Epic story

Ever read Calvin & Hobbes story? Well, I put two & two together got the idea for this story. As you read along, try and figure out what trivial matter is actually happening. A la Calvin and Hobbes, where Calvin makes it so dramatic ( like a T-rex loose in a supermarket and eating everyone in sight, and it turns out Calvin is on a kiddy rampage in a supermarket )

Right, here's the story.

Somewhere along the universe, there existed a liquid planet called 'The Waste'. Its residents were a tough and hardy people, and whirpools happen all the time and suck everyone near it in. One such young 'wasteling' is little Johnny, and an old 'waste' called Sorry.

Johnny was swimming along the waters around his house when Sorry came and find him. He swam over to find the cheerful old waste. "Elder Sorry!" he yelled. "It's ok, no need to apologize" Sorry immediately said. And they swam together and chatted happily, oblivious to the fate their people is going to face soon.

As you can see, Planet Waste became a target for many other aliens. Attacks came, whirpools then recovered the planet and killing many in one time. But the people of the waste, they had a very special reproductive system. And so they multiplied at an alarming rate, only to die and leave a few survivors after each attack.

Far away, a spaceship from Planet Park was on its way to the Waste to unload its cargo. And the captain was furious. Some stupid nut among his crew began charging the bombs up, and now they find the ship's resistance power is weakening and the bombs might go off anytime. For the sake of everyone's survival, desperate measures were taken. They accelerated, they tried to lessen the tension at the cargo bay, and they even tried cutting off the power source, but obviously failed in that. Alongside, they bumped into many space objects, like small asteroids, which caused friction which further charges up the bombs. The captain grew worried. Will they make it in time? Or would the ship explode halfway, killing everyone off?

"Captain! Charge getting higher! Cargo is forcing its way out soon!"
"Watch that it doesn't! This attack must be successful!"
"Yes sir!"

Then, from the command room, the captain saw the liquid planet. He felt excited and nervous. Will he make it, or will it be a case of 'so near yet so far'?

"Captain! Cargo is releasing poisonous gas! A couple of crewmen were killed before they can escape!"
"What? Seal off the room! And get a couple of men stand by at the unloading bay. Prepare the waygates to drop the bombs!"
"Yes sir!"

The liquid planet grew bigger and bigger as they got closer. Will he make it? Will they make it??

As little Johnny and Sorry swam, Johnny couldn't help but noticing a little speck in the sky. What was that little speck, he thought. Probably he was imagining things, but still.. He decided to voice out his thoughts to Sorry.

"Hey, sorry.."
"Nope, it's ok."
"Listen to me, look there, do you see a speck there? In the sky?"
"I can't see it, my eyes are failing me..."
"Probably my imagination. Come on, we are getting late, sky's darkening soon."

As the ship drew closer, the captain's excitement elevated slowly. He was praying furiously that they make it!

Little Johnny finally saw what that speck was as it grew bigger. It was another alien spaceship, which meant an attack was imminent!

"Hey sorry!"
"Whatever for?"
"Look! An alien spaceship!"
"What? Sound the alarm! We are under siege!"

"Distance at 1000 miles... 900... 800..."
"Come on come on, faster!"
"Captain! We can't hold the cargo any longer! It is out of control!"
"Just a few more minutes dang it! Do your best!"
"500..."
"Captain! First layer inner defense down!"
"What!?? Make sure the second and third doesn't go off!"
"400..."
"Captain! Second layer down!"
"What!?? !@#*^!$%!&@#%"
"200..."
"Captain! Third layer defense is thinning!"
"*Faints*"
"50...!"
"Alright! Prepare to unload the highly charged particles now!"
"25..."
"All prepared sir!"
"We are at the correct altitude for maximum impact of the bombs sire!"
"Unload!!!"

As Little Johnny and Sorry went swimming away with the alarm blaring away, the spaceship opened a shaft. Small barrages of bombs flew out, squashing and drowning many.

Relief flooded the captain. He had made it after all. Now is the time to unleash Hell.

As people screamed amidst the ever pouring bombs, little Johnny and Sorry dived and went under a house with oxygen support. But alas, a bomb smashed everything and they were dragged down and drowned.

A big bomb dropped out from the shaft, and the impact caused monstrous waves to ripple out from the point. The captain was jumping with joy.

"Captain! All inner defenses are up!"

Finally, all the bombs were unloaded, and one huge section of Planet Waste lay in ruins, its water polluted and coloured. Out across the horizon, a whirpool began. A storm sprang out of nowhere. The captain, seeing this, began barking orders to retreat and go home.

The whirpool sucked in everything, bombs, corpses, ruins and after the storm, left an ocean of clear crystal water. People from other overpopulated regions came and settled at the spot. It was a cycle actually, a bombing or whirpool wipes out the population, and other regions provide people to populate the place again.

Up on the ship, the captain began to sigh with relief. *End*

Know what the story was about in reality? Got it yet? Right, here is what happened.

I was in the Park with my aunt giving my grandmother her exercise, a walk in the park. Then, my stomach began to ache. You get the idea. :)

Colours of Malaysia

Well, today's post, I am featuring Malaysia, as in, the features of Malaysia that cannot be found in other countries. And for that purpose alone, I shall introduce a new graph, and a little twist to add maths and Physics that we learn in school. It is a multi purpose graph! We can fit in so many things from Malaysia that we cannot find in other countries.

The mathematical function, given X = Y, until you reach the maximum stage. Put in anything you want in X and Y, and you get the same graph.

Alright, let me go first.



X = Position held by the officers
Y = Body weight

Hehe, ever noticed this phenomenon? I am sure you have.

Now, on to another equation.

Given

X = Position held by the officers
Y = Tardiness in arriving for special functions in which they are invited to

Another linear graph. :)

Just two satiric pokes at Malaysia's special features. Nothing offensive, hope nobody gets offended and gets the ISA to arrest me :(

Fortunately our Prime Minister is neither :) Or I hate to think about his size... One thing though, nothing rascist, I notice these phenomenons happen more in Malays. Chinese, well, we don't have to be an officer to be fat, many of us who has slightly more money than they can spend are fat! I don't know about Indians, they always seem so fit to me. :)

Animal Husbandry Institute in Ayer Hitam

Went on a trip with my biology teacher to the Animal Husbandry Institute in Ayer Hitam on the 15th of March 2006. Pretty interesting trip, since the main theme is 'Reproduction', simply the most favouritest topic in biology. In fact, it can be deemed as the only thing worthwhile studying biology at all for students like me.

We went over in two buses, two teachers, and two lab assistants. Approximately 75 students. Out of those, about 15 of the students are Form 5 old birds, the others are Form 3 kids. Best part was, MoFo went too, I practically forgot about that. Even better part, he invited himself to sit beside me. Lazy to shoot him, so just live and let live.

Anyway, at the animal husbandry institute ( AHI, AHI not TAHI you idiot ), it was quite huge actually. Quite a few plots of pastures for their animals to graze on. First animal we visited, milk cows.

The first thing that invited us was not a human. It was the stench of bullshit. Honestly, there were around a hundred odd milk cows, and they produce shit in a half-hourly basis. Meaning, the place is forever covered in shit. And the workers there had to spray water from a hose all the time. Pity the guys who work there. I wonder what they name these workers.. 'Shit cleaners?' 'Manure cleaners?' whatever..

And then, there were two huge containers, like... silos? And guess what it contains. A black coloured liquid, with a lot of froth and bubbles with an overpowering odour tells us it is shit, but hey, who knows? It could be urine...

So, one guy started explaining stuff to us. According to him, milk cows produce 12 litres of milk everyday, and they are milked twice a day. One cow can supply six families! And the funny part was, the cows were afraid of us, so many people looking at it being milked. Imagine yourself in a rush for toilet, and the only option is a toilet bowl in the middle of Midvalley. Everyone staring at you, it makes your excrement shy and too scared to come out. But the cows, being cows, the milk came out all the same and they went off quickly, somehow relieved that some distance can be put between them and the freaking noisy humans.

Then, another guy came over and started explaining how they fertilize the cows. When asked where the male ones are, he said they are separated at young according to gender and the male ones are put far away. Reason? 'Kuat Rogol." He said.

So, right in front of us, were three cows. Three beautiful cows. I could actually imagine a plate of steak that is staring at me, and that miserable dream is shattered when I heard pipe water running. I was like, what the? There's no pipe around! Then, I realized there are MANY pipes around me. Hundreds in fact. Heck, it's true! When cows piss, they are like the pipe you use to wash your hands. Power man..

So the guy, he said these cows 'sudah naik biang.' To put it mildly, they are ready to get pregnant. To put it crudely, they are horny.

Signs of a cow being horny? One, they let other female cows hump them. Well, hump them meaning climb behind them lar! Two, their privates swell. Three, their privates let out strange fluids. I wonder does that apply to humans..

So the guy, he wanted to make sure that the cows are really horny. He put out his equipments to let us see. A huge thermos flask, a freaking long syringe-thing, a box of disposable gloves, and freaking long straws. What are the functions?

The thermos flask contained cow semen. Frozen at a temperature of -192 degree ( How the hell do you make that symbol of degree? ) Celcius, they looked like ice cream. And no, I don't own a camera. And I just ate ice cream before I made this post. Vanilla flavoured.

The syringe is filled with a couple of ml of sperm, and the long straws are sheaths so that the syringe don't poke and bleed the cow's vagina.

So, the guy pulled out a glove, and fit it to his hand. It reached his arm pits, freaking long gloves. Then, you know what he did? Climbed into the pen, lifted the cow's tail, and pushed his entire gloved hand into the cow's anus. WHAT THE???

Then he pulled it out, and the cow's private shoot out some strange liquid. Felt good eh? And his glove was covered with shit, and his hand held a fistful of shit as well. Then he announced "Sudah sedia." Damn their sense of humour.

So he filled the syringe, sheathed with the straw, and put on another glove. Then, he lifted the tail again, and pushed his entire hand inside again. The cow shook and trembled, with joy or fear I don't know. Imagine someone pushing their hand into your asshole when you are feeling horny, I don't like it :P

Then, he inserted the syringe at 30 degrees, and when it is steady, injected the sperms inside. Everything came out shitty. Literally. So, he withdrew his hand and announced again 'Dah siap'. The cow is pregnant! Hooray!

