Health & ancient civilization

Professor Leslie shall talk about Health and Ancient humans in this blog post. I know, the two topics are unrelated at all, but an attempt to merge them into one nonetheless.

First off, we shall speak of Health.

Go read the newspapers, magazines or whatever reading material you have your hands on. Second step, make sure its not porn. Third step, find anything to do with health.

Well?

Professor Leslie shall predict what you just saw.

Its either eating something causes cancer, eating something is good for your health, exercising can reduce risk of disease and all that stuff.

Right?

Eating rice or bread stuff causes diabetes. Eating protein causes this disease. Eating vegetables causes neurological impairment. Eating fermented stuff got free glutamate. Drinking wine can cause this that.

Professor's verdict : These are all bullshit.

Look, if you followed all their advices and reports, you would be living off grass the next half of your life and exercising everyday. Then they decided that you are an interesting character, and put you in the media spotlight. You are a healthy person cause you eat grass and jog and have sex all the time. Then they encourage people to follow you, and ask for advice for you on how to keep your health.

Then, whamm!! They suddenly decided that you are a piece of shit after all. They do research, and find that eating grass causes some disease or symptom which is rather hard to prove. Maybe.. Eating Grass causes early deaths, or Eating Grass makes your shit smells REALLY BAD!

And you suddenly find that you have been an arse eating grass while others indulge in their favourite food. And you actually find someone who is fucking unhealthy and somehow manages to outlive you.

Conclusion? Professor Leslie says avoid eating grass. The sheeps and cows need them too.

Professor Leslie's advice. Eat whatever you want, do whatever exercise you like, and have safe sex all the time. Guarantee even if you die earlier, you die a happy person.
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Professor Leslie has been doing extensive research into Neanderthals in his imaginative lab. Neanderthals = Supposedly primitive men. In his imaginations, Professor Leslie has came across a few interesting discoveries of primitive men and wishes to share them in this insanely nonsensical and supposedly scientific report.

First note : Never meant to be offensive. Just purely for entertainment as usual. So if you feel offended, get on with it, or don't read if you think you will be offended. If you can't get on with it, forget about it. If you can't forget about it, tell me.

Professor Leslie's incomprehensive report on Neanderthals.

Neanderthals, primitive men believed to have existed before the world existed ( well wtf that means anyway ) are an elusive lot ( yeah right ). They live in packs of males and a few unfortunate females ( nothing sexist here.. maybe.. yet? ).

Their eating habits are peculiar. They forage for berries when they are hungry, hunt for cicakmen when they are not hungry, eat sand for desert ( haha pun made ) and occasionally wonders when they can invent ice cream. They work in a group alright, with great teamwork.

Hunting methods.

They will draw lots with uneven stones and randomly choose a shape of rock after everyone has picked one ( damn unfair, but wtf they survive this way ). The unlucky guy has to lie down on the floor and play the damsel in distress, eventhough he is a fucking ugly old fag. This will lure the heroic cicakmen to his rescue. He moans and tells them he suffers from a bad leg, and only by making him amused can his illness be cured ( wtf how come he knows own cure one? ). The stupid cicakman will then proceed to perform some stupid stunts or tell lame jokes. Whilst distracted, the neanderthal's friends will come from behind the cicakman and club him to death. Occasionally the cicakman is clubbed so bad that its so disgusting to just look at it, not to mention eating it. This reminds me of strawberry ice cream, with cicakmen seasoning. Damn disgusting right?


Their social habits are funny. They bash each other's head with their hunting clubs, often resulting in fatalities among younger children who are too dumb to avoid them. They view strength as the ultimate virtue, but an unwritten and unsaid law is that they idolize people who can avoid all the hardblows on their face. Anyone who can bash another's skull in is considered a hero. Thus, this explains their fucking low population. But not to the point of extinction.


Mating habits are outrageous. The male will ogle at a potential mating partner for two minutes cause he feels shy, then will say 'wtf', grab the female by the hair and drag her to the nearest cave and rape her silly. Courtship is deemed as heretical and worshipping the occult. Apparently female friends told of this habit seems to like the idea. Perhaps we do descend from neanderthals after all.


Homosexuality is an issue among the neanderthals. The male feels extremely comfortable amongst other unsuspecting male friends. But mating habits with females do not apply here. Homosexuals are deemed as elusive gods. The more elusive the better. Probably cause none of the horny straight males would actually worship them. In the end, the homosexuals are no discriminated or cast away, but left to live on without being able to satisfy their sexual urges, unless they come across another homie ( homie is the general neanderthal slang for homosexuals ).


Religion is an interesting subject among neanderthals. They appear to worship anything they find interesting. A member can take interest in somoething positively mundane ( like a strange shaped rock.. wow.. fascinating ) and begin concocting a story to his friends on how he have seen a spirit or a god in that stone. The rock is then honoured at the leader's house. Which basically explains why the leaders seem to suffer from OCD, especially the need to arrange the rocks alphabetically. Leaders often find his cave or hut cluttered with every imaginable object, from sand to stones to rotten tree branches. Members of a pack have been known to drown because they tried to move a rapid river. Some joke.


Politics are also an interesting subject. Stupid people are valued better because they can't govern properly the pack, therefore the pack gets much more freedom. Best candidate for leadership in order of best to worst : Stupid & Lazy, Stupid & hardworking, Smart & hardworking, smart and lazy. Stupid & Lazy is because as mentioned above, incompetency leads to more freedom amongst pack members. Smart and Lazy is the worst qualifications for leadership because the smartass will get everyone else to do his stuff, which makes everyone pissed off. Elections are held everytime a leader is killed either by accident, disease or have ED. Which is basically almost once every 3 months.


I conclude this report that, it would appear modern men and the studied subjects aren't that far apart after all. The two groups of men both do stupid things, are afraid of everything, believe in anything and likes sex. Communication will be impossible. Because they are frigging made up you dumbass who goes 'huh?'

Signed,
Professor Leslie.