Body Parts

Today Professor Leslie shall discuss about body parts. Consider this sexual education for the strangely naive and sex-ignorant people even at the age of 18 (yes, they do exist)

Professor thinks that since evolution is constantly occurring, then the following arguments should theoretically be possible eventhough unlikely (which means it won't happen)

The specific topic under body parts would be the protruding parts of our body (or some call it extremities if Professor is not mistaken).

For those of you who are thinking only of penis, go wash your brains.

Let's explore some of the vocabularies currently existing.

Protruding part number 1 : From head
We call it a horn. Somehow humans don't have horns, but we observe it in creatures like goats and such. We humans have nothing better to do, so we photostat this body part and copy it onto otherwise normal creatures to create abnormal creatures. Satan, Unicorns and John comes to mind. Nothing of interest here, just to highlight this part.

Protruding part number 2 : From teeth
We call it either a sabertooth, a fang or less accurately a tusk (screw technicalities, it is from the teeth if I say it is). Somehow humans don't have this also, or it is not obvious or does not function. Again, we copy and paste this feature onto other otherwise normal creatures to create strange monstrosities. Dracula and Zhi Wei comes to mind. Nothing of interest here, just to highlight this part.

Protruding part number 3 : From hands
We call them fingers. If you have not heard of them, take a look at your hand. Those wormlike things you use to grab things are your fingers. You should have ten of them, normally. Nothing of interest here, just to highlight this part.

Protruding part number 4 : From legs
We call them toes. You should have ten too. If you have not heard of them, look at your toes. If you can't see them, time to get some exercise. Nothing of interest here, just to highlight this part.

Protruding part number 5 : From your crotch (males only)
We call it a penis. Magical muscular wonder of males. Makes you wonder why God or evolution made this organ this way (Key and keyhole comes to mind). Funny if you think about it. Not funny if you kick it hard, or break it. Voted (in a nonexistent poll) as guys' most important part in the body, and its protruding out instead of protected by strong skeletal frame. If you are a guy and you think this part is dispensible, you are probably gay and seriously lack libido. Unless you are a hermaphrodite anyway.

Strangest part of a male body. Size is adjustable, though maximum size varies. Hardness adjustable, depending on environment. Displays attracting and attention to loving stroking. Very sensitive to heat, and obeys the Physical Law. Size becomes small when exposed to cold, and relaxes in a warm condition. Definitely should not be exposed to high temperature as permanent change is possible to occur. Serves multiple purposes like removing fluid waste and discharging reproduction cells.

*Funny how leisure activities are called rest and RECREATION

Protruding part number 6 : From fingers and toes
They are finger/toenails. Professor usually forgets/procrastinates to cut them. Not an essential part of the body, but can be useful in a few disgusting ways. Cleaning your teeth, digging your nose or ear comes to mind. Nothing of interest here, just to highlight this part.

Now, since we like to copy body parts and paste them on other creatures, lets have some fun and play some Spore on humans!

Imaginary protruding body parts on humans (all nouns)
1) From your ass
Professor Leslie deduces that should evolution take a naughty turn, what comes out from your ass should be cilia like little things. The reason we would ever need these would be to sweep away dust or dirt before we sit down. It should be called Jasons.

Example usage : Mr. A cleaned the chair with his Jasons before sitting down.

*Professor has just finished typing this part, and remembered there's such thing as a TAIL
** If shit comes to your mind, shit comes from asshole. Question answered.



2) From your knees
Professor Leslie can find no reason for any organ to protrude from the knees. But in all possibilities, parts coming out from knees should be sharp and hard. This is because in the midst of a fight/brawl, it will come in handy in giving a kick to the crotch (called something like boning of sorts). This part should be called a Christopher.

Example usage : Leslie used his christopher to severely damage Mr.B's testicles.

*Professor checked the dictionary, and 'boner' actually meant 'penis erection'. WTF?

3) From your neck
Professor Leslie can actually think of a reason to protrude a body part from your neck. To protect your windpipe (Though it seems unnecessary)! This offers protection from external forces (note :Star Wars) that will crush your neck with unseen powers. It should be like a rib cage as well. This part should be called an Aimee.

Example usage : Zhi Wei would have broken his neck if he didn't have his Aimee around his neck.

4) From your shoulderblades
They are called wings. Professor Leslie remembered this as he typed and is saying 'wtf' now.

5) From your chest
No, not boobs. Professor is thinking that people who do not like hugs might develop this body part. It should thus be hard and tough to deter people who give hugs. This part would be called a DVD (because I ran out of names)

Example usage : Since Alamak disliked hugs, he always kill people who hugs him with his DVD.


That is all from Professor today. If you feel bored, feel free to imagine other protrusions on your own.