Then, I was blocked by many overenthusiastic form threes. When I managed to peek, I saw the entire organ on the table. WTF? He freaking had a frozen cow's vagina in a plastic bag, complete with the asshole. He explained, a cow has two vaginals. And before they are fertilized they are injected with hormones to double the ovums so that they can have twins or triplets or quadruplets. Reason for him to push his hand into the anus is to find the cerviks, where he will squeeze it and feel the syringe reaching there. That way, the syringe won't bleed the private part.

Then, we visited the rabbits. Wabbits!? No wabbits! Rabbits! And they were freaking cute! The first guy who welcomed us then briefed us again. Brief as in explained, not your underwear! Rabbits there are bred for two purposes. One, for domestic commercial purpose ( or whatever you call it, in short, pets ) and two, wabbit mit. Rabbit meat! A pet rabbit costs approximately RM300 there, and the meat is like freaking RM100 per kilogramme. Or something like that, as he hinted.

So, we went over to the large penhouse, manned by a chinese dude. Not allowed entrance, but that did not really keep us from peeking at the rabbits. They were freaking cute! Cute, but impractical. Useless they are. Just for fun. Of course, they instill the impulse to purchase them, but again, of course, the prices are not cute at all.

Some of the rabbits looked like.. well, rabbits. Some looked like Chinese Panda bears, with two black eyes when the entire body is white. Some looked like a Polar bear, whole thing white. Some looked like CATS. Freaking huge and fat they were! Looked like cats!

Well, I had the chance to follow my godbro, Jordan in. He couldn't resist it and wanted to buy one. After talking to the Chinese guy, we went in. He began introducing. I noticed the rabbits eyes were black, like a human eye. Eh? I thought all rabbits had red eyes? Apparently, these were hybrids. Cross breed here and there, and you get the freak. ( Which reminds me of Russell Peters. What do you get when you cross a Iceland man and a Cuban woman? Little ice cubes. And what do you get when you cross a French man and a Greek woman? Freak. )

You know what the Chinese guy freaking told us? "I can sell you one for RM20" OI!??? TWENTY BUCKS? Then, he showed us the RM20 stuff. Newborn beautiful baby rabbits, about one month old. That's about the age they are suitable to be sold. Too young they might die, too old they might die too fast. So get them while they are young and at the right age! RM20. LoL, almost took out my wallet myself.

But wait, where is everybody? THEY FREAKING BOARDED THE BUS ALREADY! We ran back as fast as we could, and found the bus waiting for us. LoL!

Next stop, cow again. This time, its calves. We visited the calf pens. Six months here, twelve months there, eighteen months there, after that its out in the field. I have had enough of cows to last me for a year, particularly the smell. Smells good actually, if you like shit.

So we wandered off again, me and my godbro. And we found the guy who stuck his hand into the anus of a cow in an office. He invited us in. There were three freaking huge containers, ten times the size of the thermos he brought ( which happens to be double the size of a normal thermos ), and another two at another corner. The three containers contained liquid nitrogen he said. -192 degree Celcius. That is what they use to achieve that temperature. And the other two? Cow semen. TWO HUGE CONTAINERS OF COW SEMEN! OH MY GOD!

One stupid Form Three boy followed us in. When the man said 'Ini untuk simpan lama-lama, yang kecik itu untuk apabila kita turn ke kandang.' That stupid boy asked 'Wah! Macam ini boleh simpan beribu-ribu tahun kah?' The man answered 'Ini sudah beribu tahun.' AND HE BELIEVED! He was so freaking impressed that he began spreading 'Eh, a thousand year old sperm, how cool is that?' Now you know why I call him 'a stupid form 3'.

I noticed a cat lying on the floor. The man's personal pet I suppose. At that time, I had a pretty naughty thought. I told my godbro.

"Kor, I grab the cat, you inject the cow sperm into it." Heh, Wonder what would I get. Kucing Bertanduk?

Then, the next stop is the museum. Displays were the works of taxidermists. Life sized animals there, only the skin is genuine stuff. And there was a fish there, Arapama. Want to know its size? Spread out your hands. Satu depa, we call it.

And there were many speciments of cow foetus, embryos and stuff. And guess what I saw? A bull's penis. And you want to know the length? Take the length of between your elbow and your middle finger's tip. THAT IS THE FREAKING LENGHT! What if it stims? Penetration would be freaking painful! Oh wait, it's the entire organ, including the testicles and all the connections like 'Vesikel semen'.. and all that kind of stuff lar. Not sure how to spell that, so the Malay version instead.

I found out how they 'Mengembiri' the animal stocks. Mengembiri meaning to 'Castrate', cut off the balls. Right, here's how they do it. Feel the balls, and pull it slightly. Use a knife to cut off the scrotum. Scrotum is the skin-like thing covering the balls. Then, grab it, turn it over and over, say, 1800 degrees clockwise, then pull it out. OUCH! Or else, an alternative method? Cut off the scrotum, pull the balls, get a scissors and "kggggkt". I wonder how the ancient Chinese castrate the eunuchs. Bloody!?

Visited the milk factory, bought milk ( I would have drank a lot if I weren't diagnosed with lactose intolerance somewhere two three years ago. Bloody! Fresh milk! ) stopped at a local Malay hawker centre for lunch and back.

I guess that's it. Learned pretty much during the trip, though a bit disappointed that we didn't get to see the horses there. I love horses and ponies ( PONIES! NOT PENIS! ), I think they are just so cool-er! Regardless of the smell. I just love them!

Right, before I end, here's some vocab for you guys and gals out there.

Bovine - Ox, or Cows
Canine - Dogs
Feline - Cats
Equine - Horses

What about humans?

Assholes.

Annual Camping...

Tradition of HSBP St John demands at least one camp is done in school annually. And so we did, planned everything in two weeks, and got so busy that we skipped half the classes ( well, we meaning me and the president )

Partly, I feel sort of pissed off. Out of ten members of the board, and thirteen urus setia, only three or four were doing any actual work. The others just wanted to have fun without doing any work. But then, dah biasa dah.

We impressed the PKBM further, or at least I think. Now they are requesting a joint camp. No way man, busy enough already.

Anyway, for year 2006, the camp was held from 10th March to 12th March. We had a bit of support problem, as we aimed at least 65 participants. Only 50 turned up, so far so good.

Well, don't want to talk too much about the planning. On with the camp! :D

Day One
Registration starts at 6.30pm. Had school in the morning until 12, and I had to chair a debate match at 3, so I went home after school and came out again at 2 o clock, went to the local shopping complex and spent RM100 on water guns. Four freaking huge, and four water pistols. Four water rifles and four water pistols costs me RM100. What the hell? And the salesgirl there was trying to sell me their best water uhh.. CANNON. One water cannon for RM100, I wanted. It was beautiful. Everything was beautiful, enough force to knock one backwards, simply beautiful. Only the price was not that beautiful. Well, let the soaking begin! Shall not talk about the debate. At 5.00pm, I went off to a nearby cyber cafe with Muruga and Meng Kiat, and proceeded to slaughter both of them in Defense of the Ancients ( DotA ) Warcraft III. Then we rushed back to school, and began assembling the present members.

We were pretty fierce and playful just then. Imagine four urus setia ( Me, Sim the president, Su Kae the assistant camp commander, and Muruga the Camp commander ) each holding the water rifle, filled and ready to soak. Many members were intimidated on the spot. Who would want to get wet before the camp officially began? A couple of parents remained and watched their precious kid in form one for sometime. 'What? Sleeping in the open? Why don't you all borrow camps? Why not this? Why not that?' Seriously, we tried borrowing camps from everywhere, but apparently there was another large scaled camp in Ayer Hitam or something, and all the tents went over that side. So, no choice, had to sleep in the reading station. Awesome!

First night wasn't that exciting, mainly the programmes were Ice Breaking and Teamwork building activities. At 10 o clock, we played games. Members were divided into five groups, that's where they have to stick to each other for two nights and two days. I walked around with my rifle filled, and unfortunately, my rifle seems to be faulty at that time. I keep 'accidentally' soaking members who weren't that enthusiastic or wasn't actually participating. That, we don't want. Everybody do their part!

Parents arrived at a fixed schedule for the first night. 'My son this, my son that, pass this to him, where is him?' God, pretty irritating. THIS IS A BLOODY CAMP! If parents come all the time, what kind of freaking camp is this? God...

Day Two
Let's begin at 12.01 am. Everyone gathered in a classroom with the lights off, and two urus setia told creepy ghost stories. Just to scare them before they sleep. Members then were told to go and sleep. Some brought sleeping bags, others had to cover themselves with a blanket and lie down on the hard mats we provided. Roughing it out indeed. Urus setias were not supposed to sleep, but we took a nap anyway. Camp commander must not sleep, but he was always snoring away. Well, what the hell.

2.30am. We woke up four boys. Naughty ones who are on our blacklist. Four guys, two carrying rifles escorted them to the middle of the field. They were zombies anyway, practically walking while sleeping. ( Four of them were Kuek Yang Xuan, Ng Keruey, Gan Jin Wei and Tan Jun Yong ) I intended to wet them, but my godbro, Su Kae said no. He had a better idea.

'Sing Negaraku until you wake up all the others. Make it loud, very loud.' BRILLIANT!

So all of them tried to sing until all of their friends woke up. Only a couple woke up, and they were singing real loud. Sleeping like logs, they were. Pigs. Best part was, Keruey did not know the lyrics to the national anthem. Shame, Form Three already. So I soaked him. Then, we got the four of them to sing together, and sing 'Happy Birthday' to our ex pengerusi of two years ago, Yew Ping who specially came back from TARC just to look around. Then, back to sleep for them.

3.30am. Woke up all the members. The night activity was Solo Camping. That's when we tie their shirts around their eyes, blindfolding them and place them in random spots in the school, Alone. Of before that, we twist and turn and spin them around to disorient them. Some of them know the school too well. Tough luck for any who trip over drains.

So, I placed them quite close to each other, and whispered "I go and place your friends, and I am going to leave you alone now. Don't make any sound, and don't take off your blindfold, or you might disturb something. Something. I go now."

After placing all of them, it's time for fun. "Eh?? Where is Ming Liang? I put him here? SHIT!!! MISSING SO FAST??" I yelled. For real. He went missing immediately. Freaked me out for a couple of seconds, and I wasn't playing the fool. Appears that Muruga took him elsewhere, without my knowledge. Just as well, freak out the members who heard me.

