How to release stress

Professor Leslie's tips to release stress.

Warning : Extremely imaginative, unrealistic and dangerous. Please do this at home if you want to release tension and stress in a very insane way.

Professor Leslie has decided that everyone in the world experiences stress. Stress occurs when one is pressured into doing something that he/she feels is boring, too much work for a stupid pay, not enough sex and leading a seriously dysfunctional life.

Have no fear! For today Professor Leslie shall teach you how to release yourself from all that agony and become a somewhat abnormal person, minus the stress!

Tip 1:
Forget what the health experts tell you. Its all bullshit, or its some way to make them look smart so that they will be called experts, or its some marketing shit.

Listen to what Professor Leslie says.

Feel the tension slipping away already right? Be thankful I don't charge you.

Tip 2:
If you ever feel the pressure mounting on you, gather all your homework/assignments/work, pile them up, burn them. Then gather the ashes and put them into your boss/teacher/any stupid person's underwear and watch them scratch their crotch till it bleeds.

Sadistic I know, but somehow it works. ( I did something similiar, but not to that extent. Not telling you what I did, but it sure feels good. )

Tip 3:
Sit down in a quiet and secluded place.

Then phase out into a fantasy world of your own. Where you can do anything you like.

Such as.. shoving shit into the mouth of that pervert who keeps staring at your ass ( this applies to guys too. ), imagining you using an umbrella and slowly stabbing that idiot you don't like to death, then drink his blood.

See, that's why sit down in a quiet place. You might suddenly start smiling to yourself and say 'Kill you kill you kill you'. People will run away if they see you, then you have nobody to stab.

Tip 4:
Hire yourself out as a terminator. If you do so, contact me. I have lots of cats here in Cendana for you to kill.

And while you are at it, please clean up their shit. They are on every floor. 5th floor for penguin's sake. Ever seen a cat that goes way up to the 5th floor just to SHIT??????

Tip 5:
Nothing violent now.

Feeling stressed cause of monetary problems? Here's how to feel rich and happy, and not be rich. A cheap way to destress.

Go to the toilet carrying maybe 10 RM1 notes.

Shit.

Use the money to wipe your ass. Instant gratification.

Tip 6:
Feeling stressed cause of monetary problems? Here's how to feel rich and happy, and be very much poorer.

Go out with your credit card. Buy every single imaginable thing that you might remotely have need of. Swipe your card with every purchase ( anything above 1 cent ). Swipe your card until it melts.

Then go report card missing. And act very pissed when dealing with police.

When bank calls, act innocent.

All the way until you land up in jail bankrupt. Hey at least you felt good right?

Tip 7:
They say eating chocolates help. I say bullshit.

Eating things that you don't like might well work better.

Challenge yourself to eat that piece of week old tough and rubbery mutton. Tell yourself you can detoxify your body once you eat it. Take it as a challenge. Make sure you eat all of it. When you are done, you might actually feel good about it. At least you have done something nuts in your life.

Tip 8:
This is a very fun one. Go snap of a tree branch with a lot of tiny branches ( sorry tree ). The more tiny branches the better.

Hook up all your underwear on it.

Then run across town waving it like some flag.

Make sure you can run faster than a policeman's car.

Tip 9:
Go to your bank, and deposit money into Professor Leslie's account. You will instantly reduce MY stress. Then call me to thank me. I will say 'No Problem'.

Tip 10:
Now this is a decent one. Read this post again, and think that, actually in this world, there are people who are more stressed than me.

Then what? LAUGH AT THEM LAR!!!!

Remember : Laughter the best medicine. Conscience = stress. So no conscience = no stress?

This is a community mesage by Professor Leslie.

Don't bother making police reports. The police are my neighbour. Their hostel and station is right next to my hostel.