Random random

Came across this forum the other day while surfing (yes I am that jobless). The topic in the thread was 'Homosexuals'. Basically they were discussing whether its right or wrong.

As usual, the religiously pious ones were saying its definitely a sin. Its wrong. Its unnatural.

Then came the brilliant reply.

"A car is also not natural. So car = sin?"

But anyway, Professor Leslie (resurrected at last) shall offer some opinions regarding homosexuality.

Animals do it too! And people of reknown like Alexander the Great and your idolized Spartans (imagine 300, many people wanna be like them) are said to be gay!

There is an interesting theory that got my attention. Homosexuality is a form of evolution too, in the face of a state of overpopulation. Basically what it means is..

People horny --> People have too much sex --> too many babies --> overpopulation --> people still horny, but too many people --> They have same gender sex! --> No babies! --> Horniness appeased but population under control --> problem solved

Professor Leslie feels that homosexuality is nothing wrong. It's fine if you are oriented that way (which I am not), as long as you do not disturb others who refuse you. Heck, its wrong even if a guy forces himself on a girl eh? So no issue there.

Due to the abscence of readers, Professor shall refrain from sexual jokes.

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Top current embarassing moments (my life's full of them, wonder why)

Picture in your mind comical characters for the best humour effects

1) At a local tid-bits shop that offers free samples
Leslie : *walks in casually, sees SQUID! Dried squid! Drowns in revelry and daydream*
Shop attendant : *stare stare*
Leslie : *eyes shining, mouth drooling, pretends didn't see the sample given, grabs a big piece from the mound*
Attendant : "HELLO SIR! *points at sample, miserably cut down small pieces*
Leslie : -_-" *got caught*
Customers : *glare glare gossip*

2) At a local private hospital, about to remove my lower wisdom tooth
Aunt : Go brush your teeth! Wait dentist see dirty very embarassing!
Leslie : *nods, walks into the toilet with toothbrush in hand*
People : *stare stare gossip gossip*
Leslie : *stress -____-"
Leslie : *starts brushing teeth in toilet*
Leslie : *feels a sudden stress from behind*
Leslie : *peeks*
Toilet cleaner : *leaning against wall, staring at Leslie with 'wtf-is-this-guy-making-this-place-his-home-or-what-why-is-he-brushing-his-teeth-here-i-want-to-mop-the-floor-but-he-is-strange' look.
Leslie : *brush brush*
Toilet cleaner : *stare stare*
Leslie : *brush brush*
Toilet cleaner : *stare stare*
Leslie : *sweat*
Toilet cleaner : *stare stare*
Leslie : *creepy*
Toilet cleaner : *stare stare*
Leslie : *done*
Toilet cleaner : *sighs
Both : *walk out of toilet together, as if just finished watching an action movie

Update more when I feel like it.

Results out in 6 hours O_O

wee

In case this blog dies.. or gets deleted.. I publish this meaningless post to keep it alive.. for now..

now for something random.

JOHN WEARS PINK UNDERWEAR!! ( he does?)

Super Heroes

Professor Leslie has observed that recently there seems to be a mushrooming population of super heroes in our media, comics and such. ( Tomatoman, potatoman and cicakman comes into mind )

Thus, Professor Leslie has grouped together the types of heroes, and the criterias that you might have that made you a hero, and shall discuss it here and now.

Rule #1 :
- You must have strong arms. Everyday heroes seems to get themselves in positions where they will fall off the ledge, whether intentionally, unintentionally, pushed by enemy, pushed by friends, tripped over a rock or just plain blind. Therefore, you need strong arms to grab the ledge, hang around for 10 minutes yelling for help, then be able to pull yourself up without a single scratch. If you have it, you are Rapunzel's prince.

Rule #2 :
- You must be invincible. A hero cannot get killed, else you're no hero. You can get stabbed, shot, blasted with uranium shells, hacked with an axe together with arrows in your guts and then your head lopped off, or placed in a freezer and then smashed with a 1000 tonnes hammer and you're still alive. If you cannot be killed, you are god.

Rule #3 :
You must be a morally blind person, and must be stuck to only one belief. Who ever heard of a superhero going 'oh the bad guy's innocent after all, maybe i should spare him'? Nope, all superheroes go 'peace will only come after i assrape that bastard villian'. No superhero considers 'oh the villian's desperate for food, that's why he robs. I should help him.' If you have this, you are a normal human, most probably an evangelist.

Rule #4 :
You must have suffered some past tragedy. Your pet dog died, your village kena ransacked, you have been tortured by a master of some craft, you have been bitten by an ant, or you simply ate the wrong ice cream after dinner. All these somehow turns you into a hero. If you have this, you are a strange mutant.