Took torchlights and went around disturbing them. Knock the torchlight against an iron pole or something in an eerie rhythm. ( Tong..... Tong.... Tong.... Tong.... ) And Kay Pau was singing a Japanese song, or howling. Sounded more like howling. Form One members were so scared some almost fainted on the spot. Form Two onwards, well, no effect on them. They know the game already. So, I concentrated on the Form Ones. Went to the ice box and took out an ice cube. Held it in my hand and creeped towards one boy. Then, I let my ice cold hands stroke his lightly. "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" He yelled and took off his blindfold. =.=" Now he missed out all the fun.

So I went over to other form Ones. One guy was sitting on a chair. So I went close and stroked his hand with my ice cold hand ( Muahahah ). He began hyperventilating. Don't know is he stim or scared. Scared I suppose, who would actually stim when touched by an icy hand while blindfolded at 4am? Heh, freaked him out real good.

Then I went over to the Volcano Pond. WHAT THE HELL??? This guy actually fainted there. He lay sprawled, with his hands and legs wide open, spelling the Chinese word 'big' ( TA.. or DA, whichever, my Chinese sucks ) I went and caressed his hand with my Icy Hand ( Muaahahaha ). No reaction. =.=" Sound asleep. Form One boy somemore.

Then, my godbro called out loudly. 'Semua Urus setia pergi tidor!!!!!' Then we all went back and stayed there for ten minutes. Then started disturbing again.

I grabbed my rifle and went off. I saw.. Keruey or Cayjiann, whichever. Bloody twins were almost identical ( But I can manage to tell them apart ) during daytime. Night time? You tell me. They even have the same voice.

I tried the Icy Cold hands on him ( Muahahahaha! ) He laughed. =.=""""" Then, I took a piece of cloth and gently swing it over his head. He laughed again =.="""""". Feeling irritated, I took the torch light and banged the iron stand. ( Tong.... Tong.... Tong.... Tong.... ) HE LAUGHED AGAIN! I was so fed up, I grabbed my rifle and soaked him. heh..

Gathered them at 5.30am. Half were already dead tired, another half fully awake. Smart guy would sleep during solo camping. Especially Form Ones. Only a couple were unafraid. Hehe, but that's the point of the game. Freak them out real good, that would teach them not to be scared of the unseen.

Told to go and sleep, the members were. Then at 6.30am, we woke them up again. LOL. Morning exercise drill. Kay Pau drilled them real good. Run around the field ( 300m per round ) do push ups, this and that. Until 7.30am. That's when I woke up :D Then it's breakfast!

After breakfast was their own free time. Bath, sleep, whatever they want, as long as its in groups. One guy has a stomach ache, everyone in the group must have stomach aches, or else.... hehehhehehehehehe. Then, Telematch! That's when Urus setias think of sadistic missions that require them to think and act, both physical and mental work out. And they have to race against each other.

My Missions? There were four of us as "Ambush" meaning we creep around with the rifles filled with all sorts of water and come from behind and soak the hell out of them. But we have a mission ourselves, torture them. So Members chased me all around school asking for my mission for them. I feel so old, they can really run. I am chased down very fast.

"Right, here's what you are gonna do. First thing is to get me Muruga's last four digits in his IC number" Then I ran off again, and soaked others.

"Got it? Second mission, find Su Kae and Yew Shiong for me." And I ran off again. Then, somehow they managed to grab the two of them, and pin them helpless and pull them to me. Another two came and grabbed my hands. Three of us helpless What the Hell? No choice, they passed.

"Now, line up and Sing Negaraku loud loud." Revenge time! I sat down and aimed at their mouths while they sang. Then I ran off again, and they caught me again. No choice, gave them my signatures.

Me, Yew Shiong and Su Kae went together at one point of the Telematch. Then, twenty or so members approached us. Like a gang fight. So, three of us stood together, rifles up and ready. They came within range and began routing suddenly. Three of us chased and soaked them up real good. While laughing sadistically of course.

Telematch ended at 12.00pm. Lunch time, or free time. Then, 2.00 pm is 'Halangan Komando'!! This is similiar to Telematch. Find Urus setia for missions. Except this does not require brains. Just raw strength, endurance and grit. Myself, I grabbed a pail of water balloons ( honey flavoured, flour flavoured, sugar flavoured, plain water, and all of the above flavoured ), a packet of 1kg flour, my honey, and lots of chilli and set up a post at the science station. I pulled the stalk off five chillies, and put it on the table. Then I poured flour on it, burying it. And then I broke the chillis into two and buried it around the flour mountain. And at last, I took a spoonful of honey and poured in a circle. Wet my hands and sprinkled lightly, mind you, it's the water balloon-pail's water. All sorts of flavour there.

What do they have to do? Very simple. Using only their mouth, and taking turns ( no blowing or swiping ) to 'bite' at the mountain, they must find the stalk for me. No hands, no legs, no nose. Mouth only. Hehe, stalk is at the very base. Imagine how much chilli went into their mouth, and how much honey and flour they bit without swallowing. How disgusting, could just vomit on the spot hehhehehe. First group, Cayjiann got it in the second bite. How the hell did he do it?

"Found the stalk? Very good. Now come here and pick two water balloons. There are many flavours. Choose well. This is a chance to wash yourselves." All the same colours, with four orange and twelve blues. Purposely put orange because I mentioned 'Plain water'. Just to make them try their luck. Orange ones were honey flavoured, the colours matched. Then, all they have to do is make sure everyone in their group gets wet. Some went off with honey on their heads, some with even more flour... but everyone was wet alright. That, is my simple mission.

Went over to Zu Da and Kay Pau's station. Zu Da's mission. There are about twelve balloons, and one blue. They must approached with their back facing us and pick the balloons. The blue means one mark. They must get three marks. And if they pick wrongly, a balloon with chilli is passed to them. "Blow it till it bursts." I tried one myself. My mouth felt hot for an hour. Freaking chilli. Kay Pau's mission. Given four or five chairs, everyone must make sure two of their legs are on the chairs. No legs are allowed on the ground. And no Hands or Heads either. Just make sure they are on the chair. And they must progress, meaning, compress themselves into four chairs, and pass the other to the front. Until they reach one point, which is quite far away considering the speed :P So, while they struggled, HEHHEHHEHEHE. I went over with my rifle. Kay Pau concocted his own 'vitagen'. Chilli, Lots of Flour, Sugar, sand, and lots of his own stuff. Colour looked like the pure milk vitagen. "It's good for your digestion" We sang while we soaked them.

Sim's station was the best. Two chairs facing each other, around 10 metres apart. And there is a plastic bag of water balloons, covered with watery flour. Starting from the other chair, on by one they must run to the other, get down on all fours, pick a balloon with their mouth, sit down on the chair, and blow it, then sit on it until it bursts. Great idea. First, the balloons were slippery. Second, it's gross.

Halangan commando ended at 5.30pm. Completely lost my voice then. All I could do was squeak. Then went over to Han Hong's house for a bath and a nap. Woke up with a SAH. Severe Acute Headache. And still no voice. Felt like I could just go sick. So, went home :(

Missed the 'Malam Kebudayaan', that's when members all performed their group act. Missed the barbeque. Missed the midnight Treasure Hunt ( but heard it was called off because everyone was sleeping too soundly. Nothing like a day of running around, challenged physically and mentally ) Missed the War Game. And missed the Gotong Royong. Sad. :( My Last year in school, possibly my last camp in school, and I missed half of it.

I guess that's all for the sadistic report on our Annual Camping.

PBSM's camping guideline : "Eat Well, Sleep Well, Play Well, Learn Well!"
Scouts camping guideline : "Whatever, just have fun!"
PKBM's camping guideline : "Kuatkan badan, bina minda!"
St John's guideline? : "So long as you are breathing and alive, for us the camp is successful"

Random Musings...

Sometimes the fleeting life feels empty. But then, perhaps that's what a normal teenager would feel, and I never feel it that way. Anything but normal for me.

We concern ourselves with mostly short-termed problems. Work, money, sex, love... How long would they last? In your entire lifetime. And exactly how long is your life? Very short I suppose.

What is a hundred years to the never stopping world of time? The Universe is so vast that we cannot even begin to properly explore it. And here we are, specks of dust complaining about our own lives, and seldom seeking the solution. Complains yes, thinking no. Mostly people are just too lazy to find a way out. The believe is held that everything will sort out by itself, and all you have to do? Annoy people and complaint incessantly.

Exactly, why don't some of us try to do something that can have a long term benefit? Because once you die, all your struggles are forgotten if they do not influence the younger generation's life. We study history so much, how many actually remembers what they studied when they are 40? Yet, the struggles of those who opposed the conquerers is slowly fading away, but it made a difference. Their efforts are remembered, and like ripples of water that is produced when something falls into the water, they fade eventually. But they last longer.

Oh wait, since time is infinite. Why bother? Is getting straight As in examinations that important? Is getting a girlfriend/boyfriend so important? Questions questions. Easily asked. Takes the Earth's lifetime and no answer can be produced. Who can claim they have seen God? And who can claim that what they do is the most important thing in the world?

The wheel weaves as the wheel turns - Robert Jordan, Wheel of Time. According to him, time and universe is like a wheel. It moves in a cycle, where things eventually repeat themselves. Perhaps after a million years we can find the exact person with the exact genes living as the one we can find now.. uhh... for example... take me. I am living now. But when I die, I am forgotten very soon, unless I do something that can really shift Earth's routine of spinning and rotating. Even then, after a thousand years, my name will be lost and I will be labelled as 'Ancient Men'.
And in a million years, perhaps you can find my clone, produced by natural means.

So people, try and make your life significant. Be like a pebble that falls into the pond. The pebble is soon swallowed and forgotten as it lays at the bottom of the pond, but the ripple can be felt for some time yet. If everybody is like a pebble, then a chain would exist.

I believe that the Earth has a natural regeneration process. We can pollute and destroy everything, until it rages out of control and wipes life out of the surface of earth. Then, the regeneration process would begin. Of course, there will always be survivors. A cluster of unicellular organisms maybe? Then, evolution will take place slowly, as Earth heals itself. Just like a wheel. Unless you can prove that there is a God who can heal the Earth instantaneously, I am remaining agnostic.

When even PHONES conspire against me..

Aisyah would probably love this post. She has predicted before that phones are out to get me. Or maybe Alexander Graham Bell meant to invent a Bell to annoy me, but found out that it produces 'RING! RING!' instead of 'CLANG! CLANG!' so he went, what the heck, named it a phone in hope that it will get me many years later.

I mean, seriously, the phones are conspiring against me.

