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First and foremost, I shall begin this update with why i did not update. Which literally translates into : EXCUSES. Or in a more formal way, reasons-to-convince-you-why-my-work-is-not-done and why-I am-not-at fault-and-therefore-you-should-not-blame-me-for-it. Alright, excuses sounds easier.

Excuse 1 :
1) Bloody Cendana Internet connections in the room were cut off. After a week. Port's ready, server's ready, cables ready, WHY MUST CUT????

- Because they got the approval already, but no black and white yet.

Seriously, These people need to know that black is the abscence of colour and white is the combination of seven colours.

Put this in mathematical form, you get..

Assuming colour = x

0x + 7x = Internet activation

But since 0x has no value, therefore..

7x = Internet activation.

Come see me, I have some white paper. Lots of them.

Excuse 2:
Peer pressure. I suffered lots of taunts and jeers from my friends to update. I have learned in school that peer pressure is always bad. I wrote countless essays of how peer pressure encourages stupid youths to start smoking, have casual sex, commit suicide and take drugs and all every other negative social issues that could possibly exist. So why would I succumb to peer pressure if that is so bad? That's why lah.. I didn't update. Because I so good.

Excuse 3:
I ran out of potato chips. Potato chips are an excellent source of energy for operating the mouse and typing on the keyboard. Without all the carbohydrate, water, monosodium glutamate and (insert many many chemical stuff that we stuff into ourselves daily here), I simply cannot update.

Alright, done with the excuses. Now on to updating.

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Kids beware! There's a pedo on the loose in the streets. He likes cucumber and brinjals. If you see him grab the nearest magic gourd and shove it up his ass ok? Make sure it hurts.

And oh yeah, while you are at it, try and obtain naked pictures of guys who post what they shouldn't post in the net. Blackmail them for money first. Get the money, then post it anyway cause they suck.
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Oh and why the big hoo-haa about a Malaysian guy in space?

Its an exagerration to have almost an entire edition of Star newspaper dedicated to that.

He's the man who will fuel idealism in the country. Taxpayer's money are being channeled to buy petrol to fuel his way up into space, and unfortunately he's coming back and most probably will be saying he wants another go.

Now every kid in the street wants to be an astronaut. But nobody knows the difference between an astronaut, a cosmonaut, a juggernaut, and heck nobody even knows what a space tourist is.

"Huh? Go into space? Siao ah! So expensive, no whores, nothing to buy, nothing to see, no air to breathe?? WASTE MONEY SIALL!!!"

Kids are the future taxpayers.

So technically, in mathematical terms, if we have a kid becoming a whatevernaut, we will have one less taxpayer. This can be seen in the mathematical expression

Kids = a
astronauts/cosmonauts/juggernauts/whatevernauts = b
constant = k
tax collected = t

k(b-a)=t
If every kid is a whatevernaut..
a = 0.

therefore, tax collected will be t = kb.

Now as we all know, in taxes, the whatevernauts tax collection comes in (onebillion minus income tax).

Income tax, unless imposed on guys like Bill Gates(is there a Bill Doors or Bill Windows?), will definitely be below RM1,000,000.

Technically, income tax will be way below negative level.

Our nation will collapse. People will suffer. Famine spreads. Disease overwhelms us. Everyone is unemployed. The space is literally littered with Malaysians. Nobody grows crops. Our economy collapse. But hey! We are in space. That's all that matters.

Of course, this is all crap. There's always that mak cik that sells nasi lemak down at the corner stall. Our people in space will surely come back for her nasi lemak. The only problem is we have to send them back into space and hope they get stuck up there.

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Went to Carrefour a moment ago. Ok its 1.05am, maybe not a moment ago. About 5 hours ago.

Guess what?

Its the first day of Raya.

WHY THE FUCK ARE THE MALAYS BUYING STUFF AT THIS TIME????????????????

It was seriously jampacked, crowded, congested, constipated, whatever word you have in mind, put it here.

Whatever happened in the morning? What.. not enough supplies? Don't bullshit me lar. EVERYONE OUT OF SUPPLIES???????????????????

AND WHY THE FUCK ARE THE NONMALAYS BUYING ALL THAT JUNKFOOD?????

It was enough to feed the entire town!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously, BP-ians are weird.

And I am beginning to hate salesmen. I won't mind attractive salesWOMEN though.

Do I seriously look like a 40 year old datuk with a harem of a dozen mistresses, tons of corruption case against me while driving a convoy of limousines??? WHY IS EVERYONE OFFERING ME CREDIT CARDS????????????

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Just had an idea while chatting with Judy.

Congratulations to Al Gore for winning the Peace Nobel. You deserve it.

I am going to win it next year. Heck, I shall make a documentary myself on peace.

It will be an interesting one.

I shall buy a camera.
And I shall camwhore.
And make sure every picture will have a peace sign on at least one hand.
Then make a documentary out of it!!

Ah crap, I am way behind. BILLIONS of people already done that. Got a lot of catching up to do.

And I can imagine me sayng the speech.

"With the prize money, I shall buy many more cameras and capture every single peace sign I see in the world. Then I shall document it again, and spread peace to the world!"

Yeah right, everyone's buying nuclear weapons and I am buying cameras. I shall win it hands down. Bwahahhaaha.~~~

I can even imagine what the announcement sounds like.

"And we present the Peace Laureate to Mr.... because he did not purchase Nuclear weapons like other power-crazy leaders of countries!"