Rule #5 :
There almost is always some device or weapon that will help you kill your enemy. All the enemies come out initially fucking strong, and the hero fucking weak he can't kill an ant. But after an irony that the enemies somehow can't kill you ( note : rule #2 ), the enemies get exhausted by the effort or they just suddenly grow weak for no apparent reason that you can kill him/her. If you know these kind enemies, you damn lucky.

Rule #6 :
You must be awfully handsome/beautiful. Enough said. If you are not, you must wear a mask to hide your face, and conveniently use it to hide your identity. If you do this, you must be really ugly.

Rule #7 :
You must be beyond godlike lucky. Picture this. A superhero using a sword is fighting an evil wizard who has powers like omg-he's-god. The evil wizard uses his power to summon monsters, dragons, and at the same time hurl fireballs, lightning strikes and nuclear bombs at the hero. The hero manages to kill the dragons, monsters and at the same time avoids everything the wizard throws at him. The wizard must be a strange one ( powers beyond godlike and he can't hit a single person ), or he can't shoot properly cause he's blind, or he's just a stupid fuck destroying everything but the hero, or the hero's plain lucky cause there happens to be a rock everywhere the wizard shoots. If you are this type of hero, you are plain lucky.

Rule #8 :
You need a costume. Go some halloween shop and get that awful looking gorilla suit and you can be gorillaman. Simple as that, if you are this type, you are probably a clown.

Rule #9 :
Introducing the ultimate hero. A hero with no purpose at all. Picture this. A hero is wandering around aimlessly with no purpose in life. He spots a girl getting groped by a REALLY FAT UGLY GUY ( picture your principal ) and he BEATS THE SHIT FAT OUT OF THE REALLY FAT UGLY GUY! And he gets called a hero. Then he resumes wandering around aimlessly, staring into space. If you are this type of hero, you are a loony.

Rule #10 :
The hero of heroes. You kill stupid teachers and government servants who don't give a fuck and ruin your day somehow everyday. You are a hero of heroes.

So in conclusion, are you a hero? If you are, check what type you are, and I'll mail you a 'You suck! Haha' card to you :P

I still do not have a title for this

Due to my amazing laziness and my amazing ability of procrastinating added with my amazing ability of finding excuses not to blog, I can conclude that I am an amazing person.

But anyhow, an update!

Today I shall discuss something weird to me. Perhaps you guys all know about this, but I seriously didn't know until recently.

The story goes like this....

I was in a certain class with a certain number of people in a certain place. And in my dictionary classes = boring, therefore we can conclude that I am handsome and amazing.

Back to the topic.

I was feeling bored ( who wouldn't in a class? ), so I was counting the tiles.. how many spins the ceiling fan turns in one second.. then my eyes got fixed on this girl. Now now, she's not attractive. Serious, -_-"

I don't know why my eyes refused to leave her. Something just makes me focus on her face. Then.....

I realized........

WAH LAU EH!! SHE HAS A MOUSTACHE??????????????????? (took me a while to remember how to spell that)

Even though it was slight, but it was a noticeable line of black HAIR. Something like what I have if i didn't shave for a week.

I always thought the fairer sex were the.. erm... lets say they only have hair on their head, legs and erm you know.. hehe..

But a moustache O_o

Now I can't stop piecing moustache on people's face.

Aimee looks disgusting. Serious. Make sure you shave often.

I don't know if this applies to everyone, I never bothered to research on whether girls are hairy creatures or not. But Aimee sure is disgusting with a moustache, I can assure you that.

I better escape. She's going to kill me for my imagination

(Just joking larrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr)

No updates!!

No updates this time round. I promise will update 3 weeks after this, after my mid year exam and during my holidaze :P

Conspiracy

Prof Leslie shall discuss on why maths is a big scam. ( hehehhee )

Now, everyone knows that 1 + 1 = 2.
But, 1 x 0 = 0.

Those are what you have learned in primary school.

In secondary school, you learn...

a + 1 = 3
Therefore, a = 2.

Yes yes, the zeroes are still common. But alphabets are introduced.

After secondary school, this is what you learn..

a x b = c
Therefore a = c/b

The only numbers you will face is 0. And lots of alphabets. Or else its Greek alphabets.

The point here is :

Maths ( lower to higher )

numbers ---> numbers + alphabets ---> alphabets and zeroes.

Crap, my logic only processes 1s and 0s. Try to feed to a CPU alphabet values, it will crash on your stupid face and go "BOOM!" ( who knows you might start to look like Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie or something. Turning handsome//beautiful cause of an explosion? xD )

Question : Why are we moving away from known value numbers to unknown value alphabets? Makes sense during learning, doesn't make sense when you think about it.

x represents an unknown value in different questions.

in Question 1, x can be 12. In Question 2, x can be 0. In Question 3, x can be P/(2ac + 4bd)

So.. wtf is 'x'? Is it just 'x', or is it 0, or is it P/(2ac + 4bd) or is it 12, or is it just some imaginary number that we use imaginary numbers to calculate with?