Case One. My handphone is cranking up lately. Maxis' service is lagging badly, and it only affects me. I don't understand it, my sister paid the bills, mine is post paid with a limit of RM100 each month. and I don't have to worry about the bills, just worry about my sister. Seriously, it affects only me! My friends don't have this problem with phones. Well you see, 9 out of 10 of my outgoing sms-es fail to be delivered, or the phone just pops in 'Message Sending Failed'. The 1 sms is usually to guys, the other 9 to girls. And the ONE that gets out is for guys. -_- Other than Sms-es, 90% of my phone calls are also reported errors. Outgoing and Incoming. I cannot call out all the time, and my friends complained that they cannot reach me. And the best part is, I tried to check my outstanding amount bill via sms, they reported error, 'please contact maxis'. I am like, how the hell do i contact maxis when i cannot call out?

Case Two. House Phone. My aunt experienced no problems with the house phone, my cousin no problem, even my GRANDMOTHER had no problems with the house phone. But, when it comes to me.. 'The number you have called is unavailable, please try again later'. Sometimes when I call home, also cannot get through, and no one is using the phone.

Case Three. Also caused by a phone. We had a St John meeting, and this time I called the teacher adviser to come along. She was sporting enough to agree at such short notice ( Great going Miss Ho! ) And the best part? She asked about our current situation. So, we told her of our financial problems. Then, she phoned Officers to ask to check and confirm about the situation, and it caused arguments to arise the moment teacher left. All because of the phone call.

Case Four. Again, Phone. Do you have a great phone like me? One that is fully charged everytime you are not using, and when you are going for tuitions it just suddenly pops to one bar at the battery side? I mean, it's usually this case. I have double tuition tomorrow. I check my phone now. Full bars. Tomorrow I come back from school, about to rush off to tuition, my phone beeps 'Battery Low'. I mean, like wow...

Case Five. Phone. I could not access the net for two days, I didn't know why, but I do now. Apparently, there was nothing wrong with the wiring and everything, but the modem keeps blinking on the left eye, meaning no signal could be established. No signal, no connection. For two days. And it is only a few minutes before I made this post, did I discover my house phone was at fault. The basement phone is fixed for my personal use, since I practically dwell in the basement all the time when I am at home. Apparently, the phone wasn't put in place properly. I don't know what is happening, but the moment I lifted the phone up, I immediately found that I could access the net.

Case Six. Case removed for security and anti-conspiracy purpose.

I mean, It's a freaking conspiracy man! Don't I wish sometimes I can dominate the world of phones, that would teach them to conspire against me! Oh wait, be careful what you wish for, it might come true.

Another long post

Heh, haven't been able to find enough time and energy to update. But here goes, and here's the list for this post. The Leadership course on Saturday, My driving kuliah on Sunday and my personality and health problems.

Leadership course. Well, the management did a great job arranging the entire course. But hey! It's me, that's as far as the compliment will go. Now, on to the criticism.

First and foremost, the activities are so.... Malaysian? Typical stereotyped Malaysian activities, with the main theme : Wasting time yet trying very hard to look like we are actually doing work and impress others. We had a ceramah from some guy from a neighbouring school, who could not stop talking about Titanic... Breakfast and Lunch was inadequate, time management was not done properly, and our Guru Penyelaras Koko, that handsome guy, grab the opportunity and made it like the school meetings, where he repeated what he has told us already, about the Cocuricullum book. Then, he showed us a slide show, the only thing worth remembering. Here's the story. More or less like it, from what i remembered anyway. Didn't bother to copy it down.

ONCE upon a time, there was a Malaysian row boat team, which consists of eight people. To prove that MALAYSIA BOLEH, the leaders arranged with the Japanese to hold a row boat competition each year. The first year, the Japanese won by 1 kilometre. ( Sucks, doesn't it? ) Leaders were unhappy that Malaysia had lost, so they hired a consultant team to analyze the defeat and come up with a solution. After several months of research, they found out that the Japanese's key to victory was the team members. One captain, and seven rowers ( Then, a picture showing one guy with a loud speaker, and seven people rowing ). Captain to cheer, and seven guys to row. Whereas the Malaysian team consisted of seven captains and one rower. (Picture of seven guys holding loud speakers and one guy rowing ) ( And they only lost by 1km? ) So, the consultant team tried to come up with a solution, a perfect solution that will beat the Japanese next year. So, they worked very hard and finally came up with a solution, which they were so confident will win. The following year, the Japanese won by 2km ( bet the leaders go WTF? ). The Japanese maintained their strategy of 7 rowers and 1 captain. The Malaysian team now consists of four captain, two managers, one guy I cannot remember who, and still one rower. The leaders believed it to be a brilliant plan as well, but lost due to lack of competency by the rower. So, the rower was dismissed. Yet, for coming up with such a brilliant plan, even though Malaysians lost, the consultant team was rewarded with lots of cash. And the ending he showed us a picture. "Malaysia *mana* Boleh!'

Moral of the story : In Malaysia, all you need to know is to 'act like you know everything, impress when you are doing nothing'. Doing work in Malaysia is stupid, because people will still think you lack competency. How true, even I hate to admit that.

Then, we proceeded to waste more time. Haha, lazy to talk about the leadership course already.

On to the driving kuliah. The kuliah was scheduled to start at 8.30am. So I went to the Sekolah Memandu at 8.10am, so that Aunty can fetch me over in time. But Aunty and Uncle was not there, so I waited until 8.30am. Then Aunty arrived, I asked her "Won't I be late?" She said "Never mind, trust me." So I trusted her, and waited. She sat down, and began working with the particulars of four other guys, and one of them was Bryan Boo. At 8.50am, only did she get up to fetch the four of us ( one guy went by himself ) to the JPJ institusi memandu. We arrived at 9.00am. So I was like, gosh, I am half an hour late, and Aunty is still acting like we are early by one hour.

Registered my name and everything, and met up with my friends, Stanley and Marcus. I asked them "Haven't start?" and they were like "No". Now I understand. Aunty was right, trust her. So, the three of us went to the Kuliah Room, while Bryan went to the Undang Room. Sat there like idiots until 9.45am. THEN only the penceramah came in. Typical Malaysian punctualness. But whatever, so we began. Supposedly 3 hours of theory and 3 hours of practical. Oh wait, make that 3 hours of BORING theory and SUPPOSEDLY 3 hours of practical.

9.45am until 11.00am, I was half asleep and half dead. I mean, that penceramah, that woman, she speaks with such skill, even my school teachers lose to her. The monotony of her voice, flat, without intonation, and very boring, was like driving me asleep man... 11 am we were let out to eat, and went back in at 11.30am. Then, she continued until 12.15am. What lar, supposed 3 hours became 2 hours and half. Not that I am unhappy with it anyway.

Here's the best part. Practical. Queued up to sign our names for until 1 o clock. That's like 45 minutes of waiting man! Then, we went to the practise route.

My driving instructor was an elderly Malay woman ( WARNING LOTS OF SWEARING NOW ). Well, I did say three hours of practical. So, the moment I sat in the car, in the driver's seat, she stared at me. So, I said nothing and fixed my safety belt. Then, she asked me to start the car and drive. I was like, wtf? I know fuck about driving, my first time in driver's seat, and you fucking ask me to drive you around? I wasn't even sure which one was the gas pedal! Then, she started scolding me. Said I didn't listen during Kuliah. I did not sleep during kuliah, and I don't remember the penceramah telling us about the pedals. She only mentioned the bonnet and the steering and the dashboard. So she expected me to drive. I asked her how to get the car to go. She gets fucked up and scolds me. Then, she suddenly turned patient and said 'Tekan clutch sampai habis. Lepas itu lepaskan perlahan lahan dan tekan minyak sikit' So I nodded, and placed my foot to the clutch, and the right to the gas pedal. Then, I slowly let it go and pressed the gas pedal. It didn't go. I asked her again, press the clutch, and let go slowly right? She gets fucked up again. She starts scolding me again. "SAYA CAKAP AWAK CAKAP! TENGOK LAR! SEKARANG TAK TAHU! SEMUA ORANG TENGOK AWAK DAN KETAWAKAN AWAK" So I was like, damn you fucking bitch! Then, I tried again. This time, still didn't work. After many attempts only did i manage to get the car going. And she was so fucked up she kept saying 'SEKARANG AWAK TAK BAYAR KITA UNTUK MENGAJAR AWAK TAU? NANTI ACCIDENT MACAM MANA?' Now I am fucked up. So I didn't bother about her and started driving. She kept one hand on my steering, and one hand on the instructor's brake. I pressed the gas pedal with my right foot gently, and she gets fucked up again. "BUAT APA BAWAK LAJU LAJU?" So i was like, wtf man? I hardly touched the pedal! "Tak biasa lar, pedal ini sensitif sangat" She gets fucked up again and she goes 'JANGAN TIPU SAYA! SAYA TAU PUNYA! AWAK NAK BAWAK LAJU LAJU" And I was really really pissed off. I mean, the gas pedal was really sensitive, and I barely touched it to maintain the speed. All the turnings and all, she turned the steering for me. Basically, I just sat there with my foot on the gas pedal. two rounds around the route. I learned nothing, and she asked me to get out of the car. Got really fucked up, supposed to be fun to learn driving. And it's three hours of practical you bitch! Not two rounds around the route, which is around 5 minutes! Fortunately after I get my L license, Aunty will take over my driving lessons. If I see that motherfucking bitch outside, how I wish I can kill her on the spot. If you are that unhappy because JPJ is not paid for field practical, don't be a driving instructor you bitch!

And then, Uncle came and fetch me. So I asked him, "When can I come for thumbprint to make L license?" And Uncle goes "When they phone you to arrange a time. Then, you must come at 9am and get a thumbprint and wait for three hours." I was like, wtf? "Whatever for?" Uncle shrugged. "Nothing, you just have to wait. Because the law says so."

Seriously, it's a conspiracy. Further proving the Malaysian way of doing things. Act like you know everything, do nothing and behave like you have done everything.

Feeling a little on the dark side these few days. Probably an overdose of My Chemical Romance. I almost felt a tear from my eyes. Almost. Because I miss chatting on the MSN with a late friend, who died young. I did not get to meet her personally, and it is a pity. I really miss her. *Sighs*

Can you hear me?
Are you near me?
Can we pretend to leave and then,
We'll meet again,
When both our cars collide?

Lyrics of Helena, My Chemical Romance.

Heheh, got to check this out man

Check out this picture.



