that problem'. Indian sits down, keeps quiet and does it the most.

8. People are strange. Women demand gender equality. Men, who had been the dominant gender, had to yield after much protests and demonstration by the womenfolk. After some period, men face extinction of manliness. Chivalry is dead. Women suffer as well, as they demand manliness in the man they want. More sissies are born everyday, spoilt by their parents and cannot take suffering ( like me, but considering my position, that appears to be fairly good already ) Men squeal now. More women remaining single. Strange strange indeed.

9. Money is the most important factor in everything. Just give money, and they swear undying fealty to you. As long as you still have money to give them.

10. People are being educated into a stereotyped style of thinking. Many are brainwashed into thinking that the perfect life is study hard from the age of 3 to 25, slog guts out to earn money while having as little babies yet as much sex as possible from 23 to 60, then get mistreated by kids until they die after retirement. This is the trend of the world now. Yet true knowledge doesn't exist.

11. People are touchy about religion. They yell 'racism' at every quarter of opportunity given, even at the slightest hint of religious issues touched. That will be followed by a heated argument, then open feelings of anger from one religion to another. Who can say which is right and which is wrong? Because that is unanswerable, violence became the answer.

12. People are power obsessed. Nothing changes a human like power. Yet they fear death. Power no longer means duty. It means luxury and the perfect excuse to order people to serve their every whim.

13. People talk of advancements. But to what direction is unclear. They want to excel in technology and knowledge, yet they don't know how vast the space is, or where God is. They just want to advance for their own pleasure. Never once have they looked back down at the soil they are standing on, how much destruction they have caused in their fervor and greed in a rampage for advancements. THEN they start campaigning to save the Earth, while the other half finds it fun to go against the activists and continues killing animals and driving them to extinction while destroying as much forests as they could in the meantime. Many people feel life meaningless, suicide and murder not uncommon. Neither is violence.

Conclusion. We don't have to conquer Earth as it is not worth it. They will destroy themselves sooner or later.

Leader : You have done well.

I am not saying I am so wise or things like that. It's just that these kind of stuff just makes me feel.. aaah.. sien. The world is going to the dogs, literally. Just saw it in the news today. The Chinese have a new trend. After their pet died, the pet will be worshipped in the same fashion as they would worship their late ancestors. Hell notes for dead dogs? Go figure. If they have money, why not help out other countries that are so poor that a month's salary for a man is worth two eggs or a carton of milk, but no, political issues, there are limits to what a country can do for others, and there are records, paperwork and so on that hampers every attempt to help. Then people just say 'FUCK IT I AM NOT HELPING IF IT TAKES SO MUCH FUSS'

Ain't it true? I have many questions unanswered, and I need answers.

Death and Other useless matters

Recently, I have been seeing myself dead. Literally. I wonder does it mean 'staring at your own death'? It frightens me seriously. I keep on imagining myself a dead guy, sometimes without realizing I was thinking of that. Is that a sign I am going to die soon? Well, whatever. I have always been curious as to where does the ethereal body of a human go after it is separated from its corporeal form. Maybe.. well never mind. My life is flashing before my very eyes.

And well, this is a totally unrelated matter. My mini exam. I sucked badly, and got shot several times by my moral teacher. I got lowest, except for another guy who handed up an empty paper. Teacher asked for everyone's goal in SPM for moral paper, I put there '85' she took a heavy shotgun and placed two big holes in my head. "Last year end year exam get 63, now mini get 55, it's going down and you tell me you want to get 85 in SPM?"

Anyway, here's my results. I got the first 7 subjects first, then only the three bottom subjects. It's a conspiracy I tell you.

BM - 86
BI - 80
MM - 82
MT - 84
Sej - 88
Fiz - 97
EST - 97
BIO - 58
PM - 55
Kim - 68

See what I mean? 80,80,80,80,80,90,90 *pop* 50 *pop* 50 *pop 60. Seriously, this si a conspiracy of higher level.

Anyway, at the recommendation of Zhi Wei, I downloaded Big Fish from bitcomet and watched it. Freaking bloody hell good movie. Not your usual action packed movies, but a meaningful and worth watching. I must have the book. I should think everyone should watch it, and then listen to 'How I Go' by Yellowcard.

How I Go

I could tell you the wildest of tales
My friend the giant and traveling sales
Tell you all the times that I failed
The years all behind me
The stories exhaled.
And I'm drying out
Crying out
This isn't how I go

I could tell you of a man not so tall
Who said life's a circus and so we are small
Tell you of a girl that I saw
I froze in the moment and she changed it all

And I'm drying out
Crying out
This isn't how I go
Hurry now
Lay me down
And let these waters flow
Flow...

Son I am not everything you thought that I would be
But every story I have told is part of me

And you keep the air in my lungs
Floating along as a melody comes
And my heart beats like timpani drums
Keeping the time while a symphony strums
And I'm drying out
Crying out
This isn't how I go
Hurry now
Lay me down
And let these waters flow...
Flow....
Let it flow
Let it flow

Son I am not everything you thought that I would be
But every story I have told is part of me
Son I leave you now but you have so much more to do
And every story I have told is part of you

Yeah I know, Zhi Wei shut the hell up.

I so want to kill myself

I really do feel like killing myself. Why? Because of stupid reasons.

1. I got freaking 55 in Moral test this time. While others got 100, and Mofo trying to hint how 'if he didn't get that one question wrong, he can get 100' and me and zhi wei continuing for the whole day 'If i didn't wrong any of the questions that i wrong, I can get 100 for every subject'
2. I am so freaked out by zhi wei

Aaaah, but seriously those are trivial matters. This is the main reason.

Today is wednesday. I have double tuition. Chemistry, followed by add maths. Guess where I went? I thought it was Thursday. I went to Physics tuition. When I entered the class, I was surprised. Why the hell so many people? DAMN Isn't that guy a form 4 guy from my school? OH F*CK! WRONG DAY! Kena boo like hell and laughed by the whole class. Then had to walk 1km to my real tuition centre. Ultimate humiliation.. xia xuey.. pai seh kar.. wah lao.. And to top it off, I went to Chemistry tuition bringing my physics file, my physics book and no chemistry stuff at all. Wah kao.. don't know how to go to school and face my form 4 juniors.

Debate semi finals tomorrow. I am chairing again. Hope I don't mess up again, teachers sure like to go like 'You have done well, it's almost perfect except the part where you messed up' danm embarassing. I seem to have more embarassing moments than other people added up together.

Haha, right now going for Add maths tuition. Hope I don't end up at the wrong place again ;)