X is an alphabet -_-"""

Its weird to me how maths can evolve to such an extent. I mean, to calculate an unknown value, yes we can say that 1 + 2 = x, what is x?

but x + y + z = 3???

Weird isn't it

Long time no update

Been really busy, and the hostel's internet's a bitch as usual. Doesn't really feel private. As though the institution is reading every word as i type it now.

Anyway, been busy with assignments, mcDs, mcEs, KFC, Pizza Huts and basketball. Yes you read it. Don't have to zoom back. Its basketball.

I don't know what to say about the sport. Sometimes it feels like my face is getting more action than my hands. Enough said.

Oh maybe add another note. Makes me feel short.
If you would like another, make it 'Fuck right?'.

____________________________________________________________________

Sem 2's freaking hectic. Projects for EVERY subject. WHAT THE FUCK.

And my grades seem to be slipping. =/

One word to summarize 2 months. Pissed-off.

____________________________________________________________________

Professor Leslie has an interesting question to ask you people.

Question :
Imagine yourself logging into eBay ( or anywhere ) and auctioning yourself off, how much do you think people will bid for you?


If you gave a figure you're comfortable with, it's too much.
If you gave a figure that you'll probably get if your organs were all harvested and sold off to China, you probably got it marginally correct.
If you gave a figure that matches the pirated DVD sold near your house, damn right!

Anyway, the entire point is just to show you how much you need some self esteem. I just crushed all you have into sand, unless you are a shameless bitch who thinks you are worth more than you are :P

Crude, but someone's happy from reading that. ( At least me )

Back to college

Come morning, I will be on my way

..... back to hell -_-

No more updates for at least a month.

I declare an emergency hiatus.

WOOT!!!!!!!!!

First post of the 3rd year in blogging

And voila! Professor Leslie enters the 3rd year of this blog, officially the birthday ( can't fucking remember, go read my first post and check the date ).

As a starter for the year, let us just remember the past.

I have discovered that I had lost a friend from National Service due to a car accident.

One by one, as I progressed through this strange thing called 'life', my friends and family just decides halfway to leave the club and go to the condominium above.

So let us just welcome the new year, and retain the old memories.

I have a fragment of their lives in me. They live forever.

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On to today's topic.

Seems like, there is a nationwide uproar over our unHealth Minister Dr Chua over his.. sex DVD.

Can't say he's done wrong by resigning.

Hey, at least he is not crying his way out like certain people when they find themselves in deep shit ( or yelling at people calling all sorts of names for that matter ). For that, he deserves recognition for showing some... conscience? Leadership perhaps. Responsibility definite.

Nope, not that I specifically want him down. People who know me know that I can't be bothered with this country's politics. Its screwed up. Not just this country, politics IS a screwed up business.

Well, this DVD thingy is very obvious an attempt at political assassination with an almost certainty of success. Certainly despicable for doing this, but who are we to judge?

Do we say that Dr Chua is wrong for screwing around his friends? Do we say that the guy with a strange fetish for Dr Chua is wrong for filming him in action?

Who are we to judge?

What we perceive is but what is exposed to us. We do not know everything, therefore our judgement is flawed. I stand on neutral grounds, on grounds of life.

So for you people who thinks Dr Chua screwed up badly, think of others in the government who deserves to be pulled down too ( quite a list )

Or you can just shrug off everything and live your lives on neutral grounds.

Just a gentle reminder to the general public who cries out condemnations to others. Look at yourself in the mirror, make eye contact with yourself.

Did you help that starving kitten in the streets? Or did you just view it with contempt and hope it gets put out of its misery soon?

Did you not screw something up too?

Nobody in this world can claim they are without mistakes. Holier-than-thou attitudes, as I quote Dr Chua, is in fact, an attitude that should not exist in the first place. Humans are a strange construct.

Whichever Engineer made humans, he/she definitely screwed up. Logically thinking, WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU CREATE SOMETHING THAT MAKES ERRORS ALL THE TIME????

You would smash your computer if it calculates 1 + 1 = 100 EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME!

P/S : Certain sources report that its Katerina Hotel. Damn, there's cameras there. No funny business people when you're there. heh heh

P/P/S : Why the fuck is the word verification to post this blogpost IS SO FUCKING LONG??

Check this out : qcgyxmac

8 characters!!!!!! 4 is 3 too many I say!!!! Ah I keyed in wrongly. Now I have to retype another 8 different characters. For the fourth time. Fuck betul