So now boys, heed their advice. Do so in the comfort of your own bedroom, don't do it in the showers. You might think you would come out from the bathroom clean, but hey! Apparently it clogs up the showers. And they are even going to match DNAs, hehe! But still, I think abstinence is still the best solution. Don't do it, by yourself anyway. You can do it until you yell 'HELP!' after you are married. Face it, here's the theory.

Before marriage, guys think about sex all day. Some masturbate, some fantasize, some just freaks out. After marriage, guys still think about sex all day, but not with their wives.

Before marriage, girls show no signs of interest in sex at all. How the hell do they do that? After marriage, well, please the husband... in a nonstop fashion. Hey! Wives are hornier after marriage than men!

Now, check out this picture.


Jalan Puki Mak Ulah. What kind of street name is that!? Imagine you are in Kuala Lumpur, and you have to get to this street. And the only transportation means is a taxi. How would you go about telling the driver without him chasing you out of the vehicle?

Picture a scene where Leslie wants to go to that street and gets into a taxi.

Driver : Nak ke mana bang?

Leslie : Jalan, PUKIMAK YOU LAR!

Driver : Wtf?

Leslie : I mean, Jalan lar, you know that Jalan! As in, go? PUKI MAK YOU LAR!

Oh, for those who are wondering what does Puki means, its better you don't know. Just know that it is a swear word, and it is directed at the person you are swearing at's mum. Its very vulgar, so never use that to swear. Its true, trust me.

Oh and by the way, got those pictures from a forum, which somehow i find myself being made a moderator ( don't know why ). Here's the web, nesn.servertalk.in. Join if you want, and make it livelier. What is a forum when there are only 20 users, only 4 or 5 who are posting stuff?

Sidenote : Aiyooo~~~~~~~~~~ She is just so beautiful lar! Damn the hormones!

Waste of time

Today ( tuesday 28th February 2006 ) was a freaking waste of time in school. Only had three out of ten classes wtf? Been a long time ( yeah right ) since I last updated this blog, it's cool.. really. Attended two freaking meetings today, one is about the leadership course for all presidents, secretaries, treasurers and vice presidents. And the second is the prefect's monthly meeting. Zhi Wei skipped school to go for a Mathemathics quiz today, and I had to pick up all his mess as he managed to skip both meetings and all the empty classes. Anyway, the leadership thingy meeting was chaotic with everyone not being able to understand what the fuck the counselor was talking about, but aah, after an hour everything was sorted out... as if. Confirm sure got case or problems. It's just sooner or later.

And the prefects meeting was just great. The Ketua Pengawas and his committess were fucking everyone up, which is good. Prefects in High School is just a name, what with all the Premier or Best student hype. They are ultimately just humans, oh wait, I mean WE are just humans. And boy, what kind of humans would we make '_'||| Anyway, all the AJKs were bitching and scolding the naughty boys, like when I scold my boys in St John. I was feeling a little pissed myself. Some of the AJKs are veeery efficient in reporting others when they find them not performing their duties, and yet they are the bitches who bitch around without doing THEIR duties. So immediately after the meeting, I stared intently at the Ketua Pengawas.

"I tell you, Your AJKs haven't totally make me fire up. When they do, I tell you they are really going to get it. ( Somebody gonna get a hurt real bad )"

And he went like 'I know lar... I am trying to catch them' Whatever.

And damn, I should have mentioned this earlier, but whatever.

Apparently my tuition teacher is having problems with students now. Hey, its a tuition alright, we come and go as we please, we like we stay and shut the fuck up, we don't like we brush our sory asses and get the fuck out of there!

Since earlier this year, my teacher had this problem with MoFo students. Well, in Januari a fucking parent called and complained that the tuition center was wrong to charge RM10 for photostat fees. I mean, WTF? My teacher was so freaked out she threatened to close all the tuition classes. I mean, she is a good teacher! And how on earth do such kind of parents exist? 'Bagaimana acuan begitulah kuihnya' - BM version. The Leslie version would probably go 'Motherfuckers will only produce Motherfuckers'.

Well, she got over that. And the next thing you know, today another parent bitched to her again. This time, I haven't got the full story yet, and its High School boys again. Sometimes I think the change is too dramatic. I mean, look at my group, my batch. We are such great students! And look at the form 4!? What the FUCK? I mean, wow wtf? Sissies, most of them.

So here's what she has told us so far. She jokingly scolded a boy, who happens to be a blurcase, always forgetting his books, notes, a sotong ( blur sotong lar! ). So when she made a mistake ( something like missed a line in the sajak she wrote on the whiteboard ) and one MoFo yelled 'Sotong!' and another MoFo clapped his hands. That made all the High School form 4 boys laugh. While the girls remain stunned. Come on lar! Jokers also no skill! Me and Zhi Wei can make the class in uproar without much of a problem. We can even make teacher laugh. So, hey wtf, she is a teacher! Even me and Zhi Wei don't do that! We respect them!

But she just shrug it off. Whatever. So, when we were having our tuition today, the parent of the 'blurcase' came and complained. She said teacher shouldn't call her son a sotong. -_-" I mean, if teacher called me a sotong, I would make a pin and pin it proudly with the words 'Teacher called me a sotong. Don't laugh yet. It takes one to know one' I dare you to laugh. So the parent comes and bitch around, and fucks teacher up. Teacher was so pissed, and ( as Navin would put it ) Pei Check. She cried for the third time in two months. In front of us.

Conclusion? Somebody gonna get a hurt real bad in school. Many of us wants to fuck up the MoFos in school for being such a bitch.

Well, just proves that kids are being pampered too much. Parents defend their kids when necessary, and when UNnecessary now. I mean, a kid would go like 'Don't scold me, don't touch me, don't yell at me, don't EVEN LOOK at me! Or my mama will see you in court.' Yeah, tell her it's a date.

Problem with my juniors now? There are two. One, as I said, they are pampered, and parents are overdoing the protect-your-kid thing, they would never grow up. If I did that to my dad, like 'Hey dad, I got beaten up in school. I want you to complain to school, and get the kid who did it asswalloped real good' And my dad would probably shrug his shoulders and go 'Experience, that will teach you not to go around talking nonsense' Second problem, I mean, LOOK AT THEIR SIZE MAN! Even one drunkard teacher in my school once yelled loudly during sports 'KENAPA BUDAK FORM 1 SEKARANG SEMUA KECIK MACAM SEMUT?!!!!!' Heh, that seriously cracks me up. And he even scolded students to keep of the tracks, but the form 1 boys apparently are not intimidated, don't care, don't understand, or just being freaking dumb to stand still on the tracks while the 100m event is going on. So the drunkard teacher was like 'OI! TAK FAHAM BAHASA MELAYU EH!? NAK SAYA KATA BAHASA APA? BAHASA CINA? BAHASA HOKKIEN? BAHASA CANTONESE? BAHASA INGGERIS?' And the student thought seriously for a while, with his left hand supporting the elbow of his right and his right hand's forefinger at his chin those kind of look. After a few seconds, he went 'Bahasa Hokkien sir'
That drunkard was *chibaboooom!*

Problem one continued. Let me ask you this serious thing. When was the last time, your parents actually brought food to school for you during recess, and accompanied you until recess officially ends? Mine was standard 1, when I was, like 7? And even then, it was the first day in school, after that, I never get to see my parents in school until now. This year, I was like WTF?

January, for the entire month, parents came and visit regularly, usually with food during recess. And their kids would run to them and go 'OH PAPA MAMA! I MISS YOU SO!! AND I AM HUNGRY!!' And I would stand behind and go like 'WTF ARE YOU 13???' Well, not yet. But I mean, YOU ARE IN FREAKING SECONDARY SCHOOL MAN!

Met another tuition teacher sometime when I went out for dinner. She taught me science for three years for PMR. So I was like 'EEHHH TEACHER! Long time no see!' and we began chatting. She was like 'Eh you all form 1 boys ar, really bad lar. I teaching until half, my handphone ring non stop.' I went like, 'Har? Whai?' And her reply?

"Harlow? How is my son ar? In tuition good or not??"

I would seriously answer 'Hey fuck you man! Your son is a boy, so let him have some privacy and stop disturbing me!'

Such a good life. Seriously wonder how are they going to assume positions as the leaders of clubs, uniform bodies and sports? Heh, imagine lar one of them being the commander of say.. any uniform body's marching contingent.

'OI! KAWAT BAIK BAIK! KALAU TAK SAYA PANGGIL MAK SAYA DATANG!'

Wahahahahaa.. Got to check back school in 2-3 years time man.

Starting my driving lessons next week.

Side note : GOD! SHE IS SO BEAUTIFUL WHEN SHE SMILES!!!! Aaarrggh, control control! Its just the hormones!! *chants* Its just the hormones, its just the hormones *chants*

Problems?

Apparently I discovered who I really am. I am my parent's son alright! I inherited traits from both mother and father. When my father was informed that I crashed from a motorbike, he just shrugged and said 'Experience, its good for you'. And my mother forgot about it almost immediately. Put them together and you get a short-term memory, cynical and sarcastic, and problematic dude like me. Physical appearance, well, I look handsome, that's it.

Anyway, sometimes I can never figure out people in love. My brother came back from Singapore with his fiance and her family, so we went to the only shopping complex in Batu Pahat. Apparently she wanted to find a song for her wedding dinner, which would be on around September or October. She couldn't find it, and threw a tantrum. -_-" Refused to leave until she gets her song. So my bro tried to tell her that there is still plenty of time, but you know lar.. my bro.. My family all possess the same trait ( except maybe me? ) That is, convenience is our middle name. Not to mention cheap ( thrifty if any family member is reading this ). Its always 'Aiya, easier this way mar!' or 'Its more convenient, so we do it this way' Sometimes we do go an extra mile just to be 'convenient'. The scenario comes even worse if it comes to money. But with money, only part of the family. Some are extremely generous, and some are extremely stingy.

Anyway, my brother just asked her this question 'You getting married tomorrow or what? What's the rush?' There. The kind of question my dad would ask. The kind of question I would ask. Its in the blood. So she was pissed and shot back 'Fine! If you don't care, that's fine with me!' And tempers began rising. She kept five people waiting for an hour, just for her song. My brother was beginning to lose his temper, but he controlled it well. Just when my heart was going 'ditch the bitch, ditch the bitch', and the next thing you know is, they are holding hands again. Aaaah, figured if my brother can tolerate her, then so can I. Women, go figure.

And speaking of women, I made the mistake of underestimating my hormones. Damnit! I seem to have developed a crush on this girl ( I am not going to say who, or somebody gonna get a hurt real bad! ) When my mind is not occupied, she comes into the picture. When I close my eyes to sleep, I see her. But the thing is, when she is near me, I freak out on the inside totally. I see her with my eyes open and closed. Fucking hormones. And no, I am not going to be a lovesick puppy ( like LZW for instance, figure out yourself who that is, or Zhi Wei's not going to be too happy about this )

Anyway, that's enough about my life for now. On to more serious stuff ( like sex maybe? No! )Anyway, check out this picture I had Zhi Wei scanned for me. Besides sending me the pictures, I must have received at least 60 words of *fuck* in every form ( e.g. Fuck, Fucker, Fucking.. )

Point is, check out the 'Super' advertisement down there. The headlines on top states 'Retirement at 85' and the headlines on below states 'Get rich withou trying' ( spelling error there ) Isn't it an irony? Retire at 85, OR get rich without trying? Damn, why work until 85 when you can get rich withou trying?


Now check this out. Also from the same paper, same day. Headlines "Man falls to death in lift shaft". Pity the poor man. Get my drift? They show the picture of the poor deceased, and his relative beside him, and pops that stupid advertisement there. What the fuck is wrong with these people man? NST's getting pretty screwed up recently, what with them getting into trouble over comic strips, and these ads in strange places. Its another strange oxyMORONic case. Man dies, and they go 'Now everyone can get rich'. That made me think up of two stuff. For the living, do they actually mean insurance? And for the dead, do they mean ( for the Chinese anyway ) the living burning paper money offerings ( which goes in 10 billion Underworld currency each note, and we burn many stacks in one go ). Strange ways these people arranges their stuff.

Check this out. This is the last one I have. Now, THIS one is a CONSPIRACY! It said in the headlines 'Malaysia implicated in US probe' and the ad now says 'Rich Strong Instant'. Damn, I sure wouldn't want Malaysia in a Rich Strong and Instant trouble. Taxpayer's money will flow freely away man! And we sure aren't going to make US richer, they are rich enough! Neither are we going to make them stronger, they are strong enough! As for instant, I saw one guy mentioned something about US flushing out pornographic stuff like.. around a thousand a DAY. Now THAT's instant!

Just feeling cynical now.... Heh, hope nobody sues me. I am just a handsome and innocent and ignorant teen who thinks he is so smart ( which he is ) and trying to act smarter than he already is. More updates on school soon.

Side note : Its 1am now, Woot!

This is the best day Ever

This is the best day ever. Cross country in school today, and I was supposed to be patrolling the entire route with a friend, whose skills in handling his motorbike is seriously debatable. I was riding pillion on his bike. Then, it started raining. And I went 'Holy f*ck its raining, are they going to continue?' So we went back to school ( we were outside going through the routes ) and check it out. Apparently they were going to continue anyway, and I think Mister Rain was miffed that he was not able to stop the cross country.

Then, it began to piss down like it never rained before.

Before everything began, it was raining like.. HEAVILY. And we were going down the slope when we crashed -_-" Damn it, Seniors of St John Ambulance needs aid before the cross country began.

Apart from six broken ribs, four broken fingers, two broken limbs and one head intact, everything's fine.

Seriously, I had the wind knocked out of me, and I lay dazed and stunned on the road for a couple of seconds. Two teachers were nearby, all they did was walk nonchalantly towards us and having that f*cking smirk on their face. THE ROAD WAS SLIPPERY YOU !&*!@%#&!@%#

So after regaining my breath, we rushed back to the school for aid -_-"

THEN only the cross country began, wtf lar. It was pissing down like it has never rained before, and the students were really restless. So, they ran and ran, while we rode nearby, and this time, I remembered that I did not pray to my ancestors and God, maybe that's why.

Cold and dreary and miserable, we all performed our duties. Apparently there were many cases, and each time I find one, I just call the Ambulance and dump them on it. Can't be helped, there were too many ailments the students were suffering from. Pulled a muscle, asthma, pulled a ligament, pulled an artery, and one guy actually felt so cold that he fainted and had to be sent to the hospital.

All in all, pretty satisfied with today :) After all, not everybody gets the experience of crashing from a motorbike and live to feel the thrill of crashing. It was fun. Damn, I am a sadist even towards myself.

A normal person would think that I had an unlucky day. Not me. Think things the Leslie-way. Not everybody can get to ride around a motorbike, crash and continue, with the rain pissing on us like the entire nation of China is up there with their pants down, and suffering from multiple cuts and wounds and still able to help others. It is a great experience indeed ;)

Btw, I exagerrated the casualty part. All I suffered from was a scratched elbow, a scratched and bruised knee, and some minor cuts and a heartbreak. My watch was brand new, cost RM175+-, and it was scratched until... SIGHS! Not even a month of service and I have to get it repaired already.

On a side note, this is an advice to you people who are riding motorbikes, especially pillion riders. Always wear a safety helmet, even if it ruffles your hair that you took three hours to make it look like that. It saved my head and face from serious disfigurement. Seriously, nobody who is anybody will want to see my handsome and loveable face scratched.

Still, This is the best day Ever. Next time in the future, when I get married and have kids, I can tell my kids "Son, come here. When your dad was young.. he experienced many stuff. Your dad fell from a motorbike before!! Why, I suffered from many fractures and scratches and bruises, but still, duty calls me and I still helped my fellow students who needed it! Your dad is a great man! Oh and sonny, next time when riding a motorbike, wear a helmet and elbow pads and knee pads, OR SOMEBODY GONNA GET A HURT REAAL BAD!'

Listening to My Chemical Romance - This is the best day ever ( seems like this is a fad to post what you are feeling or what you are listening to. Only in this post I will make, or when I feel it in other posts, simply because this is an Irony that I am feeling this way and listening to a song with a title like that )

Busy Week

Been too busy to update. With all the activities ( monday cross country practice, i did first aid. Tuesday tuition and Undang, Wednesday double tuition and undang, thursday friendly debate, friday actual cross country more first aid ) just freaks me out. Well, in case you are wondering whyI went for Undang for two days, I didn't go for the test on Tuesday. The driving school didn't register me, that aunty still want to gan pao with me. Say is my fault lol! Then, me and Zu Da combined forces and gan pao back with that aunty, shoot until she speechless. :D

And anyway, just a small part about school. We have learned that the principal's way of starting a speech is 'Bersyukurlah kerana kita dapat hidup satu hari lagi'. I know, its not wrong. But coming from a person you hate, everything is annoying and stupid.

And heh, the Prime Minister is landing in my school on Sunday. Apparently there is some UMNO thing to honour the late Dato Onn at the stadium, so the PM is landing his helicopter in HSBP. Apparently because of that, they are repairing and making the toilet a 5 star toilet and renaming it 'washroom', principal's idea no doubt. I don't think we want the PM to suddenly get the urge and find our toilet full of Djinns do we? Of course not. And on top of that, they are trimming all the tree branches around the field. 'Takut ada orang dengan pistol' With all these security, initial thoughts of having a picture taken with the PM is dashed. Imagine me walking into the field and ask the PM 'Can I shoot you?' I will be dead long before I can even show them the camera.

Anyway, regarding the PM, much work has been done to improve the school. Well, areas around the field anyway. He will only be here for a couple of minutes, and it takes days to prepare. Big balls indeed, but of course, he is the most important man in Malaysia. His arrival will certainly put HSBP on the Malaysian Map ( maybe newspapers will feature us XD ) and I seriously doubt there will be assasins hiding in our toilets. They will meet our djinns man.. Seriously, I saw djinn in my school many times already. He always wear a black coat, has white hair, looks frail and arrogant, have a lecherous and pouty lips ( but not the sexy kind like Amber Chia has, his is dried up like.. like.. a persimmon? ) And his name is the Principal. Assasins will die from an overdose of nonsense before they get to kill.

Two cases of scenario when the PM arrives. One, he doesn't bother about anything, gets in his limo and goes off. Two, he gets the nature call, and he uses our toilet ( omgwtf ).

Two cases of scenario if he gets the nature call. One, he goes 'Great! Your school is great! I will give you some kind of reward or anugerah!' That will be great, unless he wants to tour the other toilets and meet the other djinns. Two, he gets freaked out. 'Your toilets sucks, and now that I notice it, the field sucks too. Even your roads are uneven, your trees are bare, and your principal is an idiot' He gets freaked out, yells at everybody, and then goes 'I will give you two million dollars of budget. Get everything fixed. This is a disgrace.'

Disclaimer : meant as a joke, that is never going to happen right? No offense intended, except maybe to certain parties related to djinns.

On to more activities :D On Wednesday, the Timbalan Pengarah Pendidikan of Johor retired, and the function was held in HSBP. The principal's head is swelling to sixty six times its size, and apparently the TPP is a typical Italy character. ( Italy in chinese is One big ball ) He was scheduled to arrive at 10.30 in the morning, and I was supposed to command the St John contingent to give tabik hormat alongside PKBM. HE WAS TOLD TO BE HERE AT 10.30am!! And we were told to be ready by 9.45am wtf? And the person arranging all these was Super Mario. And the Super Mario promised us drinks after the respect-paying is done. We waited from 9.45 until freaking 11, standing in the hot sun and me trying to prevent my boys from fainting. Oi, girls can take it, guys cannot? Damn pissed. So, he finally arrived at 11am. I rushed to my position, and at the last minute my scarf went loose and dropped off. WTF!!!?????

To top it off, Super Mario's promise of a drink was actually from the canteen. And the drink is given in this way. A pail of cups were given to SJAM and PKBM, which of course does not even reach 40. A BIG BARREL of air sirap is shoved to us, and we were to carry it to anywhere but canteen. -__-" And my boys were so disgusted that they had to share cups, and drink everybody's saliva that many cringed and forgot their thirst. Well, not men yet.

And the friendly debate match, I was the speaker of the house again. Our school's junior team against a friendly school's main team. And this time, I really freaked myself out. I made a couple of stupid, and I mean stupid mistakes. It was 1.50pm in the English lab. So I started with 'A very pleasant MORNING' and then proceeded to mention the WRONG SCHOOL name. Everybody laughed, and I did try to make it sound like it was a slip or an intentional joke. Damn. And then, feeling naughty, after two speakers had spoken from each side, I tried to crack a joke. "Having heard from two speakers from both sides, and much arguments about Sesame Streets, let us now hear from the third speaker of the Government." Nobody laughed, and some stared at me. Wahlao eh.... damn embarassing lar! A little side note, I found Umair extremely nervous, and didn't get to see Chern Jin perform, but heard he was an even bigger bundle of nerves than Umair was. Umair just stuttered and lagged, that's bad. But, not bad for a first time. Umair, you should just look at my first time, I couldn't even read. Joshua, well, he was too serious. I could see Zhi Wei pulling his mouth from both sides with both his forefingers. He looks seriously stupid, oh wait, he IS a little stupid in that aspect.

I guess that's it for activities. On to the next episode of 'Assholes and Mofos'.

Apparently, Asshole 2 demands for a promotion to Mofo. He has been saying things that only people worse than Mofos will say. He feels insulted that 'Girl' is going out with my friend now, and just think he is so cool talking about sex, so he just keeps on ranting about mindless sex with my friend in school. Each time, he tries to put that accusing tone that my friend is going to have sex with 'Girl', aaah well just being worse than a Mofo lar. But whenever there is one guy around, he gets shot once. Two guys, he gets shot four times. Three guys, nine times and four guys sixteen times. If those were gunwounds, he would have died many times already. Why do people think its so cool to talk about abusive sex? They are not ME for god's sake! Asshole 2 lacks the humorous and charismatic way to talk about sex like I do, and yet he thinks he is so cool and slick when he talks about it in such a nonchalant way. Naah, we just roll our eyes and chant 'Asshole, Mofo' in our minds, and then we shoot him.

Asshole 2, oh wait, Mofo Master : Has 'Girl' ever been to your house? She goes to my house THAT often before.
Friend : 'Girl' will be invited to my house, so you don't kay poh so much.
Mofo Master : Great! Then you can do THAT with her.

Everyone : rolls eyes*

Friend : Girlfriends are for us to dote and pamper, not only for sex you arsehole.
Everybody : *starts chipping in insults like in the casino where they bet with chips, you can imagine the chips piling up. Take the chips as insults, and Mofo Master is the dealer who has won all the chips.

He just like to win, eh? Let him have all the chips then.

Speaking of talking style, no one can match yours truly XD. I am crude without the 'c', cute without the 'e', harsh without the 'h', and make you go char without the 'c'.

Until then, Goodnight ;) What a lenghty post ( heaves and weezes )

High School Batu Pahat St John

Well well, check out the picture. St John Ambulance board members of High School Batu Pahat. :) We rock! Oh yeah, for those who have not seen the great me, I am the geek on the far right side. The bent guy is my godbro, Su Kae. From LEFT is Muruga, Zu Da ( another godbro, we all share the surname NG ) Kuo Zhau, Sim, Neoh, Bryan and Me.

Sim is the president, Kuo Zhau the deputy, me the vice. Muruga is the Ketua Disiplin, and his vice is Su Kae. Neoh is the treasurer, and Bryan is the secretary. Zu Da is the auditor, who has the easiest work of all, doing nothing.

Well, enough of criticizing people. Now is the time to brag and boast. High School Batu Pahat St John Ambulance kicks ass! I dare say we are the best uniform body ( with heavy competition with PBSM, PKBM and Scouts ) But of course, we are always the better ones.

High School St John owns a reputation for marching and first aid. And this year, the current board as seen above, we are also very terror when it comes to planning camps, marching competitions, first aid competitions, first aid courses for members, and every kind of activities. Which is why, PKBM has shown interest to recruit us to join their medical branch. :)

However, events have shifted things and shattered relationships, which is of course, sad to say, bad. Currently, we have problems with the Officers of Batu Pahat St John. Of course, nobody wanted the conflict to happen, but we do feel that we have been treated unfairly. Now, the board has split into to sides, with one side supporting the officers, and another side against.

This is a uniform body run by teenagers. Why go political on us? Sometimes I can never understand adults, we are just teens, and the officers are adults. Why do they have to practise favourism and sow discord among members, causing conflicts and the term 'peace' is not recognised?

Well, hoped to solve the problem soon. And for those who want to know what happened, and why, too bad. I don't think I am in the position to tell of the body's problems, but if you really want, email me and I'll consider it, depending on who you are. But, most probably no, I cannot promise.

School life again

Well, enough about adults for the moments. This post, I am going to feature about assholes among students.

Ever seen the kind of students who are so uncharismatic that you hate them and feel like slapping their bloody face, and every thing they say, even if its saying 'the moon is beautiful', it offends you because well, they are the ones who said it? If you haven't, then feel free to come to HSBP. HSBP is the nesting place for such people, aptly labeled as 'Assholes' or MFs.

Well, just to prove how interesting it is, let me just show a couple of dialogues, though not exactly precise, not word by word, but the general idea is there. No Names.

Asshole number 1. A Form 4 guy who just have the knack to make everyone pissed. Here's a few examples.

I am the vice president of St. John ambulance of my school. This happened many times already, but what the heck, I'll take this one time as example. I was discussing with a form 4 member, who happens to be a potential president to replace us when we retire, and along comes this asshole 1. We were discussing about duty for members, and I was giving instructions, so Asshole 1 was sitting close by and listening to our discussion. Then, just to attract attention, he just suddenly yells

Asshole 1 : 'St. John sucks!'

Me and Form 4 Member : *gives the omgwtf? look*

And not only once, everytime he sees me he just suddenly yells St.John sucks! Wtf is this guy's problem?

Asshole 2. A form 5 guy who happens to share a class with me. This guy likes to be know-it-all, and have the tendency to comment about everything, even with stuff he doesn't know anything about. Statistics have shown that 95.9% of the people hate him, 4% avoid him, and 0.1% tolerates him. He likes to act like he knows everything, and when he stumbles across people discussing stuff, he will listen to a few words to get to know to the topic, then he will butt in himself and give comments, often offensive and blunt and the words of a fool. Heck, even his physical stature is offensive, he is a short guy with an asshole face.

Zhi Wei once quoted some famous guy I can't remember who, that Asshole 2 is the embodiment of the wise words.

"A wise man speaks when there is need to speak. A fool speaks because he has to speak."

So, well, here is one example of him with his dumb crass joke, oh wait, make it two. Apparently he likes this girl, who happens to be taller than him. Let's name the girl 'Girl'.

Asshole 2 : Actually hor, me and 'Girl' is about the same height, I think I am taller also.
Everybody : *Rolls eyes*

Here's another example..

Teacher : Asshole 2, what did you do last night? Why cannot answer my question and look so tired?
Everybody : OOOHHHhh!!! Naughty last night!
Asshole 2 : No lar, I only raped 'Girl'

Enough said.

Asshole 3 : A form 4 guy who happens to have a very provoking physical appearance. Fat and giggly, and is constructed of 60% fat, 30% rubbish, and 10% clothes. He likes to talk crap, and just practically annoys everybody the wrong way. Yeah I know, but I annoy people the right way, I mean, they know when I am trying to annoy them just for fun. But this guy annoys even when he says nothing.

Here's a couple of example.

Me : Eh, check this out man! *shows a namelist for first aid duty*
Form 4 Potential President : Hmm?
Asshole 3 : *Squeals!* *Giggles* *Fucking sounds* *Loads of crap*
Me : Oi, shut up lar! Damn noisy..
Asshole 3 : Shut up and smirks and grin and shows a stupid face.

After a few moments... Asshole 3 complains to President that I practise favourism and is bent on scolding him and giving him all the shit while others get the cake.

Well, I suppose this post is long enough. To tell the truth, there are many assholes in St John as well. In Batu Pahat St John I mean. Maybe feature them in my next post XD

Oh yeah, I suppose High School guys should be able to figure out who are Asshole 1, Asshole 2, and Asshole 3. There are a couple more, but well, they are not as hateable as these few. Damn, I need at least 2 hours to feature one by one. Maybe I even make a poem if I feel like it XD

What about you? Don't you meet people whose existence offends people?

Don't be such hot shit!

Well, back to school again. Sure enough, each day sure is interesting!

This morning started horribly for me. I was chosen as the emcee for the morning assembly, and I realized I didn't know the full name of the new HEM! So, frantically I sought for his name, which to my delight, everybody doesn't know either. Until I found the head prefect anyway..

So, I started assembly as usual. Apparently all the Senior Assistants did not want to give speeches except the HEM. He was the first senior teacher at the assembly, and he wanted to talk. The Coco did not want to, and the Senior Assistant 1 did not want either. So came the principal. When asked, somehow I think he knows the HEM is going to speak! So he said yes and nodded.

And when I was about to announce his name, he chickened out. Damn guy didn't have anything to talk about after all, just didn't want to lose to the new HEM. So I announced the HEM instead, so he went up.

Then, he started ranting about belts. How students wear fashion belts that are not allowed in school. I was right behind him then. Then, the man just suddenly grabbed me and said
'Awak, pergi masuk dalam kalangan pelajar dan cari dua orang yang tak pakai belt yang dibenarkan' So I nodded and was about to go when he grabbed me again 'Cari satu budak form 6' WTF? Bad enough that I have to check the students in that way, how the fuck am I supposed to find 2 idiots with wrong belts?

So searching I went... searching... some guys gave me the omgwtf look and thought i was a pervert for pulling at other people's shirts to look at their ( belt actually, but who knows what the hell are they thinking? Maybe they thought I was looking for a big cock )

So form 6, I didn't want to search them. Some are nice guys, and the nice guys are the ones who break the rules :D

So instead I went to form 5, the behind classes where the majority.. uh.. make that 95% are Malays. Nothing rascist here but the Form 5 Malays ( the ones in the behind classes anyway ) are that kind of jerks you know.. most of them anyway, but if you are on good terms with them, no problem for you. But if you are an asshole, too bad for you.

And I was right. I found two guys together whose belt sucked big time. So I tried to pull them out, but they refused. They feared the punishment. I pleaded, sweared, vowed, fucked oh wait.. dragged, but they refused. Other prefects came to help and told them nicely, but they refused to budge. The bloody HEM had to finish his speech that fast, which was surprising as I thought he was going to mention that he only lives 30 second of travel away from school. In the end I had to jot their names, go up grab the mike and announce their names and ask them to get their sorry asses out.

Well, Assembly only for that part. After school, there was a meeting for all presidents and secretaries of all clubs, uniform bodies and sports with the Guru Penyelaras Koko. No names, but I think you know him very well!

Well, he just wanted two things, one is the scheduled activity for this year which we did last year and he forced himself on us like he wanted to rape everyone, and another is to complete our activity list for last year, with every activity mentioned and the members, details and that sort of shit that can take hours to do. All those can be done in 5 minutes, tell us what you want, and those not involved, we scram. He took 1 hour.

Why?

Why?

And Why?

Well, he was ranting. He said being leaders, we should learn as much as we can. Learn how to lead, learn how to work that kind of stuff. True, yes I agree.

Well, you know what he said? He said when he was our age, he personally arranged for a trip to Kota Kinabalu, Sabah for his society. Yeah so what? I can do it to. Thing is, he said everything was free omgwtf????? From the airplane tickets to the lodgings and food, everything free. What kind of fucking fools do you take us for? And he said he only brought like RM500 also enough. Damn, come back to this world lar..

And then? He said he only did not manage to get to Europe free of charge. What the fuck.

He also mentioned that he has experienced many stuff, like riding on an ostrich, eaten what exotic meat and bla bla bla. And he mocked at us. 'Ini pengerusi semua pergi zoo, pergi shopping..' Then, he thought for a moment.

"Tapi pergi zoo pun baik lar, lebih baik daripada....."

"Datang sini tengok muka awak" I continued immediately, and Zhi Wei burst into fits of laughter.

Well, he also complained that we did not do our paperworks properly. So I just nonchalantly said 'Macam itu tak payah buat lar! Wahlao eh!' And Zhi Wei laughed again. He must think ELS guys are assholes. Well, we ARE!

Seems like the guys in my school like to make a mess of everything that has been done nicely and then force everybody to clean it up again just to show that they are doing something. Come on lar, make life easier for us. And they like to boast. Some logical ( some, oh wait, make it very rare some ) and the others are all crap.

Get a school like mine, with Anugerah Sekolah Cemerlang and you really really wonder wtf are Malaysians doing in school.

Coming posts I might feature my annoying nieces ( whom I dote lar ) and my eccentric grandma. Wait, I said MIGHT! Remember that!

Assembly Fun

Well well well, maybe I should just dedicate this blog to school life, considering how interesting this year is going to get, what with the teachers transferring, promotion, and all the new guys pouring into my school? I sure get to meet some interesting characters. Okay Okay, You are guessing the Principal again. Half correct. I have a new Teacher of Students Affair! My current ( or maybe ex ) GPK HEM was a great guy, although I did think he was a little bias towards PKBM rather than St John when he was GPK Koko and again when he was HEM. But he is a great guy!

Anyway, the guy to replace the current ( make that ex ) HEM is another interesting guy. With all the interesting guys in school, where else do I need to find stuff for my blog?

Today, February The 13th ( omgwtf unlucky day ) Monday, is officially the last day in school for Mr. Kuswandi, my ex HEM teacher. So, assembly started at 7.30, and a couple of minutes later Mr Kuswandi was invited to give a speech. Sadly, I was too occupied with prefect duties that I id not listen to what he said, but I did hear him say he will give priority to HSBP when he is the head of all HEMs in the Pejabat Pendidikan. Hahaaaaaa, that rocked the new principal's balls. Anything happens now the principal has to report to him now! Few weeks ago he was still ordering and barking orders, now he is scratching his balls and worrying for his ass.

Ok. On to the fiasco. Mr Kuswandi took 20 minutes for his final speech. Considerably long for a speech in assembly, but its the last, so understandable. Then, the emcee invited the new HEM. Not wanting to be out-spoken ( in terms of length ), the new HEM hoped to establish his power and plant fear in students, he talked for 30 minutes. 10 minutes longer than his predessessor, which he smirked and grinned like an asshole after his speech. Well, the students didn't exactly like his face. So, when he first gave signs of finishing, everybody clapped and howled like in the concert so that he has no chance to continue his rant. But, well, as I said, he is just an asshole, and assholes don't do what other people wants. So he continued his speech. 30 minutes long for a FIRST speech, quite ( but not that much ) understandable.

20 minutes + 30 minutes = 50 minutes. Add together the formalities you get another 10 minutes. The time was around 8.25 already. Then, the principal is summoned to give his speech.
Not wanting to be out-talked by both teachers, he talked for 35 minutes. Hey damn old geezers timed their speech properly!

Again, I did not listen to him. In fact, I did not listen to any teachers who spoke at all. But coming from this principal, I would suppose half of them are rubbish and another half the very obvious.

By the time he finished his speech, it was 9.10. Then, we have to line up outside the hall all the way to the office to shake hands for the last time with Mr. Kuswandi. By the time everything was done, 9.45. Recess for the prefects!

Well, funny thing for the students. They all went back to class. Sat down for 3 minutes, and its recess. For the ones who climbed four storeys just to get back to class, too bad.

More fun with assemblies coming soon. There is no need for prediction. I know it. We have two old man who can really talk now, and the competitive spirit is there, need i say more?

The Toilet Committee

The Principal started his cool speech in a Monday Morning assembly this way: "Bersyukurlah dan berdoalah agar hidup kita dapat dipanjangkan satu hari lagi kerana perhimpunan ini. Kita sudah sembilan hari lamanya kita.." Me and Zhi Wei together in that instant said : 'Hidup'. Then he began, and then everything began.

Cool! Now we have our very own toilet committee, in students they serve, in the principal they trust, and in shit they find work!

Apparently, my new Principal describes the school toilet as 'dahsyat', and true enough, they make the shit coming out from one's ass hide back into the rectum. Toilets cannot flush, pipe no water, graffiti on the walls, poems on the door.. the kind of toilet you'd expect from a premier school. And my school, HSBP is proud to be shortlisted by PPD Johor to run for Sekolah Harapan Negara, that freak anugerah.

Principal then began describing toilets in London, where his daughter went. I think he really likes to boast about his daughter lar, everything also can link to his daughter. He said his daughter 'sembahyang', or prayed for Muslims, in the toilet in London. He said it was so clean that they could sembahyang inside. And the schools in Seri Medan, students rest in the toilets ( they are called restrooms duh ). In High School, students shit in toilets and leave the tropical island there, cannot flush what.. no water to wash it down the toilet also. And the stench, wow, a skunk would avoid that place.

Then, he ( I don't know lar, but I think its him trying to look great ) sweared and vowed while giving his speech, that he will personally ask the Students Affair Senior Assistant teacher to form a Toilet Committee!! WoW! I was on duty in the hall that time, and Damn! I missed the facial expression of the poor fool who has just been given extra work.

Their function? Well, he said he would exercise his authority and give them the power to catch and punish students who shit and don't flush the toilet, students who vandalise in any kinds of sadistic ways imaginable. Well, everything short of murder, extortion and rape. At that time, well, everyone were already like, 'Wtf toilet committee? Aiya, die also I don't want join'
And I heard rumours that if the toilet is still not clean and repaired, the committee gets the punishment. Heh, as IF they can catch the people who shit and those who vandalise the toilet. And LOL just imagine the punishment! Of course they have to clean the toilets and repair it! Pity the people who are going to join that freaking committee...

And then? He doesn't want the toilet to be called a toilet. Because according to him, toilets are places where evil jinns reside. He doesn't want toilets to be the place where people just dump all their shit. So, where the hell will the students dump their shit? And if its not called a toilet, will the jinns just emigrate elsewhere to any place called toilet? Damn, I am confused by his profound knowledge man.

Then, omgwtf. I just got striked by blue lightning! Goddamnit! Prefects sure kena in that f*cking committee! Oh no! Then, I seriously prayed to every God imaginable, Jesus, Allah, Buddha whatever whatever, never mind the religion, as long as I don't get involved!! ( nothing racists there )

Well, during Sukantara, the HEM talked to the head prefect. The head prefect then came and find me and said.. " Leslie, saya lantik awak jadi Pengerusi Jawatankuasa Tandas " Then, I almost fainted. Wtf, I said NO immediately. Apparently he was just jesting, but I cannot take that kind of joke man...

Now the ketua kumpulan for each prefect group is chosen as the four AJK tertinggi AJK tandas. Well normally I would say bless them, but since three out of four are assholes, forget it.

Toilet committee, when the toilet condition in HSBP rivals that to Seri Medan school where students can rest and eat in the toilet... then the newsletter will read :

Kadar Ponteng Meningkat,
Pelajar Makan Sambil Berak,
AJK Tandas sangat kuat,
Tandas, Najis semua dihapus kelak!

Disaster!

Wow, first monthly exam! Usually in High School, my personal opinion of first monthly test? Easy like shit man... That proved true for 4 years in High School and 6 years in Primary School. 10 years of results shattered in my last year in High School WTF?

Well, for starters, physics was relatively easy, add maths was relatively easy ( for once for me ), EST well duh me and zhi wei were laughing and joking throughout the test.. and others were also easy.

But when it came to bio paper, the whole class screamed and writhed and groaned and moaned and howled and yelped and (whatever other words there in the thesaurus that is same with these words) in agony. Dang it! Teacher was understanding, but still no copying -_-" She tried to console us omgwtf by saying she will be very very lenient.. God Bless her! Damn nice lar that teacher, but she obviously had high expectations of my class, 5 Science 1, and sad to say seems like we failed to live up to that expectations. Heh, Zhi Wei was in such a good mood that morning ( reasons known, but private and confidential ) and he told Mr. Diva, our english teacher 'Sir, I am in a very good mood today, and I intend to spread the joy around the class!' Then, came the biology paper. Zhi Wei went 'OMGWTF FF F F F F F F!!!!!!' F = F*ck! Then, he became depressed, the Zhi Wei I really know. LoL...

Then, came the Moral exams. Omg strike two ( for me ). Heh, serves me right for not memorising the so-called-goddamned-hypocritical values and its definition. And the teacher, a teacher for Jaafar sports house ( of which I am treasurer to ), she enjoys scolding me for not collecting money, and half the house, wait, is three quarters of the house money is collected by her. When I collect.. 'Tak bawak duit' lar.. "Tak de duit makan" lar.. 'Tak datang" lar.. but when she collect she throws stacks of RM200 by RM200 at me. Wtf? So she enjoys scolding me after doing my work. And she HAD THAT SADISTIC SMIRK on her face as she watched me struggle with my paper for the entire half-hour. -_-"

Exams this year are no trivial matter, as Leslie would put it, Its very trivial so no need do. But then, SPM is not trivial, it's just annoying. Like a fly, when its time comes, it arrives and dies. Man, what wouldn't I give up ( except maybe a date with Amber Chia.. or Jessica Alba.. or Kate Beckinsale? ) just to not take SPM and still get a slip with straight A1s :P